July 4, 2008
Yeah, But She Had *Cancer*
I am waiting for it to happen. Every time we do any sort of media (which I haven't done in a little while) my blog and the popular press are filled with comments about how selfish we CR folks are. How very selfish -- you eat less than other people! That's really horrible. My God, if you were to eat more, you could bring about peace in the Middle East! But no, you selfish people starve yourselves.
Here's one of my favorites:
Curious asks:
So, what do you plan to do with this supposedly extended lifespan of yours, other than enjoy sexual pleasure? Are you working to make the world better, or is this an exercise in selfish self-control that only the wealthy (and those with time on their hands) can afford? What do you do in your daily life that will make this purported "extra time", if you actually achieve it, worth it? Why, when justifying this choice, do you and your compatriots talk about "having fun" instead of using the time to work at effecting positive changes in the world? Is a 125-year life of pleasure better than a 75-year life of duty and selflessness? Why are no CR people using their time to work in Third World countries, fighting against poverty and disease? I'm genuinely curious of your thoughts on this.
I wrote something back, something pretty good in fact, about being a union organizer and spending most of my days and nights fighting to help working people get some fairness and a decent standard of living.
I'm waiting for a new round of selfish accusations because I've started to talk about taking yoga classes, during this once every five years time when work is slow and I actually getting to take some of my accumulated 52 days of vacation time.
I am just waiting for the comments that go, "Gee, you selfish thin people, eating less than others and indulging in yoga, that pass time of the rich. You should do something good for the world!"
Excuse me? I've spent thirteen years sweating blood in the trenches where real change is made. I think I've earned an 8:30 am Vinyasa.
Lately I've been thinking that the entire argument that you have to be avidly engaged in doing something "good for the world" in order to justify taking care of yourself is just bullshit. The idea deserves some de-construction: why do we feel, collectively, as a society, that doing something good for your health or your spiritual life (which are obviously inextricably intertwined over the medium term, but others have covered that topic more than adequately) is selfish, perhaps even elitist, while engaging in a lifestyle that we all know leads to disease and early death is normal?
Does anybody remember that horrible commenter on Amy's blog who, when Amy reported that she did yoga from like 4:45 am to 5:30 am, commented that she should stop being so selfish and doing yoga when she could spend that time cuddling her two children? I can't find the link, and I don't want to glorify it anyhow, but it was just an awful attack on one of the most hard working, loving parents out there. To accuse someone of being selfish because she took 45 minutes (or maybe it was a half an hour) for her physical and mental health is just absurd. Are women supposed to be machines that care for others twenty-four hours a day with no need for rest or self-care? The answer is obviously yes, and most of us chicks have played into that mentality. I know I have. For years, I made it clear to all in my life that I exist for my work, and that I was willing to sacrifice nearly everything else (health, sanity, time off, relationships outside of work) to make sure that the workers win... and indulging in less than healthy ways of unwinding when the stress was too much. When MR came along, he provided an important counterweight (oh, the pain of that pun!), pushing me to take care of myself. But it wasn't until I started taking yoga that I really started to think, "Maybe I don't need to apologize for spending this hour working on *me*." Not just hanging out with friends at the bar (which is also restorative, in moderation) but taking time, early in the day, to actively improve not just my body but my spiritual life. Not just the often way too brief period of time I spend in meditation (if I don't I am really not a pleasant person) but a whole yoga class.
Then yoga happened. I'd resisted taking yoga all these years, though my mom and many fellow CR bloggers raved about it, because I just wasn't yet in a place where I wanted to deal with the facing yourself that you do when you twist yourself into these funny positions that if done right actually do resemble the animal they're named after (or when done my way, resemble a dying bug.)
The big surprise I had was that instead of having some sort of horrific Luke Skywalker in the dark swampy place in Empire where he kills Darth Vader and it's his own face in the dark mask (oh no! What if someone out there has never seen Star Wars? Did I just ruin it for you? I'd better put a warning at the top of this post!), I discovered that I'm not nearly as horrible as that constant negative self-talk soundtrack that I think all women are born with, or learn by the time we're five, told me I was. And I'd had a rough year.
Doing yoga hasn't just improved my relationship with myself. It's improved my relationships with the people close to me. I'm less quick to get angry and blow up. It's easier for me to see others' points of view. For the record, I'm still mad about everything I was mad about before. But I am becoming much better at controlling my reactions, at assuming that there's some reasonable explanation for others' behavior (other than, "He's a jerk!") and at simply waiting before reacting.
I expect I will be better at my work. Lately I've managed to avoid it entirely by taking some of my vacation time, but I feel confident that I'll be ready to jump back in as a calmer, happier, saner person. All of this is more valuable to me than the development of the "yoga butt." But I'm not complaining about the physical benefits either!
I recognize that I've only just begun, and that you experienced yoginis are out there thinking, "Awwww, aren't they cute when they're little???" It's probably a lot like how I feel when I meet a real CR practitioner in her first year. I remember all those feelings, all the excitement, how changing your life can be as exhilarating as falling in love, without all the excessive phone bills.
You senior yoginis have figured out a lot of things that puzzle me. You probably know what to do with your hair that both avoids having your balance thrown off by a ponytail when you're on the floor, but also avoids hair flying in your face in tabletop or a high plank. You've figured out why it is that only yoga teachers look good in yoga pants. I am excited by being at the start of a journey, and knowing that there really is no end to how far one can go. With CR, there comes a point where you've figured out how to do it, and it's just the discipline to keep doing it that's in question. With yoga, I get the sense that there's ever more to learn, as there is an ever-increasing level of discipline required to use what you've learned.
I am so lucky that I can afford a summer membership at my yoga studio, and that I have both paid vacation and some flexibility in my hours such that I can take classes. And that I don't have kids that I have to watch 24 hours a day. And that I can walk to my studio instead of paying high gas prices to drive there. And that I am healthy enough that the stuff is hard but not impossible. And that I am sufficiently comfortable in my body (thanks to CR and Pilates) that I don't feel horrified at the thought of putting on yoga pants (other than the horror at how the black ones are covered in white cat fur.)
Wow, I am so fortunate. How dare I exercise such privilege when there are single mothers out there who don't even have time to cook?
I mean, it's not like I had cancer or something. Nothing really bad happened to me.
Now our Yoga Chickie, she has what sounds like an idyllic life now: have you seen the pictures of where she practices? She's a stay at home mom of two sons who sound pretty good, she gave up her lawyer job in NYC and now lives by a duck pond. Somehow, the bills are being paid. She blogs about yoga, even has a column on the Huffington Post. I really like it.
When I first read that she is a breast cancer survivor (which I read on her website a few weeks ago, so it wasn't new information when I read the article linked above, From Cancer To Yoga: 10 Year Nap My ASS!.) And I'll admit that when I first found that out, I thought something along the lines of, "Well, she's entitled to have an intensive yoga practice because she had cancer."
People are always remarking on how a life-threatening illness can really re-order your priorities, making you focus on what is really important, and leave the rest aside. Lauren writes about this in her most recent article. Her inspiration in this case was the book, The Ten Year Nap, (and I'm quoting Lauren here, "a novel about a bunch of housewives who all had super-promising careers before they gave it up for the daydream of pushing around a baby carriage, lunching with toddlers and iced-coffee clatching with the other moms on the park-bench in the playground. Ten years later, they're 40. And they realize that maybe they could have, should have had it all. Hence, the 'Ten-Year Nap.'"
Lauren describes her journey from corporate lawyer to stay at home mom and yoga teacher. It's not a nap. It's a more rich, more mindful life. Go read her article, she describes it (obviously) better than I would.
Lauren went from law office to yoga mat when she had cancer. What's my excuse?
I have a better question. What was my excuse for *not* doing something to calm the mind and quiet or annihilate the inner demons and prevent me from freaking out on my partner or my best friend? I'm spending a lot of time now taking yoga and taking care of myself... and what damage did I do before? Not just to my health (thank heaven CR is protective against most bad things that get us, health-wise) but to my sanity, my relationships, and no doubt to my health as well.
No, I'm not quitting my job, or anything like it. My work is extremely satisfying, and I believe it leaves the world a better place. If anything, I'd like to see my yoga practice improve my work. We have some challenges coming up that would stress out even the most enlightened of yoginis. Well, maybe not *the* most... she'd totally rise above... but you get the idea.
But I'm committed to not letting my job kill me, or drive me crazy, or drive away the people who are important in my life (ironically enough, most of whom are involved in my work.) A few weeks ago, at the beginning of this slow/vacation time, MR commented that it really is the chronic stress that makes me so crazy and at times unhappy. (Nice call, genius boy!) The trick is to maintain the yoga awareness I have now (and to deepen it with more practice) when I'm in decidedly western conflict in the heat of the upcoming campaigns. And to silence the voices in my head (or on my cell phone) that say I should be working at every possible moment, when I know, I know, that I need to do yoga, or rest, or spend some time with MR or my cats or whomever. And not work myself to the point where all I can stand to do is drink wine and stare at the thing we call in our house "the internet machine."
What have I done to deserve this? What do I do that's so important that I've earned the right to take care of myself?
We shouldn't have to wait until we have a life-threatening illness to find some kind of balance in life. Whether that means raising children, keeping a home for your family, and practicing/teaching yoga or raising hell as an organizer while maintaining a CR practice, AND a yoga practice, we all deserve health, happiness, and peace. Yoga Chickie's life might not suit us all, (yikes! Where did these children come from? Help! There's a frog staring at me!) but her example of someone who has made active, mindful choices to live the life that is most meaningful to her is an example I'd like to follow.
You go, girl! That's no nap!
Besides, I do have a life-threatening illness. We all do. It's a degenerative disease. It's called aging, and while it may be "natural," it's no more benign than ebola. It's just slower, and socially acceptable (nothing ruins a good party faster than a case of ebola!) and something most people are resigned to.
The recent rash of revelations throughout the scientific community that we may be closer to reversing some elements of the aging process than we thought we were inspires me to do whatever I have to do to make sure I am young and healthy enough to make it. It's not as immediate as a cancer diagnosis, to be sure. But to me, it's a wake up call.
I am grateful to Lauren, Kai, Arturo, all my teachers, and all those who set an example with their practice and their presence. I am one of those people who learns very well by following someone else's example. No wonder I start meowing all the time after spending a few days at home with the cats.
To live more mindfully, more peacefully, in the here and now, and to use CR and every other means available to make it to a time when we actually can reverse the aging process, all while organizing workers and making innovative coleslaws: it's an ambitious goal, but it beats resignation to chronic stress and the eventually debilitating effects of aging.
It's also possible that eventually I will look good in yoga pants.
Posted by april at 12:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
July 3, 2008
Another Random Troll
It never ceases to amaze me. There are quite a few people who feel moved to write nasty comments on my blog. This one just came in, on the old post "Is A Tomato A Fruit Or A Vegetable?"
Sad soul? Get a nice steak a couple of pints of 'real ale' and get a life.
This on a fairly innocuous entry describing a few days in which I had gone out to various lectures and parties with friends. Apparently that doesn't count as having a life. But a nice steak... that qualifies one for entry into the human race.
Why are people so f*&%ed up?
Posted by april at 12:28 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
More Coleslaw Mania!
Wow, am I into making low calorie coleslaws! With cabbage being so cheap and the variations on the theme being almost endless, coleslaws are becoming a staple of our summer table.
A few recent favorites:
Tarragon Lime Coleslaw:
red and green cabbage, shredded or finely chopped
lime juice
red wine vinegar
tarragon white wine vinegar
dried tarragon
garlic powder
Mix it all up, using more red wine vinegar than tarragon vinegar, and adding lime juice at the end. Stir well and allow to chill in the fridge as long as overnight if possible, stirring again before serving. Top with 1 teaspoon olive or flax oil per person.
Special Sauce Cheeslaw
This is the one where I take Walden Farms Thousand Island dressing, cabbage, a tablespoon cider vinegar, a tablespoon or more pickle relish, and an ounce or two of fat free shredded mozzarella, mix it up, and serve a weird coleslaw surprise.
Italian-esque Coleslaw
Cabbage
Red wine vinegar
Capers
Black olives, sliced
Fat free mozzarella (shredded -- we always use the shredded kind, it's all we can get)
Dried or fresh basil, fresh is best
Dash lemon juice
Dried oregano
Fresh parsley
MR has given up on the philosophical argument of "What is a coleslaw?" He just likes to eat them.
Posted by april at 5:32 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
June 29, 2008
My Pigeon Won't Recline
Today's winner of the "What body part is the most tense?" contest is the hips!
I took a power yoga basics class today, which I really like because the teacher is my favorite. I mean, it's hard to pick favorites, but I think I like this particular teacher best because he's a personal trainer and a Pilates teacher, and so his approach to teaching is a lot more like what I'm used to in traditional western classes. He gives a ton of personal attention, so I learn better form.
I did well throughout class, and felt fabulous, but wow, the hips are tight. My pigeon was having a difficult time reclining.
Ankles are sore too. Icing them. Yoga teacher fellow (whom I think I'll name Dan because that's not his name) gave me some exercises to try to make it feel better. I actually feel better already. The combination of a lot of walking hills (including on the treadmill), doing yoga, and wearing heels most days is getting to me. I'll be stretching this ankle a lot. And the other one too. I am extremely right sided, so my right side seems to feel everything first, even though it's strongest.
Meanwhile, I fear this may be turning into a yoga blog, but I don't care. It's always been my blog, the blog about what's interesting in my life, plus some recipes. Lo and behold, in a rare slow time at work, I learn that I have an interest in something other than organizing. It's fun. It's exciting. If you don't like it, I'm sorry, I'll post more recipes soon.
Like now!
Thanks to all for your suggestions! Wonderful to hear from you Chris! I'm going to combine them all, a bit, into a simple summer supper.
Vaguely Cerviche Margarita Shrimp With Vegetables (should serve two)
about a pound of shrimp
3 plum tomatoes
1 red pepper
1 yellow pepper
cilantro
a really small dash of sea salt
chili and garlic powder, for the water in which to cook the shrimp
Scant teaspoon of tequila
2 limes
2 teaspoons flax oil (I per person)
Peeled shrimp, while feeding Kieffer a few stragglers. Boiled the shrimp in the water with garlic and chili powder. Plunged them into ice water to cool while juicing the limes. Mixed the shrimp into the fresh lime juice. Allowed to marinate for half an hour. Diced tomatoes, peppers, add to the bowl with shrimp. Add a dash of tequila, really just a dash otherwise it will overwhelm, and grind just a dash of sea salt on top. Marinate for the afternoon in the fridge.
Shortly before serving, add about 30 g fresh cilantro, chopped. Add teaspoon of flax oil per person.
Summer Blueberry Mango Salad
Fresh blueberries
Frozen mangoes, thawed over the course of the day but not heated
Top with a dash of cinnamon
MoMR -- I am going to use a variation of your recipe for the July 4th barbecue that MR and I are going to next weekend, where I'm bringing the salads!
Thanks to all for your comments and thoughts!
Posted by april at 10:41 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
June 28, 2008
Cold Non-Creamy Shrimp Salad?
Okay, bloggie friends, figure this one out.
Tomorrow night I'm having a friend over for dinner. It's going to be very hot outside. He eats seafood. I am thinking I'd like to prepare a cold shrimp salad, but obviously not one of those goopy mayo-y salads. Vinegar, herbs, spices, shrimp, veggies.
Suggestions?
Posted by april at 11:14 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)
Prayer Twist
No, it's not the Saturday night singles' dance at the local mega church, it's something we did in yoga class today. I definitely took the hardest class I've had so far. They say "All Levels" on the Vinyasas on the schedule, but they do suggest some strength and cardio endurance. I definitely have both, otherwise I'd just fall over, but this one was really hard. I was clearly the only beginner in the class, and the teacher gave me a lot of modifications so I could work within my level. I really enjoyed it, and I definitely got a workout.
It was funny... the teacher was giving modifications and kept suggesting changes to Abby. But looking at me. Eventually it dawned on me that she was talking to me. I could have corrected her, but it was late enough in the class that it felt weird to say something about it. Then I decided that I kinda like being called Abby. It's a cute name. I knew an Abby in high school. And guess what? She was Canadian! In contemplating whether or not Abby can be my yoga name, I am reminded of that piece on "This American Life" where the woman telling the story, upon learning that she was to choose a Goth name, named herself "Becky."
I feel like the various parts of my body are competing with each other for which can be the least flexible. First, it was the hips. Today, my shoulders were incredibly tense and kept wanting to climb up to my ears. The back of my calves are always tense, no doubt a result of years of wearing heels. I'm sure my nose will find a way to hold tension. The long term benefits of doing yoga and Pilates are so obvious that I'm surprised that there aren't more life-extensionists who are into it. Maintaining mobility is so important. I'm actually surprised it took me this long to figure it out!
This is probably pretty obvious, but I noticed today that in our various poses, we look a lot like the gods and goddesses and happy dancing people in Indian art, which I've always loved. "I get it! They're doing yoga!" Aha! I thought they just danced that way. Walk like a Hindu... if you can.
Posted by april at 9:42 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
Yoga/Pilates Challenge -- July 2008
My Yoga/Pilates Challenge of July 2008 is as follows:
I challenge myself, and anyone who wants to join me, to take a yoga or Pilates class six days a week (can you tell I've been hanging out with the Ashtangis lately?) for the whole of July 2008. I am going to wring every bit of value out of my summer membership to my yoga studio.
A few caveats:
-- Knowing that there will be some days when work makes it impossible for me to get to class, I can substitute doing the whole of my Pilates video at home or on the road, or doing more than one class on one of the other days of the week, sorta banking classes the way Weight Watchers bank points.
-- At the end of the month, a short trip to NC for my grandmother's birthday party will probably make it impossible to practice. But I'll bring the video anyhow, and perhaps even convince my dad to let me teach him a Pilates class.
-- If I'm ill or feeling a bad kind of sore (vs the usual good kind of sore) I won't practice, but I'll make an effort to go to a gentle class if I feel like I can.
Oh, and I'm going to get my cardio back up to 4 days a week. Every other day, basically. Every day is too much, but this once a week stuff is too little.
I think that consistency in my exercise will help me deal with more consistent calorie levels. I've been eating 1400 all week, and that's a weight loss level for me, probably too quick a weight loss level with this much activity, so yesterday I did two classes and went up to 1650. I was feeling slightly ill on Wednesday and Thursday, and made both Edward and Susie feel my forehead to see if I had a fever, which sure enough, I did. (Conversation with Edward: "I'm addressing you in your capacity as a parent. Feel my head and see if I have a fever." Yes, I had a fever. I did not ask if I could stay home from school.) Canceled plans to go out on Thursday as just was not feeling well, and slept a whole bunch. Now I seem fine. There was a cold going around Toronto and I think I felt a touch of it but as is pretty normal for me in good CR state, fought it off. Now feeling extremely well.
Well enough, in fact, that I am planning to take an hour and a half long Vinyasa today. Yesterday's was only fifty minutes, which was great, but I definitely felt like I could keep going.
I am also cleaning the house, getting a pedicure, and then my mother and I are going to see Sex and the City! After that we're going to the little Italian BYO around the corner for dinner. We have such cute little restaurants in my town. This one has just one small dining room with seven or eight tables, and it's very inexpensive but has great, fresh food, and almost always has a tilapia special on the menu.
Off to pick up my Nancy's Organic Cottage Cheese before somebody else takes it!
Posted by april at 5:26 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
June 27, 2008
When You Want a South Beach Diet Wrap But...
A little higher on the processed foods than I'd like, but it hits the spot when I'm craving a South Beach Diet Wrap for breakfast...
Trader Joe's Low Carb Tortilla (2)
100 grams cooked eggwhites
Slice of nonfat cheddar cheese
Ounce of Fat Free Mozzarella
Cheap-o Louisiana hot sauce
Microwave till the cheese melts. Oh yum. Satisfies the craving. My Nancy's cottage cheese has miraculously re-appeared at the grocery store after a long hiatus, and I am excited, but I haven't been to get it yet, so I was having a bizarre South Beach Diet craving this am. Solved my problem, and then I went to Pilates. Shortly I'm off to a yoga Vinyasa class. I'm taking the day off.
A few random thoughts:
1) Uma Thurman is engaged. Congratulations! I've always liked her work a lot, and you'd have to admit that she's absolutely beautiful. It must be hard to be so tall though. As a short person, I tend to feel sorry for Tall People. Sure, they can use the high shelves in the kitchen cabinets. They can reach their own groceries off the high shelves at the store. They can play basketball, if for some reason they feel possessed to do so. But they look so miserable all squished into compact cars and airplane seats. They run the risk of hitting their heads on things much more often than we Short do. The women complain that they don't want to date men who are shorter than they are. The short men gravitate towards petite little critters such as myself. Sure, I ended up with a tall, willowy beastie, but I always thought that short men were hot. Especially short Jewish left-leaning men from the greater New York or LA areas.
2) My cat, in spite of MR's protestations to the contrary, is incredibly cute. He loves that I am home, and he is sitting next to me sleeping with his little polydactyl paw covering his eyes. I pet his tummy and he purrs. He is happier than he has ever been. Living in his own house, well-cared for by two humans, one of whom loves him, the other of whom he worships. He has company all day, every day, which is all I think he ever wanted. He has a very cat-friendly routine, with small meals served four times a day. Everything happens on time, because unlike the cat's mother, MR sticks to his routine no matter what. Cats love this.
3) Thanks to all for your comments on the last post. Your support means much to me. I'm actually feeling really good... losing weight, but not too fast, enjoying yoga and Pilates class, and enjoying a short spell of relative quiet at work. It won't last and I get bored quickly anyhow, but it's nice to have a little break.
4) Rubbing kitty tummies is one of the greatest joys I can imagine. If you are not a cat person, you don't get this.
5) Danny California rescued a tarantula from a pet store. It was dying of dehydration. Tarantulas need tons of humidity as well as a water dish. This spider had sat down with its legs curled under it, as they do when they're about to die. Her environment was bone dry; she had no water dish. He took her home, put her in a proper enclosure with good humidity and water, and she is doing great. She looks annoyed when he walks by. This is a good sign. He likes that sort of thing. She is going to be fine. His karma is skyrocketing.
6) I am not a crazy person, but I can become one under extreme chronic stress. Dealing with stress by doing a lot of yoga is a good thing.
7) I am going for sushi with my mother today. I am so excited. I need my sushi fix once a week, and the sushi calorie count is remarkable consistent from venue to venue, so I can approximate my calories with relative accuracy.
8) I will post more soon about my current calorie levels.
Posted by april at 8:54 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)