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May 12, 2005
Half the Truth Is Of No Use
This is where the rubber hits the road.
Actually, I've never really understood what that cliche means. Is it something to do with driving? Are tires made of rubber? If so, don't they hit the road all the time, in the normal course of going from point a to point b? If anyone can explain this cliche to me, I would appreciate it.
Anyway, I think that I'm finally hitting the point where CR gets difficult. I've burned off the extra fat, and now I'm getting hungry.
For example, today, you read what I ate. I had a nice, healthy day, full of protein and unsaturated fats and mostly almost Zoned. I was feeling great! Came home from work, ate my health dinner, drank my glass of red wine. All was well. Satisfied but not stuffed.
About two hours later, I was hungry. REALLY HUNGRY! There wasn't much in the house, since I have a normal policy of not keeping too much food in the house so I won't be tempted to eat it.
But in the freezer, there was Quorn. I went a little nuts last time I was at the Whole Foods and bought lots of different kinds of Quorn. Tenders, Grounds, Patties, Nuggets, Cutlets (not breaded), etc. So I figured a small snack of Quorn wouldn't be a disaster.
An entire box of Nuggets later, with Carolina bbq sauce, and I declared it a disaster.
Let's see, that's 180 Calories per serving, and 3.5 servings in the box. So let's do the math... 630. YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's a lot of extra Calories!
Now it's probably about right for how many Calories over my normal weekday target I would eat when I go out. Maybe even low, if you consider those nights when I go out with my friends and share a cheese plate in addition to eating some nice shrimp or scallops. But this was a weekday, and one on which I had not planned to go Quorn crazy!
Some of you girls out there are probably wondering if I'm pregnant, as eating like a maniac is one of the early signs of such. I can assure you that I am quite certain I'm not. So stop worrying about that.
No, I think I'm just hitting the point where CR is going to get difficult. The veteran CR practitioners often talk about periods of time when they've battled hunger, and I always thought "Maybe that won't happen to me!" and on I went with my easy breezy version of CR. Now it seems that the hunger monster has come for me.
The only thing I can attribute it to is that I've upped my exercise. I've added a forty-five minute to an hour walk to my daily routine, and that could certainly be to blame. I am really enjoying the (finally) nice weather here, so I've been going for a walk at night after work, and I'm sure that's making me hungry. Between the extra water weight that exercise always adds and the extra food, much of it very salty, the scale was up three pounds this morning, and that totally freaked me out as well. This CR stuff is getting hard.
In a way, I find this validating. I've often wondered if CR could really be working for me if it's so painless. I mean, I've lost 33 pounds and I'm technically underweight for my height, but I don't look all that skinny. I love my food and spend less time cooking now than I did pre-CR. I've always been cold, so I'm no colder, but I have greatly increased heat tolerance. My libido hasn't suffered at all... in fact, I could say it's greatly increased as a result of CR, but I always feel like I'm skating on thin ice when I come close to calling my relationship a side effect of CR. Results not typical, I assure you.
So I'm now starting to feel CR, in a real way. I'm burning some more Calories, and instead of taking them out of the gas tank of fat I used to carry around, I'm eating them! Yikes!!! It's a scary feeling, to eat like that again. To be really really hungry and really want to eat. I don't like it.
I'm sure that I could stay the same weight I am now (holding steady between 103 to 105, depending on the time of the month and proximity to very salty foods) forever, and get all the benefits of obesity avoidance: low risk of heart disease and diabetes, being able to wear an authentic Catholic schoolgirl uniform, etc. Being able to feel self-righteous in the presence of public health "authorities" who do not practice what they preach.
But honestly, I don't think that will get me the extended lifespan I want.
And to quote James Taylor, that's why I'm here.
In the beginning, before I knew about the possiblity of radical life-extending biomedicine, I was pretty content with the idea of CR making me look better longer, and the possiblity of maybe an extra 10 years. I mean, 10 years is a long time! 10 more years of health is nothing to sneeze at, shake a stick at, or utilize any of those cliches that do not accurately describe any action I have ever seen anyone take when faced with a piece of information that is not significant.
I even thought back in those days, pre-eggwhites and brewers yeast and all the other little blossoms in my CR garden, that "moderate" CR would be enough to attain my personal goals.
Then I read the RANT. You know the one. The story of how my thinking about CR and life-extension changed as a result of reading the RANT has been somewhat eclipsed by the April and MR love story, whcih really is too cute for words (again, a confusing cliche. Are there really no words to describe extreme cuteness? I can think of lots of words. adoreable. sweet. awwww... you get the idea.) but it's rather important for our context here. When I read the RANT, my mind was blown (now that is a messed up cliche. What the hell does that mean?) by not just the beauty of the writing but by the uncompromising power of the message. Here are the hard facts: you want to live longer, you've gotta act really weird. Be hungry, be cold, be skinny, deal with friends and family complaining about how you eat, etc. Deal with it. You don't like it, fine. Age and die like your neighbors. See if I care.
The funny thing about MR is that he actually does care if you live or die... so much so that he has devoted hours and hours of time over the last seven or so years to educating other people about how to do CR. Of all the things I love about him, the fact that he does this, with no reason to expect there to ever be a reward other than the knowldege that he's saved a whole bunch of lives, is my favorite. Well, the low carb pancakes he makes for Sunday breakfast is a close second. And the Zoned pizzas are definitely in there. Come to think of it, the breakfast salad is high on the list. But nothing compares to his dedication to teaching people how to save themselves.
Part of that is being uncompromising in delivering the bad news. Moderate CR, whatever that is, is a great thing for obesity avoidance and wearing cute clothes well into your nineties. (Actually, as far as I know, MR has never said a word about CR and fashion. The cute little outfits thing is all me.) Compromise is a fact of life and we all do it, but the more your compromise on your total number of Calories, the more you're cheating yourself of years of life.
YEARS OF LIFE! My friends, this is a serious matter. This isn't just some sort of freaky lifestyle that we've adopted to entertain ourselves because playing Dungeons and Dragons is frowned upon past the age of thirty. This is a life and death struggle!
The title of this post is from one of my favorite Carly Simon songs, called "Give Me All Night." It's all about how half of this and half of that is not good enough. I can only speculate about what circumstance in her life caused her to write such a song, but the result is a beautiful anthem to the truth and beauty of all things NOT in moderation!
The entire line goes:
Half the truth is of no use
Give all, give it all to me.
I can stand it
I am strong that way.
I always think of the RANT when I hear that song now, in large part because I hope I am strong enough to stand the truth of the message. I've been going round and round the same set of questions about my CR since the conference, and my Calorie intake and weight have dropped just a touch but not much. I've hit the point where I look good and feel good and get a million little day to day benefits from CR, with at almost no cost. All this for $19.99 a month, plus the cost of plane tickets! A great deal! You can even eat the cheese plate sometimes!
Yeah, if you want to die.
This is the point where I'm afraid some of you will part company with me. You may be thinking that the fact that my body is fighting further attempts to restrict Calories and reacting to even mild exercise with mad Quorn cravings is a sign that I should be content with where I am. You may even want to have another round of calling me anorexic because I want to cut my Calories further when I'm already thin.
If you're thinking either of those things, then you either don't understand the purpose of CR, or you don't understand how serious I am about life-extension.
I suspect that most of my readers are actually on board with the entire project. No matter how far you plan to take your own CR, you can sympathize with those of us who are dead set on making it to the finish line. Especially if you've come to me from the Mprize front page... you're interested in radically extended healthy lifespans. You get the idea of actuarial escape velocity. You may not choose to do CR yourself, and you may not believe it works, but you agree that wanting to live way longer is a valid and achievable goal.
It's also possible that you don't like Carly Simon. In fact, I'd say it's more likely than not. But don't let that stop you from doing CR. No one will force you to spend the rest of your dramatically extended lifespan listening to "You're So Vain."
I don't have any easy answers. If you want to know what to pack for lunch at work, or what to make when you have hardcore CR'd Zonie company coming over for dinner in fifteen minutes, I have easy answers for you. But this is a tough one. We know what the goal is, but getting there will be a struggle, and I have no choice but to take each day as it comes.
Having you along for the journey makes it easier. Knowing I have someone to "talk" to about my struggles, even if you occasionally think I'm a narcissistic freak with bad taste in music, really makes this whole CR thing a lot more fun.
I will live forever... or bore you to death trying.
Posted by april at May 12, 2005 12:05 AM
Comments
Hey! JAD sent me the link to your blog. I'm MR's little brother.
I just wanted to say:
1. Hello!
2. The nigh-uncontrollable eating of Quorn today is exactly what happens to virtually all starving people as thier primal brain kicks in and takes over. Some years ago, I would have urged you that this meant you should eat more, but life with MR and XNB has changed that. I now absolutely don't get why you'd want to CR yourself, even if it mean eternal life... but thats _my_ opinion. It's your life, may you outlive us all. So I'll give my advice from years of work as a counsellor: forgive yourself for what happened today, it's just a part of your brain overruling the frontal lobes, you can gain control over it in time. You go, girl! ;)
3. I'm oh-so-pleased you're not pregnant.
4. The exercise sure will increase your hunger, and your weight will likely increase further as you convert more fat to protein, and add more water to the muscles. Happily, my understanding is it's not the numbers on the scale, but the caloric restriction that (ultimately) leads to longevity.
5. CR should not, unless you are a bizarre mutant, increase sex drive. OTOH, what I've observed in many ways is that regular physical proximity to MR increases libido. Unless you're a bizarre mutant.
6. MR has a loving giving streak that pops up from time to time, and here he is giving of himself so others may live longer. To me, that's just... MR.
7. Frankly I not sure wanting to live dramatically longer _is_ an acheivable, valid goal. but WTF, it's your lives; If it makes you happy... go for it.
8. What's the RANT?
9. BTW I F'd up and posted this as a comment to a prior entry. Mea culpa.
-- Chris
Posted by: Chris at May 12, 2005 12:50 AM
Hi April--
On fighting the overwhelming hunger: I've learned a neat little trick from competitive body builders, who often need to diet themselves down as low as 3% body fat for a show, without sacrificing lean body mass (especially muscle) in the process. What they do is they eat cyclically.
This is what I do: First I "cut" for 2 or 3 weeks, which means I eat hypocalorically, usually about 1100 cals/day, (body builders "cut" in an effort to shed, or cut away the fat that's hiding their big "guns"). During my cutting phase I increase my protein to 1.5 g per pound of body weight (modeled after the medical diet known as "protein sparing modified fast" or psmf). I continue to workout with weights to prevent muscle atrophy but do little or no cardio. At this rate I lose about a pound a week.
Whenever I feel myself slipping into intense hunger, I do what the body builders call a "refeed" in order to stabilize leptin levels and prevent my body from switching into starvation mode. A refeed usually means I have about 200-300 extra calories for dinner one night. I find it's easier to have the "cheat meal" at the end of the day, because then in case I lose control and go overboard I can always start fresh the next morning. And I do go back to eating hypocalorically the next day. By then the leptin levels or whatever are reset and the crazy hunger is gone.
After 2-3 weeks maximum of cutting (more than this, I get too thin, start to lose muscle, and start to go crazy), I switch to maintenance. For me this is about 1300-1400 calories a day. At this rate, I neither lose nor gain weight. I bring my dietary protein back down to 1 g/lb of body weight per day, and may throw in a little cardio, just enough to be good for the heart.
After 1 or 2 weeks of eating at maintenance, I switch gears and start what's called "bulking", or eating hypercalorically. This means I go 100-250 calories per day over my maintenance cals, and at the gym I concentrate on adding muscle. During this pahse I replace any muscle I may have lost when I was cutting (and when I cut I lose any fat I may have gained when bulking). The bulking phase feels like a luxurious pig-out, but it causes my body to calm down and stop with the starvation antics.
And then the cycle begins again, with a week of maintenance to readjust then another cutting phase So it's cut, maintain, bulk, maintain, cut, maintain, bulk, maintain, etc., ad infintum. I'm always tweaking and recalculating the calories, of course, they're never carved in stone, and have tended to slowly decrease over time.
Over the course of many cutting/bulking cycles, say a year, my total caloric intake averages out to be pretty much the same as it would have been had I eaten at a steady rate at maintenance. But I find it MUCH easier to deal with intense hunger when I cycle. It tricks the body, keeps it from slipping into that agonizing starvation mode, constantly resets levels of leptin or ghrelin or whatever hormones drive appetite. Also I imagine humans evolved to handle the whole feast and famine cycle rather than always eating the same number of calories day after day.
Oops, sorry for such a long comment, I got carried away. Hang in there!
-Elizabeth
Posted by: Elizabeth at May 12, 2005 11:29 AM
April,
thank you so much for the very honest post. I have experienced a great deal of hunger since the euphoria of my initial weight loss. I don't have easy answers, but over time I think we all find techniques that work some of the time. Here are a few of mine:
1. Tell myself that on Saturday I am going to a nice dinner with my husband and will order whatever I want; therefore, I need to avoid overeating now.
2. Distract myself with a bath, a walk in the park, on-line shopping, calling my Mom, etc.
3. Remembering that I have another CR delicious and nutritious meal in the morning and that I can make it til then.
4. Remembering all the guys who are CR'd and must be REALLY hungry!
5. Looking at lovely pictures in fashion magazines.
6. Remembering the effort that I have put into my health.
If you do overdo it, either consciously or unconsciously (like the maddening week when I thought I was drinking Diet Caffeine Free Coke and they were actual sugar Cokes. Yikes!), remember that you are doing the best you can and learning. CR and health maintenance are a long-term process.
Even Walford says in Beyond 120 that you can go off the diet every 10 days or so. Just don't let it turn into a week off.
I have been at very low body fat (for me 14% as estimated by my trainer and 9% by the very inaccurate Tanita) for some time and my body wants the fat back. I think I will soon need to decide if I want my weight to dip any lower. There are quality of life issues like inability to focus when I am hungry, irritability, low energy, and marked decrease in my ready laughter. On the plus side, I need less sleep, look great, and have learned so much about nutrition. I think CR is a practice. I'm practicing and learning. I hope that as I get the hang of it, the positives become more pronounced and the negatives decrease.
Two questions about the foods:
Is there any advantage to egg whites over egg beaters?
Why do many CRers consider kefir superior to yogurt?
Have a hunger free day and remember that we are all learning with you and benefitting from your blog!
Laura
Posted by: Laura at May 12, 2005 12:56 PM
It appears as if everyone offered you concrete advice on hunger. Since I don't have nearly as much experience on that as everyone else, I'll answer your question about the cliche.
Tires are indeed made of rubber, and a real car has its wheels on conctact with the road at all times. However, the saying pretty much means "this is where we move from the realm of theory to the realm of reality". So, when a car is being planned and ideas are being put forth, you never really know how they're going to work until the car has been built and people are driving them, hence, when the rubber meets the road.
marc
Posted by: Marc at May 12, 2005 1:06 PM
Eeek! There are two of them now! Two people who use the word "nigh" is a sentence and weren't born in, like, 1500 :)
As for hunger, I've noticed that the hunger caused by exercise (e.g., a long tennis match) can take two or three days to show up, but man does it hit with a bang!
I deal with it in a rather uncreative fasion...I eat! I'm pretty in tune with my body, and if I get massively hungry more than an hour or two before a meal or an hour or two before bed, I'm usually pretty sure I'm in the midst of losing weight.
Even if you're intentionally in a weight loss mode, you don't want it to happen too fast, so I wouldn't feel bad about putting away some extra calories if you're really starved. One rule I usually follow though is to only eat extra during a normal, planned meal.
That way you feel in control.
-Dan
Posted by: Dan at May 12, 2005 3:17 PM