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July 21, 2005
Cancer, Like Jury Duty, Never Comes at a Convenient Time
Some of you know that I have an encyclopedic memory for dates. I remember the date on which everything happened. It's a fun parlour trick, but it also lands me in situations where I start the day thinking: "This day can't be worse than it was in 2002, but may be as painful as it was in 1991, but probably won't be nearly as much fun as it was in 2004." Then I'm all confused and don't know what to expect. This will get even worse if our project is successful and I live a very long time, as I will have more years and thus more dates of significance floating around in my head. And since I'd imagine that radical anti-aging biomedicine would address age-related memory loss, I will probably never lose my freakishly good memory. At 120 I'll be wandering around telling everyone a list of 50 things that happpened on such and such a date. Won't that be fun?
Today is one of those days of overlapping significance. July 21st was the day on which my boyfriend in Vermont dumped me in 2002, leading to July 22, when I picked up the phone and called my old friend Bill who had offered me the job I have now and told him I'd take the job. Subtext: GET ME OUT OF HERE!!! I escaped Vermont, and what followed has been the happiest three years of my life. July 21, therefore, while incredibly painful, turned out quite well in the end.
July 21st is also the day on which I lost my virginity, in a year that is none of your business. I hope you're not too disappointed that I'm not saving myself for marriage, but since MR doesn't believe in marriage (he believes it exists, he just doesn't think it's a good thing) it would be quite irksome to be saving myself for the rest of my dramatically extended lifespan wouldn't it? Ick.
July 21 is also my boss' son's birthday. He just turned nine. Isn't that cute?
So when I called up my doctor to schedule the painful and invasive test I have to have for cervical cancer and the secretary said that the earliest they could do was July 21, I thought, let's throw another thing onto this date, as the calendar is not sufficiently crowded yet.
I am really pretty freaked out about this test. It's the fourth year in a row that I've had bad pap smear results, and while the test always comes back okay, I had really thought that between CR and I-3-C everything would finally be okay. The chances of me having full-blown cervical cancer are pretty minimal, but I'm still terrified. And the chances of having something that requires cryosurgery, which is supposed to be very painful and take about six weeks to heal, are pretty high.
Meanwhile, I'm painting the bedrooms in the new house, getting ready for the arrival of my Orange One, and trying to move. Oh, and did I mention that work is heating up, with the result that I'm running down to Delaware County to meet nurses at all hours of the day and night? Yeah. I was so exhausted yesterday that I could barely stay awake until the mattress people delivered the bed that my father and step-mother bought us. I just kept lying back down on the couch and staring at the pretty flame of the vanilla candles I bought on massive sale at Target. $1.49 for three pillar candles, if you can believe that.
VLC is taking me to the test, which just goes to show that you can always count on your CR'd girlfriends. I feel like she and I are ready to take those "in sickness and in health" vows, she's been there for me so much. I hope to be as good a friend to her as she has been to me. I did give her some Essential Mix and I will share our brownies and megamuffins with her.
I know it's unlikely that I will actually have cancer, but it's just soooo scary!
It's just one week now till the Orange One arrives, and I am taking great pleasure in designing the menu for his first weekend in town. Whenever I start to spin horrible scenarios in which I die later this year of cervical cancer, I distract myself by trying to figure out how to hit Zone ratios in delicious 625 calorie dinners. With as much broccoli as possible. In fact, I am thinking I need to run up to the Allentown Farmers' Market and buy some purple broccoli and purple cauliflower so as to add weird color to our meals. They taste the same as regular veggies, they are just a pretty purple color. Like purple kale. They look incredibly cool over eggwhites.
In another week, I will be the happiest person on earth. Right now, I am battling the temptation to crawl under my co-worker's desk and refuse to come out until it's all over.
At least I don't have jury duty.
Posted by april at July 21, 2005 7:57 AM
Comments
My heart goes out to you, April - I really hate those false positives. I hope that's what it was, and I hope you find out very very soon so you can stop worrying.
Posted by: Suzanne at July 22, 2005 12:14 AM
July 21st is also my birthday - please add it to your memory. I am glad you don't have cancer.
Posted by: Ugly at July 22, 2005 9:08 AM
Oh, April! How scary indeed! I went through something similar last year that turned out to be a simple little breast cyst, but I remember only too well the craziness I went through, including (but not limited to) "But I've done all the right things! Breastfed all those babies! I don't deserve this! But what if....! Oh God!" etc. Just don't ask me the date; I'm not even sure what month it was! JD
Posted by: Judith at July 22, 2005 12:30 PM
Yikes - stressful body issues! Wish I was there to make you some green tea or something. This has been a rough week for me, too - though it ended well enough. So exciting that MR is coming!
Posted by: Mary at July 22, 2005 5:42 PM