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October 31, 2005
Happy Hallo-Tatta!
This fritatta thing may be getting out of control.
For Halloween surprise, I had planned to make pumpkin pizzas. Create the pumpkin sauce (1 cup pumpkin to half cup fat free plain yogurt, a little broth if need be, stir, spice as you will -- I like garlic and salt or curry and paprika), top a low-carb tortilla with it as though it were tomato sauce, and then decorate to make faces: zucchini disks for eyes, diced tomato to form a mouth, an olive nose... or maybe olive eyes and a squash disk nose... you get the idea. But Whole Foods didn't have low carb tortillas and we didn't have time to go to Trader Joe's so we're in a state of low carb tortilla hoarding. I'm saving them for the surefire hits: CR Zoned pizza and CR Friendly Quesadillas.
Therefore, this year, Halloween dinner will be the Hallo-tatta. That's right. Fritatta with pumpkin and carrots. Stir one half cup canned pumpkin and one half cup fat free plain yogurt along with 61 g chopped carrots into a cup of eggwhites. Add a little salt and some garlic powder and curry powder. Bake on 300 for at least an hour, covered with foil, checking to see if it's cooking through (that's why you need Pyrex bowls.) When removed from oven and ready to serve, top with a fourth cup of fat free ricotta dusted with curry powder and a teaspoon of flax oil. I'll be serving the apple cranberry bake with a teaspoon of hazelnut oil on the side, plus hazelnuts. That's our fall surprise meal... not as exciting as the pumpkin pizzas, but at least somewhat seasonally appropriate.
The Apple Cinna-tatta went over very well on Sunday. I baked 200 g apples (diced and covered with cinnamon) into 352 g eggwhites. I realized that I had forgotten the yogurt, so when it was ready to serve I put a fourth cup of fat free ricotta dusted with cinnamon on top. MR loved it! He is now a big fan of fat free ricotta, and will be getting it at almost every meal. On the side I served leftover olive tapenade in a glass dish on a white plate surrounded by baby carrots for dipping, laid out to make little sunshine rays. I told MR that he couldn't come down until he was called, since I wanted to do a little presentation. He looked at me in confusion until he figured out that I mean I wanted to present the food in an attractive manner, not that I was planning a Powerpoint presentation or some such thing. He loved the tatta variation.
For dinner I tried to make Carolina BBQ Quorn with coleslaw. MR had purchased some coleslaw cut cabbage with carrots at BJ's, and I had asked around for recipes. I had to run an unexpected errand right before dinner, so I didn't have adequate time to prepare, and ended up with a perfectly respectable cabbage and yogurt salad that tasted okay but wasn't coleslaw. Fat free plain yogurt, lemon juice, red wine vinegar, garlic and balsamic vinegar (for sweetness and tang.) Not bad, but not coleslaw. A conversation about KFC coleslaw ensued, and I am not sure if I am mis-remembering, or if KFC coleslaw is really different in the Southern United States than it is in Canada. Could everyone please describe the look, feel and taste of KFC coleslaw in your region? Thank you.
I'll be working right up till dinner tomorrow night, so I am going to put together dinner for tomorrow tonight. I think I'll lasagn-ish with loads of fat free ricotta, now that I know how MR loves it.
As usual, I am a woman obsessed.
Posted by april at 7:04 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
October 30, 2005
Your Transgression Is Being Processed
The ATMs for my bank flash the message, "Your transaction is being processed," while they spin around, trying to figure out if you have money in your bank account and then counting out the crisp twenty dollar bills that used to be referred to as "Yuppie food stamps." For several years, I would very clearly hallucinate that the ATM was telling me, "Your transgression is being processed."
I thought of this in the middle of the night when I woke up in the midst of a carb-induced anxiety spike. Not a full-blown panic like I used to have, but a distinct feeling of spinning, irrational worry... a feeling that almost always follows an unusually high carb meal.
Last night we went out with our friends in Center City, and after the event we attended everyone wanted to go to Bertucci's, an Italian chain that specializes in brick oven pizza. MR had packed a delicious megamuffin for me, and I ate half of it while everyone waited for a table, sitting at the bar and drinking a nice glass of cabernet. Cabernet and megamuffin: two great things that go great together. I felt rather full after half the muffin, so I gave my friends the other half so they could try it.
Then we sat down to eat. And I started to get hungry. I'm at the point in my CR journey where when I'm hungry, I'm HUNGRY. I LOVE Italian food. I took a bite of my friend's cheese ravioli. It was really, really good. Then I was really hungry. Ate a pizza dough roll. That was really yummy too. Then I ate some of the brick oven pizza that my friends hadn't finished... that was really good too. I also had a bite of my friend's chocolate cake, but that wasn't all that good and we left most of it.
I thought for a moment about how I can eat pizza and such every once in awhile, and because my quotidian diet is so high nutrition and low calorie, I can still maintain a very low weight and excellent health. Moderate CR, as it were. I wondered for a moment if I really do want to take my CR more hardcore, suffer the occasional hunger, and not freak out on pizza.
Then I woke up in the middle of the night with the predictable anxiety. And I felt icky, icky icky... as though my blood was turning to sludge. And I remembered that I ALWAYS feel that way after I pig out on something like pizza.
And I reflected again that even if I were certain that CR would not get me a significant increase in lifespan, I'd probably still do it. The immediate effects of eating high saturated fat, high carb food are so unpleasant that I don't want to feel that way now, much less in 50 years!
I am lucky, I think, in that my body's own response to unhealthy food is so powerful that it serves as great conditioning. I just have to remind myself of what it feels like to wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, seething with irrational fears, and feeling vaguely sick to my stomach and sluggish. This morning, sure enough, I was having symptoms of having eaten too much cheese (I'll spare you the details.)
So why do I still, from time to time, freak out on pizza?
Well, first and foremost, cause it's yummy. I love pizza! I'd better get MR to make me some of those CR pizzas soon! It occurred to me that I should make more of my CR-adapted Italian type entrees for myself, since I love things like marinara and artichokes and such, and I can eat them and still feel great if I CR the recipe. It's also hard to resist delicious food, no matter what the consequences, when one is hungry. It was bad planning to show up hungry and eat only half of my megamuffin.
But there's something else too. There's a definite thrill to doing something "bad." I spent the day cleaning the house, which I actually enjoy and find relaxing, but after a very busy week at work during which I kept very well to my CR goals and a day of cleaning the house, I had just about had it with being "good." I felt like transgressing.
The other day I chatted with VLC, who is doing very well in DC BTW, and we reflected that we seem to have given up all of our old vices. We no longer pig out on bagels, drink like collage students, spend ridiculous amounts of money on dinners out, or do any number of wild and crazy things we used to do.
"We've been so good lately..." I said, "Makes you wonder if we'll just freak out and rob a bank."
While eating a bunch of Bertucci's food is definitely not morally wrong, and not nearly as damaging in the long term as robbing a bank, it's a bad way to express my very occasional need to be "bad." Why? Cause it makes me feel like crap! Forget life extension, I want to feel good in the here and now!
I have to find other things to do that will feel good while still feeling "bad." I need new sins, fresh transgressions. I am accepting suggestions.
If only I could convince myself that there was something scandalous about living with a man whom I have no intention of marrying. That used to be really wild. My parents, his parents, and everyone we know are so delighted that it's hard to feel like I'm doing something wrong. I've noticed that it's almost impossible to rebel against my parents, as they're extremely supportive of everything I do. I never bothered as a teenager -- I was too busy working hard to get into a good college so that I could meet skinny geeky boys. No time for rebellion when you have your eyes on the real prize. But I digress.
Union organizing is a rather radical thing to do in this country, but on a day to day basis, it entails sitting in diners talking with middle aged women about their jobs. Organizing people to make real improvements in their work lives isn't about shouting loudly at rallies: it's about talking with people one on one, one by one, moving them beyond their fears and defeatism, and giving them the tools to make change. And then pushing them to actually make the changes, but that's another story. It's exciting to me, and it's a bottomless font of meaning and fulfillment, but on a day to day basis, it's not exactly scandalous.
I have some unusual spiritual practice, but in this day and age when yoga is mainstream and suburban housewives have "The Goddess is coming and she is p*&*ed" bumper stickers, you can't really scandalize anyone unless you bite the head off a bat or something.
Maybe I'll start decorating for the wrong holiday. Like, instead of Christmas, I'll turn the house into a giant Easter egg hunt. Then in January I'll put up July Fourth.
No, that wouldn't be transgressive, that would just be stupid.
I think I might try to embrace the rebellion implicit in refusing to eat the way everyone else does. It's a pretty radical statement to refuse gak when everybody's doing it, and I'd have to admit that I find it maddeningly sexy when MR calmly refused "just one bite" of whatever's on offer. It's also an amazing spiritual exercise every time I make a decision and stick to it. On an occasion by occasion basis, I can decide how I want to eat, and find other ways to be a bad girl. My friends have already demonstrated that they're willing to share their pizza with me or not. I have a group of friends who are unusually respectful of others.
Maybe next time, I'll order off the restaurant menu but eat something CR-friendly, like a big salad. That way I wouldn't feel left out of the social eating experience, but I also wouldn't have a pizza hangover. Maybe I'll plan my calorie week so that I can afford a big feeding on the night when I know I'll be going out with this group. Maybe I'll chew on MR's finger everytime I feel an urge to eat pizza. No, that might hurt him, especially if the pizza stand was placed right next to me like it was last night. You'd hate for MR to go through a radically extended life with a radically chewed up finger. Though surely in a transhumanist future we could address that. But I digress.
My CR is ever-evolving, and I think it's important to be real about how hard it is at times to integrate serious CR into socializing. I'd never call up and order a pizza, but when it's right in front of me and I'm hungry, it's hard to resist. The occasional, or even monthly, freak out on pizza isn't an obstacle to moderate CR, and up until now, I've worked such things into my CR practice with no difficulty. As I've said before, I'm amazed at how easy it is to maintain my weight... it's like I barely even make an effort anymore. But going deeper takes work. I get really hungry now, and while I'm always very satisfied after my delicious, nutritious CR meals, it leaves me more vulnerable to the pizza monster.
I also hope that my occasional CR disasters encourage those of you who are trying to do CR to go easy on yourself when you have little food freak outs. This isn't about being perfect, or moral, or never ever having a wild day. It's about figuring out what you want, how you want to live, and what makes you feel best, and then doing it. If eating fewer calories and better nutrition makes you feel good, then I hope I can provide you with ways to make that easier and more fun. CR is for anyone who wants to try it, and there are as many ways to CR as there are CR practitioners.
It's a lot to process. In the meantime, transgression suggestions are welcome. Just remember, this is a family-friendly website, so keep it G-rated.
Posted by april at 8:14 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 29, 2005
The Rug Doctor and How To Make Your House Smell Like Spiced Wine
The Mprize has no ideology and endorses no religion. The Mprize exists only to speed the day when we will have a cure for age-related disease and disability. The Mprize certainly does not endorse any cleaning product, brand of cleaning product, family of brands of cleaning products, or method of cleaning.
I, however, as a private individual, am here to tell you that the Rug Doctor is awesome.
Kieffer has been having some issues as of late with using species appropriate restroom facilities. His most recent mishap has involved peeing on my landlady's nice Oriental rug. I knew we should have rolled that thing up and put it away. Anyhow, it's going on a high shelf in the basement now, but first, we had to clean it. So MR said that we should go out and rent the Rug Doctor. You can rent it at most grocery stores. It's not a rug doctor, it's a rug savior. The difference is amazing. This rug was gross, and now it's gorgeous. MR handled the technical aspects, I just stood on the rug to keep it from moving.
Wow, I'm a believer. It's a totally new rug. And it's going in the basement, where it will be safe.
By the way, the pizza-tatta was amazing. MR loved it. I just baked artichoke hearts, zucchini, mushrooms into eggwhites in a pyrex bowl, then put no salt added tomato sauce (I added garlic and oregano) on top covered with a light layer of part skim mozzarella. Baked for about an hour. Wow!
Tonight we're going out with our group of friends who are totally okay with it if we pack our own food. MR will be eating stems in broth with eggwhites (this tastes good but sounds boring) I will be eating the easy to transport megamuffin.
Tomorrow for lunch, I plan to create a super CR'd version of French toast: the Apple Cinna-tatta! Stay tuned for recipe and reviews.
Here's something else non-CR related I've learned. We have a bunch of cheap port lying around from a baking experiment gone wrong, so I've been using a little of it at a time in dishes, as you know. But it also makes a great house-scenter if you boil a little bit of it in a shallow pan on the stove with a bunch of cinnamon. Makes the whole house smell like mulled wine. Very festive, very holiday. Try it right now!
Posted by april at 9:43 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack
October 28, 2005
Pizza-tatta?
This fritatta thing may be getting out of control. Tonight, I am planning to take the ingredients of the MR CR Zoned pizza (minus the low carb tortillas) and make a fritatta out of them. MR really loves the fritatta, and we've been talking about making pizzas, but we can't seem to find low carb tortillas that don't have evil transfat goo in them anywhere other than Trader Joe's and Whole Foods, so we haven't gotten them yet to replace the ones I used last weekend in the CR friendly quesadillas. So a pizza-tatta it will be!
Last night a work crisis arose right at six, when I had been planning to leave, so I didn't leave until shortly after seven. MR had my brewers yeast soup all ready for me when I arrived, and we were so hungry! Our normal dinner time is 7, so delaying dinner till quarter of 8 means we're about ready to start munching on the cats. I frequently have to work till 9 or so, and on those days we eat apart (him at 7, me whenever I can get a minute) but we try to have dinner at home together on any night when I can get away from work at a reasonable hour. Last night MR had a dish I had made for him the night before (I'm getting the hang of making dinner the night before so that MR can throw it in the oven or on the stove right before I walk in the door): Quorn roast chopped into chunks and cooked in mushroom "gravy" (mushroom broth mixed with nonfat plain yogurt) along with a bunch of peppers and onions, topped with flax oil. Apple cranberry bake for dessert (still working our way through that) and hazelnuts on the side.
Meanwhile, today is my three year anniversary at my job. I've actually been organizing for ten years, but at this particular union for 3. Yippie!!! No one really seems to remember that I took three months off to fundraise full-time... they've completely blocked it out. One of my co-workers said that no one would even go into my office while I was gone. They never gave up hope that I would return, sensing that indeed, at the end of the day, I am still Jenny from the block. (You have to love J-Lo to get that one.) A co-worker and I are going out to lunch to celebrate. We're going to the Fayette Street Grille where I will eat more calories than I normally would for lunch. The FSG has some great selections that are quite CR friendly, but it's hard to get below my normal lunch of breakfast salad + cottage cheese/yogurt. I will probably have either the house salad topped with shrimp or the grilled shrimp salad. I may even eat a cup of the soup of the day if I want to be truly wild and crazy.
Posted by april at 9:13 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 27, 2005
Why You Should Not Accept Candy From Strangers
Halloween is coming up, and MR and live in a neighborhood with lots of children. MoMR was asking us what we plan to do about giving out treats, since we obviously aren't going to give children gak.
Well, we thought about it. I had suggested spider rings or stickers, but none of those seemed really exciting. Parents are obsessed with safety these days, so we can't exactly give out apples or unwrapped anything.
Then it dawned on us. There is an individually wrapped candy-like substance that we think might actually be good for children.
The calcium chewy.
Yup, we're planning to give unsuspecting small children individually wrapped milk chocolate and caramel flavored calcium supplements. There's a little Vitamin D in there too.
This all came about back when MR was first designing my supplement program and dealing with the fact that I have a hard time swallowing pills. I can swallow capsules okay, but his calcium supplement is a tablet, and I tend to gag on those. So I found the Viactiv Calcium Chew and he said I could take them. "The important thing about a calcium supplement is that you take it," said MR. So for months I've been eating a little calcium chewy for dessert at night. Yum!
Recently we've discovered that they have some kind of hydrogenated something or other or something in them, so I've switched to something else that he gives me that I can swallow. (It's really nice to have someone else -- someone incredibly well-informed -- figure out one's supplement program. I have enough to worry about.) But considering how horrible these kids' diets no doubt are and what gak they'll be eating on Halloween, we'll definitely be doing them good to get 500 mg of calcium into their little growing bodies. They'll never know...
I also just came up with a Halloween recipe that I plan to serve to my Orange One (who seems to be turning even more orange as we work our way through that giant bag of carrots) on either Sunday or Monday night. I am trying to decide whether to publish it in advance so you too can make it, or if I should just wait to make sure it's a surprise. He likes surprises. How about, if you want the recipe, write me and I'll send it to you in personal email. How's that for compromise?
I've recently been messing with my quotidian diet again, since we discovered that I'm eating less calcium than I had been before MR moved here. I used to regularly have either a yogurt in the afternoon or a latte with skim, and I've stopped doing that cause I save my calories for dinner. But these days I'm so often eating my quotidian dinner -- brewers yeast veggie soup -- that it makes sense to add back in the calories with calcium somewhere else. I've started adding a fourth of a cup of fat free ricotta, topped with the Carolina Treet bbq sauce that used to go on my eggwhites, to my breakfast. That's 30% of the RDA of calcium for only 60 calories. What a steal!
I'm also thinking of going back to my yogurt, garlic, salt and cumin salad accompaniment, instead of cottage cheese. That both saves 50 calories and gives me 40% of the RDA in a cup vs. 16%. Big difference. I had been eating the calcium fortified cottage cheese, but I went back to regular cause a) I like it better b) fortified cottage cheese is no better than supplementing, so what's the point? Gotta keep up my calcium... women in general but CR'd women in particular need to think about bone health.
I haven't had time yet to write my response to Vegan, but I'm gathering my data with help from MR. In the meanwhile, here's another vegan recipe:
Easy black bean soup:
Black beans, soaked overnight and boiled till tender
Rapunzel vegan vegetable broth, 2 cubes for entire bag of beans
Pickled jalepenos, diced, to taste.
Half salt, peppers
A pint of mushrooms if you want
Heat, mix, serve. That was easy.
Posted by april at 9:19 AM | Comments (10) | TrackBack
October 26, 2005
Tootsie Rolls, Vegans, Fritattas
Hello bloggiefriends... I am way too busy with work now to write in much detail... yesterday I didn't stop running around from the time I left the house at 7:30 am until I got home at 7 pm (just in time to find MR making my brewers yeast and vegetable soup -- very nice to come home to!). By the time I finished a bunch of work phone calls after dinner, did the dishes and made dinner for tonight, it was late and time to go to bed.
Just a few quick notes: yesterday I had to make a very quick trip to Harrisburg, about two hours away, and thought I'd be back in time for lunch but didn't even get there till 1 (my normal lunchish time is 12) so needless to say I was very hungry. I ate two little Tootsie Rolls from the candy jar on the front desk of the Pennsylvania Labor Relations Board. Then my co-worker and I grabbed Subway (thank heaven for Subway!) on the way back and ate it in the car while flying down the PA Turnpike to get back in time for my afternoon meeting with nurses. When I got home I looked at the Tootsie Roll website to find the calories, but they only have info on the big, 40 g Tootsie Roll. Does anyone out there (hint, Little MR!) have the nutrition info on a small Tootsie Roll?
In other news, I received a long and well-thought out comment from "Vegan." I will definitely answer it, as his or her many points happen to be things I've thought about a great deal. I'm sure that doesn't surprise those of you who've been reading for a long time and know that I was vegan for five years, vegetarian for ten, and a card-carrying member of PETA for at least three of those years. So it's not like I've never thought about animal cruelty or animal rights. I want to share my reflections and the reasoning behind my current decisions in more detail, but I just don't have time now. Please keep reading, Vegan, I promise I'll get to you soon! I'll even throw in some nice vegan recipes in the meantime. I was a vegan cook long before I ever started CR... I am probably one of the only people in the world who has actually made those recipes in John McDougall's books. The green pea guacamole is actually quite delicious, and the grape nuts and apple juice pie crust is good if you can get it to stay together. But I digress... more on that topic soon.
In the meantime, I've learned that throwing a bunch of vegetables into a pyrex dish with eggwhites and baking them in the oven makes for a delicious dinner. Last night I stirred in some Trader Joe's marinara along with broccoli for a pink and green fritatta. All ready for MR to put in the oven for dinner.
Here's an old vegan favorite to tide you over till I can write in more detail about why I am not currently a vegan:
Pumpkin Soup Made Vegan
A can of pumpkin
A cup of unflavored soy milk
a fresh lemon
fresh sage leaves, chopped
clove or more of garlic, minced
salt and pepper to taste (use half salt if you care about sodium intake)
cube of veggie boullion (Rapunzel Vegan Vegetable Broth is my favorite) in one cup boiling water
Make the broth. Boil the garlic in the broth for about two mins. Pour in the pumpkin, stir till evenly mixed. Turn off the heat, stir in the soy milk and sage leaves. Add the juice of the lemon (Must use fresh lemon! Do not use bottled lemon juice!) Add salt and pepper to taste. Serve hot.
You can make this without sage if you don't have fresh sage, or you can use dried. Fresh is very strong.
You can also add curry instead of sage.
Do not attempt this recipe with vanilla soy milk. It will be gross.
Posted by april at 8:56 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack
October 24, 2005
CR Friendly Quesadillas
There are people out there who believe that once one commits to a lifestyle like CR, one should rid one's diet of all foods that remind one of ad lib days. Like vegans who say that people shouldn't eat soy meat substitutes because they promote the *idea* of meat, some folks make such a moral issue out of food that they frown upon creations that mimic the food of the less healthy. MR and I are not among those people. We're all about getting maximum nurition in the fewest calories possible. Most days, our diets consist of tons of veggies, lowfat protein sources like eggwhites and lowfat cottage cheese, and unsaturated fats like olive oil, flax oil, and hazelnuts. We love our food, and enjoy our meals much more than your average not-hungry ad lib eater. But every once in awhile, it's fun to play around with CR versions of old favorites. MR's Zoned Gourmet Pizzas are one delicious example. Yesterday I created a new favorite: CR friendly quesadillas.
Here's how:
I took Trader Joe's whole wheat low carb tortillas (50 cals each) and stuffed them with one slice of fat free cheese each, then added some Quorn grounds. Melted in the microwave and topped with a bit of salsa for MR, and fat free sour cream for me. On the side, I served a big bowl of chopped tomatoes and green peppers with Trader Joe's salsa verde. For dessert I made an apple cranberry bake, with fresh cranberries boiled in port and then baked with chopped apples and tons of cinnamon. Hazelnuts and flax oil added for fat. I found the cranberry dish rather tart, but MR liked it with extra cinnamon. Good thing too because I used up an entire bag of cranberries, so he'll be eating it for dessert for at least the rest of the week. The quesadillas were delicious and a lot of fun, and reminded me of the tradition at my father's house of eating nachos and margaritas on Sunday night. Next weekend I may mix up one of my low carb, low cal margaritas to drink with my quesadilla.
Lunch was a big hit, and more like what we would normally eat. Continuing with the fritatta theme, I made a broccoli fritatta with 200 g broccoli cooked into 1 cup of eggwhites mixed with 1/2 cup nonfat plain yogurt. Just a little bit of half salt and pepper added, cooked on 300 for about half an hour and then 200 for an hour. It turned out perfect. MR remarked that it's amazing how cooking vegetables into eggwhites seems to bring out their flavor. I've also been working on getting rid of a giant bag of baby carrots that our Halloween party-goers barely made a dent in, so I created a new and fabulous carrot dish. I sauteed the carrots in a tablespoon of balsamic vinegar and a bit of water until they were well-cooked, then let them sit for about an hour with a lid over the pot. Served with a teaspoon of olive oil. Next time I think I'll steam the carrots in a steamer pot and then marinate them in balsamic vinegar and olive oil all day in the fridge before serving cold. Fits in well with my making dinner in advance plan.
Last night I made dinner for tonight. I made a carrot fritatta (mix and match!) to be served with the apple cranberry bake and hazelnut oil, plus some hazelnuts and flax oil. I will be eating my traditional brewers yeast and vegetable soup for dinner, along with possibly a cup of cottage cheese. I do love cottage cheese. Can you believe I was vegan for five years???
On Wednesday, I have another pizza meeting, and as his mother suggested MR will be making his CR'd Zoned Pizzas to greet me when I come home. I frequently remark to myself that I am the luckiest girl on earth. I'm so thankful that I really feel like I need to go out and find more gods to give thanks to... monotheism just doesn't provide enough opportunities for gratitude.
Posted by april at 9:09 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
October 22, 2005
There Was Something That Was Missing But I Never Used To Wonder Why
"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation," wrote Henry David Thoreau in Walden. Nowhere is this more evident than in their diets. The vast majority of Americans are overfed and undernourished, starving to death in the land of excess.
I've spent a lot of time being malnourished. Starving for protein, desperate for calcium, low on iron, and resisting supplementation because I have a hard time swallowing pills (though not capsules, we've discovered.) I thought that feeling jumpy, getting ravenously hungry just a couple of hours after a giant meal, and constantly feeling a knawing in my stomach was just normal. When I was a lowfat vegan, I ate tons of food! Rice, beans, veggies... very little protein, dangerously small amounts of fat, scary absence of calcium sources, no iron. I was hungry all the time.
Now I eat a tiny volume of food... my Orange One is still shocked at how little food seems like a feast to me. My needs are met with small packages. A cup of eggwhites is much more satisfying than a giant plate of pasta. A cup of cottage cheese fills me up in a way that a beans and rice dish never could. I notice the difference when I go too many days without my brewers yeast. CRONies say it a lot, but it's true: when you're getting the nutrients you need, you feel full on a whole lot less food.
It's sad that almost everyone I know spends their entire existance in a state of malnutrition. The difference in how you feel when you're actually feeding your body what it needs is almost impossible to describe.
In recent conversations with a friend who is also a CR practitioner, I have put forth the idea that if he were to eat what MR eats: perfectly balanced, Zoned food... breakfast salad and megamuffin with kefir (ooops, I first wrote Kieffer! MR has not yet eaten my cat!), bean and rice protein dishes for lunch, followed by April-made delicious amazing creations for dinner, he would not be hungry the way he is on his own diet. We joke about CR summer camp, and I'd have to admit that the idea of running a CR-friendly bed and breakfast (should I say bed, breakfast, and supplements? No, that would be a BBS!) is appealing to me. I love to prove that CR is not only healthy and life-extending, it's delicious and fun!
How I manage to fit in all the cooking I do with my very busy job is still a mystery to me. Last week I made dinner the night before or the morning of, before leaving for work, several days, since I get home from work only minutes before our 7 pm dinner hour. I'm seriously considering making all our dinners for the week tomorrow, just so as to get ahead of it. Trying to fit in cooking, working, cleaning (today has been a housecleaning day: all the floors are swept and mopped, the laundry is in the dryer and the kitchen is scrubbed... still gotta do the bathroom but I figured I'd take a blogging-break!) gives me an opportunity to demonstrate my psycho-efficiency. I love being the Mistress of Logistics, the person who can do everything. Can you tell I was a young girl in the eighties, the age of the Superwoman? Here's my secret: I have no children! I have no idea how you girls with kids do it. That would be way more than I could handle. I can work 12 hour days, have dinner on the table, clean a three bedroom house, and be a reasonably good daughter, friend, and lover... not to mention kitty-mommy... but it's all contingent upon not having any children of my own! If I wore hats, they would be off to those of you who raise children: I both have no interest in doing and and am certain that I could not get everything else that I value in life done if I had children of my own. Thanks especially to my mom and MoMR... we turned out great! Glad neither of you are particularly itching for grandchildren. Well, MoMR already has grandchildren and my mom has grandcats. All day Kieffer has been preparing for a visit from his grandmommy. He rested up with a long nap, and is now pacing the floor, alert and ready to be petted and spoiled, as is appropriate for a grandchild.
Meanwhile, here is a recipe from the brunch party:
Pumpkin "Lasagna"
I honestly don't remember the exact proportions. We had to figure it out because MR ate the leftovers, but it goes something like this:
three cups of canned pumpkin
3 cups fat free plain yogurt
curry powder
garlic powder
several yellow squash, thinly sliced, salted, drained
fat free ricotta
chicken or veggie broth, preferably low or no salt
Quorn grounds (or if you prefer and aren't worried about dementia, a soy ground beef substitute)
Make layers with squash. Cover with fat free ricotta mixed with curry and garlic. Sprinkle on some Quorn grounds. To make the sauce, mix pumpkin, broth and yogurt, along with a whole lot of curry and garlic powder. Pour the sauce, as though it were the tomato sauce in a traditional lasagna, between the layers. Make as many layers as you want. Use cottage cheese instead of fat free ricotta. You can be creative here! Squashes make excellent substitutes for pasta in many pasta dishes. Make layers as you will!
Tonight I am cooking for Grandmommy while MR is out with some of our friends... I have very much enjoyed a day inside. I've spent most of the day either cleaning the house or kitty petting. Two cats require more petting than one might think. I have often thought that I simply need to grown another hand, so that I could pet kitties while I do other things. I have no idea what I will cook for Grandmommy, but we will raid the fridge and find something marvelous. Maybe Quorn? Yum!!!
Last night, MR and I spent an unreasonable amount of time searching the internet for Billy Joel's "The Night Is Still Young," from which the headline for today's post is taken. I thought about all the ways CR has changed my life, and then this morning I found Wanderfeet's recent post on this topic! (Scroll down to the one entitled, "Waiting for Neptune to go Direct in Aquarius..."
CR makes you feel like you can do anything. And you know what?
You can. Well, within reason. Most of us should not attempt unassisted space flight, or running for president.
From "The Night Is Still Young"
Rock-n-Roll Music was the only thing I ever gave a damn about
There was something that was missing
But I never used to wonder why
Now I know you're the one who's gonna make things right again
And I may lose the battle
But you've given me the will to try.
Posted by april at 12:37 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
October 21, 2005
Pizza
Sorry I haven't written... work is very, very busy right now.
Yesterday I had another of those pizza meetings. Yes, locked in a small row house office with six pizzas from 3 pm to 6 pm. I had a nightmare the night before in which I had eaten three slices of pizza. When I woke up safely next to the Orange One, relieved that it was all a dream, I resolved not to let the pizza monster push me over my calorie target for the day with its empty calories and saturated fat. I threw a fat free fruit yogurt in my bag just to have something to eat in case I got very hungry in the afternoon, so as to minimize the chances of being starving in the presence of pizza. My normal eggwhite and Carolina Treet breakfast plus my salad (kale, mustard greens, tomatoes, green pepper, arugula, romaine, balsamic vinegar, olive oil and salsa) plus cup of cottage cheese all adds up to less than 500 calories total, so I can either have an afternoon snack or a large dinner.
I made it through the entire afternoon without taking a single bite. The day was very stressful... crisis after crisis. But not one bite. I didn't even eat the yogurt. Waited till I got home for my brewers yeast and vegetable soup. I had so many calories left that I ate two slices of fat free cheese, for a total of 60 calories and 60% of the RDA of calcium. I also ate 100 grams of cute little organic yellow tomatoes from Whole Foods. Made my favorite new cocktail as a dessert: Canada Dry Diet Cranberry Ginger Ale with an ounce of port. Very sweet and delicious. I also ate two of the blueberry sugar free hard candy that MR's mom sent us in a care package. Thanks, MOMR!
Here's the weird thing: when I left my meeting and walked to my car, there was only one other car on the roof of the parking garage. Its license plate said: PIZZA.
Posted by april at 7:54 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
October 19, 2005
Once You've Licked Your Plate, You're One Of Us
MR and I had a great time last night with our blog-reader CR friendly dinner guest. He brought over a delicious bottle of red, plus some yummy teas. I enjoyed serving exactly the same thing to a guest that we eat ourselves: Quorn tenders with mushroom gravy (made with fat free plain yogurt), broccoli drizzled with flax oil and fresh lemon, and apples simmered in port with hazelnut oil and hazelnuts. He enjoyed the meal (or else he's a very good actor!) and once we were done, I explained that MR and I lick our plates to make sure that we get all of the calories we're owed. A lot of the oil sticks to the plate, and if you don't lick the plate, you could come out short a bunch of calories. This isn't a big deal to a person on a standard American diet where they're already eating too many calories, but when you're carefully monitoring your caloric intake, you don't want to lose a few here and there. Besides, the best stuff is left on the plate!
So despite some awkardness at first, our dinner guest licked his plate clean. Then I informed him that once you've licked your plate, you're one of us. It's like Persephone and the pomegranete seeds. Too late now!
I'm working until right up to dinner time all this week, so I made tonight's dinner in advance. It's a get-rid-of-stems night, so I put some gigantic amount of kale stems in a pot of no-salt veggie broth and simmered them this morning, then added tons of carrots (still getting rid of leftover carrots from the weekend and about 155 calories worth of eggwhites (I just pour them in... the lightly cook but don't entirely solidify, giving the soup a vaguely creamy texture.) Added garlic powder and a bunch of green onions that we needed to get rid of: 62 grams! All I have to do when I get home is add oil and measure out hazelnuts, and dinner is served! I'll just be having my good old brewers yeast, broth and veggie soup with flax oil. Gotta get my cruciferious veggies in!
Posted by april at 9:12 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
October 18, 2005
Leftovers
MR has been eating leftovers from the brunch party for dinner for two days now. That's a good thing because I was a bit exhausted from cooking so much for the brunch party. Even I have a limit.
One thing I realized when I started to take my CR more seriously once more and stopped eating little bites here and there during the day was just how many calories I must have been consuming in the form of a bite here, a bite there. For instance, I used to regularly pick at the leftovers from others' plates. Yesterday my co-worker offered me the last few bites of his sandwich at lunch, and I graciously declined. I wonder how many calories it would have added to my day to eat the leftovers. I did eat half a pickle (how anyone can resist eating the entire pickle is beyond me, but this particular friend always leaves most of the pickle) but that's about 10 calories. If I were to give one piece of advice to people trying to lose weight (other than stop eating grains) it would be to completely stop eating between meals. Lots of people plan and eat healthy meals, but snack on this and that between. Believe me, it adds up!
Tonight we're having very CR friendly dinner company... a blog reader in fact! I've already DWIDP'd our feast, and MR is doing the weighing of all the materials before I come home, since I'll get home from work only minutes before the guest arrives. I'm making Quorn tenders in mushroom gravy, broccoli with flax oil and fresh lemon, and apples with hazelnuts and hazelnut oil. A nice new bottle of pinot noir awaits. Yum!
Posted by april at 9:19 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
October 17, 2005
Survivor's Guilt
You know those stories about war veterans or survivors of natural disasters who feel tremendous guilt about the fact that they made it when their friends and comrades were killed? I used to feel that way about anorexia. I had several friends whose lives were either ruined or severely impaired by anorexia, including Marya, the author of Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia, and I always wondered why the evil monster got them but not me. Almost all women my age suffered with food and body image issues at some point, and you've read in Women's Magazines about my own struggles. Finding CR and learning how to have a relationship with food and my body where I'm happy with both has been quite a victory.
Lately, a new kind of survivor's guilt has replaced the old one. This is CR survivor's guilt. When I see people who are close to me eating poison and visibly aging before my eyes, I feel rather terrible. I recognize that CR is no zero-sum game, and that my eating fewer calories does not force those around me to eat more. But my awareness of my own biological aging processes has made me that much more attuned to the slow motion death march that so many of my friends are on. I feel like I am watching the Titanic sink, and waving as my lifeboat pulls away towards the shore. Luckily, there is no Celine Dion music playing in the background. If living a radically extended life meant having to listen to "My Heart Will Go On" for a thousand years, I might have to re-consider.
MR and I had a conversation about this last night over dinner. "You throw out lifelines to people, but you can't control whether or not they grab onto them," I said. We had a wonderful weekend of food and friends, including having a friend over for lunch who is doing serious work on his diet and lifestyle. We really enjoyed ranting about nutrition to someone who actually cares, and we both found it very gratifying to actually be able to help someone a bit, instead of just wringing our hands while our friends eat themselves to death. Then I spoke with a long term CR practitioner on the phone and found out that he has taken his CR even harder-core since I last saw him. It was exciting to CR-geek out with yet another freak such as ourselves. In the midst of all this rejoicing, I started to worry about all my friends who are not on the healthy path. I very much respect the right of people to eat what they want, and I try hard not to preach to the uninterested. But it makes me sad, especially when I see people who have thrown me very powerful lifelines in other context going under themselves.
[Side note: I now have that horrible song from the Titanic playing in my head. ARGH!]
I can't exactly kidnap my close friends and forcefeed them CR'd Zoned meals every day. Well, I could, but I'd get in trouble with the law, and MR would find it a bit disconcerting to host a prison camp in our living room. I can try to set a good example, and I can answer questions for those who actually want information. But I have to accept that sometimes that's all I can do.
In my rational mind, I can understand that saving myself does not mean that I am personally responsible for the drowning of others. There are an infinite number of seats on this lifeboat, and I'm willing to do what I can to pull others onboard.
But in my sad moments, I am acutely conscious that I will lose some of my friends much earlier than I want to. Smoking, eating too much of the saturated fat filled American diet, drinking too much... it adds up fast. Before I started CR, I was aging so fast that I could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror. "What happened to the girl who always gets carded???" I used to think to myself. By the time I was almost begging liquor store employees to ask me for ID, I knew something had to give. And I grabbed onto CR as though my life depended on it. Which of course it did.
It seems that a lot of CR practitioners came to CR through a crisis of sorts. I can only hope that if such a crisis occurs in the lives of those non-CR'd folk who are close to me, that having known me and known something about CR might convince them to give it a shot.
As a dear friend of mine once said in a radically different context, "It's better than a sharp stick in the eye."
And it beats the hell out of dying.
Posted by april at 8:53 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
October 16, 2005
Brunch Went Well
We are too busy doing dishes to elaborate.
Posted by april at 3:40 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 15, 2005
Orange and Black
I'm working on the dishes for tomorrow's Halloween brunch party. Almost all the dishes are orange, black or both. Here's what we are working on:
black olive tapenade with carrots for dipping
red pepper hummus with stems and carrots for dipping
black bean soup
pumpkin lasagna
Carolina barbeque Quorn tenders
apples and cranberries baked in port (not orange and black, but fall-ish)
Will write up the recipes after I've created the food... still taking suggestions for orange and black foods!
Posted by april at 7:47 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
October 14, 2005
How Comments Work
Good morning all...
Just thought I'd write a quick note about how comments work, since clearly there's been some confusion.
Because I get so many spam comments on my blog, mostly from websites trying to sell Viagra and such, I have set my comments so that they don't appear until I manually click on them. That means that it if I'm working or asleep or otherwise away from my computer, it might take awhile before your comment appears. It seems that Zeynep posted a lot of comments last night while I was away from the computer -- sleeping for the most part. This is not surprising as we're in very different time zones, so she's up while I'm asleep. I posted them all as soon as I saw them... as I do with any comment from a live human. If anyone knows how I can put the software on the blog that fliters out comments from blog spam programs like the ones that send the zillions (I'm talking 100 a day or more) to my blog, let me know, and I'll go back to letting all comments go to posted without moderation.
In the meantime, here are all the comments that were posted while I was asleep. All from Zeynep:
Well,
I strongly believe after a few tests that April is full of shit. Not worthy of anything because she's not a real and sensitive human being. She resembles the cartoon cut out figures we used to cut out of magazines and dress up with the clothes provided, to play with. April is a 7 year old girl's playmate and nothing else. She cannot be anything else. She's stuck in her barbie phase.
Well April,
since you decided to get rid of all my comments even th well-meaning ones, and censored me on my comments abut MR while quoting me, I have no choice but to resort to my original idea; you are so vain... So vain and so insecure that you can't deal with what I represent, stand up for yourself without changing or deleting what you receive, so vain and insecure that I have no idea how you can be an union organizer with that weak personality. Make sure to censor and use this comment as material for a blogfeed for you and a feeding for your monkeys.
zeyno
Here go April's monkeys once again... You monkeys: How many times do I have to tell you that I speak your mother tongue perfectly as a third language (after turkish and german) and that I know exactly what the word "vain" means and I use it consciously? How many more times?
zeyno
Dear April,
You have great advocates, all trying to explain to me what the word "vain" means.. Well, I know what the damn word means, that's why I can use it. No explanations needed, thank you.
I actually started liking you after finding out that you were a union organizer. That's one heck of a hard and important job! Mary also told me how idealistic you are and I like idealistic people. By the way, you cleverly censored my comment about MR in your quote from me, don't think that didn't catch my attention. All those pro-April monkeys' comments aside, I changed my blog and am ranting and raving there now, if you care to check. istanbulwitch.blogspot.com
zeynep
Posted by april at 5:58 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
October 12, 2005
Eggwhites, Meet Eggplant
Yesterday I had the honor of introducing that holiest of substances, the noble Eggwhite, to the sublime and refined joy of the heirloom eggplant. Together they form a completely new being, the food of a new aeon, the Eggwhite Eggplant Fritatta. Here's how you make it:
For an MR sized fritatta:
150 cals of eggwhites
1/2 cup non-fat plain yogurt
100 g heirloom eggplant thinly sliced, salted with half-salt
1 teaspoon flax oil
Mix the eggwhites and yogurt in an ovensafe dish or pyrex bowl. Bake for about 10 mins on 300. Stir in the eggplant disks. Cover with tin foil. Bake for about another half hour. Remove from oven, top with teaspoon flax oil. Serve hot.
Yum yum yum. I served it with steamed brussels sprouts (only lightly steamed so they're bright, bright green!) and a teaspoon of olive oil and fresh lemon juice on top. I also made MR the apple hazelnut cinnamon hazelnut oil dessert again. I just ate my eggplant and brussels sprouts stirred into my brewers yeast and flax oil soup. I didn't need the massive shot of eggwhites, as my breakfast is eggwhites. It's nice how MR doesn't mind if we eat different things at meals... I enjoy cooking for him so much, but I sometimes just want to eat my own simple food, or need to eat differently to make my nutritional goals. Since we are different sized people, we have different calorie requirements, and that means that my nutrients have to be absolutely compact into my food. He has more leeway. I enjoy the cooking process whether I'm eating the product or not. It's like playing with food!
Today I broke down and wore my spooky cats. My staff already knows I'm Halloween crazed, so I can be myself with them, and I'm not meeting with nurses today. Tomorrow, back to being a grown up. In my own defense, I'll say that my spooky cats are very professional. They're black and match my suit jacket and heels. Ann Taylor would be proud.
Posted by april at 9:48 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack
October 11, 2005
Is This Woman Obsessed?
It was a struggle. Well, it's always a struggle, but today it was more of a struggle than ever. And with every passing day, it gets more difficult.
You see, dear bloggiefriends, I am really into Halloween. REALLY. You've read about my Halloween decorations. This morning I had trouble dragging myself out of the house at 6:30 am to leave for my morning meeting, not because it was early, but because I just hated to leave my spooky black cat earrings on the shelf. I have a very responsible job in which I supervise a staff and meet with nurses as the public face of the union almost every day. I can't exactly go around dressed up like an elementary school student on Halloween party day. But the thought of leaving my charming little pumpkin and glow in the dark baby ghost necklace at home was almost too much for me. I want it all to be about Halloween, everywhere!
This weekend I am throwing a small brunch party where almost all the food will be orange and black. Black olive tapenade with carrots, red pepper hummus, black bean soup, curried pumpkin Quorn tenders, carrots marinated in balsamic vinegar and orange juice, and apples cooked in rum and cinnamon (that's not orange, but it's fall-ish, and really good!) Any other suggestions for orange or black foods are welcome.
I am totally going pumpkin-crazy, putting pumpkin in everything from Quorn to my apple dessert. I am considering making a pumpkin fritatta.
I have a pumpkin candle burning in my office.
I wear my witch's hat around the house at times for no apparent reason.
Am I okay? Is there a diagnosis? Seasonal Obsessed Disorder?
How do you know when you've purchased one ornamental gourd too many? When is a pumpkin not just a pumpkin?
Is dating an orange man a symptom of a larger obsession with Halloween, one so powerful that it lasts far beyond the Halloween season?
Gotta go... I think there's a sale on mini-pumpkins at the produce market down the street. I have to have some now!!!
Posted by april at 10:19 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
October 10, 2005
The Magic of the Fritatta
Well, bloggiefriends, I just have to tell you that I am having a great day.
First, thank you for all your wonderful comments. It makes me want to create fake identities and write nasty comments on my own blog just to inspire you to such heights of sweetness! You make my day!
Second, the editor of a prestigious magazine just said that he likes my blog. How cool is that??? I am well aware in writing the blog that I am not a real writer or a real scientist... I am a normal person following a strange diet and writing about it. I do love to write and always have, but aside from college I've had no formal training (well, my parents did send me to writing camp in the summers when I was a kid -- thanks Mom and Dad! It must have worked!) and I basically write entries while I drive around doing my job and then jot them down as soon as I get a quiet moment at the computer. So wow!!! I am grinning from ear to ear! :)
Meanwhile, my weekend cooking absolutely rocked, if I do say so myself. Last night I made an eggwhite fritatta with Asian mushrooms and asparagus. It was heavenly. I used 1 cup of eggwhites, 1/2 cup of fat free plain yogurt, and then 28 calories of asparagus, 23 calories of mushrooms, a little half-salt, and fresh ground pepper. I cooked it in the oven on 300 for about 40 minutes (covered with foil to keep the top from burning) and then turned off the oven for the last half hour and just let it soak in the warm. Added 1 teaspoon flax oil to the top just before serving (never heat your flax oil! It oxidizes.) It was so good!!! For dessert for MR I made a fall-themed concoction: 216 g apples, diced, with 1/2 cup of canned pumpkin, microwaved with cinnamon. Then I added 1 teaspoon hazelnut oil and 15 g hazelnuts.
On Saturday night I cooked the heirloom eggplant I had purchased at Whole Foods with just a light dash of half salt and some pepper. We are trying to figure out what entree I made, but the heirloom eggplant was so delicious that it seems to have blotted out the memory of any other food that night. Who would have thunk it? Eggplant is usually so tasteless, but this eggplant was divine.
Okay, we figured it out. I made a "Cream" of broccoli soup by blending broccoli with fat free plain yogurt in the food processor, adding it to a cup of veggie broth, and stirring in Trader Joe's sliced bell peppers. It was quite good, though not as startling as the heirloom eggplant. I'm planning a trip back to Whole Foods to secure more heirloom eggplant. Just eggplant, just steamed, with a little salt and pepper. And it was that good. Hard to believe, but it's true.
On Sunday for lunch I made MR a "taco" salad, with Quorn grounds instead of ground beef, salsa, cottage cheese, romaine, avocado, green peppers and tomato. I ate my traditional lunch of "breakfast salad for lunch" topped with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and salsa, plus a cup of cottage cheese.
Tonight I have made a curried pumpkin Quorn dish, with Quorn tenders, pumpkin, curry, yogurt for creaminess. Some hazelnuts on the side for MR, red wine for both of us. It's an absolutely heavenly dish. I might serve it next Sunday for a brunch party MR and I are throwing for some friends. Almost all the food will be orange and black for Halloween! And yes, I will be wearing my pointy hat!
In the meantime, I have been losing weight, as is the predictable result of cutting my calories and skipping my typical night out with friends for over a week. I hit 101.5 this morning. Don't worry, I am being very careful to monitor my nutrition, and I frequently eat slightly different meals from MR even when we have dinner together, so that I can meet all my nutritional needs. For example, I am constantly adding two tablespoons of brewers yeast to my dish instead of the eggwhites I put in his dinners. Getting optimal nutrition seems to make a tremendous difference in my hunger levels. I'm eating very low calorie, but so nutrient dense that I feel satisfied on a whole different level than how I used to feel when I was just plain stuffed with empty calories.
Posted by april at 5:49 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 9, 2005
You're So Vain...
I'd have to admit it, I was somewhat excited when Zeynep, the angry Turkish commenter who has inhabited the comment pages of Mary's blog for quite some time now, finally found mine. There's nothing like a nay-sayer to inspire a rant, and as we all know, I simply adore the RANT. If it weren't for the RANT, I might never have realized that MR was the man for me. Carly Simon's old song immediately jumped to mind when I read Zennep's comments, which I will reproduce below for all to appreciate:
Hey April,
So you really are vain and full of yourself for no good reason... Your posts show this... What are you really? A bank person, a nurse? Whatever you are, your blog shows a would-be over achiever person with little in store to help her with.
Brag away lady, you are boring in your lame attempts to get attention.
Your parent(s) didn't love you much as I child I figure from your blog.
zeynep
One of my readers counseled that this comment should be deleted or ignored, but I'll confess that I can't resist the rant-bait. And besides, some of you may be interested in the subject matter. (Well, anything's possible!)
First, as to the question, "Who are you really?"
Well, I am first and foremost a human being, and therefore, in my belief system, worthy of health. It is one of my fundamental beliefs that all have the right to health and healthcare, regardless of income, class background, education, occupation, race, sex, nationality, sexual orientation, hairstyle... you get the idea. One should not have to prove that he or she is worthy to reap the benefits of CR, nor should one have to produce an insurance card to receive medical care.
In my career, I am a union organizer. For the last ten years I have spent almost all of my waking hours helping American workers get a voice on the job and some power in their workplaces. Most of my work has focused on registered nurses, so in addition to helping workers, I have had the opportunity to help patients receive the quality of care they deserve. Some of the achievements of which I am most proud include helping workers win domestic partnership benefits, so that those who either chose not to marry or are prohibited by law from doing so could still provide health insurance for their partners and their partners' children. One of the happiest moments of my career occurred when a health care worker at a hospital in Northern New Jersey realized that under her new union contract, she would be able to provide health insurance for her (female) partners' children for the first time. Nurses I have organized have secured nurse to patient ratios in their facilities, which means that the patients they care for might have a chance of getting safe care, something which is comparatively rare in American hospitals where the profit motive, not medical necessity, rules way too many decision-makers minds.
But so what? What if I were a "bank person" or a nurse? (btw, what is a "bank person?" A teller? An investment banker? A person with a piggy bank? I am puzzled.) Would that make me any less worthy of the benefits of health that CR can provide? Should healthy living that may in fact extend life be limited only to the upper classes, or to those who have sufficiently hip occupations to be judged worthy? I don't think so. One of my hopes in writing this blog is that through my easy breezy recipes, I will make CR more accessible to those who don't have a ton of money and time. To nurses, and single moms, and people who don't have a Whole Foods around the corner.
If I were a "bank person" or a nurse, would that make me any less worthy to write a blog? Should blogging, or writing itself, be reserved only for some? One of my favorite things about the internet is that it has provided so many with an outlet for their creativity. No one is forced to read my blog (to my knowledge... I suppose that somewhere in Siberia someone may be in a prison camp forced at gunpoint to follow the thrilling adventures of April and the Eggwhite. How horrifying. I am fairly sure that violates the Geneva Convention.) and some folks (including Dani who wrote such a nice comment -- thank you!) have been reading me for over a year now. We're having fun... is that okay?
As to the accusation that I am vain: absolutely! Guilty as charged! I love my body: the way it looks, the way it feels, the way it allows me to live and love in the way I choose. It always mystifies me how women will rant on at length about society's oppression of our gender by making us miserable about our bodies, but when lo and behold, along comes a woman who breaks out of the mold and says, "Hey, I love my body!" all of a sudden she's vain. Sisters, can't we do better than this? Must we all wallow in the mud of self-hatred? To my eye, there is nothing more beautiful than a woman who is comfortable in her own skin. Let's not attack our own. They have other people for that.
As to the accusation that my parents didn't love me enough... that reminds me of the time when a guy I dumped complained that I wasn't emotionally available enough. I have many faults and problems, to be sure, but that's not one of them.
That being said, I'll admit that I did find the angry Turkish commenter's remarks somewhat disturbing. It's disconcerting to be attacked, even by a stranger. I wonder what would possess someone to spread such negativity throughout the blogosphere. It made me pause to appreciate the love and happiness that surrounds me on a daily basis, and the many opportunities that I have been granted to spread more love and happiness to those I come into contact with. I suspect that my greatest sin in Zeynep's eyes might be that I am a happy person: I am happy with my body, my job, my family, and my relationships. It takes a lot of work, but it's more than worth it. I hope that the blog can spread a little happiness around... or at least provide you with a quick and easy dish to make for dinner.
Hey Zeynep -- at least I don't have, or want, kids! We agree on something...
Posted by april at 5:05 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack
October 7, 2005
Mystifying Psychic Burrito
It is not exactly a secret that I have interests and hobbies that are eclectic at best, down right bizarre at worst. Well, sooner or later, Google AdSense was bound to pick up on this. I use gmail for my email (wow, that rhymes!) and in a process that I find creepy but worth putting up with for unlimited disk space, Google crawls my email for keywords and puts up ads that seem to match my interests. Keyword: seem. Piecing together my various hobbies and concerns, gmail busted out with an ad for the Mystifying Psychic Burrito. Naturally, I had to try it out. I had not taken any vows about avoiding psychic burritos today. I found it to be rather clever. And to think: I was just contemplating the fact that I need to step up my study of a divination system. Move over Tarot, it's time for the Mystifying Psychic Burrito!
Yesterday was a very good CR day. I had my Denny's eggbeater omlette (no more Denny's for me till Tuesday -- yea! The joys of having staff.) for breakfast, followed by my usual cottage cheese and breakfast salad for lunch. Oh, the joy of the spicy greens. I met my nurses downtown at a bar near the hospital, and they decided to order nachos. Now you bloggiefriends know how much I love nachos. In the old days, I would have said, "Just one bite!" Then just one bite would have turned into half the plate. But I resisted. Not one bite. Not one tiny droplet. I didn't even look too hard at them! Wow, did I feel a sense of accomplishment.
I made it home in time to have dinner with my Orange One... I had thrown together a simple meal for him of Harvest Hodgepodge plus kale stems (all those salads create tons of stems) in a veggie broth with eggwhites for protein (they go with everything) and a touch of low sodium soy sauce, plus some of my Magic Mushroom spice grinder. Flax oil for fat, berries with hazelnut oil and hazelnuts on the side. I ate my nice brewers yeast, broth and flax oil vegetable soup. The entire day came in in the 1100s... I'm feeling good in the 1100s, and I think I will stay there as long as I am losing weight but not too quickly.
More of the same today... I bought some heirloom eggplants this morning at Whole Foods on my way from my 7:15 am meeting to my office, and I'm planning to make something fun and eggplant-ish tonight. They're so cute and small and purple! I wonder what they'll taste like.
This whole hunger issue is rather fascinating to me... I was very hungry by lunch, but unlike yesterday and day before, I felt satisfied after eating. I think I am getting the hang of this. Weight down to 103 this morning, which while not unheard of for the first half of the month is low for the second half. Hardcore CR... meet your newest volunteer.
Posted by april at 2:30 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
October 6, 2005
I Assure You That We Did Not Order A Pizza
Last night as we were enjoying our delicious dinner (Quorn roast topped with bell peppers and Muir Glen Organic Fire Roasted Tomatoes, broccoli and asparagus on the side for MR; brewers yeast, vegetables and broth soup for me) my cell phone rang. Assuming it must be one of my staff calling with a problem or a nurse from the hospital I'm working with, I rushed into the kitchen to grab it.
"Papa John's," said a gruff male voice, as though I was supposed to know what he was talking about. Papa John's is a pizza delivery outfit that is very popular in this area. Hence, my utter confusion. Why is a pizza man calling my cell phone?
It gradually dawned on me that the intercom system at my old apartment was still set up to ring to my phone when someone tries to buzz into my old apartment. Apparently, the new tenant is ordering pizza. We got a good laugh out of that.
Vow keeping went beautifully yesterday... calories came in right at 1120, including my 20 calorie evening calcium chewy. I was downright wiggy with hunger while preparing dinner, but kept to my decision not to eat between meals. MR and I enjoyed a pot of Celestial Seasonings Almond Sunset tea while I cooked, so that was a great no-calorie alternative to a glass of wine while cooking. I find it much harder to keep my calories low during the second half of the month... hormonal changes seem to really change my appetite. I was quite satisfied after my dinner last night, even though it was a relatively low volume soup, but by this morning I was very hungry again. Ate the same 332 calorie veggie Eggbeater omlette at Denny's... they're being very good about leaving the veggies raw and cooking the eggbeaters in minimal oil. I was downright wiggy with hunger again leading up to lunch time, from about 10:30 am on, but I drank my green tea and dealt with it. I've just decided that I'd rather deal with occasional hunger than worry that I'll age faster than MR. It's not a race to see who can live the longest, but the reality of living with someone who is seriously CR'd inspires me to push myself further. Hunger is annoying at times, but it's still pretty infrequent and it is a much more pleasant sensation than the feeling of being stuffed with unhealthful foods. We have so much hardwiring and programming to belive that hunger is bad, and should be avoided at all costs, when subjectively I don't find it to be all that painful. It's making the decision that it's *okay* to feel a little hungry that's hard. I used to feel that the fact that I felt hungry meant I had to eat. Now, when I get hungry, I register the feeling and move ahead with my day. I also enjoy my food so much when I do eat! Since I'm eating three meals a day, I'm not hungry for very long at a time. Just long enough to really appreciate my delicious, nutritious meals (I say as I polish off my breakfast-salad-for-lunch... I've been eating my lunch at my desk as I write.)
Many of my CR brothers, MR included, have told me that they hit a hungry phase at some point in their CR journeys. RK says it hit him about a year in. I've plateaued so long that my moderate CR was just plain easy... I can't figure out how I managed to weigh between 10 and 30 pounds more my entire adult life! It feels like I can keep up my old level of CR with almost no effort. Taking my calories down consistently, everyday, takes a whole lot more work. When every bite is precisely measured and counted, you realize how much more you're eating when you go out or don't look... it's quite a difference! I'd like to stay in the 1100s for the next ten days or so and see how I feel. That calorie level will cause weight loss, but hopefully not too fast. I weigh myself most days, and even sometimes remember to record it on the calendar (if I can remind myself to do so while my cat screams for his breakfast) so I am not in danger of losing weight too fast, something I definitely did before I purchased my first scale.
Tonight I have a meeting in Center City, and I'm dropping by the water company on my way there to prove that I am a real human being, worthy of paying the water bill. I'll keep you posted. Hopefully I will get home in time for dinner, though there's a fair possibility that I won't. If I'm stuck out late-ish, I'll be starving when I get home. But I'm learning that being hungry isn't the end of the world, and does not signify my immediate demise. Rather, it means that I am choosing hardcore CR over the immediate feeling of being stuffed. It's my choice: not for everyone, but for me, the thought of aging faster than my Orange One is much more horrifying than the thought of being hungry for an hour before dinner. We have so much to live for... it would be just plain ungrateful to blow it all for a few hundred calories a day.
Posted by april at 12:29 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
October 5, 2005
Vows du Jour
Well, there is a soup of the day in many restaurants, and I will now have vows of the day. I am trying to change them up every day so that I don't overreach and commit to doing something that's not realistic.
Yesterday, I got really hungry and snacked on cottage cheese with Trader Joe's marinara while I was cooking dinner. I have been doing so well keeping to my calorie goals, and the hunger was starting to build up. Unfortnuately, I didn't even measure the cc and TJ's, so I don't know exactly how many extra calories I consumed. It probably didn't help that I had a glass of wine with a co-worker after work, which no doubt lowered my resistance to the dreamy, creamy combination... if you've never had cottage cheese with TJ's marinara, you must try it! I hadn't made any specific vows re: not eating while cooking dinner, so I ate. Then it occurred to me that I'd better make specific vows today, to avoid such problems.
Vows du Jour: Wednesday, October 5, 2005:
No eating between meals
No wine while making dinner
Make time to meditate (didn't do that yesterday either -- big ooops!)
No more looking at Cats In Sinks! It became a bit too transfixing for comfort yesterday.
There. I've made choices. I have to power to live by them. While eating between meals or looking at Cats In Sinks are neither morally wrong nor that big a deal most of the time, I do not want to be a slave to my passions, unable to stop clicking that "Show me another cat in a sink!" button. I want to go hardcore CR... I can't be chowing in uncontrolled fashion, even if I'm chowing on very good, almost Zoned foods.
Hahaha... now you too are addicted to Cats In Sinks!
Posted by april at 8:35 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
October 4, 2005
Maybe She's Just Looking For Someone To Cook For
There's this pop song that goes, "Maybe she's just looking for someone to dance with." I can assure you that I am not now, nor have I ever been, looking for someone to dance with. I am not much for the flailing that passes for dancing in most clubs, and I am certainly horrified by the everything on a scale from slight swaying to outright hokey-pokeying or electric sliding that calls itself dance at most weddings I have been to. But I have spent most of my adult life in pursuit of a willing victim for my culinary experiments. And now I have one.
It's wonderful for my mental health to be able to exercise my creativity while providing nourishment for someone I love. I can see how if you didn't like to cook, making dinner every night might not be relaxing, but for me it's not unlike soaking in a hot tub with a nice glass of wine. Less chance of drowning, less overhead expense. Not quite as wet. But almost as relaxing. And no need for special attire!
Being able to cook dinner for my Orange Angel almost every night has been one of my favorite things about cohabitation. And he's so grateful! For one thing, he's really, really hungry. For another, no one else would cook for him to his specific macronutrient ratio and calorie requirements. I, on the other hand, become compulsively absorbed in the quest for 30:40:30 on my DWIDP. Left to my own devices, I'd probably play DWIDP all day, like those sick Tetris addicts of the 1990's.
I have already DWIDP'd our dinner for tonight: a creamy (yogurt) mushroom soup with an entire bag of Trader Joe's Harvest Hodgepodge, plus the apple hazelnut dessert, plus MR's 3 ounce glass of pinot noir. 625 calories, 30:40:30 exact. Yippie! I also find it entertaining to figure out how quickly I can get dinner on the table... with my schedule, efficiency is an art form. MR offers to help of course, and frequently ends up adding the oil to his dish, measuring his wine or doing the math on a complex calculation that I need a science boy (or at least a man with a calculator) to help me with. But if truth be told, I enjoy my time alone in the kitchen, cooking away, meowing at the cat, and listening to Gwen Stefani on continuous repeat or NPR. I've never much enjoyed cooking with other people, and I'd prefer to have everything beautifully set on the table before my victim (I mean guest) appears. So I shew MR upstairs to work or hide until I am ready for him. I am really into presentation. I also like to do almost all the cooking dishes before the meal and have the kitchen cleaned, so there's very little in the way of clean-up to do after dinner, when I'd usually rather be doing something else.
Tomorrow morning it's back to the Denny's, and the battle of the eggbeater omlette. I finally found the Denny's nutrition info that confirms that the veggie omlette ALONE has 332 calories... glad I haven't been ordering the bagel, which adds in another 274! The menu is totally misleading on the topic. Check out the real nutrition info here. (Click on "Fit Fare" and look for Veggie Eggbeaters Omlette.) Luckily I have enough staff that I should be able to leave the night time shift changes to the younger folks and go home to my Orange. I still end up making work calls while stirring the pots, but at least I get to eat dinner at home.
Maybe she's just looking for someone to cook for...
Posted by april at 9:16 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
October 3, 2005
I've been changing... I think it's funny how no one knows.
My mother and I were quite surprised when we showed up at the Cresheim Cottage Cafe to find that it was not crowded. Why is no one else celebrating October 1?
That's because October 1 is only a holiday for me and my mom! We can't remember exactly how it started, but we began celebrating it years ago as our own family New Year. School has started, summer has come and gone, the holidays have not yet decended, and it's a time when we look back on the progress we've made.
This weekend we listed our accomplishments of the year. Mine included:
1) Meeting, falling in love with, and starting a relationship with the most amazing man on earth (who happens to be orange.)
2) Becoming involved with the Mprize, and helping lead several successful projects.
3) Sticking to my CR and not gaining any weight back or returning to bad habits.
4) Moving to a new house (and painting it so it wouldn't be hideous.)
5) Conquering my ambient anxiety once and for all.
Today's headline comes from "Mad Season" by Matchbox Twenty. I was thinking about the song this weekend as I chatted with a friend whom I hadn't seen since the interesting experience that led (I think) to the dramatic disappearance of my anxiety. Lots of the people around me can't tell that anything has changed, but I feel so much better. People notice when you lose a lot of weight... they don't necessarily notice when a giant psychological weight is removed. No doubt it's for the best... even I am beginning to feel personal transformation fatigue at this point. I've changed so much this year that I'm starting to feel like even changing clothes is a bit too much upheaval.
Meanwhile, it's October, and that's pumpkin season! I made an excellent curried pumpkin Quorn dish last night. Here's the recipe:
(MR sized portion)
1 cup canned pure pumpkin puree
1 cup nonfat plain yougurt
255 ish grams of Trader Joe's frozen bell pepper strips (could use fresh)
270 calories of Quorn tenders
Curry powder
Half salt
Heat in a pot, stir, enjoy!
It was great!
Tonight I am thinking of making a pumpkin apple hazelnut dessert... MR enjoyed eating hazelnuts on the side with the curry last night, and we're having my tomato tofu dish (it's time for once-a-month Tofu Night) which leaves quite a bit of room for carbs. I'll let you know how it goes.
I do love fall... and perhaps this fall will be somewhat calmer than late summer proved to be. But I can't complain... it's been crazy, but I seem to have found the ultimate cure for boredom. And you can't argue with results: I went into this summer with a one bedroom apartment, a 3000 mile distance separating me and my love, and a lot of ambient anxiety. I come out with a three bedroom house, an Orange Angel sleeping next to me every night, and a peace I've never known. Can't argue with results.
Still, as Matchbox Twenty once said:
It's been a mad season.
Posted by april at 8:49 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack