April's CR Diary

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November 10, 2005

When Our Actions Match Our Goals: Or Don't

I've been doing a lot of thinking about how I feel when my actions align with my goals. Or when they don't.

Lately I've been spending some time every morning in meditation. It really helps me center myself for the day, reflect on what I want to accomplish, and choose who I want to be. It's a great time to solidify my CR Vows du Jour. It definitely helps me align my actions with my goals.

It drives me nuts to see people whose actions don't match up with their stated goals, no doubt because I am working so hard on that particular aspect of my character. One of the things I love about MR is that he is the most rational person I have ever met: he decides to do something, and then takes that decision to its logical extension in his behavior. His goal is to live as long as possible, in as good health as possible, so he does hardcore CR, is a member of the Three Hundred, and avoids dangerous wild animals. It's relaxing.

I am so excited these days when friends or family members or blog readers or just random people I barely know express an interest in improving their eating, whether it's to live longer, feel better, or lose weight, or all of the above. I get all helpful and start giving them bags of Quorn and cans of no salt stewed tomatoes and little lessons in how to make a tatta. One of our friends who has decided to take off the weight he gained during a recent personal difficulty is coming over for lunch on Sunday, and I am so happy! I know how hard it is to change -- after all, I still have run-ins with the evil nacho and margarita fairy -- and I totally sympathize when folks who are trying to improve fall off the wagon and have a terrible day, night, week, or whatever. I am encouraging and cheerleader like, and I even volunteer to figure out how to turn their old high calorie favorites into low calorie, high nutrient treats.

There are so many things in life that we can not control: the weather, car accidents, unpleasant snoring sounds emanating from the condo next door. But our weight is something we can do something about! Sure, it's not easy, and I have almost infinite sympathy for those who make an effort and stumble. But some things are obvious. If you eat crap, all the time, you're going to either a) get fat b) stay fat c) have a heart attack d) age faster than you need to.

Lots of people don't want to CR. They're happy with the role food plays in their lives, and they aren't sufficiently horrified by biological aging to want to slow it down. Lots of men don't think it's worth the investment of time and energy, not to mention hunger, that it would take to achieve a weight where they meet my standards for male perfection. Very few men can meet my standards for male physical perfection no matter how hard they try. My standards are really rather unrealistic: it takes a person who is naturally skinny engaging in hardcore CR to fit into my narrowly defined idea of what a man should look like. If a guy isn't that skinny, I'm just not interested. I have tried to impose my ideals of beauty on the men of this country, and while it may not look it (to judge from the pot-bellied portly folk watching football on Sunday afternoons)I think I am making progress.

Point being, some folks are happy the way they are. Cool with me. I start to get a little antsy when their behavior is likely to land them with high medical bills that my tax dollars and insurance costs will cover just like everyone else's, but that's a giant public health issue for another day.

But it's hard for me to figure out what to do when I see friends eating in ways that they've got to know are unhealthy and lead to weight gain, while insisting that they want to lose. Mostly, I do nothing. It's not really my business. I'm kind of a walking advertisement for CR so it's not like people don't know that I do it. If they want more info, they know who to call. If anything, it just gives me more motivation to stick to the actions that I know bring me closer to my goals.

I know I feel more at peace when I make a firm decision at the beginning of the day about how I am going to eat and then stick with it. It's much easier to be a little hungry (and wow, the food is so satisfying at mealtime!) than to be constantly torn apart by desires to eat this or that while knowing that the result won't be what I'm looking for. I thought CR would get harder as I took my calories lower and was more vigilant about measuring and weighing, but in fact, it is much more simple! I know what I want, I know what it takes to get there, and I act accordingly. Even when there's a short term difficulty (can't eat the pizza, feel very hungry right before dinner, etc.) I feel like I wasted an incredible amount of energy before constantly negotiating with myself about what I was going to do (I'll eat the french fries off my friend's plate but make up for it with less wine at dinner... I'll have just one bite of that cheese plate... etc.) Now, I waste no time. I decide what course of action will get me to my goals, and I take it. No more ifs, ands or "but the pizza smells good and I'm hungry!"

My CR vows saved me from excess calories several times today. I didn't eat the snack mix a co-worker brought to lunch. I skipped the extra chips and salsa a friend had leftover from his burrito. I ignored the leftover salad in the fridge at the satellite office where I had afternoon meetings. When the Dunkin Donuts guy messed up and put cream and sugar in my small coffee, I asked for a new one made with no additives and gave the extra to a parking ticket writing person. Oh, and I took not one bite of the pizza that was delivered for my 3:30 and 5:15 pm meetings. I didn't let circumstances dictate to me how many calories I would eat. You wouldn't go home with a guy you met in a bar just cause he asked you to, would you? Why consume 50, 70, 100, 200 extra calories just because they're there?

MR made dinner tonight, and it was amazing. Quorn tender stir fry with so many veggies that I am stuffed even though I'm actually 200 calories under for the day. It's the dish he made me my first night visiting him back in January. It was fantastic then, and it's fantastic now. We just put away the dishes and I dealt with some Mprize, work, CR Society and other organizational email. Now we're off to bed with the (hopefully not howling) calico cat.

Posted by april at November 10, 2005 8:10 AM

Comments

Posted by: Judith at November 11, 2005 1:51 PM

Posted by: april at November 12, 2005 6:01 AM

Posted by: Judith at November 13, 2005 2:29 PM

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