April's CR Diary

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January 31, 2006

We Are Having Fun. We're Changing Our Lives.

That was what one of the medical lab technologists said this afternoon as she smiled for a group picture after the Labor Board Hearing. It was one of those "Ah, I love my work," almost brings me to tears moments. After fifteen years of languishing in a union that held these folks back instead of helping them mobilize and do better for themselves, a group of 700 health care professionals are in the process of leaving that union and joining our union. It hasn't been easy... it never is. But today at the Labor Board they started to feel how much power they really do have when they're united. It goes beyond wages, benefits, and working conditions. It's about respect, about feeling like you have a voice in your job -- and actually having one! About knowing you can speak up if you see an unsafe practice, one that might hurt a patient, without fear of losing your job. About knowing that you'll retire with some dignity after a lifetime of caring for others. Not too much to ask, but so hard for American workers to get.

It was a good day for an "I love my work" moment because today was the three year anniversary of the only strike our union has had. It was up in coal mining country in northeast Pennsylvania, and the main issue was mandatory overtime. Yes, in the US it is perfectly legal (in most states, but not New Jersey, thanks to the work of my previous union! Jersey Girls know how to fight.) to force a nurse to stay for a double shift, even if she's already worked eight, ten or twelve hours. Even if she has children at home and a husband who has to leave for work and no childcare. Even if she has no one to pick up her kids from school, or no one to make dinner for her elderly mother, or even if she's just so tired she can't think straight. Yes, that nurse could be forced to keep taking care of patients, not just under threat of losing her job, but in far of losing her nursing license. A nurse can't abandon her patients, and if her employer won't provide another nurse to relieve her, she's trapped.

It was a very cold winter that year, much colder than this year. The nurses had had enough: they knew their employer wanted to not just win on the issue but to break their spirit and break their union. They said no, and they gave notice and walked out. Management paid millions of dollars to a scab nursing company from Colorado to fill the hospital -- heaven forbid they lose revenue by ceasing to do business!

I was fairly new to my union at that point, having just returned from Vermont three months before. I had known my boss for years, but had never been close friends with him. But the strike threw us together, and he knew instantly that he could depend on me to do whatever needed to be done, without asking idiotic questions or complaining about being tired. When 400 people are putting their livlihoods on the line, it's not a good time to argue or whine. He had led many strikes, but they're always scary, and the responsibility is awesome.

I had just come off leading that giant campaign in Vermont, so I knew what it felt like to have hundreds of people's hopes, dreams and paychecks riding on your ability to think clearly and lead. He is one of very, very few people who are willing to shoulder the entire weight of a real fight. And he never ceases to amaze me with how good he is.

I remember calling Francis (who was in the process of having his epiphany, but hadn't quite busted out with it yet) to tell him about the strike. "You know how arrogant I am," I said to Francis, "But this dude I'm working with just blows me away. I am honored to be in the same room with him." I think Francis was just a tad jealous... not because of any sexual tension (my boss is both not my type and also very married) but because I was passionately admiring another organizer's work.

Scenes I will never forget... the nurse coming in crying because a friend of hers who was an LPN (and not in the bargining unit on strike, so she had to go into work) had been fired for "not being nice enough" to a scab nurse. I held her and we talked about it until she was ready to get up and walk the picket line again. After the strike, she wrote me a letter saying how much she appreciated it... "It was like you appeared out of nowhere for us. You were truly a Godsend." I still get weepy when I re-read it.

The moment when my boss (let's call him Edward, because that's not his name) stood up at a meeting of 400 nurses who were voting to reject management's lame offer and stay out in the cold, without a paycheck. "I will never apologize for having passion!" he shouted. He talked about how the coal miners, many of them the ancestors of the nurses in the room, had shed blood to make this land safe for regular workers. The nurses knew that they were part of something much bigger than just their hospital or their job. Their spirits were joined with those workers who had fought and even died for the rights we have now, the rights we have to fight to protect.

Watching Edward's two sons, then 6 and 10, marching at the front of a rally procession, carrying our union's banner proudly, with their mom, a radical nurse herself, beaming at them. Watching a 30 year nurse get up in front of 2000 people at a rally, speaking in public for the first time, and tell her community members why she was standing out on a picket line when she'd rather be inside caring for sick patients. Just being there while so many people stood up for themselves, for their families, for their patients and their profession, and for what's right. Being able to be a part of that.

I have a video that we took during the strike, and I showed it to MR the first time we came into contact with a VCR. I broke down crying halfway through, unable to believe that I had even for a couple of months been able to leave the work I love. Edward says "That was about MR," but he's wrong about that. He chalks it up to being unhinged by love... Edward can understand being unhinged by love, but he didn't quite get the anti-aging thing. (I would like to point out however that he is an Mprize donor!) He found it hard to believe that I could believe so strongly in another cause that I would walk away even for a moment from the movement we've fought so hard to keep alive. It is a testament to how strongly I do believe in the work of Aubrey de Grey, the Mprize, the SENS project, and my Orange Angel, that I was willing to, as P Diddy sayeth, "Trade it all." I eventually realized that I am not me if I'm not organizing workers -- after all, being around to see a better day for labor was my original motivation for getting into life-extension! Well, that and not wanting to look like crap. But anyhow.

As it turns out, I can do both... I love my volunteer work for the Mprize, and I feel like it makes a tiny bit of a difference. But organizing isn't a part time job, so I've got to pour my whole heart, soul, day and night, into it. My Orange One is extraordinarily supportive. He's got good politics himself, and he too is not one to apologize for having passion. In fact, it is his passion for what he believes in, and his willingness to stand by it no matter what it costs him, that constantly amazes and awes and attracts me.

You can see why my work is so important to me, so much so that for years I let it be more important than my health. I was so happy to be in such a good environment when I got back from Vermont, so overjoyed to be surrounded by some of the most amazing people on earth, that I thought it was too much to ask for fulfillment outside of work too. I really felt like I had to work 24/7 to be worthy of the gift of this meaningful calling that pays me. Sure, I sorta wanted a partner, but it was hard to imagine a man who would put up with me and would be able to not just handle but share my crazy passions.

When I think about how I let my health go in the immediate lead up to my conversion to CR, I think a lot of it was motivated by the sense that any time I spent doing anything other than working would cause me to lose the happiness I had found at my union. Rather silly, but I was so grateful, so glad to be out of the hell I was in in Vermont that I was a bit nuts. I was re-feeding on the spiritual level, and I just took it a little too far on the physical level.

When I started to read the CR Society list, I was in some ways exactly where those nurses were when they went on strike. I was fed up, and I had to make things better, even if it meant taking drastic action. The changes I made in the beginning made me feel so much better that I was hooked, and the CR Society archives became my new addiction. I felt like I was sneaking around... I'd come into the office at 4 in the morning to archive search and blog. I'd carry MR's posts with me when I went to meet nurses outside their hospital at 6 am. I remember sitting outside a hospital in Philly, watching the sun come up over the skyline while reading The Rant, my all time favorite post. Sure, MR was just a fantasy then, but my experience with Francis had taught me to believe that dreams do come true, and I had a sense that I wasn't wrong about this one. I turned out to be more right than I even imagined.

CR taught me that I can love myself without taking away from the love I feel for others. Today, after an exceedingly long day in an exceedingly long week in an exceedingly long month of work, I realized that I could go home and make calls for hours. But I also realized that I was dead exhausted, and that since tomorrow will start with a meeting at 6:15 am for which I'll need to be up at 4 (again!), that I needed some rest and rejuvenation time. So I came home, invented a new game to play with my cat where I run across the living room floor dragging a yarn scarf and he chases and grabs it. Then I drag him across the hard wood floor by the scarf, all the while blasting Gwen Stefani. This is very silly looking and made me feel great. Then I needed to write, because writing this blog is like therapy for me. In the morning I will meditate before I leave for my early early day. I was worried that while MR was out of town, I would forget to take care of myself, and I have had some moments, to be sure. But the combination of CR and MR have taught me that I do better all around when I stand up for me too!

As it turns out, it is possible to have meaningful work, close friends and comrades, and true love. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with gratitude that I run around the house setting out little offerings for our household gods. As of late, I've been leaving grapefruit about (whole, not peeled) because I think they like that. Every morning I heat my coffee to almost boiling and bring it into my meditation/prayer session... I figure God(s) like the smell as it wafts up, and I sure do find it helps me focus.

Work/life balance is never easy, especially when you love your very demanding work. But it is essential, because I love life itself, and I want to squeeze every drop out of it that I can. Maybe I am unhinged by love, but I've come to believe that taking a few minutes to myself every day is worth the effort.

And you know what? It's fun. Changing my life has been hard, but it's fun. In the same way that feeling the power of their unity today uplifted my health care professionals, feeling the power of CR regenerating my cells lifts me up every day. Everyone in the office has a cold -- I don't. I feel a bit godlike. I may be meditating too much.

It's going to take a long time to finish the project of changing the political economy of this country to one that is more fair, more just, and more equitable. Sometimes I despair of living long enough to see it... even if everything we do works! The other day Edward said something about not living to see what we've worked so hard for, and I just about cried. I have to live longer to make his life's work come to fruition, to make a better world for his kids. I thank Goddesses every day that I have MR to journey with me into the unknown, someone to hold onto as we face the unfathomable future. The inevitable loss of close friends is horrible, but bearable, knowing my Orange One will be at my side. I constantly remind him to be careful, and I hope he looks both ways before crossing the street. In fact, I don't see why he has to cross the street at all -- certainly everything one needs is accessible without walking out onto roads?

I keep going because I don't know how to end... I'm waiting for the snappy line, the bang of a finish that I so often spit out to close an entry. And yet I keep going over the last year, and all the blessings I have received. My Orange One, the end (mostly) of my anxiety, the campaigns I'm working on with all their nuttiness and business, the growth of my father's ministry, my mother and me being able to add MR to our little family, and be included in his family at the holiday, the development of my own spiritual life to a higher point than I've ever been at, the invention of the eggwhite fritatta. It's too much to be believed, and yet I do believe it because I may be a Gnostic but I don't suffer from much Gnostic rage. I do suffer from Gnostic inconvenience fairly frequently, but that's something else all together. That's like when you know the great truth is there, but a bus is parked in front of it. That's Gnostic inconvenience.

I know there are horrible things in the world. All day I have workers download their pain and the pain of those they care for onto me. Today one of my workers told me about an abused woman she sees over and over again in the hospital, but who won't leave. There are gunshots, drug addicts, orphaned children, war, and just the everyday madness of people prevented by economics or circumstances or chance from accomplishing their true wills. I do everything I think I can to fight it... and I'm not content to put up with suffering, death, or crap: not from the American health care system, not from my body, not from my wireless telephone company.

"Of those to whom much has been given, much is expected."

Those words have haunted me all my life. I've always felt compelled to do something... something to make things better. No doubt it's hideous arrogance to believe that I can, but hey, sometimes it works, and I don't have a better idea.

Thanks be to God.

Long live the tatta!

Posted by april at 7:57 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 30, 2006

Scallops, Advice

Just made dinner for a good friend of mine who comes to me for relationship advice. I am better with nutrition advice, but I am fairly good at decoding the behavior of girls. It always makes me feel so relieved that I am straight... girls are so complicated! How do lesbians do it? They are clearly much smarter than I am, cause I have all I can handle with the much simpler male.

Here was dinner:

Salad:
50 g kale
69 g grapefruit
39 g tomato
10 g almonds
sake wasabi vinegarette with red wine vinegar

Entree:
scallops cooked in fire roasted tomatoes
(100 g scallops for me, twice that much for my friend)
artichokes, 60 cals for him, none for me
64 g olives, more for him
1 teaspoon flax oil

Dessert:
Apple Cinnamon pizzas!

I am exhausted from a long day, and tomorrow will be no less tiring. Day long hearings before the Labor Board, and I have to come up with something to pack for lunch. Am thinking I will throw a megamuffin, a Quorn dog, or both, into my handbag to eat for lunch.

My friend says a friend of his says that you shouldn't settle till you find someone whose baggage matches yours.

Here's my relationship advice:

Don't settle until you've found someone who considers your baggage either neutral or cute. Don't settle until you've found someone who loves you the way you are. Don't settle until you find someone who shares your core beliefs... and is willing to fight for them.

Don't settle until you've found someone slightly orange... or maybe that's just me. I think there is nothing sexier than beta carotene.

Posted by april at 9:58 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

January 29, 2006

Berry Not-Cannollis

I just served the best potluck food ever! Vegetarian chili with light and dark kidney beans, Quorn grounds, soy sausages (decided to get rid of them), peppers, stewed no salt added tomatoes, and Carolina Treet Carolina barbeque sauce! It went over very well.

The real hit of the night was the berry cannollis! I took Trader Joe's low carb tortillas and filled them with a tablespoon each of fat free ricotta mixed with just a touch of Splenda and tons of cinnamon. Then I added Trader Joe's very cherry berry mix, plus more cinnamon. I sealed them with toothpicks and speared two fresh blueberries on top for garnish. They were so delicious that I ate two, but at under seventy-five calories each, I could afford it. The potluck was a late lunch, so I didn't bother having dinner.

I ate a little of my own chili, and quite a bit of the celery with spinach dip and homemade hummus that the woman who had been convinced to bring a vegetable dish brought. I also had eight ounces of wine (very early in the event and on a full stomach, so it had plenty of time to dissolve before I had to drive.) I even had one of the 3 for 95 calories flatbreads that one of my fellows brought, but I skipped the cheese, cake, and beer.

Now I'm off to bed early... exhausted from a long day of meeting with nurses, cooking potluck food, and hanging out with potlucking friends. Up at 4 am again tomorrow to leaflet a hospital at 6:30. Then we have a going away luncheon for a co-worker at the Gypsy Saloon. Can someone pick me out something to eat? I don't have the energy to think about it.

Night night!

Posted by april at 9:17 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

January 28, 2006

Fancy Dinner With Mom

My day:

Up at six (slept in!)
Take supplements, pet giant cat, take shower.
Eat breakfast.
Meditate (Zeynep -- Sting is calling you to meditate!)
Be one of first customers at Whole Foods.
Call MR to find out if roasted almonds are bad (answer is yes, buy raw)
Buy organic things.
Home: listen to NPR, cuddle cats, do some housecleaning.
Eat:
1 cup cottage cheese with 1 tablespoon Carolina Treet.
Lots of olives.
Go to gym. Last workout with trainer. Very good.
Eat almonds: 28 g.
Hit Target for batteries for scales.
Go home, cook dinner.

Dinner for Mom:

Spicy grapefruit salad:
100 g grapefruit with 100 g organic tomatoes, sake wasabi vinegarette mixed in -- weird and delicious! Will make for Orange.

Scallops and cauliflower:
Steam organic cauliflower, 150 g each, in water.
Add 2 oz red wine and 15 g chopped shallots, continue to steam.
Add 150 g bay scallops (on sale for $5.99 a pound)
Allow to boil in wine till cooked, add half salt and garlic powder to taste.

Dessert:
100 g organic blueberries (fresh and on sale) and 100 g organic kiwi, skin on, in little glass dishes.

Mom brought over some Texas late harvest Riesling (sounds weird, but is great!) so I drank six ounces of that and two ounces of pinot noir. We listened to my new Windham Hill CD, which I bought for $1.99.

A very delicious dinner. Here's the crunch du jour:

NUTRIENT TOTALS:

Abs. Values %RDA/SA

Calories 1191.49__cal 60%
Protein 95.53__gm 174% RDA
Total Fat 37.10__gm 57%
Sat. Fat 9.96__gm 50%
Mono. Fat 18.17__gm 63%
Poly. Fat 5.30__gm 79%
Carbohydrate 89.36__gm 30%
Fiber 21.87__gm 73%
Cholesterol 90.41__mg 30%
Vit. A 2199.73__IU 44% RDA
Vit. B6 1.13__mg 71% RDA
Vit. B12 4.38__mcg 219% RDA
Vit. C 240.67__mg 401% RDA
Vit. E 12.23__mg 153% RDA
Thiamine 0.40__mg 37% RDA
Folacin 249.46__mcg 139% RDA
Riboflavin 2.09__mg 161% RDA
Niacin 6.02__mg 40% RDA
Panto. Acid 3.09__mg 62% SA
Calcium 655.36__mg 55% RDA
Copper 1.35__mg 67% SA
Iron 14.25__mg 95% RDA
Magnesium 334.38__mg 119% RDA
Manganese 2.89__mg 96% SA
Phosphorus 1048.06__mg 87% RDA
Potassium 2851.88__mg 143% RDA
Selenium 107.33__mcg 195% RDA
Sodium 3335.82__mg 139% SA
Zinc 5.28__mg 44% RDA
Tyrosine 5.34__gm 557% RDA
Lysine 10.42__gm 1448% RDA
Phenylalanine 6.46__gm 673% RDA
Leucine 11.59__gm 1207% RDA
Valine 7.51__gm 895% RDA
Methionine 3.65__gm 1218% RDA
Cystine 1.95__gm 650% RDA
Tryptophan 1.68__gm 932% RDA
Threonine 6.08__gm 1267% RDA
Isoleucine 6.92__gm 961% RDA

P:C:F = 32:40:28

Rather light on some nutrients I'm usually high on... no kale, so no kale induced vitamin A. Low on calcium, as I had cottage cheese instead of yogurt. Hmmm... well, I get so much of those most days that I won't worry about it. It just goes to show how relatively useless fruits are as compared to veggies. I had tons of fruit: grapefruit, kiwi, blueberries, but would have been better off with kale. My mom doesn't care for raw kale, so I skipped it.

Correction: last night I served black kale, not dino kale. I apologize for any inconvenience this misreporting may have caused.

Wow, scallops are so good. Kieffer ate one. And I have enough left over to cook for dinner on Monday night when my birthday friend comes over. His girlfriend leaves for a work assignment in Germany today, so we can complain together about having our significant others in different countries. At least I can see the end now... in just over two weeks, my Orange angel will be sitting at his place at the table, where he belongs, being fed CR treats...

Off to bed, then up to go to a meeting with nurses. At a McDonald's, no less. I assure you, I will be drinking black coffee.

Posted by april at 9:56 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

What Exactly Do You Do?

I remember the first time I ever heard Liz Phair's "Extraordinary," from which the line that is our headline is lifted. I was in the car driving back from lunch at the Mexican place with my best friend. I thought about how much I wished the song had been around back when I was engaged in a long-term low-level stalking project. The seven year quest that had begun my senior year in college had come to an end when the object of my affections, the remarkable Saint Francis, student labor leader, son of an ex-priest and ex-nun, long-haired hippie freak who looked a lot like depictions of Jesus as a white guy, had discovered that he was crazy about me after all and demanded that I cancel my planned trip to the Dominican Republic with a dude I was seeing off and on to fly out to California and visit him. I did... and paid off the dude I dumped in the process. $2000 total for the cost of both trips -- major relationship exit fee. Anyhow, I had been chasing Francis for seven years, ever since his belief in me gave me the courage to become a union organizer. We were involved together in the monumental Yale strike of 1996 -- I had been a student dining hall worker, Francis was just a kid from a working class background who got it. He taught me much of what I know about organizing, in long arguments standing outside in the cold after Student Labor Action Coalition meetings. He led us in the most successful action I have ever seen pulled off -- a student sit-in in the Yale president's office. I just found the t-shirt my friend Jon Z made me commemorating the day: on the back was written the speech I had said over and over again as lead spokesperson. I don't remember exactly when I fell for Francis, but it was somewhere between watching him plan the sit-in with meticulous attention to detail, hearing him speak to a crowd of students with his hair flying in the wind and his eyes shining like he might just be nuts, and praying with him over a supper of collard greens, rice and beans (I have always had a thing for men who can combine food and religion.) Alas, Francis had a girlfriend. I knew that he would never cheat on her, nor would I have wanted him to... I wanted Francis all to myself. When it became clear that pursuing him could only lead to disaster and dissent in our small group of radicals, I hopped on a train for Boston to drown myself in MIT computer geeks and crash out on my old roommate's couch. (In times of great stress, I have always found myself on a train to Boston.)

During all the events, a recruiter from the Organizing Institute of the AFL-CIO gave me a call and asked me to interview for the program that trained organizers. I thought myself unworthy, but with Francis cheering me on, I set out on a quest to become a great organizer, organize thousands of workers, slay dragons and capture the heart of the handsome prince.

Oddly enough, this strategy worked. I started out organizing in the South: first, construction workers in West Palm Beach, Florida (Imagine me in a hard hat. When you stop laughing, please continue to read.) Then people who took phone calls for UPS, people who made hospital gowns, cotton mill workers, people who made ziplock bags (I will never look at a baggie the same way again.) The first year was miserable. Driving from house to house, visiting workers for twelve or more hours a day, most of whom slammed the door in my face, yelled curses, or worse. Anti-union attitudes are so embedded in the American consciousness that people making minimum wage with no benefits and no job security, people working in dangerous environments where the management skirts safety laws, people who have lost multiple fingers on the job, still would rather go on like they are than join with their co-workers to do something about it. Not a happy sight, day after day.

And the exhaustion was unbelievable. I went six months with no days off except for one weekend off when I flew back to New Haven to see Francis -- who was still with his girlfriend. I had fantasies of being a normal girl, working at the Gap and going on dates and having fun. I missed cooking, since I was living in hotels with no kitchen. I did well with the workers, but the staff people on my internship didn't like me, one woman in particular (whom I later found out tried to get rid of several other young women I knew, all of whom became kick-ass organizers) told me that I had no business being in the labor movement.

I sat in my car every night and cried. The work ethic out there on the road is that you work until you put yourself in danger of crashing your car, then you go drink yourself into oblivion or do drugs or sleep with random people to kill the pain. I did none of the above, though I did almost fall asleep at the wheel one early morning on the way to a construction site. I've always been too scared of drugs to try them (I figure my grip on reality is tenuous enough as it is!) and I hadn't yet figured out how to drink much. Sleeping with random folk was out of the question... none of the guys were skinny enough for me, and I was too scared of being perceived as a slut to take any chances. Out on the road, that kind of lifestyle is called dedication and hard work... in the real world, it's called insanity.

Finally, on Labor Day of 1997, I was saved. I got a call at 8 am in my hotel room in Jacksonville, Illinois, telling me that I was laid off. We had lost a big election at a cotton mill, so all the newer staff were being let go with two days notice. Yup, laid off from a labor union on Labor Day. Do I win a prize?

Apparently, I did. It was just a couple of days before I had job offers from all over. This one guy from a nurses' union in New Jersey kept calling me... we hit it off immediately on the phone, talking about ways to organize that involved the workers actually doing something (like setting up meetings in their homes) instead of just banging on the doors of people who don't want to talk to us all day. I wasn't that interested in organizing nurses... still suffering from the juvenille delusion that it is more important to organize poor people... but I liked this guy, Larry, a lot, and the job would get me off the road, and into a place of my own.

I met Larry in early October of 1997, and for six years we didn't go a day without talking, except for the two weeks he took a vacation in England. We became close friends as well as boss and employee, and I set about organizing nurses.

Larry gave me tons of freedom to do whatever I thought best, and he was extremely supportive of young women, which many senior men in the labor movement were not. I met nurses in diners all over New Jersey, before shift, after shift, at all hours of the day and night, weekday and weekend. I worked all the time, but I was happy. The process of organizing unions is difficult and bordering on impossible because management has the right to lie to employees 24 hours a day, and while they can force employees to attend anti-union meetings, be subjected to one-on-one harassment from their direct supervisors, and watch films about coal miners' strikes in West Virginia, employees have to meet with us on their own time. Organizing is the process of convincing people that they have power, then pushing them to do something with the power. Anyone who has tried to talk to another person about changing their diet and met with tons of resistance has had a glimpse of the difficulty of what I do every day. But imagine that twelve hours a day, the people you're trying to get to eat healthier are served Dunkin Donuts and cheeseburgers and are afraid they'll lose their jobs if they don't eat them. Then you've got what I'm up against. Only the strongest survive.

The pressure that workers are under during an organizing campaign is unbelievable until you've been there. Management hires consultants who specialize in union busting, and these consultants sit down with each front line supervisor and go over each nurse's employee file in depth, looking for a way to persuade her to be against the union. For example, I worked with one nurse who was active in the union campaign, but had a child who was very ill and had to re-arrange her work schedule frequently to take him to his doctor's appointments. Her supervisor was told to tell her that if they organized the union, management would no longer be flexible with her schedule so she couldn't take her son to the doctor. Is that true? Of course not! It's just silliness -- if management really thought it would somehow be easier to do bad things to employees if they organized the union, then why are they spending millions to fight the organizing campaign? But they'll say and do anything to stop workers from getting a voice on the job, including stooping to trying to make a nurse choose between a voice on her job and her child.

Why, you may ask, does management fight so hard? Well, here in the US, workers have very few rights. All management has to do is pay minimum wage and not discriminate on the race, religion, national origin and sex grounds. Even those are hard to prove. Workers have no right to vacation, holidays, sick time. Workers can be fired at any time for any reason or no reason at all, with no notice. Management can cut salaries, change hours, take away pension contributions... and the worker's only recourse is to leave. Or to fight the battle to organize a union. By organizing and winning guarantees in a legally binding contract, workers can protect the salaries and benefits they have, guarantee their right to speak up for the quality of care without being fired, and be sure that they will get a fair slice of the pie, not just the crumbs. Our culture has trained the ruling class to be greedy, so alas, most employers (and there are exceptions!) aren't fair to workers until the workers force them to be. This is particularly scary in the case of nurses, where critically ill human beings depend on the work that nurses do, and not having enough nurses can be the difference between life and death.

My work is not glamorous. Most of what I do takes place in diners or in nurse's suburban homes, talking new groups of nurses through the process of realizing that by joining together, they can have the power to change things for themselves and their patients. It involves confronting people's class prejudices and stereotypes at every turn. No one in this country wants to think of themselves as working class, and they associate unions with uneducated blue collar workers. Showing nurses that joining together with other nurses to stand up for themselves and their patients (these days, the main issue is staffing -- just having enough nurses there to make sure that when you need life-saving care, someone is available to give it to you) is the most professional thing they can possibly do is never easy. But over the years I have seen the power of organized health care professionals. I've seen nurses secure nurse to patient ratios, that holy grail of nurse organizing, in a first contract. I've seen health care professionals win domestic partner benefits so that their partners could have health insurance. I've was there when nurses at our largest hospital won the best pensions for health care workers in Pennsylvania. While unorganized nurses see their pensions cut, their raises delayed, and their sick time taken away (do you really want your nurse to come to work sick because she fears she'll lose her job if she stays home with the flu?), organized nurses can protect what they have and win even better.

Organizing nurses is the intersection of labor organizing, health care reform, and women's rights. Most nurses are still women (and I don't expect them to get a sex-change any time soon), and many are single parents. Your nurse is the one who advocates for you when you're in the hospital, and if she's tired, stressed, or afraid that she'll be fired if she speaks up against unsafe practices, you're as good as dead. Professionals are the new forefront of labor organizing. They are the people who vote, the people who have leadership roles in their communities. When they become radicalized at the workplace, it changes the way they look at everything. Much like the experience of taking control of your health through CR changes the way you look at everything, taking control at work changes relationships to all power structures.

I fell in love with organizing nurses, won some big campaigns, lost a small one, and built a life based on caring for those who care for others. Problem was, I didn't spend much time caring for me. By the time I heard Liz Phair's song that afternoon, I was firmly entrenched in the lifestyle of meeting nurses at the hospital at 6:30 am as they were going into work, working all day as Director of Organizing, and then being on the phone with nurses until 9 at night or out at meetings with nurses coming off the 7 am - 7:30 pm shift until as late at 10. Due to the demands on their time and the essential importance of meeting everyone in person and almost constant follow-up by phone or in person, we have to be available 24/7. So that was my life... loving my work, loving working for an independent nurse's union founded by some of the strongest women on earth, but not taking time to eat right, consuming way too many bagels, coffees with cream and sugar, and once we were finally done with work, eating nachos and washing them down with a margarita. We were understaffed in my union for a lot of the time... even though we had the money to hire, it's very, very difficult to find good people. So I did all the work myself, and once I finally had VLC the work expanded so we both worked all the time!

After my big win at the largest hospital in Vermont in 2002, Francis had the epiphany I had waited seven years for... and I flew to California for a great weekend. But we quickly realized that we were better off as friends than as lovers, and we continue to be close friends to this day. In fact, he gave me some of the best advice about MR in the days when I couldn't figure out what was going on! Trust one genius boy to be able to decode the bizarre behavior of another.

So by the time I heard Liz Phair's "Extraordinary," my quest was done, and I was working myself into oblivion trying to do everything I could to bring about the day when the nurses in my major metro area would be ready to organize. (Only 15% of nurses in the US are organized.) And I thought to myself, "Ah, for a quest..."

About a week later I subscribed to the CR Society list, sent email to the CR Study, got a cute message back from a frequent poster whose writing I loved, and became one of the many list-girls with a crush on MR. I thought of the Liz Phair song because one of my dear readers (readersmu?) asked me what exactly do I do because that's a line from the song!

I've blogged many times about how CR helped me find greater life balance, and I think I am an even better organizer now that I have things in my life other than just work. I am better able to distance myself from the emotional side of the work to make good decisions. I am better able to absorb the anger, frustration and turmoil that the workers inevitably throw at us as they're under fire from their bosses. That's why I'm so good at absorbing large amounts of negatiity -- it's my job! Most organizers burn out because they never figure out a way to live with all the pain they have to absorb from the workers as they fight their way free. And the disappointment when you lose is devastating, especially when you have nothing else in your life.

My daily life consists of meeting health care professionals near their hospitals or in their homes, talking with them about how they can organize a union, and then following up with them to get them to do the hard work of talking to their co-workers and getting more and more people involved and committed. Most of the time there are National Labor Relations Board elections where the workers vote "yes" or "no." Management fights hard for a no vote, and spends millions on anti-union consultants. They even give big raises, figuring they can buy off the workers once and not have to worry about the workers having power in the long term. It's more about control than money, and anyone who has ever been in an abusive relationship knows how hard the abusers fight when they think they're losing control.

Some days I hand out flyers to nurses as they walk into work... lately, we've gotten some calls from a system of hospitals where the nurses' just had their pensions cut by 40%! Sick time slashed, and raises delayed too. Of course, they're too scared at first to do much about it... but we build hope gradually, and from hope springs power. They have the example of several strong groups of nurses and other health care professionals in our city to inspire them.

Tomorrow morning at 8 I'm meeting with some nurses who want to organize as they come off the night shift. We work weekends, holidays, whenever. My hours can be crazy, and while I've tried to make space in my life now that I have a relationship, there are times when I'm not around much. Remember the months of Denny's shift change meetings? I'm trying to learn greater balance, and to train my staff so that I don't have to do absolutely everything. But there are times when I have to run out at 6 on Saturday morning on short notice to meet some nurses coming off of work, and times when I work 14 hour days for weeks on end. My Orange One is extremely supportive, and very self-sufficient... he is just fine with doing his work, cooking his tatta, and feeding the cats while I'm away.

I remember one early morning a few years ago when I met a nurse at 6:15 and she said, "You're not married are you?" I checked the ring finger of my left hand to be sure, and said, "No, I'm not." "I didn't think so," she said, "No man would put up with your schedule!" Well, MR has proven her wrong!

I love my work... I couldn't leave it if I tried. I actually did try once, and failed! I can't stay away from the thing that I know really makes a difference. And the friends I've made through this work are like sisters and brothers to me. Comrades, even. :)

It's a little weird, I know. But what did you expect? Most people who do CR aren't the last word in normality. And if I was, the blog would be pretty boring, now wouldn't it?

Well, you asked...

Posted by april at 12:11 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

January 27, 2006

Introducing: The Low Carb Apple Cinnamon Pizza!

Had a couple of friends over for dinner tonight for the first time. Wow, I had missed cooking so much! It was wonderful to have a receptive audience for my cuisine. I made:

kale salad with 50 g dino kale, 30 calories artichoke hearts, 100 g tomatoes, 50 g olives, and a dressing of sake wasabi mustard (5 cals per tablespoon) plus red wine vinegar to make a sake wasabi vinegarette.

Quorn tenders with bell peppers and Carolina Treet Carolina barbeque sauce -- food of the goddesses -- served over green beans with flax oil

dessert: a masterpiece! Apple Cinnamon Pizzas!
Trader Joe's low carb tortilla topped with 1/8 cup (that's two tablespoons -- I had to call MR's mom to find ot for sure that half of one fourth cup of fat free riccota would be two tablespoons -- yes, I did call my boyfriend's mother in Canada instead of doing a simple Google search. What can I say, I like to talk to people!) of fat free ricotta, dusted with Splenda and cinnamon, then topped with 100 g chopped green apples and cinnamon, then baked at 350 for a little while, cut down to 200 after about 20 mins, and baked till brown. After removing from the oven, I added 12 g almonds to the top of each tortilla. They were fantastic! A definite dessert success!

Friends brought over an excellent bottle of white, of which I had six ounces. I also had a Magic Hat Number Nine beer while cooking, so I had a higher calorie day due to alcohol... total of 1193. As I said earlier, I'm going to let my calories get a little higher on days when I'm drinking since I seem to be able to drop them so low when I'm not. 1193's not bad. Here's the crunch:

NUTRIENT TOTALS:

Abs. Values %RDA/SA

Calories 1193.39__cal 60%
Protein 76.31__gm 139% RDA
Total Fat 34.02__gm 52%
Sat. Fat 12.37__gm 62%
Mono. Fat 11.10__gm 38%
Poly. Fat 4.11__gm 62%
Carbohydrate 111.95__gm 37%
Fiber 23.24__gm 77%
Cholesterol 55.22__mg 18%
Vit. A 15378.55__IU 308% RDA
Vit. B6 1.03__mg 65% RDA
Vit. B12 1.52__mcg 76% RDA
Vit. C 272.00__mg 453% RDA
Vit. E 9.63__mg 120% RDA
Thiamine 0.54__mg 49% RDA
Folacin 234.72__mcg 130% RDA
Riboflavin 2.14__mg 164% RDA
Niacin 6.58__mg 44% RDA
Panto. Acid 2.14__mg 43% SA
Calcium 1167.41__mg 97% RDA
Copper 1.21__mg 60% SA
Iron 10.39__mg 69% RDA
Magnesium 246.53__mg 88% RDA
Manganese 2.87__mg 96% SA
Phosphorus 708.03__mg 59% RDA
Potassium 2581.23__mg 129% RDA
Selenium 60.89__mcg 111% RDA
Sodium 2485.64__mg 104% SA
Zinc 4.16__mg 35% RDA
Tyrosine 4.12__gm 430% RDA
Lysine 8.66__gm 1203% RDA
Phenylalanine 5.15__gm 537% RDA
Leucine 9.08__gm 945% RDA
Valine 6.33__gm 753% RDA
Methionine 2.96__gm 988% RDA
Cystine 1.64__gm 548% RDA
Tryptophan 1.32__gm 735% RDA
Threonine 4.84__gm 1008% RDA
Isoleucine 5.55__gm 771% RDA

Off to bed now, with visions of low carb tortilla desserts dancing in my head...

Posted by april at 9:11 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

You CAN Make Elaborate Dinners For Yourself

So said MR when I complained about having no one to cook for. He will soon return to his status as daily victim of my cooking... it's kinda like Prometheus, except that every night I show up and feed him, and every day he gets hungry again so I come feed him again. Much more pleasant than having your liver eaten by an eagle all day (which I always thought was a metaphor for alcoholism, but anyhow.)

The problem with this theory is that I simply don't find it as much fun to cook for myself as to cook for others. I enjoy my extremely simple cuisine when I'm alone, and I don't feel like taking the time to create something fancy that no one else will appreciate. It would be kinda like getting dressed up in fancy lingerie to go to sleep alone. It's not beyond the realm of possibility, but it does seem rather silly. When I'm alone, I'm much more likely to eat a simple vegetable soup and go to sleep in one of my leopard, tiger or other cat type print nightgowns (the cats like that... I fit in better.) When I have MR to cook for... well, you read about the food, and the question of what I wear to bed need not detain us here.

So while MR is still away, for just couple of short weeks, I have decided to recruit people to cook for. I took the first step by inviting a couple I've never had over for dinner to come by tonight. They're interested in CR, so it should be fun. Not 100% sure what I'll make -- I never am until the food is on the table -- but here's what I'm contemplating:

appetizers: CR quesadillas

salad: organic dino kale with organic tomatoes, artichoke hearts, olives, and a tomato-balsamic vinegarette

entree: Quorn tenders with roasted peppers and broccoli and some kind of sauce that I have yet to make (perhaps cream of leek sauce?) over a bed of green bean "pasta"

dessert: something apple-y or berry-y

On Saturday, my mom is coming for dinner. On Sunday, I have a potluck with the potluck feeder friends. On Monday, I've arranged to have that friend whose birthday party I missed come for dinner. On Thursday, it looks like my two best friends in town are coming, and one is bringing her fiance. That should satisfy my need to cook for others for the time-being.

More soon... I got the computer hooked up to the cable modem without causing a massive power outage, so I should be able to go back to posting DWIDPs tonight.

Posted by april at 8:13 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

January 26, 2006

"You're Eating Two Cruciferous Vegetables In One Meal!"

So said my boss as we ate lunch at Ruby Tuesday's yesterday. We once again had our weekly lunch out at the RT, since they have a calorie controlled menu. But it turned out to be more like dinner, since he had a meeting beforehand that went really, really late. I was so hungry, since I had eaten breakfast at about five am before heading out for my morning leafleting. So I ate a huge lunch/dinner at the RT, and spent pretty much my entire calorie budget for the day. White bean chicken chili followed by the roast chicken with a side of mashed cauliflower and a side of steamed broccoli. Hence the double crucifer comment.

We've been doing these weekly lunches out for about as long as I can remember... it's a great opportunity for the two of us to catch up on work related things that we don't want to discuss in front of our entire staff. I used to use these lunches as my "meal out," and go a little crazy with the food. I would then usually skip dinner but still feel a little carb-bombed at the end of the experience. These days I'm watching every bite, so we've been limited to the RT and Applebees. My boss is getting sick of these choices, so I suspect we'll be heading out to other restaurants come February. However, as he's working on eating healthier too, I think I can steer him away from the Mexican place with the margaritas and nachos and towards places like the Gypsy Saloon that have excellent salad choices with grilled chicken and scallops and shrimp.

To answer Drea's question re: exercise: I do twenty to thirty minutes on the treadmill, walking at about four miles an hour at an incline of 3 or 4, 5 days a week. I also do two weight lifting exercises per day that my trainer designed to add impact in order to strengthen bones. I only like to do two weight lifting exercises (three sets of each) a day because I don't want to use a ton of energy one day and then none the next. Rotating my exercises through all five days (upper body, lower body, abs and back, etc.) instead of doing all on one day and then none on the other helps me have more energy for each exercise and not confuse my body with up and down energy output. I enjoy the stress reduction benefits of exercise, but I've never been an athletic type, so I don't feel it's a sacrifice to have a pretty modest exercise program. If you like to exercise and find you need to do more, than by all means, do so. You may decide as you get older that you would rather cut some exercise and cut some calories to get more CR type benefits, but it sounds like you're eating very healthy, and at 21 I definitely was not thinking about slowing down biological aging. For people who love exercise or sports, cutting calories can be quite a sacrifice, and it might not be worth it. We have a CR brother who is a surfer, and he goes to great lengths to make sure he keeps his cals low while having enough energy to surf.

Unfortunately, my internet connection at home isn't working so I may not be able to post my DWIDPs until I get it up and running again. My customized DWIDP is on my machine at home, so if I can't connect I can't post my text file. I'll keep DWIDPing though, and I'll make you aware of any nutritional revelations that come my way.

Posted by april at 9:41 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

January 25, 2006

Conscious Imbalance

Sam posed a fascinating question in a comment: Am I able to tackle long, busy days any better now after a year (actually, it's coming up on two years) of CRON?

First, let me say that I LOVE COMMENTS!!! I check for blog comments before I check for personal email! I just love hearing what my readers have to say! Keep 'em coming!

Sam's question is a hard one for me to answer. Physically, yes, I am definitely better able to handle long hours, lack of sleep, exhaustion better than I did pre-CR. But the question is complicated by the fact that I was a serious workaholic in my twenties, and I was so used to being in a state of exhaustion that I didn't think anything of it. I lived for my work -- organizing unions -- throughout my twenties, and I rarely did anything for *me*. My lovers would be jealous of my work, my friends were all fellow organizers, and my cats meowed a lot. I felt guilty if I took time to read!

My cats still meow a lot -- what can I say, they're meowy! But CR was the first step in a process of beginning to recognize that *I* matter. My first change was in my diet: taking more time to prepare my food, allowing myself to read amusing and edifying posts to the CR Society list, and refusing to indulge in quite as much gak as my friends were prepared to consume. Over time, the process that started with dietary change led to many changes in my life: I fell in love, I began exercising, I took up meditation, I started cooking dinner at home most nights, and I realized that the rest of the world -- the rest of the staff of my organization, to be exact -- was living life while I was working all the time.

Now I'm not one of those work/life balance people. I find my work so meaningful that work is life, and I don't regret a moment of my twenties and very early thirties when I barely did anything but work. I had more success in my twenties than most organizers have in an entire career, and it came at a price. Fact is, I didn't really want to be out dating, dancing, going to clubs at all hours of the night. I didn't need time to find myself -- I knew who I was the first time I walked a picket line in 1996.

But by the age of 29, having logged many hours and many campaigns won, I was starting to see lines on my face, dark circles under my eyes, and weight I didn't want to be carrying. Fact is, I was getting older, and I didn't feel like it. So I did that now-infamous Google search and found the CR Society and it's List and Archives -- complete with information about how to change my diet, save my life, get the body I always wanted and find the man of my dreams. (Results not typical!) I decided that *I* was worth the effort of figuring out how to eat better, even if it took time and energy.

The results have been amazing. My life has changed. I've reached a level of health and happiness that I don't think I would have believed possible.

My perspective has changed. I have become much more attuned to what my body needs, and thus I have become more sensitive to when it is being abused. I realize that I need adequate nutrition, sufficient rest, and lots of love and cuddling -- whether it be from the Orange One or from the Giant Grey Tabby or the Calico Howler -- to be the happiest I can be. When I hit phases in my work where I go into what Roger and Rebecca Merrill, authors of Life Matters, call "Conscious Imbalance," I feel it. I am definitely physically able to do more now that I practice CR and never get sick, no matter what. But I am now more likely to respect my body and mind in a way that I didn't think I could before I started CR.

A lot of people who do CR find it an empowering experince, with effects that stretch beyond the boundaires of diet and nutrition. Taking control of your life on the cellular level is bound to have consequences on many different planes. For me, CR caused a re-evaluation of my priorities. I still value my work tremendously, as you can tell from the blog! But I also value my love, my cats, my family, my cooking, my volunteer work with the Mprize, and my spiritual life. I no longer feel like a failure as a human being if I spend one hour a day doing something other than organizing nurses. CR -- that "extremist" lifestyle -- has helped me to find a better life balance.

It takes courage, especially if you are a woman, to stand up for yourself and your needs. There are plenty of people who would prefer that you dedicate all your energies to serving them. And the fact is, nuturing others can be a valuable and life-giving experience. Ask anyone who has kids or pets. I know that the bliss I get out of fixing delicious meals for my Orange One is up there with the greatest pleasures I've experienced in my life. I am having tons of fun planning a Valentine's Day dinner... but anyway, point is, it's important to always remember that *you* deserve to take care of *yourself.* My old friend Lisa, the best organizer I ever knew, used to say, "Your boss will never tell you that you're working too hard." She had a point.

So when I have these long days, I am physically very well able to handle the pressure. I know that I can stand out in the cold leafleting for hours, work without sleep, and never get sick even if the avian flu is walking through my office building. CR has made my immune system nearly invincible -- I can't call out from work because I've spent too much time bragging about how I never get sick! But when I go into a period of conscious imbalance, I am now much more aware of what I'm missing. I keep up my CR, of course, but I am aware that there is more to me than just my work. I am happiest, and most effective in all my roles, when I am not just eating well, but also sleeping well, exercising well, meditating well, and loving and cuddling well. My cats are definitely happiest when I am cuddling them at full speed.

The CR journey has led me to a place of greater peace, not just with my body but with my entire life.

I can't promise that you will experience the same thing -- we are all different here -- but I do hope that you will find CR a liberating lifestyle, one that helps you pursue your dreams and do your true will, whatever that may be.

Posted by april at 5:56 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Picture Menu Available Upon Request

That was the sign on the menu at the Burger King I dropped into to grab coffee and use the bathroom after leafleting in the cold outside a hospital from 6:15 - 7:45 this morning. My question is: if you need a picture menu, how are you going to read the sign that says "Picture Menu Available Upon Request?"

Needless to say, I had nothing but black coffee at Burger King, and went on about my merry way.

Back to work... another long and busy day.

Posted by april at 9:04 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

January 24, 2006

Busy Busy Day

From my 4 am start to just now finishing my work calls at 9 pm, it's been a non-stop day. I did manage to fit in a very quick trip to the gym (which is on my way home from work) between working at work and working at home, but all in all it's been work work work.

I did a lot of nibbling during the day instead of eating a big lunch. Here's the day:

breakfast:
same as always

lunch and afternoon snacks:
102 g kale
1 cup nonfat plain organic yogurt with 4 tbsps salsa verde
10 g almonds
98 cals olives
1 Babybel Light cheese (50 cals)
another 10 g almonds
one of those low carb low sugar 60 cal chocolate candies I bought at the drugstore with the reading glasses and need to throw out
32 cals organic celery with organic mustard
green tea, chamomile tea, diet coke, coffee

Dinner:
brewers yeast soup with 85 g brussels sprouts
another babybel light cheese
4 oz wine (felt like it and thought I'd see how I liked a tiny amount -- it was just as satisfying as my old 6 - 8 ounce glass!)
50 more g olives

Crunch: (this is somewhat low because I haven't custom entered my new yogurt or my babybel light, so the calcium should be even higher than it is -- the babybel's are 20% of the RDA per mini -- 50 cals)

NUTRIENT TOTALS:

Abs. Values %RDA/SA

Calories 1042.85__cal 52%
Protein 74.54__gm 136% RDA
Total Fat 33.61__gm 52%
Sat. Fat 10.01__gm 50%
Mono. Fat 17.20__gm 60%
Poly. Fat 4.56__gm 68%
Carbohydrate 102.15__gm 34%
Fiber 24.79__gm 83%
Cholesterol 36.73__mg 12%
Vit. A 11679.62__IU 234% RDA
Vit. B6 0.98__mg 61% RDA
Vit. B12 1.70__mcg 85% RDA
Vit. C 238.22__mg 397% RDA
Vit. E 12.51__mg 156% RDA
Thiamine 0.92__mg 83% RDA
Folacin 280.36__mcg 156% RDA
Riboflavin 2.15__mg 166% RDA
Niacin 9.07__mg 60% RDA
Panto. Acid 2.42__mg 48% SA
Calcium 1215.36__mg 101% RDA
Copper 1.79__mg 89% SA
Iron 18.27__mg 122% RDA
Magnesium 298.62__mg 107% RDA
Manganese 3.14__mg 105% SA
Phosphorus 917.65__mg 76% RDA
Potassium 3462.08__mg 173% RDA
Selenium 109.29__mcg 199% RDA
Sodium 4239.46__mg 177% SA
Zinc 5.93__mg 49% RDA
Tyrosine 4.03__gm 420% RDA
Lysine 7.40__gm 1028% RDA
Phenylalanine 4.94__gm 514% RDA
Leucine 8.45__gm 880% RDA
Valine 5.99__gm 713% RDA
Methionine 2.62__gm 874% RDA
Cystine 1.48__gm 493% RDA
Tryptophan 1.23__gm 685% RDA
Threonine 4.24__gm 884% RDA
Isoleucine 5.25__gm 729% RDA

P:C:F = 29:42:29

Yup, the wine makes it harder to hit Zone ratios... I remember that from my early days. Close though, close!

Gotta eat some mushrooms for panto acid, whatever that is (I know, I know, it's a B vitamin!) Didn't have the energy to dig them out of the freezer.

Don't have much energy at all, and back at it at 4 am sharp as I am meeting a physical therapist as she's going into work at 6:15 am, and then heading to another hospital to stand outside handing out leaflets to nurses during am shift change. Then a long day followed by an entire evening of phone calls. I was supposed to go to a friend's birthday gathering tonight but couldn't due to work craziness... the organizer bunny goes on and on and on.

Now I have to go feed the kefir monsters before bed... and tell them that their father will be home soon! They will be so happy!

Posted by april at 8:47 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

You're My Living Proof

I heard Edwin McCain's "I'll Be" on my way back from meeting a nurse at six this morning, and this line made me think of all the wonderful new CR bloggers who keep popping up!

There's Aaron, Willie, Stirred Apart, Amy, and now Jamie! In addition to the all-present, all-powerful Little MR, of course, who started her blog a good twenty-four hours before I started mine. It makes me so happy to see new CR bloggers, eating healthy and writing about it. Welcome!!!

Of course I miss Liz, Wandering Feet and Jessica. Will they ever come back?

But the sight/site of many new sisters and brothers joining us on our journey warms my heart, and makes me think there's a point to all this evangelizing. Not that I'd stop, even if there weren't!

Have a great day, all.

Posted by april at 7:50 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

January 23, 2006

Courage Is Letting Go of the Familiar

That's what the sign at my local firestation said today. That could be the title for an entry about giving up my quotidian glass of wine. But it's not.

No, courage is taking on the gak-at-potluck folks.

Great news, all! My email exchange turned out fruitful, or vegetable-full, because the friend is all excited about bringing a healthy raw veggie side dish(es)! Isn't that, as Aubrey de Grey would say, fab?

I am so excited. I am eagerly planning my potluck fruit dessert... more on that soon.

In the meantime, here's my food day:

Breakfast:
you know what I eat for breakfast

Lunch:
100 g kale with 1 cup (75 cal organic brand) nonfat plain yogurt and 4 tablespoons salsa verde
69 calories olives!
10 g almonds

Afternoon snack:
198 g Star Ruby grapefruit
11 g almonds

Dinner:
Brewers yeast soup with 2 tbsps Lewis Labs in free range organic chicken broth plus 85 g broccoli florets
1 cup nonfat magic 140 calorie per cup cottage cheese
1 tsp flax oil
1 tbsp Carolina Treet

Crunch:

NUTRIENT TOTALS:

Abs. Values %RDA/SA

Calories 1049.01__cal 52%
Protein 95.43__gm 174% RDA
Total Fat 33.20__gm 51%
Sat. Fat 5.01__gm 25%
Mono. Fat 17.05__gm 59%
Poly. Fat 7.75__gm 116%
Carbohydrate 101.35__gm 34%
Fiber 24.44__gm 81%
Cholesterol 57.84__mg 19%
Vit. A 11736.29__IU 235% RDA
Vit. B6 1.10__mg 69% RDA
Vit. B12 2.82__mcg 141% RDA
Vit. C 302.31__mg 504% RDA
Vit. E 9.35__mg 117% RDA
Thiamine 1.40__mg 127% RDA
Folacin 263.70__mcg 146% RDA
Riboflavin 2.22__mg 171% RDA
Niacin 12.24__mg 82% RDA
Panto. Acid 3.11__mg 62% SA
Calcium 964.76__mg 80% RDA
Copper 2.21__mg 110% SA
Iron 15.47__mg 103% RDA
Magnesium 267.80__mg 96% RDA
Manganese 2.14__mg 71% SA
Phosphorus 742.32__mg 62% RDA
Potassium 3425.78__mg 171% RDA
Selenium 142.54__mcg 259% RDA
Sodium 4971.04__mg 207% SA
Zinc 6.01__mg 50% RDA
Tyrosine 3.44__gm 358% RDA
Lysine 5.54__gm 769% RDA
Phenylalanine 4.23__gm 440% RDA
Leucine 7.04__gm 733% RDA
Valine 4.90__gm 583% RDA
Methionine 2.18__gm 727% RDA
Cystine 1.19__gm 395% RDA
Tryptophan 0.91__gm 506% RDA
Threonine 3.39__gm 707% RDA
Isoleucine 4.32__gm 600% RDA

P:C:F = 36:35:29

Somewhere between the Zone and Kurzweil.

I think that calcium number is low because my 75 cal cup of nonfat organic plain (perfect for making Zeynep's newest recipe... that sounds excellent!) has just the same 40% of the RDA o' calcium as the 110 calorie cup of regular stuff. I'll have to create a tailor-made DWIDP entry for the new magic lower calorie yogurt, as well as the new magic nonfat cottage cheese. As Sting said in one of my favorite songs of all time, "Every day another miracle."

Meanwhile, I am overwhelmed by Zeynep's generous offer of real olives and homemade olive oil! How fabulous! Will send my address. Does anyone know about the customs regulations? I bet they'll let the olive oil through, though I would fear for the olives. Perhaps if in a jar. Any world travellers out there know?

I was trying to think of what to send Zeynep in return that you can't get where she lives... I thought of lots of things, but was having a terrible time thinking of something that would travel well. Then it hit me. I have a great idea... but it has to be a suprise. Don't guess! You'll spoil the suprise.

My day was wild and crazy... got up at 4:30 to go leaflet a hospital at 6, then discovered that it was pouring rain so called my staff to postpone the leaflet till a brighter day. I feel a moral obligation to protect my staff from standing outside in near freezing weather getting soaked, and I don't much feel like doing it myself. Did plenty of that in my younger days. Anyhow, got some work done around the house, in spite of a very hurt finger that I cut washing out cat dishes.

Went to the office, showed everyone my hurt finger, demanded sympathy. Received sympathy, they are used to this sort of thing. Worked. Went to appointment with accountant. I love going to the accountant. It's just because my first trip to her was the day that MR called me and told me he was infatuated with me as well... after I had written him an email laying my cards on the table in no uncertain terms. So the experience of driving to the accountant's office always reminds me of that most wonderful day. No matter how much I owe the IRS, which this time it seems may be not much or even none at all.

Then back to work, then pet my mother's cat (mom gets home tomorrow!) then to the gym. 25 minutes treadmill followed by three sets each of two different weight lifting exercise. Then home to make dinner and make tons of work calls. Now I'm going to relax a bit and go to bed... up again at 4 to meet a nurse at 6 with flyers... and on it goes...

Posted by april at 8:27 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Blatant Attempt to Use Other Group's Resources to Promote CR

Don't tell anyone, but I'm very consciously hijacking another group's events in an attempt to convert the members of the group to healthy eating. Not necessarily to CR, though there many be hope for one or two. But I'm spreading the gospel of healthy, delicious, low carb, low cal, high nutrient eating without regard to what people think they want.

I got myself appointed Potluck Mistress (that means person in charge of potlucks, in case that's not obvious) for a social group in which I am involved, and I have the power to list what vague category of foods should be brought to events. For instance, entrees, salads, etc. Here is a reproduction (edited to protect the innocent) of an email that I sent to the group list re: upcoming potluck. Note my clever hijacking of the potluck and carefully forcing people to bring healthy food:

So that we may fortify our bodies and minds appropriately, it is again time to think about your potluck contribution for Sunday, Jan. 29. We have a hot plate now, so I'll bring vegetarian chili in a big pot with assorted hot sauces on the side. I will also bring a fruit dessert of some kind. Who wants to bring:

-- appetizers ('s vegetable tray sure was good last time!)
-- side dishes
-- soda
-- wine/beer
-- tea/coffee
-- another vegetarian entree or a meat entree

Thank you! Looking forward to seeing all.

Hehehe. I'm bringing a healthy entree, so I avoided the dessert monster by offering to bring a dessert myself. Of course, my dessert will be fruity and low calorie and so delicious that no one will miss the cookies and chocolate. Note the not so subtle praise of the woman who brought the vegetable tray last time... I just went nuts filling myself with celery and cauliflower.

The members of this group have accused me, only half-jokingly, of attempting to convert them to my cult. Is CR a cult? Depends on how you define cult, I suppose. I'm not really trying to convert people to CR, but I am trying to encourage healthy eating. Many, many members of this group have complained to me about their weight and told me that they are making an effort to eat healthier. Shouldn't we make that easier by providing good food choices at potluck gatherings?

So far, my attempt is failing. Here's a message I just got back (names purged to protect the dessert providers):

What side dishes are needed? I will be glad to bring any sweets that are needed.

Oh dear. I felt so frustrated... how are people going to get healthy if they're constantly confronted with cookies and brownies (and I don't mean Sherm's megabrownies) at social events with their friends? It all goes back to that nurturing issue: are you really doing your friends any favors by serving them "treats" that will make them fat and unhealthy? Especially when they're already unhappy with their weight?

I wrote to her off-list mentioning that I was planning to bring the dessert. Hopefully she will volunteer another dish. I don't think I would mind the gak-feeding so much if it weren't for the fact that many of the people in the group are overweight, and they're not happy about it. If someone really wants to eat cookies and doesn't care about the health effects -- or at least doesn't complain in my presence -- then I don't pay too much attention to what they're eating. But the constant eating and serving high carb, high saturated fat, high sugar, super high calorie gak, added to the complaints about weight and body image, really gets to me.

Okay, now we're making progress. I just got this back:

Well since you are bringing the dessert, what other side dishes are needed? Veggies? Some kind of dinner rolls?

and I responded:

Veggies would be fab!

I hope I'm not a total pest for trying to steer things in the direction of healthy foods. Several (group) members have recently mentioned to me that they're trying to lose weight/eat healthier, so I'm hoping to make that easier on folks by providing a lot of healthy, delicious potluck foods. I don't want to ruin everyone's fun, but I know that the excellent cooks in the group like you and (blank) can make great food that's healthy too, and that will make it easier for the folks who are working on the food issue to be successful without having to resist too much temptation.

Am I an evangelist? Am I a low cal crusader? An apostle of the Eggwhite? It's a far cry from the Priestess of the High Carb Darkness.

You could argue that I bring food into everything, but food is already in everything. We use food to bind together our communities, to celebrate our love, to comfort ourselves and others in hard times. Food is never neutral -- it's either nourishing you or poisoning you. Like any poison, unhealtful foods in small doses may not hurt you, and sometimes it's worth the risk. But these days, I choose to nurture those I love and care about or just like or even can barely stand with food that will fortify them in body and mind, not just numb their tastebuds with gak and bomb their brains with blood sugar spikes.

So everywhere I go, with every tool I have available, I try to spread the good news. You don't have to be unhealthy, unhappy, and obese. Anyone can be thin, healthy, and a lover of leeks (unless you don't like leeks.) We come to it in different ways, but we all have power over our own choices. Anything I can do to make it easier for the people I love, care about, just like, or can barely stand to make healthier choices, I will do.

I hope I don't lose my post as Potluck Mistress over this.

Posted by april at 4:39 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

1000?

Hi Victoria, welcome to the blog. If you're wondering what's going on, check out the Calorie Restriction Society to find out why we practice Calorie Restriction with Optimal Nutrition. I just checked out your blog, over at http://www.stumblingtobethlehem.blogspot.com. Congratulations on the weight loss, wow! 60 pounds on Atkins. Another low carb success story. I am always concerned about the saturated fat that many people eat on Atkins, but it's easy to do low carb without so much saturated fat, especially if you love eggwhites! What's your low carb pizza recipe?

Up until this month, I was averaging 1300 calories a day or a little more. This month I've been gradually lowering my calories, all the while carefully monitoring my nutrition on my nutritional software and making sure that I don't lose too much weight too fast. Becoming skinny is a side-effect of CR, but not the goal. The goal is to slow down biological aging, and CR is the only intervention currently known that actually does that in mammals. Check out Luigi Fontana's study for the latest.

Cautions: I am a very small person, at under 5' 2', and I have been gradually lowering my calories for almost two years. I very, very carefully monitor my nutrition to make sure I am getting everything I need. I also get a whole bunch of blood tests every year to make sure I'm getting everything I need and staying healthy. No one should attempt to eat as little as I do unless you're willing to take the responsibility for tracking your nutrition and visiting your doctor. Doing CR is a long term self-experiment, and it requires discipline, research, knowledge, and attention to detail. If you just want to lose a few pounds, you don't need to drop your calories as low as mine. Don't just drop calories... you have to improve your nutrition at the same time. Also, animals who lose weight too fast actually increase their chances of dying young, so you must make sure that you lose weight at a very slow rate. For those whose main concern is losing weight without feeling hungry, I recommend cutting out unnecessary carbs like bread, pasta, and anything with sugar in it. Getting rid of fried foods is just a given. Making those two changes will cause significant weight loss in most people. While I prefer Zone and South Beach diet type of eating, I have tons of respect for the Atkins folks. If you actually read the Atkins books (which a lot of people who say they're doing Atkins don't) you'll find that especially after the first two weeks, low calorie vegetables are encouraged in large amounts. My ideal diet, as you can see from the blog, is high protein, lower carb (40% or thereabouts) and very little saturated fats but lots of unsaturated fats, especially almonds, flax oil, and these incredible Greek olives I got at Whole Foods. I could live on them, but I promise I won't! Zeynep... I bet you can get the best olives where you live, and really good olive oil too. I am jealous. I only like really good, really expensive olive oil, and I could spend a very large portion of my income on olives trying to get just the right ones, if I didn't have to do things like pay the gas bill. They are among my favorite foods.

Pre-CR, I weighed 137. Today, I weigh 102. I have tons of energy, never get sick, and feel great about my body, my relationship with food, and delicious meals I prepare for myself and my lover (who also does CR, and has been for eight years.) As Zeynep points out, I love food. I just channel my love for food into cooking and eating healthy foods.

I've discovered since I stopped drinking a glass of wine with dinner as part of my daily diet that I can eat fewer total calories while maintaining my weight, so I'm lowering my calories again. CR seems to be linear -- fewer calories, more life-extension benefits. So if I'm feeling great, not losing weight too fast, and not feeling hungry or suffering other quality of life problems, I may as well take my calories a bit lower. If I start to get too hungry or lose too much weight too fast at 1050, I'll go back up. At the risk of repeating myself, the goal is to live longer, not to lose weight. I was thin enough ten pounds ago... but I want to be younger, longer, and this is the only thing that actually works.

Back to Victoria... I'll leave religion and politics alone, as I fear we would find areas of disagreement, but I am wondering if you might be one of very few people who gets almost all my jokes.

Greetings to our travelling public health expert, one who actually eats well herself! Hi Emma!!! Thanks for checking in!

Posted by april at 5:03 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

January 22, 2006

Cauliflower Head

No, it's not my pet name for MR. It's what I got on sale, organic, at Whole Foods today, and cooked up for dinner. I made an incredible dish with 255 g cauliflower, 67 g red onion, and 47 g leeks, simmered until tender in 15 calories of free range organic chicken broth. Then I removed from heat and added 1 cup of nonfat plain yogurt. Didn't need any spices at all, though you could add rosemary if you wanted. Delicious! More ways to love your leeks!

Today has been a back to basics food day, with most of the familiar old favorites. The olives I bought this morning are amazing, so I've had a ton of them. Here's the day:

Breakfast
You know what I had for breakfast.

Lunch:
50 g kale with 20 cals salsa verde mixed into 1 cup nonfat plain yogurt
102 g olives

Afternoon snack:
20 g almonds

Dinner:
Leek cauliflower onion yogurt dish
side order of broth with 2 tbsps (116 cals, 16 g protein) Lewis Labs
more olives :) Wow, they are expensive, but soooo good!

Chamomile tea, green tea, coffee, water. Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper first thing in the am with my cranberry and supplements.

Here's the crunch:

NUTRIENT TOTALS:

Abs. Values %RDA/SA

Calories 1033.73__cal 52%
Protein 81.33__gm 148% RDA
Total Fat 34.77__gm 53%
Sat. Fat 5.08__gm 25%
Mono. Fat 21.22__gm 73%
Poly. Fat 6.40__gm 96%
Carbohydrate 109.30__gm 36%
Fiber 24.40__gm 81%
Cholesterol 28.34__mg 9%
Vit. A 5358.01__IU 107% RDA
Vit. B6 1.26__mg 79% RDA
Vit. B12 3.02__mcg 151% RDA
Vit. C 234.06__mg 390% RDA
Vit. E 8.52__mg 107% RDA
Thiamine 1.39__mg 126% RDA
Folacin 278.13__mcg 155% RDA
Riboflavin 2.49__mg 192% RDA
Niacin 11.27__mg 75% RDA
Panto. Acid 5.10__mg 102% SA
Calcium 1279.57__mg 107% RDA
Copper 2.23__mg 112% SA
Iron 12.54__mg 84% RDA
Magnesium 299.61__mg 107% RDA
Manganese 1.86__mg 62% SA
Phosphorus 1003.19__mg 84% RDA
Potassium 3624.97__mg 181% RDA
Selenium 127.63__mcg 232% RDA
Sodium 3248.46__mg 135% SA
Zinc 8.12__mg 68% RDA
Tyrosine 2.66__gm 277% RDA
Lysine 4.61__gm 640% RDA
Phenylalanine 3.49__gm 364% RDA
Leucine 5.61__gm 584% RDA
Valine 4.37__gm 520% RDA
Methionine 1.79__gm 597% RDA
Cystine 1.11__gm 369% RDA
Tryptophan 0.73__gm 404% RDA
Threonine 2.73__gm 570% RDA
Isoleucine 3.43__gm 476% RDA

P:C:F = 31:38:31

A few notes on comments:

Nutritional yeast: there's some reason why I stopped eating that after I read something about brewers yeast being more effective or bioavailable or something, but I forget what. MR, care to comment on the topic? I adore the taste of Lewis Labs, but freely admit that all others are disgusting. I fixed the entry in DWIDP today, so my totals are definitely correct now.

Anorexia: Thank you for your concern, which I can tell is genuine. The problem with blogs is that if they focus on one aspect of your life, you can seem quite obsessed with that aspect since that's what you talk about. This blog is about my CR, so no doubt I seem food obsessed. If I wrote a blog about my work, I'd seem like I'm obsessed with organizing. If I wrote a blog about my sex life, I'd seem sex-obsessed. But since the topic is CR, food is going to come up a lot.

I've addressed the anorexia question many times, and will refer you to my ultimate treatise on body image, the Women's Magazines entry from last Thanksgiving. I know what it's like to struggle with body issues, and CR has set me free from that. Now I am totally, abidingly happy with my body. In fact, I think you could call me vain (back me up here, Zeynep!) I look in the mirror and think, "She's so hot!" It is my understanding that anorexics look in the mirror and see fat that isn't there, and hate their bodies. That's no doubt an oversimplification, but I doubt that many anorexics think as highly of their bodies as I do of mine. I wasn't always happy with my body... in fact, when I was poisoning it with margaritas and nachos and bagels and cream cheese, I didn't like the way I looked at all. But I've been very, very happy with my body for a long time now.

My CR lifestyle does take time, and when you caution me to "Be careful," I think you should take the fact that I monitor my nutrition daily and my blood work once a year as evidence that I am very, very careful. Most women spend a lot of time thinking about food, but unfortunately not in ways that make them happy. The time I spend thinking about food helps me eat better. Also, I just love to cook. Cooking has been my hobby for over ten years, and I probably enjoy it a whole lot more than most people. Cooking and nutrition are like a sport for me... I could make baseball cards with vegetables and their nutrition info. Wow, wouldn't Little MR love that game??? I love my body and I want to keep it young and healthy, so I put quite a bit of attention into what I put into it. Most of the anorexics I've known have been much more concerned with losing weight than with nutrition... I doubt that many anorexics monitor their nutrition on software and get the RDA of all their essential nutrients. A wise woman once said, "There's a fine line between a hobby and mental illness," and I can see how my lifestyle would not be for everyone. But for me, it's life-giving and life-affirming.

If I were anorexic, I'd be looking for ways to lose weight, not ways to drop my calories while *not* losing. For example, by eating more food and skipping the wine, I can consume fewer calories, more nutrients, and still seem to be holding onto my gorgeous sexy curves. (This is how I really think, but I try to keep a lid on it most of the time. In context, I think I can be honest about just how beautiful I think I am. I trust Zeynep to remind me that I'm not everyone's cup of tea.) Total opposite of anorexic thinking. For more info on *why* I want to take my calories lower, check out the CR Society or Dr. Walford's books.

My best friend from high school had a terrible battle with anorexia, and I'm glad to report that for the most part she has recovered, but she spent over six years in and out of the hospital. So I know up close and personal how horrible anorexia is. You know Marya, of Wasted? I went to high school with her, we were good friends. So I take anorexia very seriously. I think it's very brave of you to identify yourself as anorexic, and I appreciate your concern and not wanting anyone else to go through the hell of one of the world's most destructive diseases. I'll add you to my morning prayers... so if your ears twitch a bit at approximately 7:30 every morning, you'll know it's me. Anyone who has the courage to face anorexia is a brave soul indeed, and should be commended. I hope you're getting help that works for you and making progress towards feeling great about your body and your health. Don't worry about me... I am far from anorexic.

Zeynep, I have no idea why alcohol gives me anxiety attacks. I think it might be the carbs, but that's not all cause it's worse than just plain sugar. Totally bizarre, I know, but I doubt that I'm unique. It's never seemed to depress me, only to make me anxious. But wow, I feel so great when I'm drinking chamomile tea instead! I'm going to turn into one of those tea freaks who owns stock in Celestial Seasonings. Four cups today. All chamomile, all the time. Okay, one was peppermint. And one was green. But the point remains: tea hits the spot without stressing the liver, adding calories, and making me feel nutty. Does anybody have any info, anecdotal or otherwise, on alcohol and anxiety?

Marc -- hi! Raw veggies: there are some that you really need to buy organic, like red peppers and celery. The others, we wash carefully with soap. We tend to buy almost all our produce organic, and I think these days that it's worth it if you can afford. Some veggies, like tomatoes, need to be cooked to get the most out of their nutrients. Lycopine (sp?) is only released in cooked tomatoes.

Meanwhile, back to Zeynep, you're probably right that I should have argued with the dude. An occupational hazard of being Southern is that we're passive agressively polite. It would be pretty lame if they discontinued the fabulous low carb tortilla. MR found a brand that you can mail-order in Canada... I wonder if you could get it in Istanbul? We could have a worldwide Day of the Low Carb Tortilla. We could get Willie in Spain to do it, Paul in Hong Kong, Kara and Christina in B.C., Lindsay in England, and I even had an Australian reader at one point... all of us eating low carb tortillas at one time. The earth would move... but then again, it does that every day.

I just packed my pills for the week. It's going to be a busy one, with early morning leaflets at hospitals that require me to leave my house before 6 am. I've packed kale, yogurt with salsa, olives (how I love olives! Blessed be the day I read the Albatross and realized I could eat olives!), fruit yogurt, almonds, organic celery, organic mustard for the organic celery, and two little Babybel light cheeses, 50 cals and 20% of the RDA of calcium each.

Are you getting bored with my quotidian diet? I'm not, as I have entered a phase of my life where kale monogamy is more satisfying than all that cheap romaine and iceberg I ate in my younger days before I fell in love with the real woman's green. But I am missing having MR to cook for. I find myself contemplating 629 calorie dinners, thinking of ways to make eggwhite steaks, and fondling fruits in the Whole Foods, wondering if MR would enjoy them with hazelnut oil. I've been thinking a lot lately about food and nurture/nourishment, more on that soon. For now, suffice it to say that I am planning some incredible meals for my Orange One's return.

Posted by april at 7:43 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Fight At Trader Joe's

I headed out to do my shopping at Whole Foods and Trader Joe's before the crowds get heavy. I picked up organic dino kale, organic green kale, organic kiwi, Star Ruby grapefruit (alas, no LBRP grapefruit), and organic cauliflower on sale for $1.99 a head! I headed over to pick up the Lewis Labs Brewers Yeast I had meant to pick up a few days ago.

My heart figuratively stopped as I approached the spot on the shelf where THE ONLY BREWERS YEAST THAT TASTES GOOD is supposed to live. They weren't there. They had only LL Brewers Yeast Flakes.

Hmmm. Flakes. That's not the same thing. I paniced. Was this my divine punishment for going drinking that Skinny Bitch on Friday night? My theology was suffering and my nightly soup was about to get bad. I knew I needed help, support, love to get through this crisis. So I called MR in Canada.

"Are flakes the same as non-flakes?" I asked. He grabbed his container and we compared nutrition info. Same nutrition info. Good. He seemed to think that the stuff we have is rather flaky. I bought the flakes, but had the regular stuff special ordered. Crisis averted.

I bought some delicious olives, all kinds from Greek and Italain to Morocco, and thought happy thoughts about the role that fat now plays in my life. All those lowfat vegan years of avoiding the majestic olive. Thanks be to fat. Unsaturated, that is.

Then onward to Trader Joe's. I grabbed some nice organic brussels sprouts, some nonfat cottage cheese (if I'm dropping my cals, I'm going to go for the 140 cals per cup cottage cheese vs. the 200 cals per cup organic lowfat) and lowfat organic yogurt. Then I stopped over to the customer service desk to inquire about ordering nonfat organic yogurt and cottage cheese, armed with the knowledge that there are other places in the world where Trader Joe's carries these things, thanks to my helpful bloggiefriends!

During my pleasant chat with the customer service rep, I mentioned how much I love Trader Joe's low carb no transfats whole wheat tortillas.

"We might stop carrying those, now that the low carb trend is dying down."

My heart began to race. I felt the rage coming on, the rage I used to feel as a lowfat vegan when people would ask me if I got enough protein.

"But they have half the calories of the regular tortillas," said I.

"But the low carb things aren't good for you," said the customer service dude. "They have ingredients to make them low carb that aren't as good as the other kind."

"But they have no transfats," said I.

"But they have other bad things." He went on in this fashion for a moment, citing no evidence whatsoever but making lots of noises about "bad" and "things."

Oh no dude. Don't go lecturing me about nutrition. I decided to walk away before the conversation devolved into me shouting, "Yeah, okay, well, you're fat." Which would have been true but rather rude of me to point out.

I was sufficiently freaked out at the threat of low carb tortilla extinction that I bought a whole bunch of them to replenish the supply in our freezer. I have eaten quite a few out of our supply, so it made sense to get more, but mostly, I had to hang onto them as a security blanket. I love these critters... at 50 calories, no transfats, low carb, they make a fun treat to be enjoyed with calcium-rich no fat cheese, veggies, Quorn, whatever. They can't go away!!! The kinds at the regular grocery store have transfats, and we're not going to eat that.

I decided to write Jimmy Moore of Livin La Vida Low Carb to suggest that we join forces to save the low carb tortilla from extinction. I really hate it when people smugly suggest that low carb is just a trend, and I know that they look at me as a young, thin woman and think I'm just a stupid girl who's dieting to lose weight and doesn't know anything about nutrition. Lower carb, for me, is a life-saving revolution. Keeping my carbs lower (around 40%) has killed my anxiety, given me the freedom and flexibility to lower my calories, and liberated me from sugar cravings that encouraged me to fill my calories with nutrient-free foods rather than the high nutrient veggies, fruits, lowfat dairy and protein sources that I eat. Low(er) carb rocks!

And while we're on the topic of smug people who assume that I don't know much about nutrition: I may attempt to channel my Orange One next time this happens and argue with these people instead of pleasantly closing the conversation and walking away to buy organic almonds. I was most irked by the condescending tone of this dude as he talked about low carb being unhealthy. Sure, you can do low carb in an unhealthy fashion, but you can do almost anything in an unhealthy fashion! The whole reason why I'm buying low carb tortillas from Trader Joe's is that they have a much healthier ingredient list than any other kind. I strongly suspect that if I had been a man with grey hair, I would not have been met with the condescending tone. And I strongly suspect that if you crunch this dude's diet on my nutritional software, I am eating a whole lot healthier!

I am nice, or at least I like to pretend to be, so I walked away and bought my almonds. I really should make up those little index cards about CR to hand out in these situations. Something along the lines of, "No, I am not a 21 year old anorexic trying to lose more weight, I am a 31 year old professional woman attempting to live longer and healthier by practicing Calorie Restriction with Optimal Nutrition. Here's what it's about..."

When I go out with my best friend and order off the calorie controlled menu or ask questions to determine the exact content of a sauce or a soup, he comments, "They probably think you're a neurotic woman obsessed with losing weight." He doesn't say this to discourage me, but rather to point out how stupid people are. Ever since he started trying to eat a little healthier, he's started asking for vegetables with no butter and such too, and we observe how we get different reactions. A guy with grey hair in a suit asks for a dish of broccoli with no butter, and he's health-conscious, responsible, probably takes good care of his children and pays his mortage on time and trims the hedges weekly in the summer. A younger girl who looks even younger cause she does CR asks for broccoli with no buttter and she's neurotic, uptight, no doubt self-obsessed, not spontaneous, and probably drives her boyfriend crazy by refusing to eat hotdogs at the ballpark when they go to a baseball game.

Again, I review my miraculous good fortune at finding a man to share my life with who is even more exacting about nutrition than I am. And who doesn't care for baseball or force me to endure any form of professional sports. Thanks be to grapefruit!

Chow down Trader Joe's dude. I'll be walking on the beach covered in sunscreen and looking sexy in a string bikini, accompanied by an orange man in a floppy hat, long after ad lib eaters are in the nursing home.

I mean that in a nice way.

Posted by april at 12:51 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

Going Lower

Or: If you want to lose weight, drink more, eat less!

This might be mind-numbingly obvious to some of you, but I found that when I stopped making wine a part of my quotidian diet and replaced those calories with food, even though I lowered my calories to 1150 (a number that previously had led to rapid weight loss and hunger) I wasn't particularly hungry, and my weight loss has been very slow. In fact, accounting for hormonal changes, it's hard to tell if I've lost weight at all. I may have gained a tiny bit of muscle from working out and lost a little fat -- the plain old scale doesn't know. The point being, I'm not in danger of losing weight too fast, and I'm not feeing uncomfortably hungry, so I'm going to take my calories even lower.

This is a classic example of how the CR mentality parts company with the weight loss mentality. The good news is: I'm not losing weight! So I can eat less! Yippie! For someone who wanted to lose weight, the consistent numbers on the scale would be frustrating, and having to cut calories would be miserable. For us who do CR, we want to be able to take our calories lower to maximize the life-extension benefits of the only intervention currently known to extend health and youth in mammals. Funny, eh? I am *pleased* to be able to eat less without losing too much weight too fast.

I think I'll chop 100 off the total for now. That will bring me down to 1050. That's pretty low, but when it's all food it's do-able. However, on days when I'm going out or having a dinner party and therefore drinking wine, I'll go back up another 100 calories or so to make up for the alcohol. Part of being able to take the calories down is being able to make them all food, and I don't want to eat so little on days that I have a drink that I set myself up for big hunger. But I'm thinking of limiting my alcohol consumption to just weekends or just days when I'm going out for some other reason (for instance, a friend is throwing a birthday party this Tuesday at one of my favorite brewpubs, so I may have a glass of beer.) So on all other days, I'll try keeping my calories below 1050. Wow, I'm getting lower and lower, below the levels that used to be my low days. And I'm exercising. And I'm not all that hungry. Ladies and gentlemen, that's downright bizarre.

I honestly think it's the fat. I notice such a huge difference when I start my meals with fat, chow down on 27 grams of almonds, and worship daily at the altar of flax oil. And my skin is so much better. During those under 30% fat days, I was starting to get the cracked winter hands I used to have. Eat fat: no cracked hands. It's that simple. MR is amazed at how rapidly I respond to dietary changes.

Here's one for the "Don't try this at home" files. Yesterday I was planning to go to a staff member's housewarming party. She loves to cook and I knew she'd be cooking all day to prepare food for the party, so I wanted to be able to taste her food. But I can't go over my calories. Meanwhile, I was so scared of the extra alcohol from Friday night triggering an anxiety attack that I used the anti-anxiety drug that makes MR downright wiggy every time I do it: I skipped breakfast. I ate nothing all day until 3 pm, at which point I ate my eggwhites and flax oil breakfast (no carbs.) DO NOT TRY THIS UNLESS YOU ARE USED TO FASTING AND NOT PRONE TO BINGE EATING. Believe me, hunger is better than an anxiety attack. Facing a pack of hungry lions is better than an anxiety attack. For me, the ultimate anti-anxiety drug is a morning's worth of fasting, followed by a no carb meal. I'm not particularly prone to binging, so I can return to eating normally afterwards with relatively little trouble.

Having eating only 225 calories prior to leaving the house, I figured I could sample a few of the party foods without going over calories. Like I said, this strategy wouldn't work for most people, so don't try it if you know you'll eat the entire cheese tray. For most people it's safer to eat beforehand and not be hungry, but for me this stuff sometimes works. I had a little bit of goat cheese, a deviled egg, a bite of the homemade salsa, some of the hummus with organic celery that I brought. I passed up the carrot cupcakes, even though they looked fantastic. I was glad that I could enjoy my hostess' food, and I didn't over do it. I am quite certain that I went under calories, but of course I am very hungry today after eating comparatively little yesterday. I would not do that often... in fact, I hope that the necessity of fasting to knock out anxiety does not come up again any time ever again. Unless I have a pressing reason to skip breakfast, I don't want to start the day without my darling eggwhites. Eating just a small amount at a party is hard, and most people would overeat and not even know it. But between my now intimate knowledge of calorie counts and the tiny-ness of my stomach now that I am used to eating less, it's not too hard for me to stop at not full at all when I put my mind to it.

Thank appropriate dieties or lack thereof that today I am back to real April food. I can almost taste the lunchtime kale, and it's only 9:15 am. I'm seriously considering another 7 day not drinking holiday, though I may make an exception for a freshly brewed beer on Tuesday. I just feel so much better when I don't have any alcohol in my system. I hate to be the one to say it, and my body chemistry is very likely very different from yours, but I value freedom from anxiety and ability to drop my calories more than I value resveratrol. I may eventually adopt the quotidian 3 ounces that MR drinks, if I feel like I can do so without wanting more ounces. I could buy us doll-sized wine glasses for our baby wine pours. But for now, I think I'll stick to chamomile tea.

Posted by april at 8:52 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

January 21, 2006

Beware of Buddhists Bearing Tequila

Last night I had planned to make dinner for two friends at the apartment of one of the friends, and we were going to do work on the script for a dramatic ritual (that's kinda like a funny little play) that we'll be performing in spring. The friend lives conveniently near a Whole Foods, so I had planned exactly what I was going to purchase and cook, and I was saving up calories all day for a big dinner. The plan was to serve hummus and carrots as an appetizer, a variation on MR's CR'd Zoned pizzas on Trader Joe's Low Carb Tortillas with Quorn tenders, tomato paste, olive oil and red peppers and part skim organic mozzarella, a side order of broccoli with lemon and olive oil, and Stoneyfield Farm organic vanilla maple yogurt with almonds for dessert. Sounds like a giant feast, but neither of these friends are CR'd and I wanted to present a plentiful meal, so I ate very little during the day. I had to sit in a smoke-filled bar from 11 am - 5 pm meeting with nurses as they came in and out, so I drank innumerable cups of tea and ate one of MR's brownies (there are still tons of them in the freezer, don't worry) for 260 calories and 26% of the RDA of everything. The brownie is so satisfying that I wasn't very hungry even though I consumed so few calories over the course of the day, which is a testament to the power of the Megabakedgood.

Anyhow, I showed up at friend A's apartment, and friend B had called to cancel due to not feeling well. So friend A and I proceeded to do some work in preparation for the ritual, putting off shopping for dinner until afterwards. It was about 7 by the time we hit the Whole Foods, and by this time we were get