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January 25, 2006
Conscious Imbalance
Sam posed a fascinating question in a comment: Am I able to tackle long, busy days any better now after a year (actually, it's coming up on two years) of CRON?
First, let me say that I LOVE COMMENTS!!! I check for blog comments before I check for personal email! I just love hearing what my readers have to say! Keep 'em coming!
Sam's question is a hard one for me to answer. Physically, yes, I am definitely better able to handle long hours, lack of sleep, exhaustion better than I did pre-CR. But the question is complicated by the fact that I was a serious workaholic in my twenties, and I was so used to being in a state of exhaustion that I didn't think anything of it. I lived for my work -- organizing unions -- throughout my twenties, and I rarely did anything for *me*. My lovers would be jealous of my work, my friends were all fellow organizers, and my cats meowed a lot. I felt guilty if I took time to read!
My cats still meow a lot -- what can I say, they're meowy! But CR was the first step in a process of beginning to recognize that *I* matter. My first change was in my diet: taking more time to prepare my food, allowing myself to read amusing and edifying posts to the CR Society list, and refusing to indulge in quite as much gak as my friends were prepared to consume. Over time, the process that started with dietary change led to many changes in my life: I fell in love, I began exercising, I took up meditation, I started cooking dinner at home most nights, and I realized that the rest of the world -- the rest of the staff of my organization, to be exact -- was living life while I was working all the time.
Now I'm not one of those work/life balance people. I find my work so meaningful that work is life, and I don't regret a moment of my twenties and very early thirties when I barely did anything but work. I had more success in my twenties than most organizers have in an entire career, and it came at a price. Fact is, I didn't really want to be out dating, dancing, going to clubs at all hours of the night. I didn't need time to find myself -- I knew who I was the first time I walked a picket line in 1996.
But by the age of 29, having logged many hours and many campaigns won, I was starting to see lines on my face, dark circles under my eyes, and weight I didn't want to be carrying. Fact is, I was getting older, and I didn't feel like it. So I did that now-infamous Google search and found the CR Society and it's List and Archives -- complete with information about how to change my diet, save my life, get the body I always wanted and find the man of my dreams. (Results not typical!) I decided that *I* was worth the effort of figuring out how to eat better, even if it took time and energy.
The results have been amazing. My life has changed. I've reached a level of health and happiness that I don't think I would have believed possible.
My perspective has changed. I have become much more attuned to what my body needs, and thus I have become more sensitive to when it is being abused. I realize that I need adequate nutrition, sufficient rest, and lots of love and cuddling -- whether it be from the Orange One or from the Giant Grey Tabby or the Calico Howler -- to be the happiest I can be. When I hit phases in my work where I go into what Roger and Rebecca Merrill, authors of Life Matters, call "Conscious Imbalance," I feel it. I am definitely physically able to do more now that I practice CR and never get sick, no matter what. But I am now more likely to respect my body and mind in a way that I didn't think I could before I started CR.
A lot of people who do CR find it an empowering experince, with effects that stretch beyond the boundaires of diet and nutrition. Taking control of your life on the cellular level is bound to have consequences on many different planes. For me, CR caused a re-evaluation of my priorities. I still value my work tremendously, as you can tell from the blog! But I also value my love, my cats, my family, my cooking, my volunteer work with the Mprize, and my spiritual life. I no longer feel like a failure as a human being if I spend one hour a day doing something other than organizing nurses. CR -- that "extremist" lifestyle -- has helped me to find a better life balance.
It takes courage, especially if you are a woman, to stand up for yourself and your needs. There are plenty of people who would prefer that you dedicate all your energies to serving them. And the fact is, nuturing others can be a valuable and life-giving experience. Ask anyone who has kids or pets. I know that the bliss I get out of fixing delicious meals for my Orange One is up there with the greatest pleasures I've experienced in my life. I am having tons of fun planning a Valentine's Day dinner... but anyway, point is, it's important to always remember that *you* deserve to take care of *yourself.* My old friend Lisa, the best organizer I ever knew, used to say, "Your boss will never tell you that you're working too hard." She had a point.
So when I have these long days, I am physically very well able to handle the pressure. I know that I can stand out in the cold leafleting for hours, work without sleep, and never get sick even if the avian flu is walking through my office building. CR has made my immune system nearly invincible -- I can't call out from work because I've spent too much time bragging about how I never get sick! But when I go into a period of conscious imbalance, I am now much more aware of what I'm missing. I keep up my CR, of course, but I am aware that there is more to me than just my work. I am happiest, and most effective in all my roles, when I am not just eating well, but also sleeping well, exercising well, meditating well, and loving and cuddling well. My cats are definitely happiest when I am cuddling them at full speed.
The CR journey has led me to a place of greater peace, not just with my body but with my entire life.
I can't promise that you will experience the same thing -- we are all different here -- but I do hope that you will find CR a liberating lifestyle, one that helps you pursue your dreams and do your true will, whatever that may be.
Posted by april at January 25, 2006 5:56 PM
Comments
Hi April! Thanks so much for your post regarding anxiety. I have been out of town and could not respond to thank you sooner. I am trying some of your suggestions. I have been slowly reformatting my diet, not focusing on calories per se but quality of foods and eating only till full (not stuffed!). I would like to begin CR this summer but need a transition time as making dietary changes too drastically or quickly seems to make me anxious and doesn't blend well with my already pressure filled life.
I also have one question for you: Could you share the recipe for Sherm's brownies? I am getting ready to tackle making some megamuffins but those brownies sound like just the ticket for a busy day without resorting to gak.
Thanks for keeping up your blog so well and taking the time and care to respond to all of us!
Cheers, Ariel.
Posted by: Ariel Glenn at January 25, 2006 7:43 PM
hi April,
Thanks for a wonderful blog! I have been checking periodically since I first found yours last month, and you have great clarity and philosophies on health and nutrition-- it's wonderful to see a refreshing and real-life perspecive. I am a 21 year old female, with more of an ON diet for the past 5 years than CRON. I am currently at about 1600 calories/day with 1600-1800 calories expended through exercise per week. I am curious to know what your excercise regimen is, or how it has evolved since you started CRON?
When I first discovered yours and Mary's blogs, seeing the close to 1000 calories/day averages surprised me for being so low, as we're all near the same height (I am 5'4", 115 lbs) but I realize now Mary has written that she is mostly sedentary, and I read in your posts that you recently began an exercise regimen. I'm wondering what your regimen is, if you know how many calories you expend per week, and if you ever adjust your intake on exercise days?
I see that the CRON philosophy on exercise calls for moderation, but my body absolutely craves intense exercise at least a few times a week. For the sake of balance, I shifted by exercise down a bit from earlier last the year, but find that the 1800 per week is about right for me. Do you purposely keep your exercise regimen at a low level?
Thanks for all the great information!!
Posted by: Drea at January 26, 2006 5:52 AM
I had the weirdest drea the other night:
Sting and me were meditating. Actually he was teaching me how to meditate rolling up on an exercise ball and smelling little cube-shaped candles trying to figure out what smell they had: Cherries, pine, orange, in sync with the colors. His song "Desert Rose" was playing in the background. He suddenly told me that he was born and raised in Istanbul, just up the hill from where I live, in Taksim Square, then he turned into a girl. The song kept playing in the backround and I took this as a sign to start meditating somehow.
Thought it was funny that you mentioned a Sting song in the post. I don't even like Sting that much!
Really weird.
Posted by: zeynep at January 26, 2006 3:13 PM