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June 5, 2006
The Quest for the Historical Zeynep
My dear friend Zeynep poses the question to me, after reading the entry Resurrection, of how I can believe in things like Jesus and God that don't exist in the material world, and of whose existence I have never seen proof.
Zeynep is a very faithful athiest, even an evangelical one. My belief system is often confusing to those who see science and religion as opposed.
The best I can do to explain my belief in God, or in a life force that goes beyond human understanding but of which we occasionally see glimpses, is to compare it to my belief in the Historical Zeynep.
You see, I have no proof that Zeynep exists, or is who she claims to be. Someone claiming to be Zeynep writes me email and writes comments on my blog. Sometimes she writes her own blog. She says she lives in Istanbul and is a writer and journalist. She says she has written a novel, and that she is a lesbian. But for all I know, Zeynep is a fifteen year old boy in Detroit who surfs the internet looking for straight porn when not attending high school and pretending to be a Turkish lesbian writer.
I have never met Zeynep in person, though I certainly hope to some day. And I'm not always happy with what she does... she's written some pretty nasty comments on my blog in the past, and been downright rude to some people I really care about.
None of that changes the powerfully positive effects the force that calls itself Zeynep has had on my life. She never lets me get away with being a wimp. She reminds me to be myself, no matter what other people say. Sometimes she's dead wrong, but she's often right on target.
It doesn't really matter to me whether or not Zeynep is really who she says she is. The quest for the historical Zeynep, like the quest for the historical Jesus, is in my mind, a flawed undertaking. If I were to find out that she's not who she says she is, I'd be disappointed because I was really looking forward to our trip to Greece in 2007. But it wouldn't take away all the things I've learned from her. Just the *idea* of Zeynep keeps me on track when I start to fall into pretending to be someone I'm not or working too hard to please others.
When I am afraid, feeling under attack, actually under attack, or experiencing profound change, I often call upon the spirit of Jesus Christ. Perhaps the actual Jesus comes to my aid -- perhaps invoking the symbol of Jesus sets in motion a series of changes in my own consciousness that allow me to be courageous and do what needs to be done. It doesn't really matter does it -- like CR, we don't know why it works. But we do it cause it works, regardless of the how.
Prayer, to me, is not asking God for favors. It's sending my own energy into the great eternal pool in the direction of those I want to help, love, or thank. Sometimes the person I want to help with prayer is me. My prayer is much more akin to a magick spell than to Christian prayer (no bat wings or baby's blood -- I'm too lazy to go out and find a bat or deal with a baby.) It's about energy. We send it back and forth. It isn't interested in geographical boundaries or even the line between the living and the dead.
I don't think of God as a man in the sky with a big white beard, sending out good fortune and ill and keeping a ledger of our good and bad deeds. God is to me just one more name for the force that sparks in all of us and in all of life. I'm sure there's a technical term for that belief, just as there may be a technical term for those who believe that there is a real person named Zeynep -- Zeynepistas, perhaps. I hope and believe that Zeynep exists, but I would still be grateful for what the idea or projection of Zeynep has done for me, even if she turned out to be a figment of my imagination. I take what I learn and the inspiration I am given and I work with it and am grateful for it. I sacrifice organic grapefruits on my little home altar in thanksgiving for the humans, living and dead, demonstrably "real" or not, who positively effect my life. (I eat the grapefruits later.) I don't quibble about the details.
I do, however, hope that Zeynep turns out to be real. If she's not, whoever is pretending to be Zeynep is very convincing. And when I find out for sure, you'll be the first to know.
Posted by april at June 5, 2006 9:29 AM
Comments
Well put. Zeynep certainly does add her own unique spin to everything she says and does. Sounds like you and I have very similar belief systems. I'm a firm believer in a divine force, but I don't care for yhe restrictions that most "religions" put on the divine - things like assuming that there is only one way to find god. I'm much more live and let live, I guess.
And Zeynep - if you're reading this - you'll have to drop me a line sometime. I noticed you're not currently blogging. Let us know how your novel-writing adventure is going.
Amy
Posted by: Amy Wright at June 7, 2006 6:25 AM
So you believe for the placebo effect? This actually seems quite rational to me. I wish I still believed in most Western medicine. I am screwed if I get really sick and there is no evidence based cure - the usual doctor ministrations probably won't work on me anymore.
I find that not believing has a very positive effect on me, April. I am on my own. The world is as it is. People are not destined or supposed to be any certain thing. Life is all there is and you better make the best of it. I like it this way now. It simplifies everything and makes me brave. I'm with Zeynep on this one.
Zeynep actually sends you email. Jesus has never sent me email. If Zeynep were really imaginary - they would be the same. They're not.
Posted by: Little MR at June 8, 2006 4:08 PM
I have to agree with Little MR and Zaynep on this one. Not believing has always been empowering to me, looking at the world as it is and not how I might wish it to be. People can accomplish great things, and do. Still, I don't denigrate others' beliefs, even if I might think them silly. Everyone has a right to believe as they wish, and if it does them good and helps them deal with life, who am I to say nay, even if it's not the path I'd personally choose.
Posted by: gregg m. at June 11, 2006 12:42 PM
Dear Aprilita,
I am for real, honest! I am not that good of a liar to construct such a complex identity. Just google my name (Zeynep Aksoy) and see all the crazy turkish stuff that comes up. (and ignore those involving Yoga Sala-that's another Zeynep Aksoy, the yogi, she also studied in Providence and we always get confused, I once cancelled her plane ticket!). And I have to agree with Mary here, Jesus or God never e-mailed me. I don't think they e-mailed you or anyone else either. I just can't believe in anything I don't see with my own eyes. I am yet to see any devine personality materialized. When I do, I'll think about it.
Posted by: istanbulwitch at June 12, 2006 1:45 PM
I, Zeynep the historical, the newly found living, atheist jesus christ, the 15 year old boy from Detroit who is all into straight porn on the net (god! (I mean me) I really dig straight porn by the way, it's juicy!) asks you to please quibble on the details. Because that's all that really matters. Your argument just falls really weak when you end it with the confession that you don't quibble in on the details. That's what believers do. They don't question. Because the few intelligent ones among them know full well that their argument in faith will fail if they do. Devil's in the details they say. That devil is called intelligence. It digs details.
Posted by: istanbulwitch at June 12, 2006 7:06 PM