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June 18, 2006
Welcome to the Garden of Earthly Delights
Most likely my third favorite XTC song, next to "Supergirl" and "The Man Who Sailed Around His Soul."
A painting I saw once too, with a lot more scantily clad, or not clad at all, people.
On Friday night, I went out with a bunch of my favorite people: my mom, Luke and Christine, Susan and her husband Zack, and my lawyer friend Jon, to a Center City wine bar called Vintage. I'd been there before with VLC, and I love the place. The atmosphere is comfortable, the wine is amazing, and the food is decadent and excellent.
I started the evening with a flight, meaning 3 different wines, 3 ounces each. Delicious! I had the "off-white flight" -- three slightly sweetish white wines. Yummy! My mother ordered a cheese plate and we shared it. The other friends arrived and we had a second cheese plate and a third -- all seven folks sharing. Susan and Zack shared some walnut fig bruschetta, Luke and Christine got yet another cheese plate but I was stuffed and ate none of that. Jon ordered a bottle of Malbec that several of us shared. It was a wild and crazy, decadent, un-CR-friendly evening.
Though when I think about it, most people would have had dinner aftewards, and would have consumed more than the 550 calories I had eaten in the day before hand. Most people would not have even gotten close to their RDAs, even though they would have eaten much more than I had. My diet is carefully constructed to hit the nutritional bases, so even when I fall short, I still do pretty well.
Unfortunately, I got home just as the post-carb anxiety attack was hitting. I sat on the couch with MR discussing some of my fears.
"You don't think I'm CR'd enough," I said.
"No, I don't. Not consistently, anyway. I worry that you won't make it."
Make it to the first wave of anti-aging biomedicine, that is. Preserve my body in good enough health that I can take advantage of the first treatments that will reverse the aging process.
I've been over calories a lot lately, and though I make up for it with some very low days, it's still a problem since you just can't go so low on normal days to hit a 1300 average when you have days that are really, really high. And nutrition becomes a serious issue: it's hard enough to pack the RDAs into 1300 -- it's impossible to get the right nutrition if you have to cut back to 1000 to make up for a wild and crazy night out when you got a lot of calcium in cheese but nothing else worthwhile.
The obvious thing to do would be to give up my nights out.
After all, I love the food I cook at home, and the food MR cooks for me. We have a wonderful time feeding each other nourishing food at our very own table.
If I never went out, I would never have over-calories days.
Here's my problem: I have way too much fun when I go out. I am not and never have been an ascetic. I love the feeling of freedom and decadence of heading out on a Friday night with my closest friends to a great wine bar and eating fun and cheesy treats. I don't do CR because I have some problem with food, or because I want to prove that I am somehow above the earthly pleasures of food and drink. I do CR to slow my biological aging. Period. And cause it's nice to look hot in a bikini, something I never experienced pre-CR. But mostly, it's about aging.
I have no attachment to the idea of not having attachments. I love this world! I love good wine, excellent food, gorgeous men, and the company of my chosen and preferred. I love to dress up, put make up on, go out, and have a great time. I love it even more now that a skinny orange man who loves me is waiting at home (MR has no desire to go out, and loves the space he gets when I am out and about -- so don't write in telling me that I'm mean for leaving him at home while I go to the wine bar. The last thing he'd want to do on a Friday night would be hitting the wine bar.) It's so hard for me to compromise, as I want to go lower in my calories, with this simple fact of my existence: I am a CR'd party girl.
It's easier at wine bars that serve measured servings of wine. It's easier if I put a muffin in my purse or eat beforehand. It's easier if I tell my friends in advance not to feed me. But it's still hard.
Until this campaign is over, I've decided, I will stay at 1300, measured and perfect. Just like January. Mostly for psychological reasons. Consistency in calories makes me Zenned out, calm and happy -- a huge asset when the decisions you make effect the lives of 550 people.
MR is worried that this will be hard, and he's right. Stress and work make it harder to stay CR'd, but making a firm decision makes it easier. In that moment when I'm deciding whether or not to order a second glass of wine, or whether or not to partake of a co-worker's french fries, the decision to stay at 1300 will save me. I've done it before, and I know it works. Sure, it's a sacrifice, but the pay off is more than worth it.
My CR has nothing to do with a desire to renounce the pleasures of this world. Rather, my CR is about maximizing the amount of time in which I can enjoy all that our world has to offer.
To the life-extension barricades! To the wine bar!
How many ounces were in that pour?
Posted by april at June 18, 2006 6:57 PM
Comments
You know, you and I are so on a similar vibe that it scares me some times. Though I surely wish I had the support of an orange-one at home myself. (Only my husband wouldn't have to be orange if he'd just help me keep focused). Lately I've been in a major CR funk. Naughty, sybaritic (did I spell that correctly?), and overall non-longevity promoting. Don't get me wrong, it's been fun - but the guilt that I feel when I consume gak! I'm just not sure it outweighs the pleasure of the moment, you know? So I'm rededicating this week as well. Wish me luck and send out some positive energy. I can use it!
Posted by: Amy Wright at June 19, 2006 11:22 AM
For all I know, that MR of yours will die prematurely of cancer or heart attack anyway. And he'll have so many unenjoyed evenings, passed with a brewer's yeast soup. What a boring life! If I was in his shoes, living the life he lives you describe in your posts, I would have killed myself like four times, just out of boredom. So the fact that he wants to continue the boring life he lives forever is an unimaginable concept to me.
Posted by: istanbulwitch at June 21, 2006 4:23 PM