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November 20, 2006
A Few Thoughts On The Nature of Compulsion
One of the things (among many) that Julian Dibbell got right in his New York Magazine article about CR was the difference between CR and anorexia.
First, quoting me:
"The focus of CR is health. Nobody here is trying to figure out how to eat less and disappear. The constant thought is, ‘How can I pack more nutrition into my calories?’—and that’s not something an anorexic is doing. Anorexia is slow suicide.”
It’s a heartening distinction, but I soon find myself wondering if there isn’t more truth to it than April herself, perhaps, realizes. For if anorexia is suicide, and the opposite of suicide is to fly from death, then what can its complete opposite be but to leave death behind completely?
That's an illuminating way to phrase a concept that is obvious to those of us who practice CR. CR is about life and self-love and health. It is the opposite of anorexia, which thrives on self-loathing and is a slow march towards death.
But there's another, more essential difference that escapes most people who haven't experienced either or both: anorexia is a compulsion. The anorexic feels compelled not to eat. [note: I know that it should be anorectic. I read Marya's book. But I'm going with the culture that has changed the word forever.] While the non-anorexic will sometimes sigh, "Oh, I wish I could have their discipline," the normal person doesn't realize that anorexia has nothing to do with self-discipline at all. In the same way that the overeater feels compelled to eat, the anorexic feels compelled to starve. It is as though an outside force much more powerful than the sufferer's own will has control.
The CR practitioner does not feel a *compulsion* not to eat, or to avoid certain foods, or to eat certain other foods. Rather, the CR practitioner, when faced with a decision of whether to eat this or that, makes a conscious, well-considered choice. Over time, these choices can become habits, just like flossing your teeth or making the bed in the morning. But there's a big difference between good habits that one has chosen to cultivate as a result of thoughtful decision making, and consistently giving into compulsion.
It's not that it never occurs to us to overeat, or to eat something unhelpful. Tonight at a meeting with nurses, I watched them eat pizza, onion rings and fried mozzarella, and I thought to myself, "Pre-CR, I would have found the urge to eat the pizza too much to control. I would have told myself, 'just one bite,' then I would have eaten three slices." I remember the sensation of my brain switching off while I shoveled food into my mouth. It still happens from time to time, but a lot less often, and usually with a pint of sweet grape tomatoes, not a pizza. The difference is that while we may feel a biological urge to consume fat and sugar in this or that package, we make a conscious decision not to. Then we make conscious decisions to eat foods that we enjoy that nourish our bodies. I had dinner (at a restaurant!) between meetings with a co-worker who is working on improving her diet. We asked the waitress not to bring any bread, we split steamed mussels (zinc!), ordered a grilled shrimp appetizer (I took the tails home to MR and Kieffer, since shrimp tails are their favorite treat) and we split an arugula salad. A piece of garlic toast came with the mussels, and I thought about eating it, but decided it wasn't worth the calories. Even up until very recently, I would frequently find the compulsion to eat something like the garlic toast (especially in a good restaurant, especially if I was very hungry, especially if I could rationalize it by saying that I was under a lot of stress, or had been going low on calories for a few days, or wouldn't eat much later, or whatever) too much to bear. But it's gotten so much easier, as I have learned more and consistently made choices that are in line with my long term goals. While I still sometimes eat in resturants, especially if I am on the road for work, I can consistently make better choices now than ever before, and use the opportunity to get some nutrients I am sometimes low on (like zinc) instead of using restaurant eating as an excuse to pig out against my better judgement. It remains alot easier to eat in my own house (and I find my own food tastier, as a rule) but the restaurant meal is no longer the junk fest it once was.
In our culture, making choices instead of living compulsion to compulsion is considered odd, at least where food is concerned. We are expected to eat and eat, regardless of the impact on our health. The idea that we would use food both for genuine pleasure (something very different from shoveling food into one's mouth without savoring the taste) and for nourishment is just weird. Those of us who make conscious choices about what we eat seem to constantly deal with accusations that we have a disorder, even if it's quite obvious that we're both healthy and happy. I wonder why this is.
There are other areas of life where we accept, even insist, that people resist biological compulsion. For example, most of us have a biological drive to have sex. But most of us don't go around jumping into bed with everyone we find attractive. We accept the idea of making conscious choices, even if that means defering gratification or forgoing a pleasure that we might enjoy. No one (or at least very few people) would argue that you should have sex with everyone you happen to fancy. But exercise control in what you put in your mouth food-wise, and you're doing something revolutionary.
I think the world would be a better place if people spent more time having sex and less time eating transfats, but I, like Walford, am willing to trade gluttony for lust. Even so, I make conscious choices. I don't hop into bed with every skinny geek boy I meet because a) I'm too busy b) it's all fun and games until someone's girlfriend sends you death threats over the office fax. Even though I have an extremely attractive and sexually available partner conveniently located in my own home, I can control my desire for him when he has a book deadline looming. (While I know Aubrey de Grey would approve in the abstract, I don't want to delay the dawn of radical anti-aging biomedicine because MR is too busy entertaining me to write the book!) Point being: I don't just do what I feel like doing. I make a choice.
I find that if I don't meditate and engage in the spiritual practices that have brought me great peace and joy, I once again find myself ruled by compulsions. I pour an extra glass of wine, I eat a sample at the Starbucks that I don't really want, I consume gummi worms at my mom's house, even though I've already had my calories for the day and I'm not hungry. Meditation clears the brain, and illuminates the pathways between goals and actions. That's one reason why I suggest some form of meditation, whether it be prayer, yoga, long distance running, or whatever, as part of a total healthy lifestyle. We're constantly urged to do things that aren't in our long term best interest... why not give yourself a chance, everyday, to settle down and focus on what you want? My meditation practice is a little weird (and often includes pacing the floor in circles) but it's effective.
I don't have an answer for now, just an ongoing process of discerning in my own life what I truly desire vs. what I think I want for the moment. What I truly desire is long life and extended youth. What I think I want for the moment is a piece of pizza. Over time, with work and meditation, I learn to choose a over b. Most of the time. Will the world end if I eat a piece of pizza? No. I don't experience fear about the pizza, or self-loathing if I eat it. But I do enjoy the freedom to choose, instead of being ruled by a sense of compulsion. Everyone who has ever overeaten, or eaten something he or she would have preferred, in his or her right mind, not to eat, knows the difference between freely and consciously choosing to eat something (ie, I am in a great French restaurant and have decided to try the creme brulee, so I am splitting one with two friends) vs. feeling an uncontrollable urge to shovel (ie, I am hungry and I know I have a good dinner waiting for me at home but I have to have pizza now and I can't stop the pizza from jumping into my mouth help!) Freedom is a lot more fun.
Lately, it's gotten a lot easier, for reasons that are still a mystery to me. But more on that later... MR and I are about to catch a plane to spend the holiday with my father and step-mother in North Carolina. My access to email may be limited for awhile, so don't be offended if I don't write back for a day or so!
Posted by april at November 20, 2006 8:25 PM
Comments
Dear April,
A website I enjoy reading is:
http://www.karlloren.com/Diabetes/human-raw-meat-diet.htm
There is a section called "Death Wishes". Very interesting. But the highlight for me is the line "If the body IS moving toward death, is it possible that the body is TRYING to move toward death?".
Could be that recovering from servere anorexia or overeating is so difficult due to the above.
There is also a section on Calorie Restriction and features Dean Pomerleau.
Hope you enjoy your trip. Best Wishes. Nick.
Posted by: Nick Theodorou at November 21, 2006 6:11 AM
I've been reading your blog for a few weeks, and I just wanted to say thank you. I needed to read something like this entry (making conscious, deliberate choices, mindful eating, being consistant with meditation practices). So thank you for writing this.
Posted by: Katharine at November 21, 2006 6:18 PM
Dear April,
Another link that people may find interesting.
http://drbass.com/attentive.html
Regarding mindful eating. I have the belief that if we truly (in every essence of the word) listen to our body cues for hunger and satiety, that it will want to eat at what would be regarded as a calorie restricted state when compared to recommended calorie intake. I know if I eat mindfully and wholesome unprocess food my body doesn't acctualy ask for much food. Feels reall great. Almost like if you listen to your body then there is no effort required in eating and being healthy. Wow!
Thank you.
Posted by: Nick Theodorou at November 21, 2006 8:58 PM
I just wanted to say that was brilliant. That is my philosophy, reduced to essence and expressed beautifully. I liked the fact that you made the connection between making conscious food choices and being in a positive place spiritually-- health is so much more than just physical health. I also share your addiction to art museums ;-)
I've been reading your blog for a while (saw the NY mag article) and I have a question of my own. Is it possible to be too young to do CR? I'm 21, still at university, and I was wondering what your thoughts were, and how I would start it if I were to (I read the entry, but it's harder living in a dorm, though I do have access to a modified kitchen).
Posted by: M at November 22, 2006 1:54 AM
So, what do you plan to do with this supposedly extended lifespan of yours, other than enjoy sexual pleasure? Are you working to make the world better, or is this an exercise in selfish self-control that only the wealthy (and those with time on their hands) can afford? What do you do in your daily life that will make this purported "extra time", if you actually achieve it, worth it? Why, when justifying this choice, do you and your compatriots talk about "having fun" instead of using the time to work at effecting positive changes in the world? Is a 125-year life of pleasure better than a 75-year life of duty and selflessness? Why are no CR people using their time to work in Third World countries, fighting against poverty and disease? I'm genuinely curious of your thoughts on this.
Posted by: curious at November 22, 2006 10:04 AM
Hi April,
Once again, thanks for your thoughtful and thought-provoking blog!
One part of your post made me pause and think: the paragraph you begin by saying that "in our culture, making choices instead of living compulsion to compulsion is considered odd, at least where food is concerned." I guess I just wanted to point out that the views you're expressing in this paragraph are just that -- your views, opinions, and not necessarily facts. I can't say that I particularly agree with you. I've lived in four different states in the U.S., on the East and West coasts, and in the midwest. I've always tried to eat healthily -- to make conscious choices about what I eat -- and I don't think I've ever felt seriously, or even semi-seriously, concerned that anyone thought I was odd, weird, or had an eating disorder. Now, granted, I've always lived in urban areas (though some on the small side, like a college town of about 100,000 people). And granted, I've never done CR. But you weren't, it seems, particularly talking about CR -- you seemed to be more just talking about consciously making healthy choices. I mean, sure, I'm not that out of it -- I certainly know that there are lots of areas in this big country where one can't easily buy fresh vegetables, where the only convenient restaurants are fast-food, and where lots of the people living there might think trying to eat mindfully and healthily was weird or silly -- sure. But, I guess my point is that there're *also*, simultaneously, lots and lots of cities and towns in this big country that aren't overwhelmingly like that; there are lots of places in which many, many inhabitants are trying to eat healthily, buying lots of vegetables, being physically active, etc.
Obviously, some of this all comes down to one's experiences, and the opinions that one forms based on those experiences. If you feel, based on your experiences, that in this culture, it's considered weird, odd, and eating disorderish to make conscious choices about food, and that we're expected to eat and eat without regard to health, then of course that is how you feel! But not everyone feels that way, and I certainly don't think we can say that it is somehow "factually" true that in early 21st century America, we are expected to eat and eat, regardless of the impact on our health. I think I *can* say for a fact that if I started to eat and eat, regardless of the impact on my health, my family and friends would be quite concerned for my physical and emotional well-being -- and my family and friends are certainly not doing CR; they're just your basic, average, urban residents, making some efforts to eat and live healthily.
This is a big, heterogenous country, in which things are often changing, and probably will continue to change. What is considered "weird" by "most people" is constantly changing. And -- again, just my opinion, of course -- there are lots o' places in this country in which lots o' odd, eccentric people live; places where you'd have to do a heck of a lot more than just make conscious eating choices to really stand out as odd!
Anyway, sorry for the long post; just some thoughts. Don't mean to be overly critical -- I really enjoy your blog, and am glad it gets me thinking. Happy Thanksgiving!
Posted by: Rachel at November 22, 2006 11:49 AM
aprilita,
my computer lost it, pleese change the cronistanbul link to istanbulwitchy.blogger.com.
ı had to copy paste every single a letter in this entry since my p.c refuses to type the letter a.
Posted by: istanbulwitchy at November 22, 2006 5:23 PM
aprilita,
my computer lost it, pleese change the cronistanbul link to istanbulwitchy.blogger.com.
ı had to copy paste every single a letter in this entry since my p.c refuses to type the letter a.
Posted by: istanbulwitchy at November 22, 2006 5:43 PM
hey april! happy holidays! i'm hooked on this philosophy - why wouldn't you want to better yourself in this way - when it's so simple? I just started using the cronometer which is so easy and informative. I'm so excited! anyway - you used to mention the archives a lot as a source of great research and information - do you have the link to these? are they even online?
Posted by: catherine at November 22, 2006 8:38 PM
A commenter asks what I plan to do with my life.
Well, I'm a union organizer. I've dedicated my entire adult life (eleven years) to helping workers get power on the job and improve the standard of living for themselves and their families. I've helped people get health insurance for their same-sex partners, helped nurses get protection from being fired for speaking up for the quality of patient care, and secured decent pensions for workers who spend their entire lives caring for others and then had to retire into poverty. Those are just a few highlights.
I plan to keep doing more of the same. When I first started CR, a large part of my motivation was the belief that to see the change to a country that is more fair, just, and economically equitable, I'd have to live a very long time. Things are improving, but it's a long road. My CR practice helps me work the 80+ hour weeks that I have to work to help workers make the improvements they need on their jobs.
I have spent the last eleven years fighting the capitalist system that makes the rich richer and the poor poorer. I plan to keep on doing that, and it's going to take awhile.
a
Posted by: April at November 23, 2006 8:18 AM
Great post.
Posted by: Jake Silver at November 23, 2006 8:25 AM
April
Thank you for your comments on my blogs ( http://2livingwell.blogspot.com ) AND 3deye.blogspot.com) regarding a restricted diet based upon consuming fewer calories - and - just for the record - I am ALL FOR restricted caloric intake - but i must admit i simply call it "eating less."
My point was that - taken to an extreme - "restricted caloric intake" REDUCES one's QUALITY of life to such an extent that MORE life is NOT necessarily a better life !
I eat what I want, just a lot less of it, that's all - so instead of of a half or quarter pound of pumpkin pie today, i may have 2 oz, and instead of eating until i can't move, I merely get a good taste of everything and stop eating BEFORE i get that "full" feeling.
Anyway - I LIK it that you have been working for the unions (I am a full fledged Democrat), and wish you well in all you do.
Stay in touch, April.
Joseph
Posted by: Joseph Paris at November 23, 2006 8:53 AM
Curious asks:
So, what do you plan to do with this supposedly extended lifespan of yours, other than enjoy sexual pleasure? Are you working to make the world better, or is this an exercise in selfish self-control that only the wealthy (and those with time on their hands) can afford? What do you do in your daily life that will make this purported "extra time", if you actually achieve it, worth it? Why, when justifying this choice, do you and your compatriots talk about "having fun" instead of using the time to work at effecting positive changes in the world? Is a 125-year life of pleasure better than a 75-year life of duty and selflessness? Why are no CR people using their time to work in Third World countries, fighting against poverty and disease? I'm genuinely curious of your thoughts on this.
And I answered:
Well, I'm a union organizer. I've dedicated my entire adult life (eleven years) to helping workers get power on the job and improve the standard of living for themselves and their families. I've helped people get health insurance for their same-sex partners, helped nurses get protection from being fired for speaking up for the quality of patient care, and secured decent pensions for workers who spend their entire lives caring for others and then had to retire into poverty. Those are just a few highlights.
I plan to keep doing more of the same. When I first started CR, a large part of my motivation was the belief that to see the change to a country that is more fair, just, and economically equitable, I'd have to live a very long time. Things are improving, but it's a long road. My CR practice helps me work the 80+ hour weeks that I have to work to help workers make the improvements they need on their jobs.
I have spent the last eleven years fighting the capitalist system that makes the rich richer and the poor poorer. I plan to keep on doing that, and it's going to take awhile.
Here's what I don't get: why does this commenter, and many other naysayers, including this pundit on salon.com, assume that those of us who are doing CR are doing nothing worthwhile with our lives?
I am not one of those people who sits comfortably in an ivory tower thinking about the problems of our world. I spent my twenties, while my friends were either making tons of money as corporate lawyers or having fun "finding themselves" in all sorts of exotic places, working. Working to help the working class in America get some power and improve their lives. Working day and night, weekdays and weekends, holidays and all, to make sure that health care workers had a voice on their jobs. And I continue to this day. I don't take summer vacations, I don't get to be home for dinner most nights, I don't get weekends off, all because I care more about changing the political economy of this country than I care about leading a "normal" middle class life. So no, I am not leading a life of idleness and vegetable chopping.
Because I do CR, I have more energy, more mental focus, and more general health. That makes me better at my work. I take fewer sick days. I require less health care. I need no medications. I am at very low risk for the diseases that disable and kill most Americans. My footprint on the world is lighter than that of someone who eats all her or she can possibly consume.
But what if I didn't do something particularly selfless or useful? What if, for example, I were a professional poker player? Would you prefer that I eat more and land in the ICU at age 65? That doesn't make any sense. Do those of us who actively choose not to destroy our health have to justify this with good works? Can't it just be enough that we don't choose to overconsume?
The commenter describes CR as a "selfish exercise in self-control." Now why is that? What is selfish about self control? Are we supposed to infer that eating more is less selfish? To me, it seems that eating more than one's body needs is quite selfish indeed, for not only are you consuming food resources, you are also setting yourself to consumer more scarce health care resources a few years down the road.
I refer to the pleasure of sex because I think it's something my readers can relate to. The sublime pleasure of watching a worker's face when she realizes that due to this union contract, for the first time, she will have health insurance for her partner's children, is definitely worth living for. But most of my readers have not experienced the joy of union organizing, and most of my readers have experienced the joy of sex. I pick my analogies based on what I think will be most widely understood. However, I've written about my work enough times that I'm surprised that long term readers don't remember.
The real question should be: why does anyone think that his or her life is so lacking in value that it is worth trading a few years of life and health for a cheeseburger?
I believe that every human being has intrinsic worth. I believe that health care should be for all, and that quality food, not just what the food industry finds it cheap and convenient to market to us, should be available to all. To me, every pre-mature death caused by the diseases of obesity is a tragedy. And every moment wasted in body-hatred and obesity induced disability is a loss to all of humanity, not just to those who suffer most directly. There are many things we can not control, but what we put in our mouths (unless we are in prison or disabled to the point of being dependent on the care of others) is up to us. I believe that people should have access to information that gives them the power to make choices about their health. I know, it's weird.
I believe that every life is worth living. Do you disagree?
Posted by: april at November 25, 2006 8:11 PM
Hey April,
What nutritional based software do you recommend?
Posted by: Tammy at November 27, 2006 3:35 PM
April,
Keep up the good work. CR diet is not for me, but good luck with it for you.
I would have had a different response for the commentator who ask what you plan to do with your extended life. I would have said simply that its none of his or her business and told them that I don't have to justify any of my personal life choices to anyone I do not know personally.
I sometimes get this line of jive when I talk about life-extension. I tell them that there is only one person, my wife, that I have to justify anything I do to and you are not her.
Posted by: Kurt9 at January 30, 2007 2:19 PM