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January 26, 2007
Success Disaster
I learned a new term last night from a friend in the computer/internet/networking industry. "Success disaster." It's when you market a new product and suddenly there's so much demand you can't possibly keep up with it. I found this concept riveting because it's so often the case that success brings a whole new set of challenges that those who succeed weren't prepared for. When we're busy failing, we know how to deal with the familiar challenges of failure. But success puts up a whole new set of obstacles, ones we might not have anticipated.
Let me talk to you for a sec about possible problems resulting from success with CR, or even with healthy weight loss.
When I set out on the path to improve my health and lose weight the right way, I sat my closest friends down and explained that I had to make some changes. I told them why I wanted to make these changes, gave them articles explaining the science behind it, and asked for their support. They've been pretty darn good about giving me that support, even though some of them preferred me heavier.
But as a good friend of mine, a master practitioner of various forms of western magick and meditation likes to say, "When you do self-transformational work, you risk everything in your life."
This is quite true. When you embark upon a path of self-transformation, you risk everything to which you have become accustomed. Your routines, your relationships, even your relationship with yourself. CR is such a path of self-transformation, even if you're only interested in CR at a moderate level.
Over the years I've had the opportunity to become friends with many fellow CR practitioners. The stories of our first year are so are errily similar: the euphoria, the body changes, the social struggles, and the changes in our overall perspective on the world that reverberate througout our lives. Once we learn that we can take control of our health and our bodies, we begin to see the power we have over other parts of our lives. That's overall very positive, but it can cause some unexpected consequences.
For instance, several CR practitioners I've spoken with have reported that they became more assertive in their relationships. Less willing to settle. A bit more independent and self-reliant. This can either be a welcome relief to significant other and family members, or it can be perceived as a threat. I know more than a few CR'd females who have left their husbands/boyfriends/girlfriends/lovers when their new self-image no longer seemed to fit into their partner's vision of the relationship. Or left their jobs. Or resumed relationships with their families. Or cut off ties with friends or family members who were destructive influences on their lives.
In the beginning, as we embrace these radical changes in our lifestyle and health, it's tempting to reject the habits and even the people we clung to before we embarked upon the path. I know I went through a phase when I just didn't want to hang out with my old friends as much. I resented their unhealthy habits, felt self-conscious about the change I was trying to make, and feared a re-lapse into my previous way of being. Over time though, I realized that some of the people who were with me before I started CR and have supported me all the way are some of the most important people in my life. The kind who would come rescue me if I had a flat tire in a snow storm on the PA Turnpike in the middle of the night in Februrary. The kind who still love me even when I take out frustrations for things that can't possibly be their fault on them. Real, forever friends. We have different eating habits, but we're as close as ever.
Others had to go. People who intentionally tried to sabotage my self-confidence and self-esteem. People who based their feelings of self-worth on putting others (like me) down. People who couldn't be happy for my successes, whether it be in work, health or love. I learned to let go of toxic relationships. That doesn't mean that I don't still have problems... recently a close friend and I had to work through a bout of toxicity that was poisoning our otherwise phenomenal long term friendship. But I became less of a doormat, more of a strong woman willing to fight for herself, as well as for those she cares about.
For those of you who don't have any weight to lose (or not much) don't think that you're immune from problems resulting from your success. If you're doing something differently, you're going to get a different result. You may feel more energetic, more calm, more powerful than you ever did before. You may already be used to people reacting to you as a thin person (somthing it takes awhile for us formerly not so skinny girls to get used to) but something may change inside you, something not so visible, that changes your entire outlook on life.
I could be wrong. There is no reason to believe we can extrapolate from my experience onto yours. Yet so many of these things seem to be universal, that it seems only fair to warn ya.
Remember that you have choices at every step along the way. You can choose how far you go into CR. You choose which relationships are helpful to you as a whole person (body, mind and spirit) and which are destructive. Doing CR is just one more way you exercise power over your own destiny. I found that it opened the door to many other ways, and my life has changed far beyond what I would have imagined possible. Your experience may be different.
Success comes with unforeseen consequences. It is worth taking a moment now to imagine what your life would be like if you achieved the goals you're currently setting your sights on. I wish I had done this. I might have encountered less surprise along the way.
Your success may open up a whole series of doors that you were unprepared to deal with. You may be tempted to run back to the old lifestyle with its familiar pain and comfortable limitations.
Don't even bother, because once you've tasted freedom, you're never going back.
It's hard to keep a foot in both worlds. Today a very close (non-CR') friend of mine invited me out for lunch to a very fancy place in Center City where he had a gift certificate. We ate a much larger lunch that I would normally consume: I had a cup of Manhattan clam chowder, an entree salad of crab meat, avocado, spring mix, and tomatoes with grapefruit and a grapefruit balsamic vinegarette. We split a piece of key lime pie for dessert. I am stuffed and will not be eating at dinner. I still enjoy the opportunity to go out with friends for an excellent meal at a great restaurant, but it does make it a bit more difficult to stay to my CR plan. I won't be hungry for dinner, but I also won't be sure what nutrients I consumed today. It's worth it to maintain my social life, and the food was delicious! But it's always a trade-off.
None of this is all or nothing. As the theme from one of my favorite TV shows of all time, The Facts of Life, informs us:
You take the good
You take the bad
You take 'em both
And there you have
The facts of life, the facts of life...
Posted by april at January 26, 2007 2:35 PM
Comments
Beautifully put, as usual.
Posted by: Hilary at January 26, 2007 8:52 PM
Amazing post, April, thanks.
Posted by: Hazel at January 26, 2007 10:12 PM
Great post that really hit home for me. I say this with caution, but I hope one day to have elliminated a few of my current pals from my life. I love them to death, but their lifestyles are very destructive for them and for me. I know it is not their fault that I follow the path in which they walk, but I would be less likely to do so if I were alone or in different company. Your post has made me realize (even though I already knew it somewhere in my brain) that when and if these changes in my life take place, it will be okay. Actually, life could be better! Thanks, April!
Posted by: carolyn at January 27, 2007 11:52 AM
This post on success disaster is better than jumbo shrimp.
Posted by: allswellinhell at January 29, 2007 1:51 PM