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February 5, 2007
Busy Monday
Okay, this is going to be a short entry because I'm exhausted.
5 am: Up. Feed giant howling tabby cat. Snuggle giant cat on couch. Fall back to sleep till MR (busy making our salads) wakes me at ten till six. Dash like a madwoman to the shower, demanding that MR make me coffee, since he was supposed to wake me at 5:30 and forgot, and I have to leave the house at 6:30 to make it to my morning meeting on time.
6:30 dash out of the house with a megamuffin and the lovely travel mug full of coffee that MR made me.
7:20: Arrive at McDonald's the location of my 7:30 am meeting. Drink coffee, eat nothing, meet with nurses.
8:30 am: Hit the road to sit in traffic for forty-five minutes on the way to the office. Eat megamuffin breakfast, take supplements.
9:15 am - just before 4 pm: work like crazy at office, where the building management turns off the heat over the weekend, so it was 42 degrees when we arrived! I didn't take my coat off till after noon when the heat finally made it above 60. Took short lunch break to join co-workers in conference room for a meal: they ate pizza and such, I ate my MR-packed salad with yogurt and almonds.
1:30 pm: Eat 3 dried apricot pieces off co-worker's desk, email co-worker nutritiondata.com info on calories, etc. in dried apricots. Offer to weigh a dried apricot on mini scale to report actual calorie content to co-worker who is working on losing weight the healthy way. Then realize mini-scale is in the car and it's too cold outside (11 degrees, colder with wind chill) to go outside. Probably slightly overcount calories in apricots, as not sure on the weight, and realize that people are terrible at estimating such things. Calorie count for today is give or take about 20.
Nearing 4 pm: begin to become resentful because it's almost time for evening phone calls (when day shift nurses get off work) and I haven't yet had time to go to gym. Since I work basically twenty-four hours a day, I try to carve out time during the day to pop to the gym. But today, like many days, attacked from every direction. Complained about situation to my partner in running the organization who is a devotee of exercise. He said, "Go now, right at this second, have a quick workout before you have to get back on the phones!" So I ran out the door, went to the gym, began to change into workout attire.
Realized that I had only one sneaker in my gym bag. Considered what sort of exercise I might do with one gym shoe. Clearly, my work heels wouldn't cut it on the weight room floor or the treadmill. Contemplated hopping on one foot for aerobic and bone building exercise all in one. Dismissed possiblity as too flamingo-like and potentially dangerous to lower leg health, went home.
4:15 pm: Pointed accusingly at offending shoe, left on the floor by the door where it had fallen out of my gym bag, and whined to MR about lack of workout despite best of intentions.
4:15 pm - 6:30 pm: Made calls to nurses.
6:00 - 6:30, while making calls: Created dinner for self and MR, chatted a bit online with a good friend.
6:30: Dinner with MR. I eat: soup of brewers yeast, veggie broth, carrots, broccoli, cauilflower, snap peas, shiitake mushrooms, and flax oil. Appetizers while cooking: two slices of nonfat cheese, pint of grape tomatoes, five almonds. He eats: stew of eggplant, artichoke hearts, asparagi, broccoli, eggwhites, basil, garlic, flax oil, olive oil, and hazelnuts on the side. We both drink a fab new pinot noir from my favorite wine store.
7:30: Dishes, more calls to nurses, begin to contemplate fact that am already tired, and must actually be at a meeting at 6:30 am tomorrow therefore will be leaving house at 5:45 am. With late night meetings till after 9 pm tomorrow, I'll need a good night's sleep tonight.
8:30 pm: Write to bloggiefriends, feeling guilty that have not had time to compose brilliant enlightening entry as of late. Sometimes, I have to work.
Total calories for today: 1200. Low today because I ate unmeasuredly on Saturday night at friend's dinner party, and even though I had gone very low the day of to make room, I know it was over cals.
When people ask me what I do when I go over to someone else's house for dinner, my answer is, "Eat the food, just in smaller amounts." As a hobby cook myself, I can't stand to watch someone work all day on a meal and then not try it. MR has no such reservations: he brings his own food, and you'd be surprised at the degree to which no one notices or minds. I had made him a dish with broccoli, mangos, tomatoes, eggwhites, avocado... a vegetarian version of my mango shrimp. He ate his dish at the same time as the rest of us ate lamb stew, and no one even noticed. My friend wasn't offended in the slightest: he is so grateful that MR became my partner and ended two years of my complaining about being single that he would probably not mind if MR sacrificed a goat on his kitchen counter and ate the raw meat for dinner while dripping goat blood onto the carpet. I had a bowl of the lamb stew, the tossed salad (lettuce, green pepper, grape tomatoes), a half slice of the Irish soda bread, a cracker with brie, one of my appetizers, and then a slice of the almond pie that another of our friends brought for dessert. Not a gargantuan meal by normal people standards, but way more than my normal dinner. I had gone very light the rest of the day to get ready for it: half my usual breakfast, followed by a small lunch salad of lettuce, tomato, cucumber, broccoli and fresh steamed beets.
To a lot of people, the way I ate at the dinner party would seem to be a more comfortable way of eating then my normal eating style. Eating this and that, unmeasured, way more calories than I need (I am small, so my margin is narrow) but hey, I was polite, social, and ate what everyone else was eating. Less attention to detail, which inevitably results in more calories and less nutrition.
Early in my CR, I tried to balance eating more like a "normal" person on a fairly regular basis (once or twice a week) with keeping my calories low by going very low on carefully measured and nutrient balanced weekdays to make up for suboptimal eating when I go out with friends or over to someone's house. But what I learned as I started to stick more consistently to my regular CR calorie level is that I feel so, so much better when I'm in my CR groove: eating only the foods that truly nourish my body and keeping my calories consistent. There's a feeling of unbelievable health that comes from a super-nutrient dense, low calorie diet... for those of you just starting out, you'll see what I mean when you get there. It's not calorie deficit or fasting, it's a state of optimal nutritional and calorie balance. When a social event forces me out of my groove, I'm willing to go along with the crowd to be friendly and keep the peace. But I wake up missing my happy, healthy feeling. It's not that I beat myself up for eating more or feel guilty... with pretty rare exceptions, I am way over looking at food as a moral issue. It's just that I've achieved a new level of health that *feels* so much better. I'm now much more sensitive to disturbances in my diet. While pre-CR I felt mildly bad most all the time, now I feel so very well almost all the time that I notice a small differences that would be indetectable to most people. As my CR practice has evolved, I've decreased the number of times per month when I eat suboptimally, and found that it's much easier and more comfortable to just keep consistent and nutrient-packed pretty much every day. Since my friends and family have gradually gotten used to the transition over a long period of time, the social struggle has been fairly minimal. And of course it helps that my partner is more than supportive.
It's still worth it to me to diverge from my normal eating habits once in awhile for social reasons, especially when work or close friends are involved. As has been rightly pointed out, it's the average that counts, and it is *possible* to make up for suboptimal eating with lower calorie eating at other meals and on other days. But it just doesn't feel as good! I've come to see the suboptimal eating as deprivation, not the other way around. My normal diet, full of veggies, lean protein, unsaturated fats, and the exact kinds of foods that I know I love and that make me feel great is my own personal happy meal. Regular people's food just doesn't feel as good.
I doubt that anyone who has never entered the state of optimal health that CR can bring will have any idea what I'm talking about. The feeling of vitality, absence of lethargy, total glowing health that I have with my normal diet is so far off from how most people live their lives that it probably sounds like I'm coming from another planet. When I think about my reasons for my ever-more-serious practice of CR, it's this feeling of constant humming vibrant health that propels me along just as much as the hope of slowing my aging process. Rebecca Traister may think we're dieting our way to a long, miserable life... from my perspective on the other side of the transition, what I was doing before was eating my way to a short, miserable life. Of course, had I never started down this path, I never would have known. So many people accept ill health that it's become the norm. And I suspect that most people really don't realize that there might be another way.
I still had a lovely time at the dinner party, and enjoyed the food and the company of eleven of my friends. My friend the host is an excellent cook, and his food always tastes great. The almond cake was especially fantastic, the kind of rich dessert that you only really need to eat once a year. But I've discovered that I have an even better time if the party is at my house and I make the food. I'm sure I'm not the first cook to have found that she prefers her own cooking to most anything she can get out and about. Unlike most cooks, I'm evaluating not only taste but the entire package of how food makes me feel.
Here is the center of the matter: when I'm eating my healthy, low calorie food, I don't sit around missing lamb stew, brie, soda bread, or almond cake. It wouldn't even occur to me to eat them because I'm satisfied with the food I'm eating, whether it's veggies, seafood, fruits, or some other odd concoction I've made up to serve for myself, my partner, or any family or friends who've come to dinner. But when I eat non-CR friendly foods, I do miss my state of optimal health. I never think, on a normal CR day, "Gee, I wish I had some (insert name of suboptimal food.)" But on a suboptimal day, I frequently think, "Gee, I wish I had some of the way I feel on a regular day! What the heck happened? I can't believe I used to feel like this all the time!"
I was happy to be back to my own healthy food on Sunday. Sunday breakfast, kale and napa salad for lunch with yogurt and salsa and flax, and green chili vegetable stir fry for dinner. Today was quotidian to say the least: all my favorites, minus my usual eggwhites since I was on the road for breakfast. Still got that megamuffin in!
I'm tired now and must cuddle cats and get some rest before another long, long day. How I did this pre-CR, I have no idea. I remember that I used to feel tired all the time. Now I have the energy to make it through my long days and still feel great.
Even on busy Mondays.
Posted by april at February 5, 2007 9:23 PM
Comments
Hello!
Thank you for your very interesting and inspiring posts. I am new to CR and am in the research phase. I'm reading everything I can, basically, and calculating everything I eat. I am now eating no more than 1300 calories per day. I have always (even before CR) started my morning with 1/2 cup of oatmeal made with skim milk with almonds and blueberries. You seem to not like oatmeal, my question is why not? I don't like egg whites and oatmeal fits into my calorie intake. I would be grateful for some information!!
Posted by: Danielle at February 5, 2007 11:18 PM
such a good post April. So detailed and thoughtful.
Posted by: Hazel at February 5, 2007 11:38 PM
Hi everybody,
I owe a lot of people a lot of answers to questions, just want to let you know i haven't forgotten you. Rachel, Danielle, Michael, and all, I will get back to you asap. Your questions are a bit more complicated than you may realize, and I want to give them the treatment they deserve instead of just dashing off a quick answer.
Really, I'll get to it soon!
a
Posted by: april at February 6, 2007 3:49 AM
Beautifully written as usual. Thank you April!
D
Posted by: Deborah at February 6, 2007 6:47 AM
April, a great post today. I like it so much better when you're eating suboptimally once in a while and not fretting so much about calories. :-)
Al
Posted by: Al Nye at February 6, 2007 7:20 AM
I'm with you on preferring to host or at least bring dishes to gatherings for the reasons you give. I don't crave the bad things either, but enjoy making foods that appear to friends and family as though they are bad, when they really are not SO BAD (higher in calories, yes, but packed with nutrition). Unhealthy food hits me immediately as well. In fact, on these occasions, I miss the good stuff so much that my CR takes a back seat to still getting in all my usuals. It seems better to me to have more calories while ensuring proper nutrition than to stay within my calorie budget having received little nutrition and/or too much fat.
Posted by: Erin at February 6, 2007 7:45 AM
Al, what a horrible thing to say! You actively prefer it when I feel crappy?
Surely not! You're way too nice for that!
:)
a
Posted by: april at February 6, 2007 8:01 AM
Calorie count for sacrificed raw goat (with blood)?
Loved the image of you pointing accusingly at the offending shoe, and also contemplating flamingo-style workout. Great entry! :-)
Posted by: stirred_apart at February 6, 2007 8:23 AM
April, I like it when you "go with the flow" and don't get all worked up about eating a few extra calories. The feeling crappy part is just a bonus!
(Just kidding.)
Al
Posted by: Al Nye at February 6, 2007 9:12 AM
Al, I think I'm failing to communicate. Let me try to clarify.
"Going with the flow," does not make me happy. I "go with the flow" to please others whom I care about, not because it makes me enjoy my own life more. I think if you were around me and saw how very happy I am with my regular calorie intake, you'd see what I mean. Online communication often falls short.
I don't know if you've ever been much of an exerciser, but do you know how great you feel when you're working out every day, in your groove with your run or your lifting or your aerobics or your acrobatic square dancing or whatever? Sure, you might enjoy hitting the bar at happy hour instead of going to the gym one day, and drink your beer with just as much gusto as the next person. But even at the time, and more so the next day, you find yourself thinking, "Gee, I just feel so much better when I get in my workout! I miss my run/power yoga/aerobic step striptease whatever!"
To someone who is not an exerciser, that might seem goofy. The non-exerciser might say, "Why fret about a missed workout? Loosen up and hit the bar more often! Come on, a few beers instead of a few miles run or whatever won't kill you! What's up with this obsession with exercise?" And of course, on some level, they're right: you won't drop dead as a result of your missed workout replaced with beer at the bar (unless you drive home drunk, but that's another set of problems.) But *you,* the avid exerciser, can feel the difference in your body. You don't sleep as well, you feel more tense, you're just not quite as "up" as you are when you get your nice workout.
So while you're willing to head out to the bar with friends to celebrate a big victory or a birthday or whatever, and you enjoy your beer just fine, you make it a habit to hit the gym after work most every day instead of heading over to happy hour. And you really do prefer to live your life that way. It looks weird to people who haven't experienced the thrill of being in great shape and in a workout groove, but it's how most people who exercise regularly doing an activity they enjoy feel.
Hope this analogy doesn't fall flat. Having been in the exercise groove as well as the CR groove, I find that the two have a lot in common.
Now if I could only manage to arrive at the gym with BOTH of my sneakers...
a
Posted by: April at February 6, 2007 9:25 AM
Wow, I am left wondering if Al even carefully *read* April's post, which he referred to as "great." The whole point of the post, as I read it (besides that she's busy and tired) is that it actually does *not* make her either happy or feel good physically to eat "suboptimally," even occasionally, and that she only does it because she feels somewhat forced to by social situations. My take was that April would prefer to never, or almost never, eat suboptimally. Which seems quite different from Al's philosophy, which apparently is that people (or at least Al) will be happier if they do not practice extreme CRON; moderate CRON and "going with the flow" is all that is necessary and will lead to a happier, more relaxed life (again, at least for Al, if not for the person actually practicing CRON!). So, I am left feeling puzzled as to why Al even thinks that April's post is so great, when it seems to strongly express her philosophy that differs from his. Is it just that he thinks it's "great" that she ate suboptimally for one dinner, even though she didn't particularly enjoy doing so??
Rachel S. (I've realized there seem to be 2 Rachels posting and reading!)
Posted by: Rachel S. at February 6, 2007 10:29 AM
Okay April, I can see that joking with you about CR or exercise is just out of the question.
Just let me say that you can also overdue a good thing. I was one of those heavy exercisers that you write about -- years ago I ran 50 - 60 miles a week and competed in marathons. I ran so much that at the age of 40, I weighed what I did when I was 14.
I enjoyed working out every day and -- for a while -- didn't want to miss a workout. Pretty soon my daily life seemed to revolve around my running schedule. I was determined to exercise every day.
Then I started getting nagging injuries. I ignored them. They became more serious and I tried to work through them -- gotta keep running, keep exercising, keep on that treadmill.
Then I tore out my knee and had to have an operation. A year later, I had my other knee done. Guess what I discovered? My body needed some days off -- I needed a break from the constant exercising. And you know what? It didn't hurt my race times at all. In fact, when I started getting better rest by taking days off I felt much better and ran even faster.
I believe that most folks on CR need the same type of thing -- a break where they can eat a piece of chocolate or a slice of pie. I read about Cat on her blog having issues with obsessing about food, and Ali, Emily and Sara all joining in with their comments. I read about Hazel and her problems with craving chocolate.
Your advice to Cat was right on the money: "Put your happiness first, and the rest will follow." I believe that for most folks -- especially those just starting CR -- allowing for junk food once in a while or having a day of much higher calories is more than just okay -- it may even be essential.
Just as you can over train in exercise and injure yourself, I think that folks can focus too much on measuring their calories and nutrition and forget that sometimes eating just a small portion of junk is "good for you" in that it provides with you a treat, a break from the rigid rules of CR, and allows you the ability to get back on that CR schedule again.
I believe that the best way for most folks to be successful at CR -- clearly NOT you April -- is to indulge in eating a non-CR treat once in a while and not worry too much about a single lapse.
Al
Posted by: Al Nye at February 6, 2007 10:34 AM
I haven't read all the comments above mine, but I just want to be a typical cheerleader for you. Keep up the fight!
Did you ever imagine back when you were the ingenue of CR that you would be the media icon that you've become? Shoot, girlfriend, you're the Diane Walters of CR! You're like J'Lo!
Hope you're dealing with the pressure in your usual awesome style. Tell your mom I said Hi - I really want to meet you both some day. Especially your mom, actually. I'd love to talk to her about religion. Its something I'm dealing with lately . . .
Anyway, loved the post.
Posted by: Amy at February 6, 2007 11:05 AM
Even as a newbie, I know what you mean about the groove. When I'm eating less, I feel lighter, more aware, more energetic, and I tend to sleep better. I went to a Super Bowl party on Sunday and had a bowl of chili. It was a very good chili, but I almost immediately started feeling no-so-good, and it's taken me two days to get back to a feel-good spot. And I've only been doing mild CR for a few weeks! I can't imagine how much better it will be after months and years...
Posted by: Sierra at February 6, 2007 11:19 AM
Rachel S. --
I was kidding around with April. I gave her a little bit of a hard time last week when she posted about her issues around eating a piece of full-fat cheese, so I jokingly said I liked knowing that she was eating suboptimally. Truthfully, I hope she eats only exactly what she wants and feels great for doing so.
Al
Posted by: Al Nye at February 6, 2007 1:04 PM
In spite of your lack of time and being tired, you managed to post a lengthy and thought-provoking entry! I'm flirting with CR, but as I continue to make choice about eating well, I do feel "off" when I don't eat well. I gave into a craving for sweet potato fries the other day, and I felt horrible afterwards. The insult to injury? They were fried in old, icky (more icky than usual) oil, so there was nothing redeeming about it. I felt like a big pile of crap for the next 12 hours.
Posted by: Gina at February 6, 2007 1:36 PM
Okay I have to say that I agree with and hold much respect for both April and Al. Although the back and forth between the two of them can sometimes be amusing and fun to read, I am sure that it can be quite aggrivating and tiring for some people including Al and April.
Here's my take;
April and Al both make great points. However, they are just that. They are personal experiences, opinions, etc. Neither side has much to say that is based on fact. So, why argue so much? Why not just respect each other's opinions?
People read the CR blogs and other's to get ideas and for the support of their fellow bloggers. No one is posting about the one and only way to practice CR and if that is what you have come to the CR blog world for, you are in the wrong place. There is no step by step plan for perfect or near perfect CR.
I personally prefer a more moderate approach to CR. If I had made myself believe that for me to be a sucess at CR only by practicing in a very strict and meticulous manner, I would fail.
Thanks to all the other strict, experienced CR folk for all the advice and support and for not making me feel like a CR failure when I ate a slice of pizza or binged on the "skinnybithces" (cocktail).
So to Al I say; April's stubborn and she will never agree with you.
To April I say; I like stubborn (#1) and don't let Al's funny critical remarks get you rowled up!
Posted by: carolyn at February 6, 2007 1:52 PM
OMG! You are so totally funny, April! You first had me shrieking with laughter over the image of MR (of all people!) sacrificing a goat, then the completely insane concept of acrobatic square dancing set me off again and now I can't stop giggling over aerobic step striptease! I really am entirely too visual. It's a good thing that my boss is out and the other people in the office are far enough away that they can't hear me snickering and chortling, or they'd all think I'd really lost it this time! Awesome! Blog on. JD :-)
Posted by: Judith at February 6, 2007 2:01 PM
I think that Carolyn's points are good and I basically agree with them. Obviously, both April and Al are well-meaning people who are genuinely interested in CRON!
My issue is pretty much this: from reading April, I have always gotten a sense from her of: "This is what's worked for me, but everyone's different; a different approach might work better for other people. I'm happy to offer suggestions to try to help you find the best approach for *you* -- which might not be the best approach for *me*." On the other hand...I know that Al often writes in jest, and I do have a sense of humor (truly!), but I do often sense an underlying thread to his comments that says something like: "This is the approach that works best for me, and quite honestly, I think that almost everyone would do well to follow this (i.e., my) approach."
I tend to find the second way (telling people, even if it's subtly, that your approach is what will work for them, too) significantly less appealing than the first (cheerfully admitting that everyone is different, but you're happy to try to help) -- but hey, maybe that's just me...!
Rachel
Posted by: Rachel S. at February 6, 2007 3:46 PM
I'm always so amazed when I check back to this blog after a full day and find 18 comments and still counting. Holy cow you guys do love to spar. I just have to say one thing to another commenter...Gina your blog is so great! Welcome to the group if you decide to join... you won't be sorry!
April, you may just have to turn your blog into a forum. We could really use one.
As always,
D
Posted by: Deborah at February 6, 2007 7:41 PM