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March 15, 2007
Being Skinny Does Not Solve All Your Problems
Our CR sister Emily eloquently writes today about how many women buy into the myth that once you're skinny, all your problems go away:
They're holding on to the myth that being skinny solves all your problems and all your body insecurities. And it doesn't. If you're self-critical, there will ALWAYS be something to dislike, and let's not even get into how being thin will not make life automatically easy.
That is so true. While being thin does solve some of your problems, especially health problems, it's definitely the case that those of us who are self-critical will always find something to criticize.
For instance, I am really bothered by the state of my carpet. It wasn't new when we moved in, and now that it's lived with two cats since October, it has lots of pale, faded stains. With a bunch of CR sisters and brothers coming in a couple of weeks, I regard my carpet with shame. Will they think less of me because I need new carpets? Sure, I'm thin, but my carpet looks like someone barfed on it! And sure enough, someone did! Kieffer and Philomena, the barfy cats!
The constant negative self-talk loop that plays in our female heads may occasionally have to find something to say other than, "You're so fat," but if you're in the habit of negative self-talk, the loop will find a topic. I've always found it hard to break the cycle of self-talk without a very conscious effort. I have to say to myself: "These people are not attending a conference on how to steam clean carpets. They are coming to have fellowship with like minded CR folk. Most of them will not even notice the stupid carpet. Those who do probably won't think the stains are nearly as bad as I think they are. They may have tips on how to get the stains out!"
Four years ago, I had a great job, great friends, excellent cats, and a life I loved. But I had some debt, some weight to lose, and I didn't have a boyfriend.
So I constantly beat myself up about my unworthiness.
These days, I have all of the above, minus the debt, minus the weight, plus the boyfriend.
It's still so easy to find something to beat myself up about. I just raise my standards higher. For instance:
I'm thin now but I'm not as hardcore CR as I'd like to be and I keep forgetting to take my in-between meal supplements! How can I be so committed to life-extension and yet forget my supplements, share a dessert, and have stains on my carpet???!!!
Then I just tell myself to shut the f*&^ up, cause that's stupid.
Even if I never shared dessert, steam cleaned my carpet daily, and took my supplements on the dot of the appropriate hour, I'd still find *something* to feel bad about!
And don't even get me started about how I need to organize my closets, which I have never properly put together since we moved in. Maybe I need to attend a support group for people who are irrationally afraid of closets. What's in there? A scary monster? The big bad wolf? Or just some clothes that really should go to the dry cleaner?
I still get really happy when I pay my credit card bill in full every month, or when I remember that my student loans are paid off. I still feel great about my body and love the way I look in the mirror. But I find things to complain about, ways to feel incompetent. We all do.
Even MR, the paragon of CR perfection and a great saver of money, feels bad about stuff. It's just *other* stuff. At least he has two loving cats to cheer him up all day. They're constantly telling him what a wonderful father he is.
Actually, they're telling him that they're starving and need Fancy Feast. But same difference.
Posted by april at March 15, 2007 8:26 PM
Comments
April,
If only you could see the chaos in my house. Seriously. It's a disaster area here. And I'm fairly certain that my two cats and two kids have barfed on or peed on every square inch of my rugs at one time or another. So chill. I promise not to go poking around your closets or judging you for the state of your carpet. All I care about is seeing you, MR and all the other CRONies who make it over. I can hardly wait!
-R
Posted by: Robin at March 15, 2007 4:06 PM
aprilitamu,
that's called perfectionism darling, and we the fabuluous cat-loving witchy heroines of this universe suffer from it :) what a great thing to suffer from! Of course it's only great when you don't let it go over your head and beat yourself up for every little thing that doesn't seem right or perfect to you. Then, in my case for example, I say fuck it all and let everything go, eating 5000 calories a day, drinking 2 bottles of wine per night, living in a dump and paying for the consequences later. But now that I've done that and got bored with it quite a few elongated times, I'm learning to take control of taking control and managing my life much better in all aspects. It's all about managing your over-developed sense of responsibility, control and energy for life in general I believe. If that makes sense.
Did you get my e-mail?
love
z.
Posted by: istanbulwitchy at March 15, 2007 6:26 PM
In a word? Hardwoods
Posted by: Deborah at March 15, 2007 7:45 PM
Hi April
Your get together is happening soon, isn't it? That's motivation to clean the carpet I suppose. Entertaining was always a motivation for me to clean, when I had people over in my condo or house - two cities and two jobs ago. Hehehe. Hey, I like the idea that being coupled help you overcome debt. Maybe this would be a good motivator for me to spring out of this being always single mode. You're very inspiring .
Cheers
Arturo
Posted by: Arturo at March 15, 2007 9:04 PM
I'm just like Arturo. But I'd go a step further and schedule all sorts of gatherings around the same time, so I can have all my different groups of friends over (can't have worlds collide, you know!) and clean only once. :)
I see myself as a work constantly in progress, much like I think that learning doesn't stop until I die. I know I will always find something that needs tweaking in my life, but I agree that I can't let it (being unhealthy, having a cluttered basement, bad paint colour in my familyroom that needs changing, etc.) be a roadblock that keeps me from moving on until it's "fixed".
But, on the whole, I like me. I think I'm pretty cool. :)
nen
Posted by: Nenette at March 16, 2007 7:39 PM
Hi there! I'm a CR brand-newbie, finally popping my head out of lurker mode. Your blog has been a great source of inspiration, information, and courage for me as I begin this lifestyle.
I agree on the hardwood floors! Carpets are the bane of many an existence. (perhaps that's overstating it, but still!) Anyway, I don't know you, but I still think you are plenty nifty. :)
Posted by: Caroline at March 17, 2007 4:17 PM
Stain remover for rugs and a hard brush will work? I'd try Resolve Carpet Stain Remover and also Zep brand OXY carpet cleaner "removes the toughest stains and odors without scrubbing."
But what are the supplements you take? I've seen you take resveratrol, but how much, how often? I'd be real interested to know the types and quantities of your supplements, since I know MR will have that well researched. Any recommendations on best (trustworthy and low cost) sources for resveratrol? Do you still take "100+ supplements, mostly food extracts"?
Any guidance on what would constitute optimal supplementation would be greatly appreciated.
Posted by: CRWilliam at March 20, 2007 10:49 PM
hello? omigod! I am 22yrs old. I am probably 140lbs and 5'3. I have been chubby for as long as I can remember. I have thought about this chubbiness for as long as i can remember. This is my very problem. I am obsessed with thinking about my weight. I tell myself "when I am thin, I will have nothing else to worry about" because my head is constantly wrapped around food and my weight. The first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning is 'whats for breakfast' then I have breakfast and I think 'whats next?' This will go on ALL day, and sometimes i even dream about food. I am obsessed with food. And i know what me even saything this stuff is really bringing out my obsession even more. I want to go sit in a sauna fully-dressed and sweat all this fat off. I want to never eat again, but thats not possible. I want to wear a bikini. i want my boyfriend to touch my stomach and feel good about it. I want to be able to go shopping and not have my boyfriend say "but is stretchy material so it will fit" i want to love my body, NOW!
Posted by: melony at July 1, 2007 9:23 PM