April's CR Diary

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July 8, 2007

On the Other Side of No Tomorrow

Katy tried
I was halfway crucified
I was on the other side of no tomorrow

-- Steely Dan, "Dr. Wu"

"'After the campaign,' we always say at this point in the campaign," I have been known to say over and over again to my staff. Less than two weeks out from our second major election of the summer and we are all fried and exhausted and imagining what our lives might be like if we didn't work twenty-four hours a day. It becomes a habit to list things one will do "after the campaign" in a misty tone of voice, much like the one my father used to use to describe all the things he'd do after I graduated from college. "After the campaign" I'll eat better, "After the campaign," I'll clean the house, "After the campaign" I'll work out.

During my last campaign, the one we won on May 16, I had all those familiar "Nothing matters until this is won" feelings. I let my CR go, the house was a disaster, and the water company was lucky if it got paid anytime close to the due date of the bill. My friends and family are used to the fact that a month out from an election I pretty much disappear. Leading up to that date, one really does think of almost nothing else. But to put it in perspective, in my career I've averaged one major election per year, maybe a bit less. While work can be insanely busy and crazy and nuts, it's not usually quite as all-consuming soul-destroying exhausting I just want it to be over as it is a month out from an election.

This year, as all are aware, we have two major elections, two months apart. So I finished one and went on to the second, straight away. To add to that, the person who was supposed to be the primary organizer on campaign two became a new father three weeks before my first major election, so I've had to cover for him during his three and a half week leave and during the times when he wants to be home to care for his wife and child. And his wife works for us too, but is now out on six month leave, causing me to have to cover part of her job while my partner in running the organization has to cover the other parts of her job. So we're all stretched to the limit.

However, one can't exactly let the nurses suffer for all this, so I just keep working. I have some pretty heroic co-workers who have done above and beyond the call of duty to make everything work out in the midst of an intense fight. I am so proud of my two girl organizers, who continue to prove their absolute exceptionalness on a daily basis.

But I really wish they would stop ordering yummy appetizers.

Because it's really hard to resist the nachos, the hummus, the mussels, the bruchetta, when you're too stretched, too stressed, but too dedicated to quit.

Of course I can do it. The devil did not make me eat those nachos, nor did the nurses, nor did the co-workers, nor did the evil spirit of nacho and margarita hell coming back from years ago to haunt me. I can choose not to eat gak, just like I can choose to eat my healthy food. Sometimes I wonder if I just do these things as a reminder that yes, I really do feel better when I'm on my CR game. Makes me laugh at the internet trolls who say things like, "You don't live longer, it just feels like longer!" The way I feel after eating a meal of Standard American Crap is just, well, crappy. I wouldn't want to live like that for 100 years... in fact, I don't want to live like that for half an hour! But I guess if you've never known any other way, you don't know what it's like to really feel good. I know that before CR, I never felt as vibrantly healthy, energetic, alert, happy, calm, etc. as I do when I'm in my CR groove. And now I know what I'm missing when I'm not in the groove.

The irony of course is that I need my health the most when I'm under the most stress, and those are exactly the times when it's so easy to say, "I'm so stressed, so I'll eat the (insert name of gak.)"

Please don't post a host of comments saying, "Don't beat up on yourself," "It's okay to eat crap now and then." I'm not beating up on myself, feeling guilty, or otherwise engaging in stupid food-related self-talk. I'm making an observation that some of my recent food choices haven't served me well, and that I have to take some steps to avoid making the same mistakes in future. For instance, I need to just tell my co-workers straight up that I can't keep eating like they do, and that it's fine with me that they eat whatever they happen to wish to eat, but that I won't be sharing the appetizers. I just have to get it out there, because as much as the appetizers are yummy and I can eat like that every few weeks and have it not even make a dent in my overall health and well-being, I can't do it on a daily or even weekly basis and not come out feeling icky. My friends are super-supportive once I tell them where I'm at with this stuff... in fact, several of them come to me for weight loss advice, and if I am chilling out on the appetizer action it might even help them opt for lower cal choices.

The fact is, life will always present a host of excuses, if we choose to take them. Part of being a responsible adult, I've thought for awhile now, is being able to make a reasoned decision about your long term goals, and then act in accordance. My long term goals are very different from most people's, so my actions will often be different. For instance, most people don't want to help the nurses in Pennsylvania get a voice on the job and reform the health care system. So most people wouldn't be interested in working the long hours, dealing with the emotional stress, and giving up stuff like having kids in order to do an unusual but unusually rewarding job. Fine, don't. We're actually not hiring right now. I don't blame people for wanting to live "normal" lives... sometimes I think I might like one. But I'm weird, I love what I do, the people I work with, and the possibility of making the world a better place in my own little orbit. There are many ways to make a contribution, this is mine. It comes with a price, and I've made a well-thought out (oh how well thought out!) decision that I'm willing to pay the price.

Most people don't want to pay much attention to what they eat, so they certainly wouldn't be interested in CR. Cool. No one is trying to convert anyone.

But there is no question that we live in an obesogenic food environment, where high calorie, low nutrient foods surround us at almost all times. As Bruce Hornsby once said, "Look out any window," or rather, "Read any menu." There's a lot of bad and not a lot of good. I spend most of my time outside my house, in that obesogenic environment, so it just takes more self-discipline to keep from giving into the biological programming to eat the food.

The end of a campaign feels like there is no tomorrow... like the world will end on election day. Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die! But the fact is, eating and drinking too much doesn't make me merry, it makes me miserable! (Yes, maybe it makes you absolutely ecstatic, but we're talking about me.) And I won't die on July 20, or at least I doubt that I will. I'll go on living, go on organizing, and go on wanting to be young and healthy in body and mind. So I'm not going to use this campaign as an excuse to eat crap. Excuses don't make me feel good: taking care of myself does.

The good news is: exercise is going great! Pilates + treadmill, every day but one. The stress reduction benefits are amazing, and I love the way my body is changing. I've got about five pounds extra campaign weight on, which is gradually disappearing, but the muscle under it is already quite visible and feels great! I've also noticed lately that if I have more than one glass of wine, I start to rattle on like an evangelist about the benefits of Pilates. It's just the greatest exercise. Easy, efficient, beautiful, powerful. I wish I had started exercising when I first started CR. There's no way I'll let my exercise routine go now that I've discovered how many benefits it has.

There are so many reasons people offer for putting off life. Post-CR, I can never say that I'll do x after I lose weight! Too late for that... I actually had to do all those things I might have wanted to put off! These days, I know what it takes to feel my very best. I've known it for a long time, and I've spent large parts of the last three years feeling extremely good. Time to put it all back together. Not in two weeks, not after the campaign, now.

So I'm going to go measure 100 g kale (that's a lot of kale!) and go on with my life.

Posted by april at July 8, 2007 8:51 AM

Comments

Posted by: Judith at July 8, 2007 10:33 AM

Posted by: Robin at July 8, 2007 4:58 PM

Posted by: Marti Smith at July 9, 2007 8:34 AM

Posted by: Jake Silver at July 9, 2007 5:11 PM

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