« theletter | Main | Weekend »
September 15, 2007
Sungold
The thought of organic Vermont sungold tomatoes from my friends David and Rachel's Full Moon Farm sometimes brings tears to my eyes.
You can't imagine how great these tomatoes are. They're so sweet, so gold, so sunny, so tomato-y, yet they aren't like store bought tomatoes at all. I love them. I used to eat up to six pints a week. And I'd make salsa, gazpacho, all kinds of tomato-based dishes out of them.
They're definitely the best I've ever had, and I'd strongly recommend that you get some if you're in Vermont in the summer. Go to the Burlington Farmers' Market, right downtown on Saturday mornings, and check out David and Rachel's farm stand.
Wait, you don't like tomatoes? Okay, well then you should ignore all that. Clearly, you wouldn't find that sungolds rock your world.
You see, there's a very big difference between liking something, even loving something with a great passion, and thinking that everyone should consume/practice/love it.
Yvonne writes:
April, I struggle with comments like your message to Garry ("No one is trying to convert people to CR"). You have done media about CR (I found your blog via Julian Dibbell's New York Times Magazine piece), you maintain this blog, you say that doing CR brings you euphoria comparable to drug use, you publicly flog yourself whenever you stray off the path (and share with us your plans to help yourself do better next time), you refer to almost all 'normal' food as 'gak,' you see 'gak' everywhere and assert that the culture conspires to get us to eat it (and I'm not saying you're wrong about that!), you assert that you are often subtly persecuted for your "public displays of health," *and* you repeatedly share your belief that in doing CR, you are slowing your aging process and giving yourself a shot at "escape velocity." When people question you about the value, accuracy, wisdom, or likely results of any of this, you accuse them of "not being willing to do the work...and [convincing] themselves that the thing [extended lifespan] is not worth having."
In that context, your protestations that you're not prosyletizing are a little shaky. The fact is, you're witnessing to us, plain and simple. And that's great! Don't be ashamed to be evangelical about CR. Lord knows plenty of people are out there being evangelical about much stupider stuff. But please recognize yourself as an evangelist, and don't act all "I don't know what's wrong with *you*, Garry" when people push back at your values. You clearly feel the world would be a better place if more people *did* do CR; I've read posts where you mourn for all the non-CR people and wish you could make them see the light. In that context, you can't take offense when someone comes back with a good strong "I totally disagree." Saying "But I never *asked* you to agree!" is kind of nonsensical. You make strong assertions which invite debate. Crying foul when people then debate you is a little unfair.
I do think your faith (because that's what it is) is very fragile, and I wish for your own sake that you would explore your abhorrence of aging and death. *I am not asking you to just "give up."* Only to look at your feelings.
To be honest, Yvonne, I don't care if you (or anyone else I've never met) do CR or not. And I'd urge you to look at why it bugs you so much that I do, in fact, do CR. Do you really think I haven't thought seriously about the topic of aging and death? I've thought about it a lot... and decided I'd rather do what I can to make myself healthier, even if that takes some work. It does, as it turns out, take a lot of work, and discipline, and that's not always easy. But since I strongly believe in acting in ways that bring me closer to my goals, I'm willing to work toward my goals, even when it's hard. It's a constantly evolving process... just like most things in life to which one pays conscious attention. I make a lot of mistakes... I'm not a robot. And I'm sure Emi would tell us that getting robots to stop making mistakes is a non-trivial task. The fact that I'm not perfect in my CR doesn't dissuade me from trying at all, any more than the fact that I made a lot of mistakes as a young organizer didn't dissuade me from attempting to help workers organize. Sure enough, I got better. I seem to get better with my CR over time too. I'm lucky that I started as young as I did, and the medical tests of those older than I am seem to indicate that I will enjoy many health benefits, even from my more moderate CR practice but more as I get more serious.
Why is that such an issue for you? Clearly you are intrigued by the topic, else you wouldn't keep reading. But something about the idea of people doing CR bothers you. You seem very nice and very genuinely concerned... and I thank you for that. You've always been an extremely pleasant commenter. Yet you seem to have a serious problem with either me or my CR practice, or both.
Would you really be happier if I ate more, or paid less attention to my nutrition? Do you think I would be happier? Having tried both ways, I can tell you that I am actually happier when doing serious CR. So why would you (clearly) prefer that I not do that?
I've done media about CR because I was asked to, and because if someone is interested in doing CR (for their own reasons) I'm happy to help. But for all of those not interested in doing CR, with the very small exception of about three people I personally know, I don't care! Make your own choices, and take responsibility for them. I am happy when the information I've learned helps others to achive their goals, where that be a modest weight loss, an improvement in health due to good nutrition, or even full-blown CR (in rare cases... hello Matt and Robin and Ashley and Deborah and others!) But I'm not doing this because I want masses of people to do CR. They won't and it won't help me at all if they did.
In retrospect, almost a year from that Julian Dibbell article in New York Magazine, I am not sure it was a good idea to do the media. If I had been a reader of NY Mag, I might have realized that it would be snark, not science. But Julian was quite charming, and was a friend of a good friend of mine from high school, so I was not on my guard. Overall, the article was good, in fact overwhelmingly positive about the possibilities of CR actually leading to a slowing of aging. It was the cultural stuff that painted a big old target on us... all Julian's talk about feeling self-righteous while doing CR. But the issues of feeling self-righteous and such were Julian's, not ours. The fact that he pinned them on us, instead of owning them as his own feelings hurt us. It made people think that we do CR to make them feel bad. And we don't.
Don't get me wrong... I like Julian Dibbell a lot. I probably would have been a lot less upset about the article if I didn't like him personally. I have tremendous respect for his work, which I have now read a lot of. But I think he took a rather cheap way out in the NY Mag article... and it caused an avalanche of negative, even threatening messages in the blog and in the blogosphere.
I met Hilary today, and during our wonderful chat she mentioned that she found my blog due to the NY Mag article... many other now good friends found us this way. And that makes me happy. But the entire kerfuffle of media appearances is something I no longer put myself through... I turned down two this week. I'm not saying I'll never do CR-related media again, but I definitely never sought it out, and I've been avoiding it for some time now. I had no idea what negativity would be focused on us as a result of that article. Silly of me not to see it coming, I'll admit. But I'm tired of it... I didn't start the blog to convice people to do CR, I started it to a) attract MR b) keep me more on track with my own CR. Over time it's helped some people, and that's great. But my intention was never to convert the masses to CR. I'm way too busy organizing in my real job to try anything like that, and it would a major waste of time were that my aim.
So why does CR just bug some people so much? Wait, I sponsored an entire essay contest on that subject, and Allswellinhell won! The prize was pretty small: two glasses of wine in New York and some pictures of us weighing Inositol powder on a accurate to the tenth of a gram scale in a bar in NYC. But still.
I find it dangerous ground to speculate on the psychology of those I know, and more so those I've never met, so I won't. But I urge those who have such a terrible problem with the idea that some people restrict their calories to examine their own motivations. What is it about my choices that causes you so much grief?
If I sound a bit annoyed and a bit sharp, it's because I'm tired of this well-worn path. Whether it's nice commenters or trolls, I've been through these kinds of comments so many times that I'm losing my patience. I could just ignore them, but that seems to give some sort of credibility to their argument. And I keep hoping, which is no doubt foolish, that through rational arguments I will eventually convince people that while my choices may not be the same as theirs, that they are reasonable choices that work for me.
I guess the best I can do is say, as my old friend Selena is fond of saying, "You do you. I'll do me."
Meanwhile, onto something we can do something about. Garry writes:
April, I like your blog and think you write well. It's ejoyable to read, even for those who don't do CR. I have a question for you (if you want to answer it): if you think CR can help reverse the aging process, what does it mean if the majority of people can't do it? Why do you think you can do CR when most can't? After all, everyone fears aging, suffering and death. Maybe you've already covered this; I haven't read your entire blog. Anyway, keep up the good work - with CR (since you believe in it) and with the blog. Not everyone could make CR as interesting as you do when you write about it on a daily basis. I think it's because you also write about your life, your human feelings and human flaws, as well. I admire your honesty. So, if I comment sometimes, it's not out of spite or hate (or, I don't mean it to be or come across that way).
Hi Garry... thank you for your kind words! You have indeed come a long way from the days when you called me an obnoxious moralizing woman. I enjoy your comments, and I appreciate your contributions to our discussion here. Please do keep them coming!
Two things (in answer to your question):
I don't think CR can reverse the aging process, I think it might be able to slow the aging process. For technologies that may eventually be able to reverse the aging process, read The Book or check out the SENS website. And I don't think that most people *couldn't* do CR, I think that most people *won't* do CR because they have other priorities that take precedence. That's different. I think I can because a) I've done it before b) I live with someone who does c) I have a lot of advantages, like an already pretty highly self-disciplined personality, and a computer. And a decent organic section at the local Giant food store. It's not that people couldn't, it that they choose not to. Sure, some people couldn't, especially those who can't access a decent food store or a computer with nutriitonal software. But there are a whole lot of people out there who would rather pay for cable TV and put their time into watching it than pay for vegetables and put their time into chopping them. That's a choice of priorities, not an act of God. I'd prefer that folks just say, "I choose to do other things with my time," than say "Those CR folks spend too much time weighing and chopping vegetables." It's really not my business how they spend their time... but if people are going to criticize me (directly, in the media or on blog) I think it's fair that I note that most folks aren't busy negotiating peace in the Middle East or volunteering for Habitat for Humanity with all the time they save by eating fast food instead of making a salad.
What I think about the fact that most people will not do CR: that we should invest our money into technologies that will eventually reverse the aging process for those who don't have the *whatever* to do CR, and even for those of us who do. Even the most wildly optimistic views of CR think it will buy us 10 - 20 years of youthful health, and that's not much. That's why I support the Mprize and SENS research.
What I also think: the pro-aging trance that MR and Aubrey write about is very powerful. People who think there's nothing they can do about aging create elaborate rationales about why aging is in fact necessary and perhaps even good. That makes a lot of sense... if there's no alternative. But if there is, in fact, an alternative, wouldn't that be better?
I urge all of you who think there's no other way to go read The Book. I've read most of it now, and it's quite readable and makes a lot of sense. Before you dismiss the prospect of living dramatically longer, due to biotech advances (not CR), give the book a read. Even if you only gain a few more hours of life due to the SENS research, you'll have made up your investment.
Posted by april at September 15, 2007 4:02 PM
Comments
April - Great post, I was just curisous you posted back in FEB. that you would follow-up later on why you choose flax oil over fish oil, I have no wanting to debate, I:m using the advice for my own personal life-style. Can you please update us on why you don:t use fish oil?
Thanks much! Also just curisous as almonds are so high in Omega 6:s, about how many a day do you eat and where else do you get your vitamin e from besides them?
Posted by: Charles F at September 15, 2007 8:48 PM
Hi, April. I'm sorry you see me as hostile to your CR. I really don't intend to come off that way. I'm practically CR'ed myself, if you want to call it that; I eat 1500-1600 calories a day. I'm interested in lots of ways to approach eating. I follow lots of threads and visit websites like Hungrygirl and Eatlikeme for different perspectives.
I'm new to the idea of CR, and some of your ideas have genuinely shocked me, such as the "escape velocity" concept and the fact that you take french fries so seriously. I'm honestly not sure what to make of it all. Do I agree? Do I disagree? I can see both sides. I'm conflicted about my own calorie counting too. It's had a ton of positive benefits, but there have been negatives too. Is it *really* worth it? This is an ongoing dialogue with myself. So, yes, when I comment on your blog, you're getting all that searching. That's pretty much where I live. I truly apologize for the fact that it seems hostile or futile or whatever.
You ask if I would be happier if you paid less attention to your nutrition. Well...no. But this blog is a public forum, and when you describe yourself as responding to stress by wanting to redouble your efforts at CR because you believe this will make you healthier, I'm entitled to point out that I think you're defining health too narrowly. That's not quite the same thing as literally wishing you would eat differently. I'm aiming at your underlying concepts and beliefs. You're articulating a worldview and a set of beliefs about health, and I'm questioning them. That's a permanent stance for me, not something to get through and then be done with, as you say you've done with your own questions about CR. I come from an academic family, and this is how we compliment each other--we take each other's ideas seriously enough to argue the hell out of them. I can see that you don't perceive that as taking you seriously, though, at least not in a positive way, and I sincerely apologize for that.
I also apologize for being annoyed by your own certainty about CR in your life--because I have been. Certainty is just not my style (except when it comes to chocolate). That's my own issue, not yours. I think our personalities have clashed a little bit. Neither personality type is better, just different.
Anyhow, peace and blessings and all good things to you and MR.
Posted by: Yvonne at September 16, 2007 3:29 AM
Sungold tomatoes are the best. :-)
There's an article in The Observer Magazine today about Aubrey de Grey. http://observer.guardian.co.uk/magazine/story/0,,2168142,00.html. I dn't know why I am so surprised that he is only 43. I thought that he was much, much older. It must be an old sounding name. :-) Anyway, it's an interesting piece; none of it news to you, obviously, but I thought you might like to have a link to it anyway.
Posted by: Sara at September 16, 2007 3:48 AM
The Five Rules for Etiquette for Commenters:
1.Be polite
2.Don’t make personal attacks on someone’s personality, psyche background or beliefs. This just proves you are jealous of their success. Or that you are an idiot. Or both.
3. CR is not a religion or a belief system. It’s based on hard scientific research. Don’t make comments on what someone is saying when you haven’t done any background research on the science yourself, and you are clearly just talking out of your ass. Just because you don’t agree with the science, doesn’t mean you attack the person doing the blog. Or if you do attack them, make sure your opinion is backed by hard research. Otherwise it just shows your ignorance.
4.Just because you don’t understand something, doesn’t mean you attack it blindly. Show some restraint, and some respect. The person who is blogging has spent her voluntary leisure time writing this blog. She does it for fun. She does it to help people and makes some fine friends along the way, but mostly she does it because she’s a writer. I may be way off track here, but to a popular blogger, writing is as essential as breathing. You do it because you have to – writing grabs you that way. Constant negative feedback will eventually piss off the author. Yes, every writer is going to get criticism about his or her work, but no-one wants constant personal attacks on their psyche. It’s wearing, plus it’s not fun, not to mention incredibly disrespectful of the large amount of time given up by the author to write.
5.Blog entries are not a personal attack on you, the reader, or on your way of life. This is a common mistake by blog readers, who often incorrectly take blog entries as a personal criticism of them. Therefore don’t misinterpret the writing, show some manners and if in doubt, please refer to rule 1.
Lastly I would just like to say that blogging is supposed to be a pleasurable and relaxing leisure activity. If commenters carry on the way they are, then April may eventually decide to resign this blog. That doesn’t mean that the trolls have won. Far from it. It just means that April may decide to be a little more selective about her readership. She writes for fun and doesn’t need any additional crap (after all she gets enough of that at work). She’ll always be a writer so she’ll probably just take her blog somewhere else, and she won’t be telling any of you where it goes. And that would be a sad day for thousands of readers.
Posted by: Lindsay at September 16, 2007 6:51 AM
Amen, Lindsay.
Posted by: Judith at September 16, 2007 10:19 AM
April,
Nice post and I love the comments. However, you will never convice me to love tomatoes. Especially not after my first job ever being cleaning out cold storage of case upon case of tomatoes.
But, your description was beautiful.
Hope you are well and had a great weekend. When are you coming to NYC?!??!?!
Posted by: calyb at September 16, 2007 3:46 PM
Hi Yvonne,
Thank you for your comment... it definitely helps clarify where you're coming from. I really appreciate that. I think that if we were just having a chat over coffee we'd actually get along quite well... sometimes there's a sharpness in online communication that just isn't there in "real life."
As for hardcore CR in a time of stress, I know, just from my own personal experience (and this is not universal, I don't claim it is) that the psychological effects of CR really help me feel better during times of stress. That's one of the main reasons why it's destructive to my mental state to go off my CR during hard times. That might not be so for everyone... but for me, the conclusion that I feel better when my calorie level is lower is based on personal experience. I've done the experiment many times. So I'm pretty certain about it.
In my line of work, being confident is absolutely required. I basically lead people into battle in an arena where their jobs are on the line. So I'm sure that I project a great deal of certainty in a way that could definitely annoy people with other backgrounds. I actually come from an academic family too, but we're all Southern so it's a bit different.
Thank you for taking the time to outline your perspective more clearly. I look forward to your continuted contributions to the discussion!
a
Posted by: april at September 16, 2007 5:15 PM
April, like Hilary, I came here through the New York magazine article and have visited faithfully ever since. Personally, though I don't find this blog preachy about CR at all, I was myself inspired to take my commitment to my health to the next level--I've started tracking and (as of last week) weighing my food as a way to ensure ON, if not CR (though I'm sure I'll be there some day). I find your writing really life-affirming, which is much more persuasive than anything else--there's a lot of joy in the way you write about your food and your body, and even when you fret about the laxity of your CR practice, it's so much less neurotic than your average female diary. Anyway, thanks for maintaining this blog! I'm really enjoying it quietly from the sidelines.
Posted by: Jay at September 16, 2007 6:32 PM
Re: flax oil: I wrote about it in a comment somewhere and need to dig it up!
Re: almonds: a lot. Like 30 grams. Really helps control afternoon hunger, which has been an issue for me. On weekends I get lazy and eat avocado instead, because it is so yummy! But almonds really are the key for me to getting vitamin E.
a
Posted by: april at September 16, 2007 6:37 PM
Jay, I agree with your comments. Reading April's blog has helped and supported me immensely on my healthy eating journey. Some of her recipes are fantastic and the learning that occurs by reading both her blog and those of some other CR practitioners has been wonderful. It's great to read of her struggles, as it affirms for the rest of us that eating healthily on a consistent is somewhat difficult. I don't do CR but even making the commitment to eating healthy food every day and declining gak can be a challenge. Blog on, April! The rest of us need you! :-)
Posted by: Judith at September 16, 2007 10:22 PM