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October 30, 2007
Night Before Halloween
Tis the night before Halloween, and I am wondering:
"Will my negotiating committee show up in costume tonight?"
We have evening negotiations in Scranton and the committee has been threatening to come in costume. I think that would be really cool. If there were four of them and we'd won the election narrowly, maybe not. Since there may be forty nurses there tonight and we won the election 2 to 1, I say bring on the witches and ghosties.
I apologize for being absent for a few days after ranting at all of you to update your blogs. Excuses are always excuses, but here are mine: a) We just took a vote to give notice for a one day strike at the older twin so I've been on the phone with nurses even more constantly than usual b) I spent a lot of time meeting with/talking with a guy I am about to hire for an organizer job (pending approval of our president). I also did some house work.
I did do a little fun fall cooking over the weekend: made a dish with the rescue veggies that I seasoned with balsamic vinegar, cinnamon, chili powder (the fancy kind I have that is stronger than usual) and Texas Pete. Very good on rescue carrots and cauliflower.
Today is another crazy day... yesterday I was out the door at 6:15 am and home at around 10, then I couldn't unwind to sleep until about 11:30 so I hung out in my kitchen blasting Pilot's "It's Magic" on my Ipod. Off to work, at some point to the gym and to the grocery store, and off to Scranton.
Posted by april at 6:54 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
October 27, 2007
Big Veg Rescue
Thursday for negotiations Lisa was in charge of getting the snacks. She did a good job, got mostly healthy stuff. A big vegetable tray, fruit tray, hummus... some crackers and creamy dips too, but mostly good stuff.
I ate all the celery. Lots of folks chowed down on the veg tray. But there was a ton left at the end of the session. So I got out a bag and took it all home. Probably about five pounds or more of veggies. Cooked up some of the broccoli last night for dinner.
Lots more thoughts, but I'm on my way to get my hair done at 8 am. More soon...
Posted by april at 6:15 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
October 26, 2007
To All Of You Who Don't Update Your Blogs
Update your blogs!
I still check in on you... and I sigh forlornly when I see that you have not posted in like, months.
Update! Post! Write something! Tell us how you are doing!
Is it really up to me and Mary and Robin and Emi and Deborah to hold down the entire CR blogging universe?
It was so exciting when there were so many of us. Then there was another generation. Now there are so few. Come back!
Posted by april at 3:35 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
October 25, 2007
Eight Things I Love About My Body
Nenette tagged me, so now I'm supposed to write eight things I love about my body. You can read her excellent post on the topic here.
I have to admit that I am somewhat nervous about doing this. It's easy to think of eight things I love (it's harder to think of eight things I don't love) but as Nenette observed, a lot of the times when women show that they're happy with their bodies, they get some pretty serious criticism. How dare we be so vain?
I remember I once dated a PC anarchist very immature guy who used to say, "I feel guilty dating you, because you're so pretty that you make the other women feel bad."
Uh, how does one recover from that one? I mean, I could have said, "Yeah, I don't really feel bad about dating you since you're not that attractive, and I doubt that very many other women would want you."
I didn't, of course, but I did go through a period of time when I wondered if I should wear baggier clothes, cut my hair, stop wearing makeup, etc. He made me feel guilty for looking a way that society considered attractive. His ex girlfriend had a crew cut, never wore makeup, and wore huge baggy pants and sweatshirts. He always said he preferred the unisex look.
This is the same dude who said that he was afraid of water, so he needed me to take a shower with him. You have to give him some points for that one. Creativity, at least.
Ugh. Thank heaven I got out of that. The idea that it's somehow the fault of all traditionally attractive women if other women feel bad about themselves is absurd. However, even my brother-in-grace (MR's brother) seems to feel this way. In discussing the ban on thin supermodels, he said, "They're killing girls."
So if I openly admit to being happy with my body, will I be responsible for someone else feeling sad that she's not happy with her body?
Frankly, I think not. I think that people can take a little responsibility for how they feel. And if not happy... maybe do something about it?
Anyhow, here's my list:
8. Feet. I never liked them before, but MR loves them and has convinced me that they're cute. Currently, my toes are painted a shiny pumpkin orange color. Seasonal and all.
7. Fingernails. Long, but not too long, perfectly manicured. I wear acrylics, and I'm proud. Having been a nail biter all my life until I discovered the magic of the acrylic, I am very, very happy to have pretty nails.
6. Hair. Since CR, it's been long, fluffy, and very strong. Sometimes frizzy, and it definitely has a mind of its own, but as long as I let it do its own thing, it's happy.
5. Eyes. I have fairly bright green eyes that seem to go better with my red hair than they went with my (natural) brown.
4. Calve muscles. Especially when I've been doing a lot of treadmill workouts.
3. How graphic do you want me to get here? I appreciate being a healthy, fully functional (in the Data in Star Trek sense) young woman!
2. Pilates abs. They're not perfect yet, but they have already saved me from countless disasters, like when I slipped on the freshly waxed floor of the state capitol and would have wiped out had my Pilates abs not caught me. They also look great, and they feel very good. I call them "the push-up bra you don't have to wear!"
1. My ankles, because I have never broken or sprained them. This week Edward is walking aorund with a horrible sprain from playing touch football with his nephews, and I have new appreciation for my ankles.
I guess I love my health as a whole the most. The fact that my body does what it's supposed to do, supports everything else important that I do, and has so far been disease free. I can only pray for more of the same, and for more health for all of my friends and loved ones who are sufferering from accidents and illnesses.
And those Pilates muscles really are fun.
Posted by april at 6:13 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
October 24, 2007
Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream
Remember that great song from around 1983?
Anyhow, I'm sure that the moral of this story is that I am under too much stress, but here's the dream that woke me up this morning.
I was in the airport going to Calgary to visit MR's family, and I got pulled aside for a special security screaning. I figured they were just going to look through my bags, but they actually took me back into a tiny room with a lot of computers, and a dude who looked like a shorter, more casually dressed version of Agent Smith in the Matrix was sitting at a computer, reading my blog.
"We have a few questions to ask you," he said, so I pulled up a chair and sat down next to him.
"First, I see that you're a union organizer," he said.
"Yes, and very proud of it."
"Well, we're not even sure that being a union organizer is legal anymore. I'm doing some research on that."
I patiently helped him find the National Labor Relations Act online, and while he was still concerned that it was somehow bad, he was convinced that union organizing is in fact legal.
Then came the interesting stuff...
"So I see you're part of this Calorie Restriction Society..."
"Uh, yes, it's very subversive isn't it? We eat healthy food."
And then he continued to interrogate me about why we do CR, how we do it, the scientific evidence, and lots of questions about its relationship or non-relationship to eating disorders. Quite a few questions about how much food I buy, from where, do I eat out, do I ever eat fast food, how much money do I spend on food. I launched into my best media performance explanation of everything, attempting to be calm and non-defensive, wondering what any of this has to do with getting on a plane.
I woke up before the dream came to a real conclusion... I just remember sitting in that tiny room at the computer, explaining CR as though my life, or at least freedom, depended on it. And thinking of how close our country has become to an Orwellian nightmare when you can be detained for being an union organizer who eats kale.
Oh well... off to Scranton today after Pilates for meetings and negotiations... got to keep on movin...
Posted by april at 5:09 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
October 22, 2007
I've Changed My Mind: I'm Ready For You This Time
It is a matter of public record that I love girlie pop music. Britney, Christina, Kylie, Rhianna... bring it on.
My new favorite pop tune is Nelly Furtado's "Do It." MR survived one listening to it as I downloaded it to my Itunes. I find that the second I feel stressed out (and you would too if you were half responsible for winning good contracts at two newly organized hospitals... thank God/ess Edward is also half responsible. Between the two of us, we always save the day.) I just hit play on the Ipod MR got me for Christmas last and listen to "Do It" and I feel absolutely fine. The headline is taken from that song, and remorselessly taken out of context.
I was recently involved in an interesting dialogue on Every Woman Has An Eating Disorder. https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=27277534&postID=8599859190953731341 Yet another vicious and uninformed attack on me personally and CR as a concept, and a rather uncharacteristically sharp reply from me. Then some other stuff. I'm still waiting for Dr. Stacey, who apparently wasn't up at 4:40 am, to publish my most recent reply to the string of comments. To be clear, I have much respect for Dr. Stacey, and my quarrel wasn't with her, it was with one of her commenters.
It seems that some people who come from eating disordered backgrounds often have very intense, very sharp emotional reactions to the concept of CR. Not Emi. Emi is a rational robotocist and my favorite blogger. She is also someone who really has anorexia... and is fighting to get better, and winning. Not to be confused with the legions of wannarexics out there.
When folks don't really know anything about CR, but respond from a purely emotional place, projecting their own issues onto me/us, they can say some pretty unkind things. This is the comment that appeared on Every Woman... in response to something I had posted re: Alicia Silverstone's recent appearance for PTEA:
cut to, just now, i'm reading april's comment and i check out her blog.
i think to myself, "in what universe is this CR business not an eating disorder?
it's just another name for anorexic behavior."
And please, if u think this lengthens ur life, please read The Obesity Myth or something, the facts really don't support that theory.
Then i thought "who the f am i to tell anyone they have a disorder?"
It's not my business. But, this CR blog and countless anorexia blogs - all obsessively dealing with food etc - are up ther online so i guess it cant be TOTALLY offensive for me to spout my views. After all, it's all out in the open and people can just ignore me as i'm sure they will.. or respond and say their opinions as well...
Anyway, if u wanna live like that then fine, whatever. even if i'm right, ur only hurting urself so thats ur choice and ur responsibility. But i think back to "Thin" and i think that these women whose blogs i see are in such a place.... I don't mean specifically just april, a LOT of commenters here seem to have similar "lifestyles, i look at their blogs sometimes and wonder what they are looking for here on this blog... And I think to myself, good god, these women are going to have children some day.
and THAT scares me, what these children - esp daughters but sons too - will inherit and learn.
all this obsession... how people who devote blogs to their diet, who in some cases (i think, i could be wrong) have trouble holding down a job because it interferes with their dieting, can then tell themselves they have a peaceful healthy relationship with food - this astounds me.
well, i'm sure im not changing anybody's mind but i did feel like expressing it and hey all the other people can share their opinions so.
And had i not seen Thin and that mother-daughter hell, i wouldn't even say anything.
btw, here is an interesting post of Kate's where she links to an interesting article.
http://kateharding.net/?s=calorie+restriction
and i love that this thin woman ate, before she went on this diet, MANY more calories than people somehow think they "should" eat or than people think a slim person eats. it's just an interesting read (tho she too says that if she ever got overweight she would do some balanced diet to lose the weight, but i'm guessing because she was thin she has never seen that those things don't necessarily work. but i digress, that's not really the point. u should read kate's post and the article she links to.)
aanyway im sure people will be pissed at me now. and maybe i shouldnt look at their blogs anymore because it just upsets me and then i react and then that upsets them and it certainly wont change anybodys mind.
and maybe as a result i shouldn't read, or i should ignore, some of the comments on this blog. because i don't want to be the bitchy commenter. esp since it's not my own blog i'm only a guest.
so i guess, that rant out there, i should shuddup. slam me if u wish.
5:05 AM
Your wish is my command. My response:
April said...
I have written extensively about how CR is different from EDs. For example, unlike almost all the women who post here, I don't hate my body. I love my body. And my life. So I want more of it.
I don't spend countless hours wondering how I could stop hating myself. Cause I never hated myself in the first place.
I spend some time figuring out how I can be my healthiest, and feel my best. Is that a crime? Feeling my best isn't about stuffing my face with crap. It's about taking care of myself, on every level. Physical, mental and spiritual.
Have trouble holding down a job? What the F are you talking about? I'm probably the most successful union organizer in the country. Sometimes I overeat when I'm on the road... big deal. It's something I'm working on. Just like I'm working on new skills in my meditation practice, and improving my workouts and learning how to cook new dishes.
You should really read more, or think more, before you post. Or maybe your own head is so fundamentally disordered around food that anyone who can exercise any sort of self-control is going to bother you.
a
Now that wasn't very nice of me, was it?
Okay, let's see. Unfounded accusations, calling CR an eating disorder, and saying that I would make a bad mother?
Huh?
A rather civil dialogue followed, and you can read it yourself on Every Woman...
But to be quite honest, I felt a lot better after firing off a post that says what I really think.
I think that for way too long, I have been too nice. I've been polite. I've tried to deal lightly with the nasty commenters and was even relatively nice to Rebecca Traister (whose other work I really do love... we have so much in common, too bad she decided to hate me and ruin my Thanksgiving last year. We've patched it up rather nicely as of late though, and I do hope we can meet in RW some time.)
Repressing my real genuine anger, being nice for so long, has really taken a bite out of me.
Last winter I was so very miserable because every time I'd turn on my computer I'd get hit with another piece either attacking me personally or CR in general. Kate Taylor, the Rudd Center, Salon, etc. And you know what cheered me up?
All the reports of people learning to eat healthy in some part by reading the blog. My partner's mom losing 40 pounds the very healthy way, looking and feeling great, eating a lot of my recipes. My wonderful readers taking out these evil people in comments from pointed to downright aggressive. But most of all, reading Allswellinhell's beautifully written commentary, both on blog and in personal email, on all this crap.
She is very, very nice. In person. But she doesn't let anyone push her around in print, and she verbally beat the s*&t out of anyone who tried to beat me up online.
Erica Jong has this great piece in Fear of Fifty where she talks about how we straight women fall for men because we want to *be* them. My old friend Julie Davids used to call it a "life crush," when you have a crush on someone because you want his or her life. I definitely have a long term life crush on MR... and happened to fall deeply in love with the man he really is. Convenient that. But I note that I surround myself with people I want to be like... MR, Edward, Allswell, Robin.
I would read Robin's (usually nice) rants and Allswell's not so much nice rants and think: yeah, that's how I really feel!
But I took the high road. Partially out of a genuine belief that there's no point in hurting people, but also out of fear that speaking out more, uh, distinctly would lead to more attacks.
It is at this point obvious that I am going to get attacked no matter what I do.
Even when I've made it very clear that I oppose weight bias in all its forms.
Even when I've written extensively and nicely about how CR is different from an eating disorder.
Point being: there are a lot of people out there with issues, and some of them are going to project those issues onto me and or CR and there's nothing I can do to stop them.
But: I can be true to myself and speak the truth and tear them up. Verbally, of course.
:)
"Shooting fish in a barrel," Edward would say. He says that a lot, referring to when I do things that are really easy for me. It's easy to take on people who know very little about their topic of choice and react on a purely emotional level having done no research. But that doesn't mean it's not fun!
In my latest post to Every Woman, I compared how I feel reading the comments on that blog to walking into the junior high school gym locker room and walking in on the last few words of a suddenly hushed conversation about how the other girls hate me.
All the talk of how you can't be a feminist if you're thin, how anyone thin must have an eating disorder, how horrible it is to try to control what one eats. "Size 0" is thrown around as the same kind of insult that "slut" was in high school.
To be clear, it's not Dr. Stacey, at least not most of the time. It's the commenters. And they have every right to post whatever nasty, hateful comments they want. But for a bunch of people who preach size acceptance and sisterhood and women's empowerment, quite a few of them have a big blind spot when it comes to little women.
I've been the victim of girl bullying. I've read books about it. I was even interviewed for a book that I think is coming out soon about women bullying other women in the workplace.
Here's what I should have learned from those experiences: being quiet, trying to be nice, and attempting to get along just leads to more bullying. You have to either run away or fight back.
Running away took way too big a bite out of my self-respect, and it didn't work anyway.
So I think from now on, I'm going to fight back. It may be pointless. But I seem to be making a bit of progress, and I definitely feel better.
I've changed my mind: I'm ready for you this time.
Posted by april at 6:16 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBack
October 21, 2007
It's All About Leeks!
{WARNING: If you hate tarragon (and you know who you are!) don't read any further.}
Leeks are one of my favorite fall foods. Whether it's a creamy (that is, with nonfat plain organic yogurt) leek soup or just a regular dish seasoned with some fresh leeks, the flavor of leeks say fall to me.
I bought some HUGE leeks today at the grocery store. For lunch, I made a very subtle tarragon leek stew.
Ingredients:
A huge leek
A lot of dried tarragon
Tarragon white wine vinegar
Dash half salt
Quorn tenders
Eggwhites to punch up the protein, but they blend right in and you don't really notice them.
Two teaspoons olive oil.
200 something g cauliflower, added at the last minute so they wouldn't overcook.
I love leeks. And fall. And crisp, cool weather.
Now... what to make for dinner?
Posted by april at 11:44 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
October 20, 2007
Fall, Orange Nails, Old Cats, Big Wins, and the Desire for Nancy's Organic Cottage Cheese
I am without deep thoughts today.
The weather is wonderful. Crisp, but not cold. Smell of fall in the air.
I am typing carefully b/c I just got my nails done a lovely fall shade of shiny orange. Will go with my Halloween jewelery... and socks... and decorations... etc.
I am exhausted b/c I stayed out late partying with nurses from Scranton. We had our Scranton victory party last night and it went great. I was thinking of going out tonight to a theatre performance that some friends of ours are putting on but I'm too tired. I just want to lie still and make dinner for my sweetie and chill.
On my walk home from the nail salon, I met a very old, very wise white cat. He lived with a very old woman, and meowed at me from his door. He had the freedom to leave... door was open... but he chose to stay inside. We meowed at each other for awhile then I walked on.
My special cottage cheese is at the store, awaiting my pick up tomorrow morning. I crave it as though it were an opiate. It is so good. And the live cultures make my stomach much happier than usual.
Oprah never called us back, so it seems we will not be doing the show at this point. A great deal of energy wasted, but they have their story and if we don't fit into it, that's understandable. They asked us to send some recent photos, so we snapped pics with our digital camera. If anybody wants to see a pic of me, send me your email and I'll mail it.
I had a long talk with Edward on the way home from Scranton about CR.
"I don't think you can do it," he said, meaning the job and hardcore CR.
Then I pointed out all the times I have done it.
And how the job doesn't FORCE me to eat: it's my own stress response that makes me eat excess calories.
And yes, it requires greater self-discipline from me than it would for someone who could completely regulate his food environment.
But I'm not okay with aging at a "normal" rate, and I'm willing to do the work to improve my chances of something better. Be it making it to actuarial escape velocity or just looking thirty at fifty.
The other day I was out with Lisa (24 year old organizer) and she went up to the bar to get our glasses of wine. The bartender asker her if her friend (me) had ID.
"My 'friend' is actually my boss, and she's 33," said Lisa.
"Well, tell her she looks great, and to keep doing whatever she's doing," said the bartender.
It's been a hard week. Death, tragedy, stress, but I finally got Edward to agree that yes: I can do extreme CR (have done before!) and still be a great organizer and it all comes down to self-discipline in the end. The same kind of self-discipline that can help you build the toughest union in Pennsylvania from scratch can help you extend your lifespan. [To clarify, Edward is the one who built the union. I showed up three years into the process. Edward is to union building as MR is to CR: there is no one better on earth. One downside to surrounding myself with these amazing men is that I often feel like I don't measure up. Good thing I'm the best RN organizer who ever lived. ;) And a pretty good kitty-mommy too!]
I have no better idea. I don't plan to give up or give in.
But I may take a short nap before making dinner!
[Just to clarifly... some eating disorder person wrote on another blog something about people having trouble holding down a job because it interferes with their dieting. This person a) obviously just appeared on the scene b) didn't read much. The difficulty here isn't that I can't hold down a job... I have a very demanding, high-powered job, and am extremely successful at it. As anyone who has read for like five days would know. The difficulty is that when I'm on the road, it's harder to stick to my CR and other health goals (like working out five days a week.) But that doesn't mean CR interferes with my job... quite the opposite really. It takes a lot of work to do CR when you are on the road, but it can be done, and these days I'm doing quite well.
And to all of you who have eating disorders: please do not project your own experience onto others. Most folks don't... at least not most real anorexics, who can recognize that CR is nothing at all like that. There seem to be a great number of people who have serious issues with food and their bodies, and they like to take these issues out thin women of any description. Even those of us who are thin because we eat extremely well, exercise, are in great health, and have the blood work to prove it. And successful jobs and happy relationships.]
Posted by april at 4:33 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
October 18, 2007
Packing Lunch
One thing that seems to be pretty ideal in my CR practice is my quotidian lunch. Salad that MR makes, yogurt or cottage cheese, salsa or hot sauce, almonds. 65% of the RDA of calcium in one big shot, and quite delicious.
When I go out, I usually have grilled chicken or shrimp on a salad, but I really wish that restaurants would offer salads with cottage cheese or yogurt. The only one that does it that I know of is the Ruby Tuesday's salad bar.
Alas... back to the plans for owning my own CR-friendly restaurant... after the revolution...
Posted by april at 8:40 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
October 16, 2007
Fall Night Dinner
Today's plan, as most day's plan, went wildly off course. Edward decided it was okay if I didn't go to negotiations the entire time so I could actually get my work done (calling fifty some nurses) and then came up with the brilliant idea to invite a whole bunch of people previously uninvited to speak at an event we're hosting in a few days, so I had to deal with the invites and follow-ups. Then I went home (the joy of living six blocks from the office) to lie down for forty-five minutes before driving forty-five more minutes to negotiations. It was very good that I had a little nap, since I slept about three hours last night. Went to negotiations, noted that management needs a good kick to do anything much (what else is new?) drove home, stopped quick in the grocery store as we were almost out of greens, jumped back on the phone with nurses.
Stopped for a half hour dinner break with MR. Even when I have go go right back to work, it's still lovely to be able to eat dinner with my partner. He had the dish I made last night. I had 200 g mashed cauliflower (tastes like very garlicky mashed potatoes) and a kale salad with Nancy's cottage cheese, flax oil, and salsa verde. Glass of pinot noir. Now I've just finished the evening's calls and am having 3/4 of an ounce of Jack Daniels in a glass of Coke Zero. Something about drinking Jack Daniels makes me feel like I'm having a real drink, even if it's a half shot and in diet Coke. Quite the little treat. I'd always rather have Jack and Diet, even if it's half Jack (maybe I should call it Jill) than a piece of chocolate.
Tomorrow we have a statewide Executive Board meeting, and I'm presenting, as always. I always follow Edward, which is always fun because as much as the nurses love Edward, I'm a lot more entertaining.
I'm packing my salad and cottage cheese and tea. There will be a catered in lunch but it's usually awful so I'm not taking a chance. I remember once it was Caesar salad covered with goopy dressing, pasta salad, creamy soup, an entree that was mostly pasta and beef, and four kinds of desserts. At least when it's the cold cut tray I can just get turkey over lettuce and tomato. But since we're not going to be far from home there's no reason to take a chance... people already know I'm weird, so one bagged lunch of salad and cottage cheese won't change a thing. After all this travel and wedding eating and such, I'm getting back to serious CR, and I don't feel like being derailed by cream soup at a catered lunch.
Calories today: 1329. Exercise: none. Between being out the door to get to my first meeting at 6:30 am, then heading straight into the office to deal with the stuff Edward wanted to get done, I didn't make it to the treadmill. Steps towards overthrow of capitalist profit-driven health care system: baby steps, but bound to pay off soon. Number of times I wanted to chuck it all for a day or so and lie around drinking wine and doing things that are not stressful: five. That's down from ten this time last week, so I consider it progress.
Maybe now while I'm in such a good mood, I'll go clean the bathroom. Nothing like shining the counter tops to really send one off to bed in a pleasant state of mind.
Don't worry, I'm not that crazy. I'm going straight to bed.
Posted by april at 8:31 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Definition of Insanity
There's really nothing I love more than driving around northeast Philly on no sleep looking for an office where the nurse who said she was going to leave me her package of cards at the desk actually didn't and wandering for about half an hour because one of my favorite people in the world who shall go unnamed but is not MR gave me BAD DIRECTIONS.
When you've known someone for ten years, and you know that he can't give directions, especially to any place in the city he's lived in off and on for forty-four years, and you keep asking said individual for directions, that, my friends, is the definition of insanity.
The moral of this story is: don't just keep doing something that never works.
Or use mapquest.
Posted by april at 9:33 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
I Can't Sleep, But I Can Cook
Can't sleep. Again.
About every other week I have a night when I wake up at 1 am and can't go back to sleep. Somehow it always seems to fall out on a night when I have to be out the door at 6:30 the next morning.
Tomorrow I have to meet nurses at 7:30 am, which means out at 6:30. Then we have negotiations at 11 am to 5 pm. Then on the phones until 9 pm. In between there I somehow need to work in a trip to the grocery store and thirty mins on the treadmill. I'm fairly sure the hotel where we do negotiations will let me work out in their fitness center. For those of you who use conference hotels a lot: they'll almost always give you a key to the fitness center if you ask nicely.
Packing food for tomorrow: salad, Nancy's organic cottage cheese, almonds, not sure what else but will have to pack more as I will be away for both breakfast and lunch. Maybe a whey shake. MR bought me this cute little shaker travel cup with a real lid that really closes. Very good if you're going to make a protein shake.
It's half past three now and I've been up for two hours. Refilled my T-Mobile to go acct on my Scranton phone (yes, I have two cell phones: one with my real number and one with a local Scranton number so people can call me without dialing long distance.)
Since I couldn't sleep anyway, but didn't want to do anything (like run the vacuum) that would make too much noise, I decided to make MR's dinner for tonight. He can make his own dinner just fine when I'm not here, but since I was up and it takes me less than half the time it takes him, I figured I'd go ahead.
Here's what I made:
Asparagus, Quorn tenders, cauliflower, zucchini and eggwhites (only 76 g to punch up the protein) in a broth of organic lemon juice, garlic, horseradish (real, not creamy stuff) and German golden brown deli mustard, just a squish. Topped off with a tiny dash of Texas Pete. This is quite good, and unusual. The king of thing one dreams up at 3 am. It compltely fills a large pot. MR can eat volumes of food that normal men could never finish. It's the funny thing about CR... a lot of CR folks just eat a whole lot more, volume-wise, than ad libbers. It's all about calories.
I also made him a side salad of cucumbers marinated in tarragon vinegar with a touch of Ancho chili powder and garlic, and a dessert parfait of nonfat ricotta with hazelnuts in Walden Farms chocolate sauce. He'll add a teaspoon of oil and a glass of wine to the whole thing when he gets ready to eat tonight. I will probably still be at work.
Meanwhile, I can't afford to fall down on the job at all. The days will be 12+ for the foreseeable future, with early morning shift change meetings and late negotiations and calls. Must not let my exercise slip... remember the stress reduction benefits. And the bone and cardio health benefits. And the improved balance that will save me from fractures when I'm 100. And the looking great in tight black dress benefits.
Okay, I'm going to try to lie down for an hour before I have to get up for work. Night night. Try the lemon/mustard/garlic/horseradish thing. It's really good. Would be a nice marinade for tilapia, shrimp, scallops or even chicken.
I may be really bad at sleeping, but at least I can cook.
Posted by april at 3:24 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
October 15, 2007
Organizer Amnesia
"I want to have another," I said to Edward this morning. No, I wasn't talking about a glass of wine. I was talking about an organizing campaign.
"It's organizer amnesia," said Edward. And he's right. You forget the pain of running these campaigns shortly after they're over, then you want another. At least, that's what happens to real organizers.
"No, I remember the pain, I just want another," I told him. But he's right. I'm definitely in that phase where I want another no matter what. It's the adreneline junkie in me... which is 90% of me. The thrill of the absolute war that is organizing is something I have trouble living without.
I apologize to anyone to whom I've been absolutely crazy over the last few days... I was feeling rather unhinged by the latest series of tragedies. I think it's the last one that really sent me over the edge into "I want a new campaign" land. In the midst of all this death and destruction, one feels a need for some kind of expression of the life force. To me, that's either sex or organizing. And one can't have sex all the time, so one may as well run organizing campaigns.
We have a couple of things brewing (that I don't talk about on blog so as not to give the administrations a heads up that their nurses are organizing) but I've also had to put a ton of my energy into the contract campaigns on the Twins. I love contract campaigns in a lot of ways, but except at the very end they're nowhere near the thrill of the organizing. I could never be one of the people who only works with established unions. Boring... very important, but boring.
As Joni Mitchell says, "It seems like you've gotta give up such a piece of your soul when you give up the chase."
My CR and exercise are getting back on track... and I do feel better. We're finishing up Thanksgiving leftovers so I had a bunch of mashed cauliflower with my Nancy's organic cottage cheese for lunch. Dinner tonight will just be a salad with yogurt and flax oil while on a very short break from calling nurses. Every night, on the phone till 8:30 or 9 p. No wonder most people don't want to do this job. Sometimes I don't want to do this job.
But this Friday night we're having a victory party for the Scranton nurses, and it's going to be amazing. Big Irish bar, spouses welcome (or not, as people choose) and lots of fun all around. Some of my favorite nurses ever will be there, and they're still glowing from the big win.
If I can't take a weekend off, I may as well organize workers to take on the mean-spirited, profit driven capitalist health care system.
As Edward always says, "What else are ya gonna do?"
Meanwhile, here's from my horoscope for tomorrow. It's the perfect explanation for why I run and win campaigns that a lot of organizing directors would dump. I file light, I know when I can hold my cards, and I know how to pull it off in the end. Might as well jump!
Tuesday, 16th October 2007
LEO
(Jul 24 - Aug 23)
There are many reasons why we may want to avoid making a wholehearted commitment. Usually these all boil down to a fear of disappointment. We don't want to fail. We don't want to look foolish. We don't want to hurtle headlong into some pit of despair that we could have avoided had we only kept a few more psychological barriers intact. But, of course, if we don't put all we've got into whatever we are doing, we can't expect to get back all it might otherwise have to offer us. Take the risk.
Posted by april at 7:41 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Did It Make Sense Not To Live For Fun?
Where were you in the summer of 1999?
Gas prices were at an all time low. $0.99 a gallon. There was a drought in New Jersey.
I was organizing nurses at Cooper Hospital, 820 to be exact, along with some of the best organizers I ever worked with. We ate a lot of avocado sushi and met nurses every morning and every night in either a) the Dunkin Donuts that we shared with Camden drug dealers b) the McDonald's that we shared with Camden methodone addicts on the way to the clinic for their treatments. That's organizing urban hospitals for ya. Our office was oddly located on Delaware Avenue, in a worn out office building in the nightclub district of Philly. I remember driving to the office at 5:45 am to pick up folders for nurses and watching the late night party people file drunkenly out of the clubs just as I was on my way to work. What a way to spend my twenties.
Now that's not to say that I regret it. I had a lot of fun and I managed to fit in some very efficient, well-targeted partying of my own into the decade. But mostly, I worked. I figured it would pay off, and it did. By thirty I had everything I ever wanted: big career victories, job of my dreams, charming cats, good friends. Then I realized I was annoyed about my weight, the prospect of getting old, and not having a serious boyfriend. So I googled Calorie Restriction, lost thirty-five pounds, met the man of my dreams, bought a house with him, and the rest is well-chronicled in the blog.
But I definitely never had the experience that some folks have in their twenties of travelling, living some kind of existence without responsibilities. Never had the money to do that, frankly. Had college loans to pay off and had to feed myself. I've never gone more than a week without a job, and that was only once, after I got laid off from a labor union on Labor Day. I think I win some kind of prize for that.
Besides, I love security. I didn't grow up with a ton of it, so I've always been the kind of person who wanted a steady job and a steady income and a steady place to live and, from time to time, a steady boyfriend. Though there were definitely times when I was fine with a steady stream of lovers who were quite aware that they were just friends. But good friends. Friends with benefits. Not the health care and pension kind.
Those days are long gone and I have a job with good healthcare and a great pension. The genuine concern of my corporate lawyer friends when they find out how much I make aside (OMG, how can you feed yourself on such a small income???) I feel like I do pretty well. We have a big house, we feed our cats. My organization has enough money in the bank that we could staff a 2000 RN organizing campaign if we wanted to. I wouldn't want to drive something fancier than my Geo Prizm, unless it was one of those hybrid enviromental car thingys that MR thinks we should get. I don't even wear a watch since now everyone just uses our cell phones as time pieces. A brief moment of regret about that: I've always thought men with geeky watches were sexy, and ten years ago all men wore watches. The truly geeky ones wore digital waterproof watches with multiple alarms and the time in every time zone. Why don't men wear watches anymore? Odd to consider a watch a fetish item, but then again, my tastes have always been a bit unusual.
The viewing last night was horrible. Just horrible. Susie, Edward, Jim and Patty (the pres of our union) went together, thank God. The girl looked so good that you could imagine at any moment she'd just get up and walk out of the coffin. I never knew her, but I've worked with her mom a lot, and I just can't even begin to process. Her mom said to Edward as he went through the receiving line, "You know, as a parent, this is the worst thing that can ever happen to you." I started to cry when I hugged her. Susie, Patty and I all had a big group hug outside and cried our eyes out on the ride back to Philly. Edward, always Irish from Northeast Philly, was dry eyed but obviously miserable. Jim looked like he might cry but didn't, not quite. His son is graduating from Harvard this year, his daughter starts college in fall. Edward's sons are 11 and 14. Patty's kids are grown. Susie says she thinks she wants kids but she's not sure. I know I never do.
We went out to dinner (Jim took us out) and I ate and drank again more than I should. We just all felt so awful. I went home and MR tucked me in. I woke up several times in the middle of the night and checked to make sure he was still breathing. Of course he was... life extentionists don't smother themselves with pillows out of carelessness.
Went to Pilates class this morning, basically flopped around. First time I've ever been to class that I actually wished I hadn't gone. It's going to take awhile to get over all of this, and I'm sure that I never will get over some of it.
There are two possible responses to this sort of tragedy: say a loud F*&k it! and throw caution to the winds, eating and drinking and doing whatever, refusing to save for retirement because hey, we could all die any day. Or we can buckle down and decide that every instant of life is worth having, and worth a bit more work in the here and now to get more later. People always seem to think that CR is somehow limiting to fun, but I don't find it to be so, espcially since I build in room in my calorie budget for the occasional meal out. CR has greatly increased the fun I have in life... I feel better every day that I'm on my CR game, and there are very few things more delicious than having someone you always thought was incredibly hot tell you that you look better than you did in college. It's my work that requires so many trade-offs... can't go away, even for a weekend, because I'm under house arrest in Pennsylvania until the contract is settled at the younger of the twins. In my twenties I spent so many mornings meeting nurses at 6:30 am that I got biologically programmed to be in bed by 10 and up by 5 or 6. So much for going out and partying. Even now I'm very lucky to have acquired a man who can deal with my work schedule. I remember back in 03 when one of the nurses at our largest local came outside during the morning shift change leaflet (6:45 am) and said, "April, we have a question for you." (She was speaking for the entire recovery room staff at a major urban trauma center in Philadelphia.) "Are you married?"
I checked my ring finger and confirmed that no, I was not.
She giggled and said, "We didn't think so. No man would put up with your hours."
Well, I found a man who will... who actually likes it because he's quite the loner himself. We work very hard at our respective callings: me, organizing workers; him, writing the books that will wake up the world to the possibility of radical anti-aging biotech.
I love my work, as all the long term readers know. But this is one of those days when it's difficult to motivate to get there and get things done. Sometimes I just don't feel like it. It's Monday and I have to do so much. There really was never a time when I didn't work all the time... even in college I had to work a lot to pay the bills and buy the ridiculously expensive books and be able to afford to go out with my friends who came from families with a lot more means than mine. It was worth it, to get a great education and hang out at the coolest bars and such. I came of college age during the era when women were always paying for ourselves, so I didn't even get boys buying drinks for me all that often. Five years in either direction and I'm fairly sure the men pay for things, at least on dates. Oh well.
I ate 130 grams of turkey with 1 teaspoon of flax oil for breakfast. There, the blog is about CR.
There's no point to all this existential whining, and I promise I'll put an end to it soon. With so many close friends dealing with such serious issues, I really feel pathetic for my own whining. It's frustrating to not really be able to do anything to help close friends going through a hard time... one always wishes there were something one could *do*. But that's not the nature of things.
If anything, I feel like I owe it to those who have either died or become ill to enjoy my life more, and to live it more fully. To not worry about stupid stuff, but also to not let circumstances get in the way of being the healthiest, happiest person I can be. Hence the straight up protein and fat breakfast. I'm dropping my calories again, in part because I had two going out events in one weekend so just jumping back to the average will take a significant decrease, but also because I feel more motivated than ever to do whatever I can for my health.
It's not CR that gets in the way of having fun. It's the job. But like any sort of commitment, its rewards come at a price. I love it, I won't leave it, it's been the central fact of my life since I graduated from college and neither it nor I are going anywhere or changing. I am basically married to my job. Where the heck is my ring? I've earned a pretty big one, I'd have to say.
Back in 1999 when I was headed to Cooper as the partyers were headed out of the clubs on Delaware Avenue, the Smashmouth song "Allstar" was number 1 on the pop charts and ubiquitous on the radio.
"Did it make sense not to live for fun?" would blare out of my one-speaker-broken car radio.
I guess it depends on what you define as fun. In another couple of days I'm sure I will again feel like organizing nurses is the most satisfying thing one could possibly do with one's life.
But right now, I feel like lying on a beach drinking good wine and showing off my Pilates muscles in a bikini. Or some combination thereof.
Oh well. It's time to go to work. At least my favorite brand of cottage cheese finally came into the store. I read somewhere, or maybe heard on NPR, that it's the little things that make us happiest. Today, I will rejoice in life, health, and Nancy's organic lowfat cottage cheese.
The rest, I'm sure, will figure itself out.
Posted by april at 9:11 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
October 13, 2007
This Week In Tragedy
Sorry for the long blog absence. Well, relatively long, for me, as I am usually reliable for daily or at least every other day entries.
This week has been rough. I found out within the space of 36 hours that the daughter of one of my nurses died in a horrible accident, that one of my close friends has a serious illness that while not life-threatening is debilitating, and that a friend who is not close to me but definitely more of a friend than an acquaintance has a life-threatening illness. MR's parents were in town and I feel bad that I was a bit of a downer at our Thanksgiving dinner. At least the food was good!
Then I went up to Scranton for membership meetings, which went well. We've now launched the membership campaigns on both of the twins... within a week of each other. (For those of you who are just joining us, the "twins" are the two campaigns we won this year within two months of each other. It's very rare to win two major RN campaigns in hospitals this close together, so we call them the twins.) So now we're doing two intense campaigns at once... a different kind of intensity from the organizing campaign, but contract campaigns and membership campaigns are hard too. I feel pre-emptively exhausted.
We're going to the viewing for my nurse friend's daughter tomorrow evening. She was 23. I am in tragedy overload.
Last night I went out with a couple of friends to Tria, our favorite wine bar. Drank too much, ate too much. Not good CR, to be sure. But bouncing back fast enough. I need to spend the next few weeks focusing on work and good CR... otherwise I will go insane. I have this vague hope that I may make it to the Harvard/Yale game this November to see all my college friends again... it's probably ridiculous, as I will no doubt be a prisoner of my work at that time. But I'd love to reconnect with the gang like I did at the wedding last weekend at the wedding. I'll keep hope alive, and keep working to win good contracts so these nurses can have the working conditions and standard of living they deserve, and I can... maybe... possibly... in an alternate universe... have a weekend off!
Posted by april at 8:15 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
October 10, 2007
To All Of You Who Read the Blog For the Recipes
It's like reading Playboy for the articles, isn't it?
I imagine you're sad because I haven't been writing many recipes lately. The fact is I'm still cooking, and cooking most days, but I'm doing the kind of quick and dirty cooking that I do on weekdays where I just need to put food on the table to feed my starving partner. Nothing fancy, a lot of pumpkin curries, he loves it but there's no point in writing about it.
Last night I cooked for MR's parents, who are visiting us from Canada. I made my tilapia dish: tilapia cooked in white wine with lemon juice and garlic. On the side: asparagus in fire roasted tomatoes, and a red pepper and arugula salad with homemade pomegrante vinegarette. Flax oil on the fish, olive on the salad and veggies. Bottle of California wine from a vineyard called "Irony." It was a gift from our guests last week, the people who do the coffee table books about food whom I keep meaning to write about because they were a lot of fun and live in Napa and brought us good wine.
We're making Canadian Thanksgiving dinner tonight for the parents, CR-friendly. Just like last year, my cranberry sauce (no sugar, lots of ginger and orange), Jack Daniels sweet potato (cut with pumpkin), turkey, mushroom gravy, mashed cauliflower (which really is better than mashed potato) etc.
Work is insane of course and it's coming up on the one year anniversary of the New York mag article. I am feeling a touch of existential despair at the idea that I will never, ever get a break. About a year ago I gave up on the notion that at some point things would slow down, and I've been quite happy since, just accepting that I never get a break and moving forward. But I do have rather graphic fantasies of lying around drinking good wine and doing nothing that requires a) Marxist analysis of the political economy b) organizing people to confront authority in meaningful and successful ways c) wearing a bright orange dress.
At least I manage to get through most days without c.
Posted by april at 3:14 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
October 9, 2007
FAQs
Do you ever have the overwhelming intuition that someone is googling you?
Maybe it's just because I just got back from this wedding that was more like a college reunion, but of all the people we liked, not just the ones in our class. Got to see some people I hadn't seen in years, had an amazing time catching up. My friend is now happily married, no one melted down or had a nervous breakdown (though the groom looked like he was on the verge) and I found a good home for the bright orange bridesmaids dress... I forgot to take it with me, but the bride picked it up and is going to wear it to a wedding herself in a few weeks! I do love orange, but this shade clashed a bit with my hair. It will look much better on the bride. And she can tell people that it was her bridesmaid's dress!
Since I reconnected with a lot of people I hadn't seen in years, I thought it was not beyond the realm of possibility that some of them might be tempted to put "April Smith" into google. And third thing that comes up is this blog. While tempted to write a long explanation of how I ever got involved in this absurd three year long and counting exercise in self-indulgence that is my CR blog, I thought that in itself would be self-indulgent, so I'd just repost my FAQ.
Will CR slow the biological aging process in humans, the way it does in every mammal in which it's been tested? We don't know. Will Aubrey de Grey and the forces of good find radical anti-aging biotech in time for me? I don't know.
But a reliable source told me over the weekend that I look better now than I did in college. And that, my friends, is reason enough.
What is Calorie Restriction with Optimal Nutrition? (CR Society website)
How can you eat so little and still not be hungry, get the nutrition you need, and feel fabulous?
So even if we just want to lose weight and feel better, not necessarily pursue serious CR for life-extension, we can learn stuff from this blog?
Yikes! That sounds really hard! Where can I order them online and have them shipped right to my door?
Are you trying to convince other people to practice CR? No.
CR sounds great, but what about biomedical interventions into the aging process? Wouldn't that be better?
Yeah, that would be a whole lot better! What can I do to make it happen?
Are you all just rich snotty holier than thou selfish people who want to make other people miserable by being thin and healthy and eating kale?
Yeah, but do you have any fun?
People often assume that thin people hate fat people. Before we are so shallow as to make that assumption about you, why don't you tell us what you think?
So what did you eat before you started CR?
That's about food policy. We're looking for books about CR.
Who called your boyfriend an oompa-loompa? Is he really that orange? No, but my kitchen is.
Posted by april at 6:31 AM | Comments (20) | TrackBack
October 5, 2007
Negotiations and Dog Shows Are Often Mistaken For One and The Same
Last night we were in negotiations till late. Hospital administration is behaving badly. No big shock there.
The thing that was out of the ordinary is that there was a dog show of Yorkshire terriers at the same hotel where we were doing negotiations. So there were a ton of terriers around the property. They were rather cute and well behaved. I love dogs, and while I prefer large dogs I am friendly with small dogs if appropriate. These dogs were all very sweet. But they were everywhere. It made the entire experience rather surreal.
That and the fact that I hadn't eaten much. I had my regular salad for lunch, but negotiations went late so I tore into my emergency South Beach Diet Bar that was in my handbag. By about 9 pm I'd had 385 calories.
I was ready to eat management's committee, not negotiate with them. I could actually live off them for a long while, though I fear the saturated fat content of some of their committee members.
Finally we got done and then we spent some time writing an update for our members and then Edward and I adjourned to the bar. He had one drink and had to run home, but I was staying as I was meeting nurses at 6:30 the next morning to give them the update flyers.
I had a Ketel One and Diet Coke (wine at this bar is bad) and a salad with grilled chicken, lettuce, tomato, avocado, cucumber, and spring greens. I was so hungry, but fine by the time I was done with the salad.
Then I was up till 10:30 talking on the phone with a producer from Oprah who MIGHT want to interview us. I know I swore off media, but Ashley goddess says, "It's a law of the universe: You do not say no to Oprah." So I said yes. We'll see if it works out.
Tomorrow we're off to a wedding in Texas. MR is packing like five bags, I'm taking my Hello Kitty backpack. I'm exhausted and likely to remain so for the foreseeable future. The younger of the twins needs its mommy back, and I have to spend a lot of time getting that campaign where it needs to be. Early mornings, late nights. Somehow I will keep up with my exercise and my CR.
Will report as soon as I can.
The thing I find frustrating about negotiations is that hospital administrations fail to recognize that they will do better on every level, from patient satisfaction surveys to the bottom line (it costs $60,000 to replace an RN. It's cheaper to retain qualified staff) if they do what's right for the nurses. My nurses aren't asking for much. They want decent wages, a pension, some security about how much their health care premiums will be. Nurse to patient ratios so they know they can give the patients the care they need. Shouldn't we all want that?
I think that management gets so obsessed with control that they ignore the obvious fact: nurses actually care about the patients. It's nurses who determine if the patient has a good experience or a bad one. Let the nurses have a say: your patients will be happier. Let the nurses have a say and they'll find ways to save money by cutting out waste, not by cutting back on the quality of care. Let the nurses have a say and they'll make a better hospital, and a better health care system.
It's no big secret that I love my nurses. Every day one of them does something that makes me smile. Watching people learn that they have power, and how to use it for the good, is the most incredibly rewarding experience I can imagine. It's even better than 100 grams of kale with a cup of nonfat cottage cheese, a teaspoon of flax oil and two tablespoons of salsa.
And that's a lot, coming from me.
I'll leave you with this quote from Paul Simon:
What is the point of this story?
What information pertains?
The thought that life could be better
Is woven, indelibly, into our hearts
And our brains.
Posted by april at 4:54 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
October 4, 2007
Back in the Bubble
Sorry for long time no post. No keyboard. Big Cat. Need Big Keyboard Rescue.
According to Tom the Computer Dude, a new keyboard is on its way.
Please do not sit on it.
We are in a very tough phase of contract negotiations at the older of the Twins, so my time is very limited. I left the house at 6:30 yesterday morning and got home close to 10. Not much time to write. We're going to a good friend's wedding in San Antonio this weekend, so I may not have much time to write in the near future. Hopefully tomorrow though.
Posted by april at 8:03 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
October 1, 2007
Kieffer, Destroyer of Keyboards
Now the keyboard on my work computer is toasted too. I'm supposed to get a new one in a few days. But I was using it at home, and Saturday night Kieffer sat on it. Now it doesn't work. Apparently 18 pounds of tabby is not something laptop keyboards are built to withstand.
Anyhow, not much online time for me now as I am a computer nomad, borrowing others' machines and swearing that I'll never leave the laptop open on the kitchen table again. Sorry no exciting blog... I'll work on some brilliant entries and spit them out as soon as I get quality online time.
Meanwhile, go read Emi. Her entry today rocks.
Posted by april at 2:25 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack