April's CR Diary

dear aprilitamu,
but stupid people will always comment on what you eat because people, as they are mostly stupid, especially comment on stuff which is none of their business.
So, don't get so upset about it. Just ignore the hell out of them or kick their ass with your high heels.

You comment on what you eat, so it seems weird that no one else can. I mean, this whole blog is a comment on what you eat, or don't eat. Or how you hate eating "gak." Or how it grosses you out when people put "gak" in their shopping carts. So really, it's a pretty normal thing for someone to say to you, especially from the perspective of someone who reads this blog, because in the context of this blog, where pretty much all you talk about is, um, food, it seems pretty normal for someone to comment on what you're eating.

Whaaaa? The whole blog is about food, all your posts are about food, and you get annoyed when someone comments about.... WHAT YOU'RE EATING?!!

You guys are missing the point. I don't walk up to people in a grocery store and say, "Put those chips back!" No, I mind my own business. Cause it would be rude to say something to someone in the grocery store about what they are buying. And being Southern, I try not to be rude. Which is really more than I can say for some of my commenters...

Someone might write a fashion column for GQ and say they don't care for pleated pants... but still not walk up to every man wearing them and demand that they remove the offending item.

Though it would be a really funny thing to try.

a

This is the perfect example of why good nutrition is so important. It helps us avoid being so edgy and nutty about the smallest of things. I'm sure, April, that you are back to your old (I mean young) balanced self.

But you don't have the same relationship with your friend as you do with a random stranger you see in a grocery store. So, no, it wouldn't make sense, nor would it be polite, to comment on the food in a stranger's cart. You leave that to your blog. However, it would make sense for a friend of the fashion editor in GQ to comment on what the GQ fashion writer is wearing, right? That's what your friend did with you.

Also "AD," it's insulting to call other commentors "edgy" and "nutty"just because they happen to disagree with something the blog writer has said. If anything, I'd say that your comment seems to fall into that category. And April, I fail to see how any of the comments have been "rude." But - your blog, your rules.

No one likes being told what they can or can't do. As a vegan, I get this a fair amount of the time. As a healthy eater, I get this even more.
"Oh, can you eat that?" "No, you can't eat that."
I *am allowed* to eat that, I choose not to. I can change the rules at any time and its annoying to have other people enforce them for me. Someone can tell me that something is not vegan because it has eggs in it, or it was made with hydrogenated fats or whatnot, and in that case, they are trying to be helpful. That is appreciated. But no one, even children, likes being told what they can or can't do. It's a simple concept, just being polite. And I'm a northern girl!

Lesley,

You're right, my friend has a different relationship with me, in that he has a relationship with me at all. And I have the right to set boundaries in my relationships. That's why I asked him, and everyone else reading my blog, to please refrain from telling me what I "can" and "can't" eat. The fact that I write about CR does not give my friends the right to tell me what to eat and not. That just doesn't make any sense. If I wrote a column about kinky sex, would that give my friends the right to say I can't do it in the missionary position? It's my bedroom, it's my body.

As Sara said above, I make the rules when it comes to what I put in my own body. I have not employed anyone as a personal trainer, parent, or prison guard. For those who weren't aware before that I don't want them to tell me what I can and can not eat, they are now informed.

Do you think that since I write about CR, it's appropriate for my friends to tell me that they think I'm fat? After all, I write about food and weight issues.

I think that having healthy boundaries that are well-articulated is important in relationships. Yours may be different from mine. I also respect my friend's boundaries: there are many topics on which I don't comment because it's clear (either because I just know or because I've been told) that my opinions are not wanted. I tend to assume that with food issues, if people want to know what I think they'll ask, and until then I maintain what I believe to be a respectful silence.

No one wants to hang out with the food police, or the police of any sort, except for I suppose actual law enforcement officers, whom one may or may not wish to hang out with. I've found, since I started writing this blog and doing CR, that people sometimes assume I am looking down on them because they eat different things. So I've both told them in person and written extensively on how I don't think a person's food choices define who they are, and how I love people who eat fried foods and drink whiskey.

It is quite a different matter to point out, in a forum that people can choose to read or to not read, and without using names, that consuming large numbers of calorie-dense, nutrient-less foods such as the folks I see at the grocery store are doing is a behavior that is likely to lead to obesity. Cause and effect is one thing, freedom of choice is another. I think that the fat-acceptance movement has gone way in the wrong direction by (in some forums, certainly not universally) denying that excess calories make people fat. That just makes them sound nutty and in denial. An approach I would suggest (and that I would agree with and support) would be to set themselves up as the defenders of the right of individuals to choose what they eat. There are many slippery slopes of course: choosing to eat what is truly toxic (like transfats) vs. what may kill you over time, if not balanced out with the rest of the lifestyle (like cheeseburgers) can create enough philosophical arguments to keep grad students busy for a generation. But I believe it is a defensible principle, and one that the non-fat can get on board with. I just can't concur that believing in the law of thermodynamics is an expression of hate. I can, however, affirm the right of an individual to choose to engage in behaviors that lead to obesity.

That being said, the longer I read, write, and think on this issue, the more libertarian I become in my views. When companies deprive us of choice by refusing to provide nutrition information, they're getting in the way of our rights to run our bodies however we choose. But when we have the information, it becomes our choice. Of course there's education too because if you don't know how to use the information, it can't help you make a choice. So I advocate education (something I do a lot of in the blog) + information, + the tools to do something about it (fresh produce in grocery stores, stuff like that.)

Being bombarded with high calorie, well marketed foods when hungry is a recipe for overeating + malnutrition for most people, but at that moment when a hungry co-worker is diving into the M&Ms on our accountant's desk, it's really not my business to say, "You can't eat that!" It's her body, or his, not mine. I think it is reasonable for adults to respect each other's choices in this matter.

a

April,

Thank you for your response. I completely understand and agree with your statement that no one - that I know of, anyways - likes the "food police." But since you police your own eating habits so much, I assumed that it wouldn't be strange for a friend to say a comment like he did. Does that make sense? That's why I was surprised that you were upset by it, although I shouldn't be, because no one likes being told what or how to eat.

My dietician with whose help I lost about 75 lbs in one year is a professor of endocrinology and metabolism in a leading medical school in Istanbul. He didn't teach me anything new I didn't already know about about healthy nutrition, he just helped me to keep with it. Anyway, he is an extremely attractive man, probably in his fifties but looking at least ten years younger, very fit, and his hobby is desert marathon running. I mean, the guy likes to go to a desert to run. When I once told him of a vacation on an island he was like "oh, I love that island, it has a 35 km. long beach all around I ran once". So, my doctor is extremely cool, but he wears pleaded pants! I adore him but every time I see him, which is once a month, while he is examining me, I want to scream my guts out "off with those hideous pants man!". But I don't. Because, it's his business and although him wearing pleaded pants makes me disappointed in him a little since I find him so perfect in everything else, I can just ignore this little detail about him and let him be.
My point out of this long digress is, I think your friend should've kept your mouth shut about the tortilla and the butter-like stuff. We all have our weird points and our emergencies. Yours wasn't even a misfitting thing like the desert marathon running / great looking/endocrinologist professor wearing pleaded pants, yours was clearly an emergency situation. You were hungry and you did your best with what you had available. This doesn't deserve a comment like that.

Maybe next time you're going to your anti-cooking friend's place, you (or your male friend who made the comment) could pop into the local grocery store en route and grab a package of mixed baby greens and a little container of fat-free cottage cheese. Even a convenience store should have something semi-healthy available. Problem solved, crisis averted! JD :-)