April's CR Diary

happy birthday to her, and many happy returns!

I have no idea how many comments you get along these lines, but I just wanted to say that I just discovered CRON in the past 24 hours. I was up until 6 AM reading your blog and other sources. (Problem sleeper...). In that time I have already bought a digital kitchen scale, a carton of egg whites, and some quorn. So yeah... I'm off to a running start.

The reason I'm writing this, for the most part, is to say, and I don't want this to be taken the wrong way AT ALL because I know it's a sensitive subject... but I have struggled with bulimia and anorexia for a long time (about nine years). I'm only 25. I have been trying to recover, trying to get healthy eating "ad lib" but can't bring myself to do it. CRON seems like some sort of recovery oasis because I am a very quantitative person. I enjoy philosophy, literature, and counting things. Classic liberal arts neurotic. I love counting my calories, just because of who I am, not out of self hate. I enjoy creating recipes within my calorie range. Honestly, I've always been a foodie. An anorexic foodie, I know. But, well, it's more common than you would think. Anyway... I have been trying to recover and could not bring myself to eat over 500 calories a day until I found CRON. It's funny, how it's criticized for being extreme, but for some of us, it's just the healthy amount we've been looking for. I can't say that I've gotten quite up to healthy caloric intake levels yest, but the past two days that I've been using the "Cron-o-meter" and trying to learn about CRON I've eaten around 800 calories a day. Which is a marked improvement, and I hope to get up higher with it (1000-1200... or whatever someone smarter than me thinks is healthy). I know this is like the opposite of what everyone doing CRON is doing.. they are trying to cut back while I am trying to go up.. but I think regardless it's all about optimum nutrition. I love myself, and I love life. I have a fabulous husband, kitty, and puppy. I want to feed myself and my husband life nourishing foods that no one need be neurotic about. Cheeseburgers give me panic attacks. Egg whites and heirloom tomatoes with Texas Pete's do not. (omg, awesome by the way.) I have enjoyed my food, been able to enjoy cooking again, and have been able to eat without fear of having to be fat (sorry, recovering ED girl here) or unhealthy.

In short... your blog is inspiring. As is the CRON lifestyle. This was very inarticulate and haphazard way for me to say how much this lifestyle has inspired me... but such is the internet (and the three 90 g glasses of syrah I've had).

I would really like to become more part of the CRON community. And I would like to start loving food again! Btw.. CRON inspired me to (and this is a big deal for me) cook tonight.. steamed kale with lemon juice, baked sockeye salmon, cucumbers in rice vinegar and wasabi, and egg whites w/ yellow heirlooms and some texas pete's... a ton of food! My sweet husband was so happy for me to cook again...

I think your community is amazing, and I love your mentality about food. I feel like I no longer relate to the eating disordered, but I don't relate to ad libers either. This really feels right.

-chloe

What a wonderful comment Chloe! I wish you all the best of luck in your continuing recovery; ON is such a great path to discover, and personally I'm firmly convinced that if one gets ON right, the calories, and the healthy levels of calories, really take care of themselves.

I totally believe that people who have been light eaters and thin their whole lives tend to live longer. My late aunt has never weighed more then 45 kilos (95 pounds?) her whole life. But she was a smoker and a tea-drinker and we all know what happened to tea in this part of the world after chernobil. Anyway, we lost her to rectum cancer. She couldn't fight much because she was very skinny and was a light but healthy eater to begin with and after the disease set on, she just kept losing weight and strength. She didn't die because of cancer, she died because her body just wasn't strong enough to deal with the treatment she was getting. She was too skinny and frail. She was only 70 years old. I guess I am trying to say that it cuts both ways.

Interesting exchange heard on the elevator today:

Middle-aged woman to older woman: Your lunch looks _healthier_ than mine.

Older woman: It probably is. If you want to live this long, you have to eat right.

Anyway, thanks for your inspiring example!

Zeynep, that is a very valid comment and very much true. Thank you.