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November 30, 2008
Meditation Tips for Resisting Temptation
As per request, here it is!
Just some background: I view the use of meditation techniques to keep from eating foods you don't truly want that don't support your health, as a process of removing yourself from the biological compulsion to eat and acting instead out of your conscious will. The biological drive to eat high calorie food is powerful, and it protected generations of our ancestors from starvation. However, it's not very adaptive in our current all too plentiful food environment. Instead of acting simply out of biological compulsion, we have to think, and then act on our thoughts.
I'll divide my reflections into three categories: before temptation, during temptation, and after.
Before:
1. Have a daily meditation practice.
Now before I lose you at step 1, let me clarify. While it's ideal to have a classical Tibetan type meditation practice (sit with your back straight, eyes closed, focus on the breath, as thoughts arise, let them go without judgment, returning your awareness to the breath, until you can truly think of nothing for an extended period of time) but I venture to say that any type of meditation is better than none. I'm only talking 15 minutes here, though closer to 20 minutes or half an hour is better. Take time when you turn off the radio, turn off the phone, remove yourself from other people, and focus on your breath. Let the thoughts that come just go.
I do a regular meditation of the Tibetan kind, and have for about three years now, but lately due to the addition in my life of a full spectrum anti-seasonal affective disorder lamp, I've started to meditate for thirty minutes every morning with my eyes open instead of closed. It's still good. Some people can find that driving is meditative for them. The key is to be able to focus and shut out other people and influences.
To the purposes of sticking to whatever food or calorie goals you may have, at the beginning of each meditation session (in the morning) set your intentions for the day. Is it to refrain from eating off other people's plates? Avoid the office candy jar? Stick to a specific calorie goal? Include x number of vegetables in your diet?
Set the intention, then let it go. At the close of your meditation practice, re-visit your intention. Seal it with an action, maybe the sound of "Om," maybe folding your hands in prayer, maybe standing on your head. Whatever you choose, make sure that that action is for you a sealing of your intention that places your personal energy into the intention. Think of intentions as many vows, if you will. When you invest yourself into them, you raise the stakes of breaking them. You must be serious about this. It won't work if you casually toss off intentions that you don't have the ability to carry out. They may be challenging, but must be within reach.
2. Shortly after your formal meditation, after you set your intentions, but before you rejoin your daily activities, envision the circumstances during the day that threaten to derail your intention. Will a co-worker ask you to try some of her homemade pumpkin pie? Will you be invited out for drinks after work and be confronted with the communal appetizer plate? Will co-workers insist on hitting up a high calorie lunch place for a business lunch?
See yourself confronting this obstacle, and decide how you will handle it, way in advance. Feel the pain of taking an unfamiliar action, whether it's turning down a co-worker's pie or ordering a salad while your co-workers chow down on chicken wings. Then feel the next moment: how the world doesn't end. How good it feels to do what you truly want to do, not just what your circumstances push you to do. See the end of the scene, where you move on with your day, eating your healthy lunch or enjoying a glass of wine at dinner with your partner. Note that resisting the biological compulsion (or social pressure) to consume food that doesn't serve you doesn't remove pleasure from your life: rather it makes way for other, more enjoyable, healthy pleasures. Keep in mind that anytime you want pumpkin pie or chicken wings, you can make a decision to buy and eat them. But for now, they're not a part of your intentions for this particular day.
3. Plan ahead.
This is pretty simple, non-meditative advice, but it does involve living consciously and mindfully. Plan ahead so that you're not stuck at work with nothing healthy to eat and facing a kitchen-full of holiday goodies. Pack a snack. Keep a few South Beach Diet bars in your desk just in case. Eat breakfast so you're not ravenous at 10 am. Stock the house with easy to prepare healthy foods. Know where you can grab a decent lunch or snack near where you'll be if you're on the road. Note locations of Subways, print out the nutrition information of popular fast food places and keep it in your car. Talk to co-workers in advance about how you prefer to eat lunch at the Ruby Tuesdays, where you can get a salad and a calorie-controlled meal instead of the local greasy spoon. Etc. We all know that we should do this, but it really does make all the difference. And when you find yourself neglecting planning, virtually trapping yourself in a bad situation, ask if the compulsion might be at work. Is it an accident that you're starving and it's time for a business lunch with your boss who *always* wants to go to the greasy diner, and you know there's nothing there that you want to eat besides a salad, but you're so hungry that you order a burger? What would you have ordered if you'd planned and not been so hungry? Beware: we tend to plan our own excuses. "But I was just so hungry!" Yeah, why is that? Because all the food in the universe dried up this very morning? Doubt it. Observe your behavior and dare to change it by planning in advance.
Now you should be ready to start the day. This entire process could take as little as twenty minutes. Unless you watch no television and spend no time surfing the internet, don't bother telling me that you can't make twenty minutes. Not if you're serious about your goals. You won't miss twenty minutes of hitting the snooze alarm... you will miss your health if you lose it.
During the moment of temptation:
You're at a cocktail party and there's a gorgeous cheese plate with exotic cheeses. You love cheese. You haven't had cheese all season. You feel you must have this cheese. But you've decided not to indulge in food that's off your plan at this event: you're saving your calories for your best friend's birthday party at the end of the week, you have a healthy dinner waiting for you at home, or for whatever reason, eating the cheese is not consistent with your intention for the day, which you meditated upon and sealed. So what now?
1. Remind yourself, loudly: This is not the last cheese on earth. You can pass up this cheese, and you will truly not be missing anything. There will be cheese again, at a time when it doesn't compromise your health goals or your intentions. You are a free and grown woman (or man or whatever): If you choose, of your own compulsion-free will, to eat a cheese plate, you can go to a best restaurant in town and order one. Or you can go to the market and buy and make your own. Just because this cheese is here now, and free, does not mean that you are obligated to eat it.
2. Talk back to the compulsion. Remind it that you are in charge, your conscious mind, not your biological urges. Remind yourself that if you were to do nothing but follow your biological urges, you'd have punched one of your co-workers in the face and slept with your best friend's husband.* Revel in your humanity: you can make choices that either agree with or defy your biological urges.
3. Beware of the compulsion's attempts to bargain. Does this sound familiar?
Compulsion: But you've been so good all week! (beware when Mr. Compulsion starts using words like "good." Food is not a moral issue!)
You: Yes, I have, and I'm sticking to my plans because I like the way I feel when I eat healthy.
Compulsion: You know how much you love Totaro's fries. And you could have just a few. You could skip breakfast tomorrow.
You: So you're suggesting that I eat fries now and then spend the entire morning unfocused because I'm hungry and protein deprived?
Compulsion: Oh it won't be so bad. And you love those fries...
This is the point where you have the cut the conversation off. Do not bargain with the Compulsion. It has an evolutionary purpose that might have been useful 150 years ago but no longer serves you.
4. Think of something else. Something else entirely. Think about the cute guy you met in the parking lot, or the Christmas decorations you're putting up, or a resolution to the ongoing Middle East crisis. Just remove yourself emotionally from the situation.
5. Remember how you've felt every other time you gave into the compulsion and ate something that didn't bring you in line with your goals. Has this ever worked, really? Why would it work this time?
After Temptation Has Passed: What Worked and What Didn't
Think about what worked and what didn't. At what point did your mindfulness pay off in good decisions? At what point did circumstances overwhelm you, and what could you do to be better prepared next time? Did you go into the event too hungry? Did social pressure get in the way of your goals? Were your goals unrealistic to begin with?
I had an instance like this today. I've noticed that on Sundays when I take a nap, I wake up HUNGRY! I almost always eat 200 calories of cottage cheese, and then I'm either not hungry for dinner, or end up eating dinner and going over my calorie goals. So this Sunday I resolved not to eat till dinner, no matter how hungry I woke up.
You know, it wasn't that hard. I was already in a good state of mind, having meditated this morning and set my intentions. I ate a delicious lunch of salad and tilapia, and so when I woke up I was hungry, but knew that I could wait to eat until dinner. I drank my genmai cha and made dinner. My goal was realistic, I sealed it in my morning meditation, and I made it.
I hope all of this has been helpful. I'm no Zen master and no nutritionist --- I just know what's worked for me. Meditation, mindfulness, and constantly re-connecting with the true will, not just the biological compulsion that would fatten us up for the famine that never comes.
Good luck!
* No husbands of best friends were harmed in the production of this entry. In fact, my best friend is a male, and I assure you, I've never slept with his wife. Beautiful woman, but not my type. :)
.
Posted by april at 3:10 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
November 29, 2008
Flying Egg McMuffin
This morning I was lying in bed feeling hungry and thinking that I might like an Egg McMuffin. I love Egg McMuffins, but for fairly obvious reasons, I don't eat them very often. While they're low calorie (300, to be exact) and they do have some protein, they're also loaded with saturated fat and not nearly as nutritious as my 200 calorie eggwhite with brewers yeast and flax oil breakfast or my cottage cheese and flax breakfast. I tend to feel hungry again soon after eating an Egg McMuffin, where my standard breakfasts leave me satisfied for about five hours, perfect for making it to lunch.
So while I might eat an Egg McMuffin once a year when I'm on the road and passing a McDonald's, they're not a choice I would make at home.
As I lay their contemplating the Egg McMuffin, I thought that this is a good illustration of the importance of the food environment. In my own house, I have access to several nutritious, delicious breakfast options that are much better for me and lower calorie than an Egg McMuffin. All I have to do is drag myself out of bed and into the kitchen and open my fridge to access these healthy options. There's no way I would bundle up on a cold winter morning, get in the car, drive to the McDonald's, pay for an Egg McMuffin, and eat it. That would be way too much of a pain for a food that I really don't like anymore than I like my own quotidian breakfasts (in fact, I like my own breakfasts more) so the odds would be stacked in favor of me making the healthier choice.
If, however, I had no food in the house, jumped out of bed, scrambled to get on the road, found I was hungry halfway into my journey, and knew I was going to have to wait to get food until lunch, I'd be temped to stop at a McDonald's and order and Egg McMuffin. Looking at the choices along the road, I wouldn't see very many better ones. I happen to know that both the Starbucks and the Wawa turkey bacon and eggwhite sandwiches have more calories than the Egg McMuffin, most likely because they have more bread. At Wawa (which I love, btw. Their headquarters are near here and I once, in a Denny's where I was meeting nurses, met their head of fresh foods and got to tell him in person how much I appreciate being able to purchase carrots and celery, apples, etc. in a convenience store) I could buy a cottage cheese, yogurt, or, I happen to know, they will sell you the eggwhite patties without the sandwich if you ask nicely and can get beyond the weird looks. But the point is, your drive-thru options aren't that great, and if my food environment were a busy suburban street instead of my own healthily stocked kitchen, I'd end up eating the Egg McMuffin almost by default.
When people talk about the food environment, some suggest that we should then just make sure that there are healthy choices in addition to all the gak. This becomes very dicey when you're talking about food that is provided for free, in places where you don't normally expect food. Some of you will remember the huge debate that followed after I wrote a letter to a local hotel chain questioning the wisdom of their decision to put chocolate chip cookies (about 400 calories each) on the check-in desk where hungry travelers will have a hard time resisting them, even if their intention is not to eat an extra 300 - 400 calories of sugar and fat in the afternoon. Several people seemed to view my asking that the cookies be replaced by a healthier alternative, like apples, as a fundamental attack on American freedom. I was quick to point out that I have no problem with people going to the store and buying cookies or going home and baking them, but do we really need to be accosted with them on every corner? The biological response to high calorie food, especially high sugar food, is so hardwired that it's very difficult to refuse when the food is practically thrown in one's face. Sure, a lot of people have learned how to tame the impulses and make healthier choices, but it's very, very difficult, and I don't see why putting people in the situation where they have to exercise so much willpower when they're just trying to check into a hotel makes sense. Imagine a world where alcoholics were offered a nice frosty beer on every check in counter of every hotel. When 2/3 of the nation's population is overweight or obese, it's pretty obvious that resisting temptation isn't a strong point. So why not minimize temptation, especially in places where we're not expecting to be confronted with food?
To be clear, I have no interest in outlawing chocolate chip cookies. I feel like adults can choose what to buy in the store or order at a restaurant and deal with the consequences. If you walk into a fast food restaurant, you know you're going to be confronted with a whole bunch of fattening food in the same way if you walk into a bar, you know you're going to be offered a drink. Yes, there are healthier options (McDonald's actually has some great salads, and most bars offer red wine) but you're planning to be confronted with temptation. My objection is to putting high calorie foods into a ton of places where they don't belong. A person who truly wants a cookie can go buy one. But a lot of people who don't really *want* a cookie, who are already struggling with weight, and who would not go across the street to the store to buy a cookie, are likely to eat one when it's shoved in their faces for free.
Even with all my information and my kitchen stocked full of healthy choices and my powerful motivation to eat well, if an Egg McMuffin flew in my window and landed on my pillow, I would have had a very hard time resisting it. Obviously, I'd want an explanation as to how an Egg McMuffin managed to fly into my window and land on my pillow, but you get the idea.
I've started to lean more libertarian on food issues in the last few years... mostly because after being attacked so viciously by people who believe that there's a fundamental right to free cookies, I found myself thinking, "Go ahead and eat yourself to death. Don't let me get in your way." It would be so easy to improve the food environment, but it is so hard to teach people the tools to resist temptation when we're bombarded with it constantly. Yet I've put my energy into the later because I don't think that the political environment will change enough to allow for any sort of food environment improvement. Too many big business interests in keeping the population anesthetized with food.
I've also become somewhat disillusioned with my heroes at the Rudd Center. No doubt it didn't helped that I personally was attacked not once but twice by bloggers there who had no expertise whatsoever in the field and never contacted me for interview or further information... in fact, did no research whatsoever. That was kinda a downer. But as I've read along on the blog, I've observed that they're focusing more on making obesity socially acceptable than on food policy to change it. I am all in favor of fighting weight bias, as I have written extensively, but I understood the mission of the Rudd Center to be focused on improving the food environment so that we could stop talking so much about weight bias because a lot fewer people who have weight problems. No matter how much we fight the social stigma associated with it, the extra weight that most Americans are carrying has negative health consequences, and it's entirely preventable. No matter how much we hold hands and proclaim that everyone should be valued as a person no matter what their weight, obesity still isn't healthy.
For my part, I've been focusing on my work, and in the process watching as more and more nurses are injured in the attempt to lift the new generation of bariatric patients. We just got some great contract language on lifting protections in our newest contract and I am so glad... back injuries can permanently disable nurses and other health care workers, and there is technology to make lifting safer but it has to be used and there has to be enough staff for nurses to have time to lift properly. I often think that while I might be a rough stick, at least most of my nurses could pick me up and throw me across the room if they needed to.
I'm still interested in food policy, but a lot less optimistic about how much things will change. Steeling oneself against the onslaughts of high calorie foods and avoiding places where the food environment is filled with traps seem to be the only practical strategies. I'd be better off teaching meditation techniques for increasing willpower in the face of temptation than suggesting that people just be faced with less temptation in the first place.
Next chapter: meditation techniques for resisting high calorie free foods, even when you're really, really hungry.
In the meantime, I'm getting out the Christmas decorations. At least that's something I can *do* something about.
And if an Egg McMuffin flies in my bedroom window and lands on my pillow, I'll be sure to let you know.
Posted by april at 6:46 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
November 27, 2008
A Cougar Stole My Man!
I thought it was going to be a story about large wild cats mauling innocent bystanders in Southern California. That happens, you know. I learned all about it in Mike Davis' books.
I was reading Cosmopolitian in the nail salon on Tuesday, getting all ready for my Thanksgiving adventures, when I discovered that a "cougar" is actually an "older" (and the air quotes are really exaggerated) women who dates younger men.
The article took a very cautionary tone, warning the young twenty-something readers of Cosmo that their man might be, well, poached, by an "older" woman. These preditory women, Cosmo warned, kept in great shape and caused a lot less drama than twenty-somethings, all in pursuit of younger men.
Here's the truly shocking part of the story: guess what they considered "older?" 35!!!
Yes, one cougar cautionary tale was about a 20 something girl whose boyfriend had been "stolen" by a 35 year old woman! This evil woman had a great body, was a sympathetic ear for the young fellow, and basically was more attractive to him, in the end, than his early twenties girlfriend. What a crime! What a tragedy!
Now for the record, I don't tend to be attracted to younger men. My mother told me years ago not to look at anything under 35, as they don't really ripen until then, and I have found this to be good advice for the most part. The last man I was even remotely attracted to other than my own MR was a definite grown up in his late fifties (though he doesn't look a day over 42) and I tend to prefer my men to be long past the finding oneself drama that seems to haunt the well-educated class of 20 somethings who for whatever reason don't seem to have a real job. When I was in my twenties, I dated older guys. Now the guys are just barely starting to catch up, and while mine is biologically younger than his years, he's very emotionally mature.
But the thing that struck me about this artice in Cosmo was a) the absolute outrage that women over 30 could "steal" men in their twenties, as though it is somehow the divine right of 20 somethings to have all the men their age, even though they've been busy dating and marrying much older men since hunter gatherer days b) the idea that 35 is old! That is is shocking that a woman would have a great body in her thirties!
Wake up, sisters. Thirty is just the beginning. The most beautiful women I know are well past thirty, and like Christina Aguilera, we keep getting better.
So when Cosmo cautions the little ones, "While you're downing beers, some cougar is downward dogging her way to a slammin' body," I'd have to say, damn right we are.
Say meow!
Posted by april at 3:06 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
November 25, 2008
On *Not* Commenting On What Other People Eat
If there's one thing Dr. Stacey and I agree on (and actually, there are many) it's that people should not comment on what other people eat while they're standing in line at a restaurant. It's annoying, unnecessary, and unhelpful. Even what seems to be an innocent comment can be upsetting or just irksome. So it's best to avoid it. While people can choose whether or not they want to read CR blogs, Dr. Stacey's blog, or the New York Times, for that matter, they can not choose whom they stand next to in line at Starbucks.
With that in mind, even I had a hard time keeping silent yesterday when the woman in front of me as I stood in line to buy my pound of decaf ground for gold cone plus free tall decaf that comes with it ordered a quadruple espresso with four pumps of hazelnut syrup and two pumps of sweetener.
Wow. That's impressive. That's a sweet tooth with a love of caffeine.
I thought to myself, "That combination would give me a heart attack along with an anxiety attack." I thought to myself, "If I took a sip of that, I'd spit it across the room." I thought to myself, "That combination makes my mother's disgusting habit of putting two Sweet and Lows in a small coffee sound yummilicious."
But I kept these thoughts to myself. It would have been neither enlightening nor interesting to the woman ordering the bizarre drink to know that caffeine and sugar give me anxiety attacks. It would not be a profound bonding moment between strangers to make jokes about her drink order. At best, it would be annoying because she knows her drink is a tad unusual... sorta like how it's mildly irksome every time someone makes a joke about my name, which I've known is the name of a month for approximately 32 years. At worst, she has some sort of eating disorder and a comment about her massive sugar and caffeine consumption would trigger a horrible episode. Worse yet, she was trying to commit suicide by combining caffeine, sugar, and cocaine (I have no evidence that the woman uses drugs, in fact I doubt it cause what more could you need after that drink?) but she was on the verge of talking herself out of suicide when my one comment pushed her over the edge.
Truth be told, I wasn't so much alarmed by the massive amounts of sugar and caffeine as I was amazed that someone would find that much hazelnut syrup plus sweetener edible. And I thought that liking bagels with mustard, tomato and onion was unusual.
So I kept my mouth shut and went about my business. I trust my fellow Starbucks patron did as well. If she happens to run across my blog and find that I was a bit shocked by her choice of drink, that's her choice... she clicked on it (and she is not named nor described so she's quite anonymous.) I made sure that she got to order in peace.
Posted by april at 5:44 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
November 23, 2008
Yogalsa?
My good friend Francis Engler was in town this weekend, which was just awesome. We are such the Luke and Leia of our generation of organizers: twins separated at birth who turned out remarkably similar in spite of being raised on very different planets. We had an amazing time, including going out salsa dancing last night. Francis is a salsa instructor and an excellent dancer, and I hadn't practiced in about six years so I was afraid I'd be awful but I wasn't! I caught on quite quickly again. And I found that the muscles and balance I've developed in yoga were really helpful. In fact, salsa felt like a super fast-paced vinyasa: a series of balancing poses that challenge the muscles and follow in a flow with the breath. I am now committed to keeping up my salsa practice. In addition to the great workout it provides, it is extremely affirming for a girl to get to stand on the sidelines and be asked to dance by a series of attractive men who know how to throw around a girl properly. And the movement in time with music and breath is downright meditative. Francis is an amazing partner, and it's funny how dancing with him makes me wish that we had been able to work together at some point as grown up organizers... I was thinking of all the parallels between organizing and salsa while I sat drinking a gin and diet Coke at the bar. The ability to move fluidly together and respond to the slightest and subtlest of cues is essential to both salsa and organizing. Of course these days organizing is all I think of.
I found myself wondering if I could enlist my staff in an ongoing post-work salsa practice. The beauty of the salsa club is that everyone is there to dance, and the guys show up without partners so a single woman is guaranteed to be asked to dance. And the guys who ask you to dance know what they're doing.
"A strong partner can lead anybody," I thought, recalling the line in Dirty Dancing. Throughout my organizing career, I've been a strong partner who could and did lead anyone. For my next campaign I'll be hitting the field with the best team I've ever organized with, but it's still all me giving the cues, giving the slight twist of the hand that sends them off spinning in a controlled and graceful fashion. While in Houston I kept thinking to myself how much I love my work, how much I love being a part of a movement to help working people get the standard of living and respect they deserve. And how exciting it is to hang out with people who've been doing it a lot longer than I have. I got a tremendous amount of energy out of spending some time with a brother organizer who has been in the movement since I was about 3 years old, and still does the real work, on the ground, every day. He rocked my world when between meetings he cleaned the conference room table. There is nothing I love more than a man who will get his hands dirty in the work, both physically and metaphorically.
Back at home I crashed pretty hard into the winter snap, but I'm back at hard yoga practice and feeling fine now. MR bought me one of those SAD avoidance lamps, and I will be meditating to full spectrum light every morning when I wake up. The visit of Francis also lifted my mood tremendously. It's wonderful to have a friend who has been in my life so long and with whom I share such important things.
Today was a nice sunny Sunday, with special Sunday breakfast, yoga practice, and special meals and cuddling with my sweetheart. Maybe it's Thanksgiving in the air, but I am feeling more grateful than ever for him. We're so happy together, and I'm looking forward to the holidays when our families will be together.
Tonight was our tofu night, and I made a new recipe. Here 'tis:
Portabella Mushroom Tofu Night
180 g portabellas, chopped
50 g red onion or scallion or shallot
1/2 cup veggie broth
300 g asparagus
300 g Nasoya Lite Tofu
1 tsp flax oil
garlic
1 tbsp soy sauce
Pre-cook the asparagus bottoms (if you eat them -- we do, but I pre-cook the woody bottoms), red onion, and mushrooms in boiling veggie broth. Add soy sauce, and garlic. Add asparagus tops shortly before removing from heat to avoid over-cooking. Top with flax just before serving.
This dish was excellent! Give it a try.
Posted by april at 6:22 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
November 22, 2008
Readers Pick April's Dinner
Sorry for the delay in posting... I've been super busy with work, super tired and hit with a rather unpleasant bout of Seasonal Affective Disorder which I only last year figured out that I have. Apparently returning from gorgeous, sunny Houston just in time to catch Philly's first real cold snap of the year was a bad idea. I also fell off my exercise for part of the week, which is obviously unacceptable. The psychological benefits of working out are so huge that I really can't afford to skip a day.
Anyhow, my close friend from college, Francis, is here visiting from LA, and we're going out tonight to the Philadelphia Fish and Company, where I can get a low cal, high protein meal. It's the place Robin and I went a few years ago when she came to visit. Check out the menu and see what you think I'll order!
Note how things seem to come with a parsnip puree. Gotta be a good sign.
Posted by april at 12:26 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
November 15, 2008
Well It's Time To Go Home and I Ain't Even Done With the Night
I can't sleep. Like, at all. Like, ever.
I didn't sleep in Texas. Actually, I slept the first night. The second night I slept about four hours. Last night we were up late working in the hospital and then I couldn't sleep and I basically catnapped for four hours without really sleeping. Caught a catnap on the plane. Now I'm home and I can't sleep.
I am way too excited about all that's going on in my work to sleep. Also, to eat. I didn't eat much while away. A few Dannon light and fit yogurts from the hotel breakfasts, a big Mexican meal on Wednesday night, and a pretty yummy Cajun meal today at dinner before we caught our plane, but very little else. I lost weight. I can see it even though I haven't gotten on the scale.
Worked out three days out of four, both cardio and self-taught Pilates and yoga. Treadmill three days. Skipped today cause I hadn't slept at all and figured that I shouldn't work out.
Didn't eat as many South Beach Diet Bars as I thought.
It's now MR's birthday and I am about to go get in bed with him. Tomorrow he will wake up 38. Cute!
Posted by april at 10:44 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
November 12, 2008
Eggplant Chicken Cheesesteak
Now how's this for a weird twist on a Philly favorite?
One eggplant, microwaved for three minutes and hollowed out
Quorn tenders (you could use real chicken or any other chicken-esque meat sub you want too)
Fat free cheddar singles
Red onion, diced
White mushrooms, diced
Garlic, worschtershire
1 tsp olive oil
Pre-steam the onion and the mushrooms for a few minutes, thaw the quorn. You can do this on the same plate as you pre-cook the eggplant, that's how I did it to save energy and space.
Mix up the onion, garlic, mushrooms, and Quorn tenders with a few drops of worschtershire (can use the vegan version from Whole Foods if you care too... we just use the cheap stuff from the local supermarket) and stuff it back into the eggplant shell. Top with two slices of nonfat cheddar. Microwave till the cheese is all melty.
Top with 1 teaspoon of olive oil right before serving.
MR really liked this one. It was weird. I love doing bizarre variations on all-American favorites. It's my super-easy, super-healthy fusion thing. I've got this entry working in my head on silly fusion cuisine, but I haven't had time to spit it out yet. I'll finish it while I'm in Texas or on planes and write it down for you when I return... unless I have an insomnia attack there, in which case I'll grab the hotel business center and write it up while I'm there. I'm not bringing my computer so I may not be able to blog... don't worry, I'll be home late Saturday night.
Thanks to all for your nice comments. I missed you while I was away this summer. It's good to be home. :)
I'm going to get in a yoga class before I head to the airport. Good to stretch well before sitting for a long time. It takes quite awhile to get to Texas, it appears. Not nearly as long as it takes to get to California.
Paul Simon's "Train in the Distance" just came up on my Ipod shuffle. I love this song. My freshman year in college boyfriend put it on a mix tape for me. I live close enough to a train that I often can hear it in the night. I do indeed love the sound of a train in the distance.
The song has a combination of lyrics that I find very appropriate to the work of organizing. I think the last verse summarizes:
What is the point of this story?
What information pertains?
The thought that life could be better
Is woven indelibly into our hearts and our brains.
Posted by april at 2:41 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 11, 2008
Road Tested
South Beach Diet Bars. A variety pack. 4 peanut butter, 2 chocolate, 2 apple cinnamon. And 6 little pre-measured bags of whey protein. And genmai cha tea bags. Lots of genmai cha. Can't live without it.
If I were just going to Austin to hang out, I wouldn't be packing so much food, as I hear that Austin is a good town for food. But... I'm going to work. So the events will include bagged lunch, a reception with no doubt very heavy food, and then being in a hospital doing meetings. So if I don't bring it myself, I'm not counting on finding food. I will be so sick of South Beach Diet Bars by the time this is over. I've been stocking up on my heathy foods for days now, trying to get as good nutrition as I can before I hit the road.
The other thing about my work, as opposed to say, MR's job, is that what I eat simply can not be an issue in my work. I have to blend in. I can't be doing weird stuff like weighing my food. I can bring some of my own, but I can't let the issue get attention. I can't make time to run around shopping for food like MR does when he travels, and I have to travel light and be prepared to have no refridgeration. So I do the best I can.
When I'm on the road I often enjoy the opportunity to try new foods, but this time I'm really needing to focus, and if it's at all like the conference we went to in September in San Francisco, the food will be plentiful and heavy at the Austin event. Then we'll be going to Houston to work. I'm looking forward to it... I love being immersed in "the bubble" as Susie likes to call it, and going with Susie and Jeannie will be fun, as will be hanging out with our new friends. I've been isolated in the PARSNIP bubble for so long that I'm like a kid at Christmas when I meet other grown up organizers. I didn't realize how lonely I was until I started meeting others.
Anyhow, we're getting ready for our trip, and I'm about to pack my one bag. I never travel with more than one bag. It is an article of faith. Airlines like to lose my bags, so I don't let them.
Then I'm doing a once-over of the house so it's all nice and clean for MR. Weekends are my usual cleaning time and we get back super late on Sat night, and then... it's MR's 38th birthday! Yes, happy birthday to MR! The man whom I feared was too young for me when we met because he was 33 is now safely on the right side of 35. My mother warned me not to date anyone under 35, and she was right. MR was unusually mature for his age, but he improves every year. I love his birthdays. He looks younger but gets older. Perfect.
Appropriate rally clothing, two days worth of meeting clothes apparently. And then a whole lot of easily packed food. And my workout clothes... I can't go without working out. It makes me an unpleasant person, and Jeannie and Susie won't put up with that, so I'd better make sure I'm in a good mood. That means either cardio, Pilates or yoga every day. Or better yet all three.
Time to get dinner on the table... something cruciferous for me.
Posted by april at 2:28 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
November 10, 2008
A Victory For Skinny Men Everywhere!
Perhaps I am the only one to have noticed this, but I doubt it.
Along with all the historic firsts of the Obama win, there is the undeniable triumph of a skinny man.
Oh yes. Skinny, dorky, in great shape... call me a partisan, but there is nothing I love more than skinny organizer boys. And our President Elect Obama is nothing if not a skinny organizer boy.
Can it be? A skinny guy is going to be president? It's a victory for skinny guys everywhere!
For all the guys who can't find pants that fit because the average American male is too fat to wear skinny jeans. For all the skinny guys who got made fun of in high school because they were skinny and had big ears. For all the guys who actually need a belt to keep their pants from falling off. Our president is one of us! A skinny guy!
I have quite a few types: you can ask my long term friends for a catalog, if you must. A few years ago I settled down with my very favorite, the geeky blue eyed science boy, super skinny, a bit spaced out, very loving but easily confused. I have quite a few other types too, but they all have one thing in common: they are skinny.
I love skinny boys. Too thin for fashion. Just a tiny bit starved. I always thought, on some barely conscious level, that skinniness (and dorkiness) indicated intelligence on a man's part. And there is nothing I find more attractive than intelligence.
So tonight I try to bring myself out of the extreme sadness I've felt since I found out about my friend Chris' diagnosis and rejoice in the fact that skinny men all over the world now have a wonderful role model: Barack Obama, president-elect, skinny man!
Skinny men of the world unite. You have nothing to lose but...
Posted by april at 5:39 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
November 9, 2008
You Could Get Hit By a Bus Any Day!
Have you ever heard of someone actually getting hit by a bus? Other than the guy in the first episode of "Six Feet Under," I never have.
However, it's a common refrain among those who object to CR. Why put in all this effort if you could die young anyway?
I was thinking it because I was thinking that the kind of cancer that Chris has is much like getting hit by a bus. Could happen to anyone.
My initial motivation to do CR was to stop a process that I recognized as acutely destructive. I was gaining weight, feeling awful, getting sick, and lacking the energy I needed to do my extremely demanding job. And it worked! I got energy, stopped getting sick, and felt great.
If I found that CR detracted from my overall quality of life, I don't think I'd do it. Not so much because of some philosophical decision about quality vs. quantity, nor because of a cost/benefit analysis of the chances that CR will work in humans, just because I don't think I could bring myself to go to the trouble if I didn't immediately see positive results. And even if I knew for certain that it wouldn't give me any more years of life, I'd still do it. Having spent the better part of the year in the "healthy eating" but certainly not hardcore CR'd camp, I can honestly say that I feel better on serious CR. There is a weight below which I never, ever get sick. There is a calorie level below which I never experience anxiety (worry, sure, but not anxiety -- they're very different.) I actually like looking thin, even if it means dealing with all the people who say, "You're not all that skinny!" or "We liked you better with more meat on you."
But I would never try to convince someone else to do it who felt like it would compromise his or her quality of life. Now when people have asked me what to do about weight gain or chronic health problems, I tell them about CR and about how I've used CR tricks to help people lose weight in a healthy fashion, even if not going all the way to real CR. But I only tell if I'm asked. I do wonder if some people might like it much more than they think, once they tried it. It's amazing how much, once you get into the groove, it really does feel good. But I have no interest in "converting" anyone. It doesn't help me, and it's annoying. CR is good for me, so onward I go, to the best of my (occasionally meager) ability.
I'm putting together my survival kit for my trip to Texas later this week... it's going to be a very big food challenge, especially as I'm trying very hard to count all my calories. I'm packing a whole bunch of whey protein powder in individual packets that I make up in ziplock bags and can mix into skim milk. I picked up some South Beach diet bars. We'll be so busy that I don't know where or how I'll get food at all, but I figure I can hit the occasional convenience store for a hardboiled egg or some cottage cheese or yogurt. If I'm really lucky I might find a Subway. We'll only be gone for four days so it won't be too bad. It's a work trip, so I'll be totally focused on my work, and I don't like to have to think much about food when I'm working. So I'll pack what I can and probably eat a bit less than I'd like, just because proper food will likely be in short supply. And we will be too busy to eat anyhow. Susie and Jeannie are coming too. I'm really excited.
I will pack many bags of genmai cha. Jeannie tried it on Thursday and loved it. I brought her a tea bag to try on Friday, along with some whey protein.
I'll be very careful to look both ways before crossing the street when in Texas.
Thanks so much, Anne, for filling out your form! Yay! Under 30! And thank you Lin for your thoughts and prayers. You'll be pleased to know that I am eating something cruciferous every day.
Off to shower before yoga. Thanks to all of you for filling out your forms and sending your love and prayers. Who knows how these things work, really, but I hope that somehow all of our energy can help. In the meantime, you'll be rewarded with a recipe later today.
Posted by april at 5:42 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
November 8, 2008
Every Day I Spend With You, I Call It Lucky
Thanks so much to all who have already sent in your forms or your request for forms! MoMR, Jessica, Mary, Luke, Jeannie (I'm using blog names for people I work with) and also to both my parents who have agreed to do so and to Lauren, who can't due to her own status as a cancer survivor but who offered well-wishes and prayers. Thanks also to my parents who are working on theirs.
I found a site for friends of Chris, and they say they're hoping for a lot of people under 35 or even 30. Another thing I'm too old for... blergh. I'm 34. But to my readers under 30... please, please please read this beautiful post by our friend John and email in the form. Anyone else, please do fill out the form, you never know who might have the supercharged cancer fighting cells.
I've been really shaken up by the death of Judy followed so closely by news of Chris' diagnosis. It's hard to describe, but Chris is the kind of guy who seems absolutely unshakable. The kind of guy you figure could easily carry you to the nearest hospital if you were to take a bad fall. He'd have your back in a fight. He wouldn't collapse under pressure. I'd love to see him organize (she says with the same tone as the hockey player in the film "The Cutting Edge" saying to the figure skater, "I'd love to see you play hockey.") He'd be intimidating if he weren't so friendly. The thought of a serious illness threatening his life is almost more than I can process. I don't know him well at all, but I'd thought of him often since we met and always figured that life being the way it is, we'd eventually find ourselves in the same place at some time and get to hang out. I'm sure I'm one of very many people who feel this way.
Meanwhile, I am feeling more protective of MR than ever. If you're the kind of person who tends to be overprotective of your partner, I strongly encourage you to date a life-extensionist. He wears his seat belt. He does CR. He looks both ways before crossing the street. He does not ski.
I am so grateful for every day I get to spend with him. I barely want to let him out of my sight at the moment, both because he is so cute and because he is so precious to me that I feel like I must be on hand to make sure he's safe. I am still however managing to go to work and get my nails done and such.
I'm contacting everyone I know to get them to be screened as potential donors for Chris. I even wrote with a little suggestion for potential media... perhaps all the hell of CR media I've done could come to something? I wish there was more I could do. Even though I only met him briefly, I can't imagine a world without him and his contributions.
If this works though, and if he can achieve any sort of improvement in his cancer, then history will be made and I've no doubt it will jump start research on therapies that could help millions.
It seems odd to remember arguing about CR with the extremely vibrant, funny, brilliant and super cute Chris Heward (is it untoward to describe someone facing a life-threatening illness as super cute? I think not. I think that of all times, that is the time when one should be reminded that one is a creature much loved and admired both by those who can understand the science and those who do not. If I am ever facing a life-threatening illness, I want to be reminded that I am cute. With specifics, please.)
He didn't think that CR would work, and that the trade off of perhaps a slight increase in health was not worth any loss of quality of life. I argued that my own quality of life was much improved by CR, and that for me there was no sacrifice.
Now, having slipped off and on my CR and re-visited what it's like to be a "healthy" eater but not CR'd, I can say for sure that for me, I have a greater quality of life on CR. And that if I were to know that I would die in a year or five, I'd still want to enjoy every last minute of my life, and for me, that would mean doing CR. I've never felt so alive as I did when I was at my very severest CR.
I'm sure that Chris would not have felt the way I do, and that for him, CR would have been the wrong choice. We were both right: we were both putting a high value on quality, not just length, of life.
Surely I will be employing every means I have available to me, whether it's organizing others to volunteer to donate, possibly donating myself (I'm 34 but in great health!) and praying up a storm, to help. Perhaps it's a false sense of agency, but it's better than nothing.
I'd just like a chance to buy him a beer and argue about CR again, with both of us confident that we're looking at many years of healthy life ahead of us.
Posted by april at 2:45 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
November 6, 2008
Please Help Save My Friend Chris!
It's not often that I ask you to do anything, other than eat your eggwhites This time I'm asking you to help a friend of mine who is very likely to die unless we help.
I met him just two years ago at the CR Conference. He bought me a beer and we argued about CR. He was in great shape, full of life, vigorous and funny and quite a bit sexy, which I did happen to notice but noticed with a great deal of respect to his wife who is of course the rightful owner. :)
Then just yesterday I read that he's been diagnosed with a cancer that is very likely to end his life within the year. But being the genius that he is, he has an idea. It may work, it may not. Either way, you and I could be part of making history.
Below is the summary MR wrote for me of the very complex technical detailed explanation of what Chris is trying to do. The short version is that I need you to complete a form and email or fax it in. If you are selected, you can donate little critters that live in the blood called granulocytes and a) find out if yours have the potential to fight cancer b) have the opportunity to help save Chris' life.
If you have lost weight and felt better with help from something you read on the blog... please fill out the form and do what you can to help Chris. If you have ever enjoyed a recipe, fill out the form and send it to everyone you know. If you even vaguely enjoy the blog, please fill out the form and do what you can. We could be a part of research that would save millions, and we could help save one of the most incredible men I've had the honor of meeting.
And let's face it, cute guys with brains are just way too rare on this planet. We can not let our own laziness contribute to losing one who has at least thirty more years of sexiness left in him, and obviously so much more to contribute to the world. No we can not. Fill out that form!
MR's summary:
ALL:
This post is both a plea and an offer: a is a chance to possibly save the life of a person who has helped advance life extension research; to contribute to advancing important cancer research that is currently stalled in bureaucracy; and to get what appears likely to be important data on your own, intrinsic anti-cancer defenses in the process -- data that you literally cannot get anywhere else in the world today, and at this rate may not be able to for a decade or more.
Chris Heward, one of the directors of Kronos Science Laboratories, has been diagnosed with Stage IV terminal esophageal cancer. His chances of surviving a year are less than 1%, even with the best available care.
After considering his options, he is trying to offer himself up as a human guinea pig for an experimental new cancer therapy under development by scientists at Wake Forest University School of Medicine. In brief, scientists discovered that one of their mice was completely immune to any transplanted mouse or human cancers, resisting a million times the dose of cancer cells that is 100% lethal to other mice. The trait turned out to be heritable, so the scientists now have an entire line of these mice, and the key appears to be in a kind of white blood cell called a granulocyte. When the researchers looked in people, they found that there is a wide variation in the cancer-killing activity of these cells: some people’s granulocytes are extremely aggressive, others are quite effete.
The lead researcher presented at the Methuselah Foundation-sponsored scientific conference, Understanding Aging: Biomedical and Bioengineering Approaches. A video of this presentation, discussing all this in more detail, is available here:
http://www.vimeo.com/1650186
A proposed formal clinical trial is now on hold for rather dubious bureaucratic reasons, and the Wake Forest scientists cannot offer the potentially life-saving therapy to Chris (or anyone else). However, Chris may well be able to perform the proposed protocol himself, using the resources available to him. This might save his life, or give him a little more time, and whatever the results they will contribute to the advancement of science.
However, even for a person in his unique position, Chris can’t pull this off without help from a lot of people. First and foremost, he needs people to donate their granulocytes.
Granulocyte transplantation is already in routine clinical use to treat a variety of infections. However,to get enough granulocytes to carry out this desperate gambit will require donations from many donors, screened first for blood type and immune system compatibility, and then for maximum cancer-fighting activity.
If you donate and are selected, and if this experimental therapy does pan out, you might help save first this one man’s very valuable life, and later, be one of the people that played a crucial role in advancing a new treatment or cure for untold more victims of cancer patients. On top of that, we (yes, “we” – I’m offering my blood for screening, despite my terror of needles) will be in the unique position of knowing how robust an anti-cancer potency is harbored in our own white blood cells, decades before such a test might become as routine as a cholesterol panel is today.
Terrible as it is to ask, please do not contact me, Wake Forest, or Kronos with pleas, however desperate, to be included in any trial of this therapy. Wake Forest’s hands are tied, and Chris is only legally able to do this because it is entirely self-experimentation: none of these scientists or organizations can offer to perform this experimental protocol until duly authorized to perform human research. Chris can barely help himself, with out help; sadly, he cannot help anyone else.
If you are interested in volunteering, please send an email requesting a screening form to Wendy DOT Bezotte AT kronoslaboratory DOT com , subject line “Chris Heward Granulocyte Screen”, as soon as possible, and link to this post
Also, Chris has set up a Facebook page where he tells his story in a more personal way, and posts updates. Search "Chris Heward" and you will find him -- he's the smiling bald guy.
That's all folks. Let's see what we can do.
Posted by april at 7:30 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
November 5, 2008
Confetti Vegetable Dip for Victory!
I woke up at 3:30 am on election day, not on purpose but I couldn't get back to sleep. So I got up to make vegetable trays for the campaign headquarters. This one turned out really well, and is extremely pretty.
Confetti Veggie Dip
1 carton fat free sour cream
1 packet McCormick's vegetable dip seasoning
Red, yellow and orange bell peppers
Mix the sour cream and seasoning. Finely dice red peppers and stir in, enough to make sure that every bite has several. Top with diced peppers.
I think I'm going to make this one at Christmas with red and green peppers and turn the topping peppers into a Christmas tree!
I also made my spinach artichoke dip, and served them with two absolutely huge trays of veggies, everything from celery to peppers to tomatoes, squash, cucumbers, not sure what else, every veggie I could grab at the produce store.
When I walked in with the veggies, the volunteers descended in a frenzy. The woman who had asked the day before for veggies actually hugged me. The dips were warmly received.
MR and I spent the day canvassing. It was a little rainy but the leaves were beautiful. Then I went down to Philly for an election night party and it was amazing... I'd never seen anything like it. The train down was an Obama victory party, with people who had never seen each other before in our lives chatting and asking each other if we'd voted and practically jumping up and down with joy. Then in Center City there was an impromptu Obama rally with people carrying signs, horns honking, everyone hugging each other. I'd never seen anything like it.
Everyone on the street was asking each other if we had voted already, as there was still time to get to the polls. One man who looked to be Indian asked me if I had voted. I said of course, and asked if he had. He said he couldn't because he's not a citizen yet, but he just had his citizenship interview and planned to vote the next time. He was wearing multiple Obama buttons.
It was a wonderful moment to be in Philadelphia, to be an American, and to be grateful for our right to vote and to carry signs and speak out. I've lived in this town at times when free speech was persecuted and prosecuted, and it was amazing to see the city come together. People of all races were united in a way that I've never seen in this town. Mayor Nutter gave a great short speech, and if I had to guess I'd say he'll be president not too long from now. (I called it! I called it!) Philadelphia has a long history of racial divisions, but last night it was as though we weren't black, white, Latino, Asian... we were just Philadelphians for Obama.
Even if you voted for McCain, try the vegetable dip. It's really, really good.
Posted by april at 4:45 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 3, 2008
Vegetable Trays for Change!
I took a vacation day from work today to spend phone banking for Obama at the Montgomery county headquarters. There was tons of junk food, everything from TastyCakes to hot dogs and saurekraut to potato chips to blueberry muffins. Some bagels with every sort of cream cheese you can imagine.
About halfway through the morning someone drops off a vegetable tray. The volunteers descend upon it like lions on a fresh buffalo. "I haven't seen a vegetable in days!" exclaimed a phonebank captain. "I'm diabetic," said another volunteer. "I can't eat all this crap. I want veggies!"
"A vegetable tray, a salad, anything!" exclaimed another volunteer. Am I in a bizarre alternate universe here a truly honorable man is about to become president and regular folks are begging for vegetables?
I pledged to ring a giant vegetable tray tomorrow, complete with my homemade fat free spinach artichoke dip and some roasted red pepper dip. Fresh, low cal, and yummy!
Please get out and vote. This election is truly historic. I will be doing my calls and making my veggies.
Posted by april at 5:39 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
November 2, 2008
Together Wendy We Can Live With the Sadness
I didn't even know she was sick.
I hadn't been in touch with Judy for years. Back in 2000, we'd worked together very closely on our attempt to help the nurses at Riverview Medical Center in Red Bank, New Jersey organize their union. She was one of the leaders at the Jersey Shore local, a hospital where Edward has led a strike back in 1992-1993. She was, and I do not exaggerate, one of the nicest people you could ever meet. She cared so much for her fellow nurses that she worked tirelessly to help them, even while raising her own family and working as a nurse in the recovery room. She got her RN in 1974... the year I was born.
She was always up for doing a meeting with a nurse from an unorganized hospital. I could call her on a couple of hours notice and she'd turn up at the diner in Red Bank, always early, always ready to talk with her colleagues about what they'd been able to achieve as organized nurses. And it was remarkable. The nurses at Jersey Shore taught a hospital system what it means to respect registered nurses. I've never met such a strong group of nurses, not anywhere, not at Temple, not at Crozer, not at Englewood. Jersey Shore nurses had been through a long strike together during the worst winter in memory, and they were not about to give up one inch of what they'd won. They set an example of what organized, empowered nurses can do when they stand up for themselves and their patients.
Judy was a living example of what it meant to be a Jersey Shore union nurse. Proud, absolutely, but also approachable, friendly, and always eager to help out her colleagues. She absolutely would not let her co-workers drown... not in the PACU and not on the organizing battle field.
When a nurse was fired at Riverview during the organizing campaign, Judy was immediately on the task of circulating petitions at Jersey Shore, the flagship hospital in the system of which Riverview was the second largest. She was outraged that Anna (those who know me well will know that I have a history with nurses named Anna -- code name of course but the real names match up) was fired for the crime of sending a co-worker who was suffering severe chest pains to the ER. That's right: a nurse on the maternity floor was having severe chest pains, and Anna, then charge nurse, insisted that the nurse go to the ER. Her manager said no: there weren't enough nurses on the floor to replace her. Anna over-ruled the manager, sent the co-worker to the ER, and a few days later found herself fired on some trumped up charge about signing for food incorrectly in the cafeteria. The manager had said for years that she had a problem with Anna. Too outspoken.
As it turned out, Anna had delivered half the babies in that county. A petition at Riverview, a petition at Jersey Shore, and shortly Anna had her job back. We didn't even have to follow through on a labor charge.
Judy was the kind of nurse who would never turn away in the face of injustice. She was first to the barricades in the strike, first to meet with colleagues from Riverview during the organizing campaign, and the last to give up, even when September 11 destroyed our campaign and so many lives.
We had just had our organizing committee meeting where we put out a mission statement, that was going to function as an authorization card. We had 18 nurses at the 8 am meeting -- an amazing turnout. Fred, Fran, and my co-workers and I were packing up the room after the meeting and as we walked out a couple of nurses were sitting in the bar.
"Having a drink?" I asked. It's not that unusual for night shifters to have a drink after work, at 8 or so in the morning.
"A plane just flew into the World Trade Center."
The majority of nurses at Riverview lived in Middletown, New Jersey, the town in New Jersey that was most affected by 9/11. We watched in horror as so many lives were destroyed. Our cell phones didn't work. We canceled the remaining meetings and rushed home to loved ones, holding them close throughout the days that followed. Almost every Riverview nurse lost a family member, friend or neighbor in the attack.
The campaign was over. People couldn't focus on organizing. The nurses there would continue to see their standards lag behind.
A few months later I was asked to lead the Fletcher Allen campaign, the largest hospital in Vermont, 1200 RNs. It was my biggest single win to date, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But I always knew that it came at the price of Riverview, at the price of failing to unite the nurses in the Meridian system under one strong, professional nurses' union.
Judy called me the day we won to congratulate me. I burst into tears. It should have been her victory too, but she was calling to congratulate me on a victory for nurses in a far away state whom she'd never meet.
As I've gone on to organize, I've thought about her often. The example of the "bad ass chicks from Jersey Shore," as I'd think of them while I drove down I - 195 blasting "Lady Marmalade" as high as my Geo Prizm's stereo would go, stuck with me. The way that organized, empowered nurses walk around, without fear, knowing that they can speak up for their patients when they need to. Knowing that their families are going to have affordable health care and their patients are going to get the care they need, not by any grace or good will of hospital administration but because the union nurses force them to deliver what nurses and patients deserve! The nurses at Jersey Shore are to this day a role model for organized nurses everywhere.
Judy was in her fifties when she died. Way too young. Melanoma, I heard, but I didn't hear many details. She'd been sick for about a year but I was so far out of touch with the Jersey Shore crew that I hadn't even known.
I'm not sure what I would have said if I had known. That her example is a constant inspiration to me as I help other nurses find their voice? That any sacrifice of sleep, energy, relationships, peace of mind, is nothing in comparison to what she sacrificed for her patients and her profession? That I'll keep fighting as though she were right by my side, just like we used to be in the diner booth, answering questions from unorganized nurses and spreading the word that yes, there is hope?
I think she knows all these things, and I know she is with God now, watching us and rooting for us as we go on struggling for the things she fought her whole life for: safety for patients, justice for nurses, and a better life for the working people who deserve a shot at the American dream.
I suspect that she also knows exactly where our next victory will be, and where the next group of nurses to find their voice are working. And that she'll be looking down and cheering us on as. we lead the campaign to change the future of our city and our state. I know that she would be proud. And when the votes come in, I know I will feel her there, watching and waiting with us, still a part of the movement of nurses worldwide, even though she can't be with us here on earth.
Judy grew up near Asbury Park and heard Bruce Springsteen play when she was a kid. You can't be from that area and not love Springsteen, and I never really understood him until I lived there. So she'd appreciate my Bruce quotation to end my entry in her memory:
The highway's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive
Everybody's out on the run tonight but there's no place left to hide
Together Wendy we can live with the sadness, I'll love you with all the madness in my soul
Someday girl I don't know when we'll get to that place where we really need to go
And we'll walk in the sun
But till then
Tramps like us, baby we were born to run
Come on Wendy
Tramps like us, baby we were born to run.
Come on Wendy!
Posted by april at 7:24 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack