April's CR Diary

April, please do not ever feel guilty for not fitting into someone else's "ideal" mold when you are obviously healthy and happy. I really do think that much of the criticism comes from low self-esteem.

I'm a long-time lurker; I may have commented once or twice before. You and I have many similarities and many differences. We are both educated, thirtysomething women, we share a love of cooking, a passion for eggplant and hazelnuts (though not together), and a very general desire to eat healthfully.

I'm fairly certain that's where our similarities end. I currently weigh 127, and do aspire to go lower, but not by much. I'm a huge fan of marriage. I couldn't imagine a life without having children. I don't consume artificial sweeteners. Politically, we probably differ a bit. I would find a CR lifestyle very unsatisfying and very unhappy. I follow a diet that focuses on whole, unprocessed foods and eating organically as much as possible.

So, why do I keep reading (aside, of course, from your witty banter)? There are many reasons. I enjoy the recipes. I find that reading about healthful eating (in any form) inspires me to keep eating healthfully (in my own way). I love blogs. Most of all, I think that I have enough confidence in my own choices to appreciate choices that differ from my own without feeling attacked.

I'll admit, there have been a few posts where I've thought to myself, "Wow, it's a good thing April isn't here to see me eat homemade chocolate chip cookies made with butter, white sugar, and whole eggs while I read her blog, lest she judge me." Nobody's perfect, and my self-esteem has room for improvement. Generally, though, I take your posts with the proverbial grain of (sea) salt, and imagine that, if the tables were turned, you'd probably take my posts with a proverbial grain of No Salt.

Please try to do the same with your critics. These are generally people who feel guilty about making less-than-perfect-all-the-time food choices, even though they may intellectually know that making room for indulgences is a perfectly valid and joyful way to live. Likewise, many of us know, intellectually, that CR is a perfectly valid and joyful way to live. It's a question of personal satisfaction, which of course is highly individualized.

I'm not trying to say that you should tolerate personal attacks; you shouldn't. But I think you'll be happier if you keep in mind the fact that you've done your research and made an informed decision regarding what's the best diet for you. I have, too, and I'm at peace with that. And your blog helps me stay on my chosen track. Thank you!

Such a good post, April! I can really identify with all that you say. I've gotten less intense on my CR in the last couple of years - ever since I sold my house and started preparing to retire. It's just hard to concentrate on it if your life is in flux. I also think back to earlier days as the ideal that I am trying to return to. I also regret those extra 4 pounds between 122 and 118 almost more than I regretted my 150+ lbs earlier. I have been better this last 6 months though. Maybe we can find our way back to the right place together.

Cee,

Thanks so much for writing! And I'd love to sample one of your cookies! I would never judge someone for making the treats that you love. If you can handle the balance and stick to your own personal goals, whatever they are, I say YOU GO GIRL!

And Little MR: wow. This comment made my day. After all, you are my CR Mom. Remember when I ate 800 calories a day and lost twenty pounds faster than I could blink? And you saw it the first time I met MR and we fell madly in love but took some time to sort ourselves out.

It means so much to me to feel like we're in this together. You've always been an amazing role model for living CR in the real world. I'm grateful for your example and your advice and your friendship. Thank you.

a

April, you recently said that you now skip breakfast in order to be able to eat out with co-workers later, even though skipping breakfast causes you to feel unwell. This does not seem healthy, and it's one of several CR-related practices you do, that do not appear to be very healthy. I think that you have doubts and fears about CR, but won't admit to them. You allow others to bring them up (and then attack them for doing so, even though not everyone who disagrees w/you is doing so in an abusive manner). You seem outwardly confident in your CR, but are you, really? I think you use people's "negative attacks" as a way to shore up your own seemingly unshakeable belief in CR. If poor April is being attacked, then let's not even bother to question CR in any way, because obviously it's just mean, nasty, deluded, envious people who attack April and CR. Why would anyone envy a person who must give up breakfast just so she can eat out, a bit, later on, with co-workers? Why would anyone envy a woman who feels guilty for eating hummus, because doing so means she can't have her boyfriend's cooked meal when she arrives home? If you want to glorify CR to those already converted to it, you are doing a fine job.

Dear April,

I have been having conversations with friends about nutrition for some time now. I have had the general feeling that somehow I am being sold a bill of goods by the FDA (and their stupid pyramid) about what and how much I should eat and weigh. Recently light bulbs were flashing and I came to the conclusion that 1) we should be eating less to weigh less, and 2) we are eating way too much if we are fat, and 3) if we need to eat less, we should eat better more nutritious food (way better). It is about that time that I ran into some really interesting information about CRON and I thought to myself, I am not nuts after all. It is about that time that I found your blog. It has taken me 52 years to come to this conclusion about food and there it was all the time for me to discover.

There will always be people out to destroy your success and lots of people who love to be critical (under the guise of being helpful) and undermine your efforts at health. I have had conversations with people who comment on other’s weight and then claim to worry that the person is anorexic the minute they lose 5 pounds. When you tell them you are on a weight loss diet, they will sabotage your efforts and offer you cake or some other crap. The general feeling is that if you do not join me, you are against me. I am sure that this is some primal instinct to keep everyone munching fast and furiously when food is plentiful. I have a work friend who always rounds me up before she goes to get whatever holiday free food item is in the office. It must make her feel less guilty. I always take something (but that does not mean I eat it… no need to get people all bunched up). My husband has started telling the cake patrol that he is a diabetic. This is the only response that fended of the cake pushers. (Wouldn’t you know that the nosy parkers started asking him real diabetes related questions he could not answer).

In truth, most of us are able to control the negative forces in our lives by keeping our lives private and guarded. But we benefit from those few brave soles putting their thoughts out for consideration.

My favorite part of your blog is reading about balance… your balancing act of fitting in with crap eating friends in the “real world” of restaurant food versus your personal preference for achieving maximum health. I also have learned to blend by not discussing my food choices. I simply state to the nosy parkers that I love all food, including veggies and fruit. If I lose weight, and I am asked about it, I simply deny any weight loss or change in eating.

I also enjoy when you discuss how you have to suppress your natural instincts to help people and teach them about healthy eating (unless they specifically ask). For the love of god, you are in the health profession… if anyone should be a poster child for nutrition it should be the health professionals of the world. I also love some of the wacky comments you have had to defend yourself from… like the person who thought you were selfish for wanting to live a longer life without some altruistic purpose (like solving world hunger …ha ha… little joke). Isn’t it everyone’s goal to live a long and healthy life? Who is this person kidding? I’m not hanging around longer to kill people but I am not solving the world’s problems either…. Just my hanging around to grace the world should be enough… it is enough for me and my family.

My point is…(yes there is a point) there will always be detractors and critical people. Remember that it is not really about you. It is never about you. It is really only about them. If you help one person, even if it is only yourself, then you are a great success. But I assure you there are others who are helped by your insight, your struggles, and your successes. This is my first and only blog comment I ever plan to post in my life. Have a lovely holiday and a very healthy New Year. I look forward to reading about your new adventures.

(PS... sorry I tried to add paragraphs but it is just one big blob of comment)

Twinkie,

"...obviously it's just mean, nasty, deluded, envious people who attack April and CR"

No, actually, many of the people who attack April are like you: sad, pathetic little losers who apparently have no life whatsoever and feel compelled to waste their time playing armchair psychologist on someone else's blog.

What part of "change the fucking channel" or "get a life" don't you understand?

Laura: if you really get into eating truly nutritious food, you will find you can eat a whole lot MORE than you ever ate before! And yeah, both the Food Pyramid and Canada's Food Guide are recipes for disaster.

Twinkie: April is not "glorifying" CR. She's just telling us about what things she does to try to stay on track. Some work well for her, some don't. Now do us all a favour and kindly bugger off.

JD

April,

Thank you for keeping up your blog despite the criticism and doubts. Back in the 1980s, I learned about Dr. Walford and came to admire him. When I saw his obituary in the NY Times a few years ago, I began to read and think more seriously about CR. For a long time I followed a vegetarian diet of mostly grains (bread, oatmeal), fruit (fresh and lots of dried) and yogurt. All of this in large quantities. Now I cook vegetable dishes, eat nuts and ground flaxseeds, and so on, trying to improve the quality of my diet. I've followed your blog for about a year and learned a lot from your experiences (and also from MR's posts on the CR list). Thanks again.

David

Robin, maybe April, herself, should "change the channel" and not respond to certain comments (nor even post them) if she finds them upsetting. As for me not reading April's blog, I certainly do not have to. I honestly find it interesting. April is a fine writer, and she writes about food in interesting, fun ways (I think her Tomato and Wine bar sounds great). If April only wants to appeal to people like you, Robin, then I think she's actually not doing a good job, because her writing transcends this and reaches out to the general public, most of whom do not practice CR. I wonder if April actually wants people like me to read her blog and respond. Maybe so anyone who questions anything about CR or April can get attacked by the people like you, Robin, who are just completely nasty and hostile. Your rage has nothing to do with me, though. It's simply an excuse to go off like a rabid animal on anyone and everyone who thinks differently than yourself. It's extremely over the top. Your need to turn the offending person into a "pathetic loser" is pathetic, itself. Despite such misplaced hatred, I might keep reading April's blog if she keeps it public. I like April's spirit, but I do not like it when she plays the wounded victim. In fairness to April, if I turned my life inside-out, as she has done, I'd truly hate all the poking around it, too. Again, this was April's choice, though: to write a blog, to give interviews and to endlessly write in only this very admiring, laudatory, positive manner about CR. If April promotes CR as the healthiest thing around, she can expect to get a certain portion of feedback that is not going to be what she wants to hear. This is a bummer, but it comes with the territory. It's up to April to decide how to deal with it. I'd recommend she learn to discern between someone who actually means well (even if they don't agree) and someone who is just being abusive, but she seems incapable of this. I suspect it's because CR must never be questioned, in her mind. Such rigidity is not going to play well with the general public. If it's only CR people she wants to convince, though, then I guess she's succeeding.

"...you, Robin, who are just completely nasty and hostile. Your rage has nothing to do with me, though. It's simply an excuse to go off like a rabid animal on anyone and everyone who thinks differently than yourself. It's extremely over the top." - Twinkie

"projection - the unconscious act or process of ascribing to others one's own ideas or impulses, especially when such ideas or impulses are considered undesirable." - Webster's Dictionary

"Change the fucking channel." -Ashley

"Get a life." - Robin

"Now do us all a favor and kindly bugger off." - JD

I think that sums it up quite nicely.

By the way, Twinkie, I'm done playing. Your incessant whining and pleas for attention are getting boring. If you're lonely or really have nothing better to do with your time than to continue attacking April and her friends, I'd suggest you step away from the computer and try interacting with people in the real world. Adios.

I think you are taking those comments a bit too seriously aprilita. There a like 6 billion of people in the world and like 5.9 billion of them are insane. You know a lot about good food and good living, you're doing great, you're a wonderful inspiration, you don't deserve the slightest bullshit from anyone. So, please, don't take it.
love
zeynep