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December 30, 2008
Stolen Time
Philomena nearly died in February of 2004. She was already old (18 or 19) and she stopped eating the weekend after Valentine's. I was afraid she was diabetic, but I took her to the vet and they diagnosed her with kidney disease. She was on antibiotics and for awhile had to have fluids every day. I thought we were going to lose her. I was terrified for years when I had to be out of town that I'd come home to find a dead cat. I always had sitters, either my mom or a paid sitter or later MR stay with her, but I was scared.
Yet she lived for nearly five years. To be 22, an ancient age in kitty years. She lived in good health, enjoying every little snuggle and purr and can of Fancy Feast in her kitty life. I always considered those five years a miracle. Every night I spent with her cuddled up on my pillow was a blessing.
She was living on stolen time, really. It's extremely rare for cats to live to be so long. We stole the time with medical care and lots and lots of love.
We're all living on stolen time, if you think about it. A lot of it would never have survived childhood prior to antibiotics and basic sanitation. Many of our mothers would have died in childbirth. Some of us would have succumbed to infections were it not for vacinations. The fact that at 38 and 34 MR and I can consider our lives only just begun (with apologies I assure you to Karen Carpenter) is a miracle of modern medicine.
One of the lessons I learned from Philo's near death experience back in 2004 is to value every moment I have with those I love. MR would probably argue that I go overboard with this... I never go to bed angry, we tell each other we love each other about fifty times a day, and we like to check in when we get to our destinations when we go on trips. I want my loved ones to be safe and to know they're loved. I promised Philo when I adopted her that I'd never leave her, and I never did. I was with her to the final moment. It's very important to me to make sure the ones I'm close to, even when we fight, know how much I love and value them.
CR is an attempt to steal more time. I've never seen it as much different than all the others: antibiotics, sanitation, decrease in death in childbirth, etc. Ways we cheat the jungle of nature and make our lives as humans somewhat longer, somewhat more meaningful, than a pitched battle against bacteria on one end and giant beasts on the other. The quest for serious life extension is just the same, on a grander scale. The logic of those who argue that it's somehow immoral to want to extend your life falls apart so fast that I got bored with arguing with them.
There are, of course, ways in which we give away time. Yoga and meditation have taught me that when we sit quietly with ourselves, we win back time. We don't have to know why it works, only that it works. When we allow ourselves to experience pure awareness, completely in the moment, we win back time.
By the same token, when we allow others to dictate our path, when we respond rather than acting upon the universe, we give up time. I've given away a lot. I stopped media because I realized I was giving up time. My life was being sucked up in defending myself for no good reason, so I quit. I really do have better things to do.
There are so many ways to give up our valuable time... you don't need me to name them all. We can all think of ways we've wasted or given away our life energy in pursuits that really didn't get us any closer to those we love or anything we wanted.
I put to you that life-extension is about both the physical and the spiritual. What good would it do to extend my biological lifespan if I lacked a spiritual awareness of my world as so much more than flesh and bone? And what good would it do to achieve enlightenment in a body that I was abusing with food (or anything else) to the point where I would die young? For me there's a balance: yoga and CR, hard work and also deep meditation, a serious relationship. I expect the balance is different for everyone, but I believe it's there.
I miss Philomena something terrible. I don't know how I'll sleep tonight without her on my pillow. But I'm grateful for all the years of love and cuddles we stole together. And grateful to her for all the lessons she left me with when she so gracefully and delicately left this mortal world.
Posted by april at December 30, 2008 3:59 PM
Comments
I don't believe in angels, but I believe in kitty angels. And Philo definitely gets to be a kitty angel. Extra petting for our almost 4-year-old, stretchy, stripey, furry beast tonight — I hope I get at least as many years with him as you did with your sweet one.
Posted by: Ashley at December 30, 2008 8:20 PM
im so sorry, :(
Posted by: sheila from nor-cal at December 30, 2008 11:59 PM
What a great analogy, April... sometimes I feel guilty for wanting to extend my life, but if practicing CR is immoral, then aren't using antibiotics and practicing sanitation immoral as well? You put it perfectly in words. Thanks. That's something I'll keep with me.
Again, I'm dearly sorry for the loss of Philomena, although I am so glad that you are able to appreciate all of the good years you had with her. Best of luck in the upcoming days!
Posted by: Dommi at December 31, 2008 7:34 PM