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January 17, 2010
Lap Rats
While I'm writing entries that contribute nothing whatsoever to the scientific dialogue, using the blog merely as a vehicle to play out my bizarre fantasies, I thought I'd let you in on a discussion MR and I were having re: our next pets.
Well, that's not precisely true, because MR will not let us have next pets. He says he doesn't want to be responsible for any animal other than me, and I'm pretty self-supporting. He was never a pet person, and has suffered the cats quite patiently, all things considered. So after Kieffer dies (which I hope is a long, long way off) he says: no more cats. He says I can have a snake if I want, and I may well get a snake as I adore snakes, but it's not like you can sleep with a snake in the bed or pet its soft fuzzy fur.
I have an idea for the perfect pet. Somewhere out there, someone has genetically engineered rats to be both intelligent and affectionate. Lap rats, if you will.
Graduate students have raised generations of rats who expect to be petted for several hours a day, and who will sit quietly in your lap while you type on the computer. They map the cuddliness of the rats on a Cuddle Matrix, a complicated reporting tool perfectly designed to capture the snuggle factor of the rat. Rats are bred for maximum cuddliness, and also for empathy with humans. For instance, like most cats, these rats can detect when you are sick or sad or for whatever reason need a cuddle, and will initiate cuddles at the appropriate time.
And surprisingly enough, while they love cuddling, they can also sit quietly in their little beds under your desk if you don't feel like paying attention to them. They're so well-behaved that they don't have to be kept in cages. They're liter trained too.
I'm going to find these rats, and purchase two, a boy and a girl, so they can keep each other company. I'm going to brush them and put a bow in the little girl's hair (go ahead and accuse me of raising my rats according to gender stereotypes, see if I care.) They'll love each other and play together.
I even told MR that the boy rat can be his pet and the girl rat can be mine, since the problem with pets is that he's obviously worried that the pets all love me more than they love him. He assures me that this is not the problem, and that he does not want pet rats. But I know that once we have them, he'll love them just as much as I do.
I'm going to name them Mufa and Pufa.
Alas, something tells me that my next pet will probably be a chia-pet. Kieffer had better live a long time.
I promise my next entry will be a serious one. But if you want another really silly entry about rodents, there's this one from 2005 about Chloe, the world's oldest mouse. It has a lot of 2005 in-jokes, but it does contain an insight about high carb diets that I had forgotten, but that really seems to be true. That reminds me that, as MR has pointed out, when I was most successful at CR in the early years I was eating a lower carb diet, about the same as I am now, and that the slinking off of hardcore CR occurred largely when I started replacing fat with carbs. The insight is just as true today as it was in 2005: replacing fat with carbs is bad, but the magic of trading carbs for fat may be just what you were looking for!
And I stand by the thing about the pink bow.
Posted by april at January 17, 2010 5:40 AM
Comments
You could get an apoE-/- mouse who could eat all the excess carbs in you house. Of course, if it happened to find the HB egg hiding place, it would surely keel over and die.
RDF
Posted by: Richard Feinman at January 17, 2010 10:37 AM
I had a pet rat when I was 10 years old,Rosy. Absolutely the best pet I ever had. We kept her in an orange crate with a screen top. When I came home from school she was so excited to see me. With my shirt tucked into my waist she would run around just above my belt. I took her to school for show and tell. The kids loved her. The teacher was revolted and disgusted. How cool is that?
If you want two, then two girls. Remember the tribles? And the girls are nicer. Even humans are. Sometimes.
I have practiced CR for almost ten years. I am 62 now. The only reason I stick with it is I believe it does work. I think there is no evidence that it will extend maximum life span. There are no 150 year old humans. Anywhere. There is much evidence that eating fewer calories promotes better health and the chronic diseases of aging can be avoided or lessened. To live to a healthy ripe old age is not so bad.
Adhering to the diet was easier for me in the early years. It has been especially tough recently. I am not going to give up on it. Just get back on the horse.
Bye-bye,
Michael
Posted by: Michael at January 17, 2010 2:47 PM
I had pet rats growing up! One at a time though. Robert then Artie. Robert was AWESOME. Artie was a dear, but less awesome.
As long as you hold them and spend time with them they will love you! Very smart creatures.... you can train them to do various tricks (I never did that) but they can be quite affectionate. I don't know if you need specially bred rats to do the fancy stuff. Just hold them. :)
Posted by: Rachel at January 17, 2010 7:49 PM