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January 15, 2010
My Nutrition Superstition
I wrote about nutrition superstition the other day, and just to prove that I am not picking on anyone in particular and that I am just as irrational as everyone else, I will tell you my own superstition.
I can't eat anything cute.
Not rabbit. Not duck. Not lamb. Obviously not veal. Not baby spinach. Not baby arugula. Nothing with the word "baby" in it, except for baby carrots which are somehow immune from this rule (I said it wasn't rational, it's not consistent either.)
And here is the craziest part: I can't eat chia seeds. First, I find them gross. But on top of that, I can't stand the thought that a cute little chia-pet will not be born because I ate the seeds. (Did you know that you can buy a Barack Obama chia pet? What a country!)
Even though they would have been a good source of omega 6's.
Now I can eat pumpkin seeds because pumpkins aren't all that cute. But I prefer to eat canned pumpkin than fresh because a) fresh is hard to deal with b) the kind of little sweet pumpkins out of which you get pumpkin pie (sweetened with Splenda of course) pumpkin are cute.
I really like unattractive vegetables like cauliflower. I prefer dino kale to curly kale, not just because I think it's texture is more fun but because it is ugly. I really like the truly bizarre varieties of cauliflower that are totally unappetizing colors like purple and turn eggwhites blue if you make a stir fry out of the two. I love pickled eggs, which are bright pink and absurd looking.
There is nothing cute about Nancy's organic cottage cheese. Shrimp are really ugly unless you have the head, and I don't like the head... in part because the little eyes are too cute. I find it hard to eat eyes, which makes it just as well that I don't eat potatoes anymore.
Even the forbidden hard boiled egg that I think about a ridiculous number of times a day (I know what you're all thinking: "For the love of cruciferous vegetables, woman, just do it!!! Go to Wawa and buy yourself a hard boiled egg! He'll never have to know!") is a rather silly-looking food. Efficient, delicious, easy to travel with, great with just a dash of salt and pepper or with nothing at all, perfect in every way except for the cholesterol and the small amount of saturated fat (paper cited in previous entry has not yet saved me from the anti-sat fat lobbying group that lives in my house.) but still, kinda funny looking if you think about it.
The funny thing is that when I cook for others, I'm all into presentation. I like to serve pretty foods. Stuffed veggies, portabella pizzas, beautiful colorful pumpkin dishes in fall, lovely pastaless lasagna, all manner of attractively presented foods. Even cute little touches like sprigs of rosemary standing up like small trees. But for my own food: a bowl of mashed cauliflower with a Laughing Cow Light cheese stirred in and a teaspoon of flax oil is my current favorite dinner, and my idea of heaven. It's all white and really boring looking. Like a bowl of low carb high nutrient porriage. Like the kind of thing that could be used as a prop in the orphanage scene in Oliver Twist. Reminds me of how my step-brother went through a phase where he would only eat white foods. Kinda the opposite of the no-white-food fad diet.
Perhaps it's because my favorite fashion era was the time of Calvin Klein minimalism. Black suits, which blouses, harsh angular cuts, the kind of thing that looks best on Kate Moss, whom I don't look like no matter how skinny I get. I like to eat very boring looking foods. There's something understated, even classy about food that is just there, no bells and whistles necessary. It's like the put on all your jewelery and then take off one piece rule.
And when foods are pretty, I like to change them into a format such that they're not pretty. Like my broccoli and cheese soup: broccoli is cute little trees, the soup is a big green mush. It's delicious and nutritious but it's a giant green mush.
(The founding president of my union refused to eat anything green and creamy. She also refused to tell us why, but when anyone who has been a nurse for 25+ years tells you something is too gross for her, you don't want to know about it.)
Or my almond or hazelnut pesto. You take nuts, which are not exactly cute but are not unattractive, and food processor them up with lemon, olive oil, a dash of salt and tons of fresh basil (which is also cute until you puree it.) Amazing pesto but not cute.
I once made a beef stroganoff (correct my spelling) with fresh tomatoes that looked I kid you not like dog barf. It was delicious though. My college boyfriend is probably still laughing about it.
My favorite salad topping is nonfat plain yogurt mixed with Trader Joe's salsa verde. It looks so gross.
Microwaved eggwhites are so unappetizing to the uninitiated that Edward couldn't watch me eat them.
Quorn tenders, which I don't eat anymore because I'm focusing on lower carb sources of protein, are just stupid looking.
My favorite low carb source of protein, turkey, is by far the most ridiculous looking of the edible birds.
The list could go on and on but I have to go to Pilates class.
I would like to point out, in my defense, that I have much better taste in men.
Posted by april at January 15, 2010 5:31 AM
Comments
Damn it all! All this time, I thought you were normal. Now I know why you fit so well into our family. ;-)
Posted by: Judith at January 15, 2010 9:33 AM
I can't take anything that still looks like it looked when it was alive (meaning animals). No fish with eyes. No unpeeled shrimp. No whole pig roasts (my uncle did one once - ick). When I eat canned sardines, I generally put sauce all over them and kind of don't look when I eat them. I hate when I can see their bones as I'm eating. Otherwise, I'm pretty good, I guess. I have to admit to being shocked you don't eat baby spinach, though. I figured it was one of your staples :-).
Amy
Posted by: Amy at January 15, 2010 2:53 PM
I really liked this post. In fact, you have inspired me to write about my own nutrition superstitions/quirks. Since I am the only food fanatic I know, I am always amused to hear about others' interesting relationships with food.
:-) Mine do tend to fluctuate though, which makes things, well, awkwardly funny to an outsider - or maybe I am just weird. Ha.
Posted by: Sie at January 16, 2010 12:46 PM
Does this mean no Peeps?
Posted by: Paige at January 17, 2010 1:20 AM